Unraveled
by chibi.tantei
Summary: When Shura dragged Yukio from his dorm room one snowy night, she also dragged the truth out of him. The barrier of secrets and lies he had woven around his heart unraveled just in time, for the Illuminati's plan is starting to fall into place. Yukio may be ready to start down a new path, but the fate set up for him sixteen years ago won't let go that easily. Manga canon
1. Confession

**SUMMARY:** When Shura dragged Yukio from his dorm room one snowy night, she also dragged the truth out of him. The barrier of secrets and lies he had woven around his heart unraveled just in time, for the Illuminati's plan is starting to fall into place. Yukio may be ready to start down a new path, but the fate set up for him sixteen years ago won't let go that easily.

Manga canon, Yukio-centric, minor RinShi, possible YukiShura later on

 **SPOILERS** : Through manga chapter 72. The story will diverge from there.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Ao no Exorcist. All characters belong to Kazue Katō.

(Last edit: Oct. 23, 2015)

* * *

He got home late as he had for the past month and a half. His experiments drawing out the powers of his eyes had finally been yielding results the past few weeks, but the strain of putting himself in near-death situations was starting to take its toll. He had made a stupid error three weeks before that had resulted in a broken wrist. He was forced to use a ridiculous excuse (falling down the stairs) which he got the feeling was only believed because people were starting to notice how stressed he was. He hid his bruises and cuts under heavy winter clothes, the only reason he could think of to be thankful for the constant snow the past month. It's like a switch had been flipped and winter was celebrating its own arrival with confetti of white.

When he entered the dormitory, he was surprised to find the lights on. Rin was usually asleep when he returned. Yukio froze in the entryway. It wasn't just Rin sitting in the middle of the room, curled under the tonkatsu futon. In fact, somehow, all of the exwires were stuffed under the futon. Plus one fire-haired exorcist lounging on his bed, drinking a beer.

Yukio felt his eye twitch. He had bruised some ribs tonight (or at least he hoped it was just bruising) and really needed to re-do his earlier patch job before crashing.

"Yo! Welcome back!" Rin waved from his spot next to Shiemi.

"I'm home," Yukio responded automatically as his mind was stuck trying to understand why there were so many people in his room.

"Sorry for being here so late, Yuki-chan," Shiemi said with a little bow of the head.

"Yeah, we got a little carried away celebrating. We even managed to drag these guys away from their studying." Rin laughed and pointed to Suguro and Kamiki.

"That is a surprise," Yukio admitted. The exorcist exams were in less than two weeks. He finally moved away from the door to hang up his coat. He tried to hide the stiffness of the motion as pain flared in his side.

"So did you eat? There's still some snacks and cake. We saved you a slice since it's your birthday too you know!"

Yukio blinked blankly at Rin. He glanced at the calendar. Sure enough, it was December 27th.

Rin's grin faltered. "You forgot. Didn't you?"

"It… slipped my mind."

"What?! How does something like that slip your mind?!" Rin yelled in shock, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "Just what the hell have you been up to that would make you forget our birthday?!"

Yukio's jaw clenched. Everyone was staring at him. He fell back on his usual excuse. "I'm just tired," he said with a smile.

He saw a flash of disappointment on Rin's face, but then his vision was obscured by red hair. He instinctively took a step back from Shura's sudden closeness only to receive a light jab from her fingers in his injured ribs. He stiffened, gasping a little from the renewed pain.

"Hoh? Broken ribs this time." She raised an eyebrow over seemingly bored eyes.

"Eh?" Rin jumped up and ran over. "Are you hurt, Yukio?"

The other exwires were starting to get up in concern. Yukio took a step back towards the door, considering making a run for it. "I'm fine!"

"Really?" Shura snorted. And then her hands moved faster than Yukio could track in his tired state, and she lifted up his sweatshirt and shirt.

"What are you doing?!" Yukio hissed, shoving her hands down. But the damage was already done. Rin was staring with wide eyes having seen all the wounds Yukio was hiding. Yukio quickly turned away, avoiding the rest of their eyes.

Shura hummed. "I knew ya beat yerself up a lot, but now ya've graduated ta _physically_ doin' it."

"It's none of your business!" Yukio kept backing up as Shura advanced.

She hummed again. "I wonder 'bout that." And then she jabbed him in the ribs again, this time much harder.

The wind was knocked out of him, and he staggered backwards with a grunt of pain. Spots exploded in front of his eyes and he must have lost consciousness for a moment because the next thing he knew, he was slung over Shura's shoulder. He couldn't find it in himself to move, and just barely over the ringing in his ears, he heard the others talking.

"Alright! I've got what I came here for. I'll be goin' now!" Shura was saying happily.

"But-!" Rin sounded lost. "What is going on?"

"That's what I intend ta find out," Shura said with a tone of finality. Rin must have been hesitating, because then Shura said, "It's probably best if I talk ta him alone, yeah?"

"Y-yeah…" Rin murmured in defeat.

"Okay! I'll get him back ta ya in _almost_ one piece later. Happy birthday Rin!" she said as she turned on her heel. Yukio felt himself swing with her movement, and the action sent a fresh burst of pain through his side. Then there was a blast of cold air, and Shura took him back out into the cold of the winter night.

-oOo-

He must have fallen asleep or lost consciousness sometime during the freezing trek back to Shura's apartment. When he woke, he was lying on a futon with the warm blanket pulled all the way up to his chin. Reddish light shone through the window, indicating dawn and giving the room a warm look to it. He had never been in Shura's apartment before, but as he looked around the small room, it was just as he would have expected. A pile of skimpy clothes in the corner, a shelf of eclectic books and magazines, a pot of cacti and succulents on the window sill.

"Nyaho!" Shura greeted cheerfully, and he turned his head to find her standing in the doorway to the bedroom in her pajamas with a tray of freshly brewed tea in her hands. He wondered at her timing. It was like she knew exactly when he would wake up.

He tried to sit up and grab his glasses as she crossed the room to sit down next to him, but somehow the pain was worse than before. He struggled uselessly before flopping back down on the pillow and glaring at Shura.

"There it is! The murderous glare!" she chirped as if seeing one of the wonders of the world. She poured the tea into the two cups on the tray.

"You…" Yukio wheezed out. It should not hurt that much to speak... His anger became muffled with pain and exhaustion, so he settled for a less accusatory comment. "You eat in your bedroom?"

"Hey, it's only tea. An' I'll have ya know, I'm very careful when I do this. I keep things very clean. No cockroaches or anythin'." She turned to hand him a cup, but seeing his prone state thought better of it. Instead she handed him his glasses, crawled over him, and helped pull him into a sitting position leaning against the wall.

He groaned at the effort and gasped down a healthy lungful of air as his back pressed against the cool surface. He looked down at himself and was surprised to find his shirt unbuttoned and his abdomen covered with bandages. "You… did this?" How long had he been out?

She shrugged. "I may not be a conventional doctor, but I think I did a better job than ya did on yerself. Ya left several nicks on yer back untreated. I think one's infected, which explains yer fever."

Oh. Had it really gotten that bad? It was difficult to apply bandages to his own back, but he had done his best to keep things clean. No wonder he had been feeling extra worn down the past couple of days. "Thanks…" he said quietly and a little begrudgingly. A shiver ran up his spine where it lay against the cool wall despite how hot he felt with the comforter on his lap.

Shura leaned back and grabbed a cup of tea to hand to him. He took it gratefully, warmth seeping through the mug into his cold fingers. She scooted so she sat next to him, leaning against the same wall, their legs stretched out side by side. He waited for the interrogation to start, but Shura sat in silence, sipping her tea once in a while.

Finally, she spoke, but it wasn't the question he was expecting. "How much did Shirō tell ya 'bout my past?"

"Eh?" he couldn't help but make a sound of surprise. He glanced at her and found she was staring at her now empty cup, tracing the edge of it with her fingers. He looked down at his own cup, still full of the warm liquid. "Not much," he admitted. "Father just introduced you as his student whom he had been training for several years before. He said you had things rough as a child, so I shouldn't be surprised by your rough attitude."

Shura barked out a laugh at this. "I'm sure he thought such a good child like ya would have culture shock when we met!" She grabbed the pot of tea and poured herself a new cup. She hummed quietly to herself. "I guess I'll have ta start at the beginning then…"

So she began to talk. She told him of her heritage, of the path that had been laid out for her as a child. She explained how Shirō found her, a shadow of a child with only thoughts of kill or be killed. "The old man took pity on me, or somethin' like that. He was sent to exorcise the demon causing all the deaths in the village, but instead he found me. He didn't know at first. Thought I was just a street urchin beggin' fer food. He treated me kindly – I can still see that laughin' face like he was just there for vacation – an' I didn't know how to react to that. He was supposed ta be an enemy, but… It sounds cliché, but he saved me. I had such a weak heart. I hated the world, an' I couldn't be honest with myself 'bout what I really wanted. My duty was so heavy on my shoulders that I fergot to even ask myself what I wanted. I wanted to be free. Free of all that responsibility. Free to do whatever _I_ felt like doing in that moment."

She took a long sip of her tea. "Shirō gave that to me. He threw me off a cliff an' told me if I could climb back up, he could give me what I wanted." She finally looked at him and he met her eyes easily. He knew where this was leading, and yet he felt so calm in that moment. She smiled perhaps the gentlest expression he had ever seen on her face in all the years he'd known her. The room was bright with morning light shining off of her hair, giving her a halo of orange. "Yukio, ya've been carryin' so much by yerself. Ya've already thrown yerself off the cliff. So will ya let me do fer ya what Shirō did fer me? Will ya let me share yer burden?"

He looked away from her and her brilliance. Instead, he stared at the bandages on his chest and splint she had wrapped around his wrist. He could feel his heart fill with emotion alongside the torrent of blood. Maybe it was time. Shura had trusted him with her painful past; surely he could trust her with this. "There's…" The words stuck in his throat. He closed his eyes and forced himself not to think, just speak. "There's something wrong with my eyes."

The confession hung heavy in the air between them, but she was silent, waiting for him to continue. She sat perfectly still, as if any movement would scare him off. He took a shaky breath, and then the words came pouring out of him. The barrier of secrets and lies he had woven around his heart unraveled. He told her everything about his eyes. The first time during his battle with Tōdō, the second time with Lucifer, and then his experiments each night. He told her what he had observed about it: the blue vision, the fact it only happened when he feared for his life, and the natural fear it invoked in demons. It protected him somehow, making lower and middle class demons turn tail and run.

Finally, he finished and gulped down his cold tea, soothing his dry throat. His ribs ached, and he felt exhausted like he had just run a marathon. He waited, not daring to look at her. He wasn't what she thought he was. He wasn't quite a half-demon like Rin, but he certainly wasn't a normal human. He didn't know what he was. It was the same old questions over and over. What was he? Why were he and Rin born?

"I see," she said finally, placing her tea cup down on the ground beside her with a sigh.

Then she was on top of him with her blade held against his throat. He blinked, not believing his eyes, but the solidness of the metal against his throat told him this was reality. "Sh-Shura-san?" His voice was filled with shock and hints of betrayal.

"Sorry, Yukio. Really. But Light told me ta be on the lookout for someone like ya. I thought he was just exaggerating again, but when I heard yer story I instantly understood. Yer an immortal. Satan's power is keeping ya alive, repelling death from ya. I have to bring you in." Her voice took on an edge he couldn't identify. Panic, or manic? "The Order will need ta see the limit of what ya can do. They will have ta run some tests. Or maybe take one of yer eyes to dissect. Or they might just try ta kill ya. See if there can be more power taken from those eyes. Ya need to come with me."

Somewhere in his dry mouth he found his voice again. "Shura-san? What are you saying? This is a joke right?"

"Not a joke. Not a joke at all! This is the power of Satan!" She had never sounded like this before. This was insane. This was Shura. This was Father's student. She had helped protect Rin. There was no way this was real.

Goosebumps sprang up across his body. He shook his head as much as her blade would allow. "Stop. I don't know what you're trying to do, but stop it!"

Her hand not holding her sword grabbed his throat, hard. "We'll go straight ta the Grigori. They'll want ta hear all about this before we send ya ta the lab."

He tried to say something but her hand was too tight. She dragged him up by the throat. He leaned heavily against the wall, his ribs sending sharp pains across his abdomen. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be.

His blood was rushing in his ears. He was defenseless. His guns were at home. He had left it there when he went out for his nightly experiments. It was the best way to trigger his eyes: to truly have no safety net. He had never dreamt he would need them standing in Shura's bedroom.

"Ghrk…" He tried gasping for air. Her grip was tightening and his mind was starting to feel detached from his body. Distantly he felt the horror of betrayal fill his heart. Black spots were encroaching on his vision—

And then the world was cast in blue. Shura gasped softly, her eyes wide as they studied his own. It was strange seeing her red hair masked with blue. He blinked away the random thought as he felt her grip loosen and air rushed into his chest.

Shura took a step back, releasing him and lowering her sword. Without her support, Yukio's knees buckled and he slid down the wall a little as he coughed and sputtered for air. His ribs stabbed with pain with every gasp, but gradually, the blue receded and the room was once again filled with cheerful morning sunlight.

"I'm sorry," Shura said once he had caught his breath. "I had ta see it for myself. I had ta know what we're dealing with."

We?! Yukio glared at her, betrayal still burning in his veins.

She raised her empty hand palm in a sign of peace. "Sorry! Really, Yukio, I'm sorry. I'm not goin' ta turn ya in." When he didn't say anything, she held her sword out to him with two fingers as if she was holding something disgusting. "Ya were right. I wasn't serious. It was just a test. I wouldn't really hurt ya." When he didn't move to take the sword from her, she slowly placed it on the ground in front of him and took a few steps back so that he was closer to the blade than she was. "Yukio… It's me. It's Shura. Ya know me. I'm not going ta hurt ya." He rubbed his throat in a silent objection, and he could see her wince a little in guilt. But then she smiled kindly at him. "I guess I should be happy… Ya know, that it took that much to make ya believe I might kill ya. Means ya really trust me. Well, ya weren't wrong. I promise."

Yukio looked at her earnest eyes. Perhaps it was exhaustion, but he couldn't bring himself to listen to his logic screaming at him not to trust, to make a run for it, to grab her sword. Relief washed through him. This was Shura. The same Shura that Father had taught. The same Shura he'd known for half his life. The same Shura that teased him mercilessly ever since he was a child.

His legs finally gave out the rest of the way and he slid to the ground unceremoniously like a puppet with its strings cut. "Don't do that to me," he groaned into the cloth of his pant leg.

"Sorry. I'm really, really sorry," she said quietly. He heard her bare feet pad softly across the ground so she could kneel next to him. "An' thanks. Fer finally telling me what was happenin' to you. I've been worried."

"You… worried," he murmured incredulously. The thought was somewhat amusing. The woman who went into battle with only half a plan had been concerned about him.

"Yeah, I'm just sorry that it took me this long. Sorry ya've been going through all this by yerself."

He looked up at her sincere face and had the sudden urge to cry. He drew both knees to his chest and buried his face there so she couldn't see. She must've known though, because she began to rub concentric circles on his back. He trembled and broke at the gentle touch. In his effort to swallow down the tears, his breathing was left unchecked and soon gasping, dry sobs wracked his body.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before his breathing evened out. He finally straightened out his legs, but he avoided her eyes in embarrassment. She said nothing. No annoying jab in an attempt to start an argument. Just comfortable silence. They sat next to each other propped up against the wall like before, her knee bumping his.

"What do you think it is?" he whispered almost hoping she wouldn't hear him and give him the answer he feared.

She hummed softly back as if she too was unwilling to break the silence of the moment. "I guess…" she said slowly. "Ya must've inherited somethin' too. But maybe yer body wasn't strong enough ta handle it until now. Or maybe ya've always had it, but were never in a situation where ya truly thought ya were going ta die."

"It never did cross my mind until Father was no longer there with me on missions."

She nodded. "Yeah… I get that. It was so hard to imagine him allowing anyone in his care ta die…"

He shivered, and she reached down to pull the comforter over their legs. His hands ran over the fabric, smoothing out the wrinkles. "Why…? Why do you think I have this and am not like Ani (1)?"

"Ya mean why don't ya have flames? Or…?"

He didn't respond.

"Well, maybe ya do have flames. But ya don't need them for lower class demons. Only high class demons. Who knows?" she sighed. "It doesn't seem ta do anythin' ta humans though. That's what I was testing, ya know. I had ta know how dangerous this was."

He nodded slowly. His throat ached with each movement of his head, but he didn't mention it. "Was it true? What you said about Lewin-san?"

"He is lookin' fer immortals. I don't know if that's what ya are though. If this only works against demons, then ya could still get killed in some other way, right? That's not true immortality." She touched the side of the teapot, seeing if there was any warmth left. "Could be that only death by demon is off the table."

"Right. Other than that, I could be perfectly human." Yukio had heard the theory before. He looked down at his own hands like they might change into claws at any moment. "That's… That's what I don't get most of all. Why am I not like Ani? Why do I still look human?"

"…I don't know." Her brow was creased, so he knew she was as concerned about that detail as he was. In a way, it made things much more dangerous for him than they had been for Rin. If the Order found out, they would want to know if his power could be shared amongst other humans. They would surely lock him in a lab to live out his days until their experiments killed him.

And then there was the one reason Yukio had realized could explain why he was like this. It was a troubling, horrifying thought, so he avoided considering it as much as possible. But it sat there stewing on the edges of his mind, continuing to make perfect sense no matter how much he tried to gather evidence against it. If the Order knew, he would be killed immediately. No trial or anything.

"I know, secrecy is a difficult habit ta break, but ya need ta tell Rin." Shura's words were a welcome reprieve from his thoughts, although he didn't like her idea either.

"What? No. I can't. I…" He began, but she didn't respond. Just sat, waiting. Why was she always so infuriatingly calm in moments like these? He felt a surge of stubbornness. "I can't. He's got enough to worry about with the exorcist exam in a little over a week, and I still don't know enough about this power and if I can use it as a weapon or…" Or if he was still as useless as before. He swallowed down those words.

"Yukio… Yer an idiot," Shura announced.

"Excuse me?"

"Yer an idiot," she repeated shamelessly. "First off, Rin is already worried. Yer running around, comin' home at ungodly hours for weeks on end. He was worried before I even showed him yer wounds. An' now he's probably sittin' in class zonin' out because he's wondering about ya."

Class? What time was it? His eyes darted around for a clock before Shura started snapping her fingers in his face. "Oi. Listen. Yer not goin' ta school today. Get over it." He glowered at her but she smiled back. "Now then, reason two yer an idiot."

He groaned. "Yes?"

"Ya've got foresight, smarts, a group of skilled young exwires, an' now yer tellin' me ya can't be killed by demons. An' yer _still_ lookin' fer another weapon? Yer almost too powerful already!" She looked at him out of the corner of her eye expectantly, but he returned the look blankly. She rolled her eyes. "Have ya really fergotten our first mission together already?"

Of course he hadn't. Their first mission together had been his first field mission ever. He had been young and thirsty to prove himself to Father, and she had been childish and goading. It had resulted in a competition which pushed him and continued today, but back then when they were immature enough to let it take precedence over the mission and it had resulted in them getting separated. They had been clearing a mansion rightfully rumored to be haunted, when Shura had moved too fast for his short legs and young Yukio had been left in a room which locked itself. A ghoul had nearly killed him and would have if Father hadn't swooped in, guns blazing. He gave them a good scolding after that.

Yukio remembered the words well. One of the most vital lessons for an exorcist. "Exorcists do not fight alone. We need to work with others."

"So ya do remember." Shura nudged his shoulder with her own. "Mephisto calls ya their commander fer a reason. Ya don't need ta go searchin' fer weapons stronger than those exwires, stronger than Rin," she corrected herself, knowing exactly who he was comparing himself to. "Rin's strength is yer own when yer in the field. He's yer weapon. Just like yer mine because I still outrank ya!" She chuckled to herself. "An' now I have a piece invincible ta demons. Sounds like a key weapon ta me."

He ignored the flattery and struggled to find a counter argument. She had a point. But it wasn't the same. If he had something like Rins' flames… If he could do something more than just _not_ get himself killed… The power counted on him being scared, being a coward. How was he supposed to grow stronger if this was the limit of his ability?

"Yer thinking something dumb, aren't ya?"

"It's not dumb, it's true." He crossed his arms, carefully to avoid jostling his injured wrist, as if the action would defend against her words.

"Things can be true an' dumb. Those tend ta be the dumbest things in fact. Just like people can be called geniuses, but also be idiots." She winked in response to his glare. Her teasing smirk fell into a frown when he didn't respond. "Yukio… Ya've done a lot to protect Rin. Ya don't need flames or somethin' like that to continue ta do that."

He felt his jaw clench. Yes, protecting Rin had been his mission for so long. A power like this could only protect himself, leaving him as useless as ever. But it was more than that, and Yukio knew it. He just wasn't sure he wanted to admit it out loud. His heart was weak and limited by envy of a brother he loved more than himself. He tightened his arms around his chest and was strangely relieved by the pain the action sent through his ribs. He looked away from her and spoke instead to the ceiling. "I'm not… strong enough. I'm not… _needed._ Not anymore. Ani is far stronger than I'll ever be. He doesn't need my protection. I… I'm useless. Even after all this time, after all I've done… I'm nothing next to him… I…" His mouth went dry, and he couldn't continue.

"Yukio, ya need to talk ta Rin. I think ya'll be surprised by what he says. Rin needs ya as much as ya need him."

He shook his head wordlessly, not trusting his voice. His chest felt tight, and it had nothing to do with his ribs.

Shura sighed. "I can't talk for him, but I'll tell ya what I've seen. He needs ya ta think when he can't, when his emotions run too high. He needs ya ta make the tough call when he doesn't have it in him. He needs yer support. Ya keep him grounded. Ya balance each other out. Which is why ya need to tell him.

"What do ya say? Should I tell him ta come here tonight? Ya two can talk an' then if ya two need space afterwards, ya can stay here fer a few days. Only a few though because I don't need stupid rumors startin' that I'm holdin' a guy hostage in my room. It took months fer the last one to fade." She smirked and leaned into him.

He scowled, but did not take the bait. "I… will talk to him."

Her smirk grew into a grin. "Good. It's settled then." She hopped up and left the room for a moment. She returned a minute later with medicine. "Here." She shoved it into his hands and let him figure out the proper dosage while she scooped up the teapot and brought it into the other room. She returned with a fresh pot and a bowl of rice porridge.

Yukio accepted the tea and frowned at the porridge. "Really?"

"Yer sick; ya get porridge. An' it's yer fault yer sick, so no complaining."

He sighed in defeat and took the bowl from her. He winced as he swallowed a mouthful of blandness and a ripple of pain went through his throat. Shura must have seen because a moment later she was practically in his lap, lifting his head to get a proper look at his neck.

"Don't you have any sense of personal space?" he grumbled, but let her examine him.

"That's gonna leave a bruise… Sorry." It was strange to see her brow knitted and her lips formed in a tight frown of regret and guilt. The expression looked wrong on her usually carefree face.

"Tell you what: you help me grade papers and I'll forgive you," he said in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood.

"What?! But I'm already takin' over yer class this afternoon." She followed his lead although her fingers ghosted over the outline of the bruise.

"Really?" He arched an eyebrow at her and tried to ignore how strange her closeness was starting to make him feel. "I thought you would've asked Angeline-sensei (2) to do that."

She released his chin and leaned back with a pout. "Aw! I should have! There's no doubt she would've agreed. Why didn't ya say that earlier? It's all yer fault that I have ta do _work,_ " she whined.

"Do you even know what unit we're on?"

She shrugged. "I'll figure it out."

"They're preparing for the exorcist exam! You can't just wing it!"

"Fine, fine. Eat yer porridge, take yer medicine, an' then ya can tell me yer brilliant lesson plan." She yawned and grabbed the pillow he had kicked away during their earlier struggle. She stretched out on the floor next to him like a cat finding the perfect spot of sunlight. "In the meantime, I'm sleepin'. Takin' care of ya is so much work."

He would have grumbled something back, but his eye caught a glimpse of the bandages on his chest and wrist. Soft snores already filled the room. He could let her sleep for a little while.

* * *

 **(1)** Ani means big brother, just like Nii-san, but Nii-san is used when talking to your big brother while Ani is used while talking to others about your big brother (there are exceptions of course, but that's another whole conversation). Obviously, here Yukio is referring to Rin. I would do the same for "Father," but I'm too lazy to look up raws to see what kanji Yukio uses when referring to Shirō.

 **(2)** Anyone read Salaryman Futsumashi: Okumura Yukio no Aishuu? Pretty silly stuff. Angeline-sensei first appears in volume 1 chapter 5 and has a brief, unnamed appearance in AnE chapter 6.

 **A/N:** Please let me know what you think. I'm still debating on whether to leave it as a one-shot or continue, and your opinions will help me decide.

I figured Shura was the best candidate for dragging the truth out of Yukio, especially after Rin and Shiemi's conversation at the end of chapter 69. If any of this came off as shipping YukiShura, well… That's because I do. My poor shipper heart chose an unpopular pair… Anyway, I think it reads as close platonic. If I continue this story, there may be some more blatant hints, but not as a main focus and not until much later because I think Yukio has too much he needs to sort out before he'd be ready for any form of romance. Also, there'll probably be hints of RinShi, but only because that's practically canon already.

As I said earlier I haven't watched the anime, so I left Shura's past really vague (they cover it in the anime, right?). The thing about throwing someone off a cliff so they can crawl back up is based off of Kazue Katō's comments on how Shura's hair is based off of the red lion in Renjishi. Who knows if there really was a cliff, metaphorical or not. I guess we'll have to wait for the manga to cover Shura's backstory. I also took an educated guess on how Yukio's eyes work. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it's revealed to work differently in the very next manga chapter.

Anyway, continue or not?


	2. Admission

**A/N:** Wow! I wasn't expecting such a good response. Thank you everyone who took the time to leave a review, especially SuperiorDimwit, FlowerFoxWings, and Swift-Star9 who left lots of feedback and let me ramble on at them until I sorted out my thoughts on if and how I should continue.

I hope you all like this chapter too. I was having some difficulty logistically with it at first (which FlowerFoxWings helped me work through) and then emotionally for reasons I'm not about to announce to strangers on the internet. I think I need to write some fluff to cheer myself up though, so if the next chapter is 90% fluff, that is why.

Anyway, obviously, I decided to continue this story. I went back and edited the summary, as seen above and in chapter one. Plot will start next chapter (unless I get caught up in fluff).

* * *

The exorcist cram school was taking advantage of winter break from regular academy classes with extra sessions aimed to prepare students for the accelerated timing of the exorcist exams. Given what had happened the night before, the only reason Rin was in attendance was the slim chance that Yukio would show up to teach the demon pharmacology class in the afternoon. He sat impatiently through the rest of the classes, not hearing a word despite sitting in his usual place in the front row.

During the first break between sessions Shiemi tried to say something to him in a concerned tone, but he couldn't concentrate enough to comprehend the words. She didn't try again, and neither did his other friends. Rin's irritated squirming and blank stare probably kept them at bay. It reached a peak after lunch, which he had skipped in favor of continuing his staring contest with the blackboard.

The whole time, all he could think was how he had failed. For all his talk about family, he had utterly failed as a brother.

It's not like this was the first secret. Yukio had been an exorcist and known the truth about Rin's demon heart for _years_ , and Rin had never noticed. But that only begged the question: when did this start? When did this barrier between them begin to grow? How had Rin failed to notice how bad it had become?

He could still see them: the wounds littering Yukio's body. But even more important than that was Yukio's face when it was clear he couldn't cover things up with another fake smile. His face had been screwed up in anger, but his eyes were full of fright. Rin hadn't seen eyes like those since the two of them had been little.

Yukio would wake up from nightmares or terrifying daydreams and claim there were shadows with evil eyes and sharp claws and screeching voices. And Rin would look, but he didn't see. So he didn't believe. And maybe that was when it started. Yukio would get angry at him again and again until he stopped coming to Rin. Eventually it spread to other situations, and it became clear that Yukio didn't need or want Rin's help. Yukio set goals for himself, and if Rin was a hindrance to those goals, Yukio would push him away.

And Rin had let him do it. Rin drifted away from his brother, from the old man, and from the whole parish. He should have fought harder to stay close. Years later, he was still making the same mistake. He should have fought to see what Yukio was hiding under that smile.

He had failed Yukio as a brother.

Finally, it was time for Yukio's class. When the door opened, Rin jumped to his feet. But in the same moment he saw red hair, and his heart plummeted. He hopped over his desk anyway and went straight for Shura.

"Where is he? Is he okay? What happened?"

"Rin."

"Did he tell you what's going on? Was he hurt badly? Can I see him?"

"Rin!"

"Does he want to see me? Is he well enough to see me? Can I—"

"Rin!" Shura's hands shot out to either side of his face and squeezed his cheeks together, forcing Rin into a fish face and effectively shutting him up. "Chill. He's fine. Ya can see him after class." Rin's heart soared before he registered what Shura had just said.

"Afwer cwass?" his lower lip jutted out even more in disappointment.

"After," she said sternly, releasing him. Then she pulled a pouty face that didn't match her tone. "I'm not gonna sit through a lecture about how I let ya skip class."

Rin's shoulders sagged in relief. If Yukio was well enough to scold Shura, he really was okay. Unfortunately, that meant Rin would have to wait another hour and a half.

It was the longest hour and a half of his life.

-oOo-

"Rin, if ya don't stop shakin' yer leg, I'll chop it off," Shura called from her kitchen. For some reason, after class she had led Rin to her apartment.

Rin stilled his leg, but his fingers began tapping the table in front of him instead. "Well, where is he? Why are we here? Isn't Yukio in a hospital or something?"

"Nah, the food there is awful. Oooh! Except for those puddin' cups. Those things are the best." Shura plucked two glasses down from a shelf. "An' now I want puddin'. I guess I could get some while ya guys talk…"

"So then he's here?!" Rin jumped to his feet, ready to search Shura's apartment top to bottom. Questions began spilling out of him without pausing for breath. "Is he okay?! Did he tell you what's been going on?! Where has he been going at night?! Is that where he got his wounds?!"

"Rin, ya need to calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Rin said harsher than he meant to as anger sprang up to cover his anxiety. "I let you take him last night because he won't talk to me, and I thought that only someone else could get him to talk about whatever has been bugging him since… since… since I don't even know when. Kyōto, I think." Rin's brow creased for a moment, but then he remembered his rage. "That's not the point! You were supposed to talk to him, but now you're just dodging my questions! I need to make sure he's okay, so no, I'm not going to calm down until I see him!"

He whipped around, heading for the nearest door and threw it open to find a bathroom. He headed for the next door, but before he could grab the doorknob he found himself in a tight headlock. He pulled uselessly against Shura's grip. "Let me go!"

"Rin, will ya listen ta me for a second?" Shura sighed when he continued to fight and began dragging him away from the door. "I got him ta talk, okay?" Rin paused his struggle, waiting for her to continue. "An' I managed ta convince him ta talk ta ya too, but first, _ya need ta calm down_. I went through a lot ta get him ta open up, and if ya go in there an' start shoutin' at him, he's just gonna clam up. I already throttled him this mornin', so yer going ta have ta listen ta him, _calmly_ , first. Then ya can interrogate him, shout at him, throttle him too if ya want. Okay?"

Rin sagged under Shura's arm. "Yeah… I hear you." Shura let go of him, but Rin continued to stare at the ground. "So he's… in there?"

"Yeah. I patched him up last night an' then we talked this mornin'. He's gonna be fine. The worst of it is a minor infection an' some bruised ribs. Well, that an' the broken wrist, but ya already knew 'bout that." Shura rattled off as if making an official report. She began filling the glasses she had retrieved earlier with water. "I figure a few days ta get rid of the fever, an' if he gives himself the proper rest, his ribs will be fine in roughly a month." She handed him a tray with the water and packets of medicine. "So don't worry, Rin. He's okay. He needs his medicine though, so take this to him.

"Oh, an' don't be surprised if he looks worse than yesterday. It's one of those things where you run yerself ragged, but ya don't realize it until ya sit down, an' then suddenly everythin' hurts. Like ya feel worse the day after the marathon than the day of."

Rin stared blankly at her. He'd never felt something like that. His natural strength tended to make marathons a breeze.

"An' ya have no idea what I'm talking 'bout. Wow. I _almost_ understand how frustratin' it must be ta have ya ta compare ta." She scratched her nose. "Okay, ferget that. All I'm tryin' ta say is that he's worse than before, an' no, ya did not miss something so obvious because it wasn't so obvious until now. Got it?"

He nodded stiffly. She raised an eyebrow when he didn't move. Rin swallowed hard. "He… wants to see me, right?"

"Rin, yer an idiot," she groaned and marched over to her bedroom door. "Yer both idiots! Just go talk with him." She opened the door wide for him to fit through with the tray and then pat him on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go get puddin'. See ya." She waved over her shoulder, grabbed a jacket that was way too light for the snowy weather, and was out the door before Rin could respond.

He turned back to the bedroom. The blinds were drawn, but enough afternoon light filtered in to give Rin a good view of the room. Yukio was resting on a futon on one side of the small room. Even from the doorway, Rin could see how flushed Yukio's usually pale face was. His breath was noticeably shallow; the thick comforter moved up slightly with each soft gasp of air.

Rin thought Yukio was asleep until he saw Yukio blink up at him and then quickly look away to the wall. Rin was by his side in an instant. He quickly sat down, setting the tray aside, and opened his mouth, ready to say something. But he didn't know what. There were so many questions buzzing in his head, Rin didn't know where to start.

"Sorry."

Rin blinked. He hadn't expected Yukio to break the silence. "Sorry?" he echoed. "What are you talking about? I'm the one who should be sorry! I didn't notice! I didn't see how bad things had gotten! I knew you didn't want to talk to me about it, but I should've done more. I should've cornered you and called you out or called Shura and had her talk to you sooner or something. I should've—"

"Stop. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who kept avoiding you. I'm the one who kept lying."

"I don't care about any of that! I just want to know what's going on. Are you okay?" It didn't escape Rin's notice how each word Yukio spoke caused him strain.

Yukio's eyes moved from the wall to the ceiling. He swallowed, and Rin's caught the ghost of a bruise on his neck. "I'm…"

"You better not say 'I'm fine.'"

"…I'll be okay."

Rin leaned back. The stress of the day was finally starting to melt away. "Can you tell me what's going on? Have you been going on extra missions or something?"

"No… It was…" Yukio's jaw clenched. If Rin wasn't sitting so close, he wouldn't have seen it. Worry was renewed in the pit of Rin's stomach. When Yukio finally continued, his voice was small. "This was all me."

"Huh?" Rin cocked his head to one side. "What does that mean?"

Yukio looked at him for a second before turning back to the wall. Rin saw it though. The fear.

Worry grew into full blown anxiety. "Yukio, please. Tell me. I'll understand. Or even if I don't, I'll try my hardest."

Yukio continued to study the wall. His shallow breathing accelerated slightly, and Rin could sense the battle raging in his mind.

Rin's thoughts drifted back to his own internal struggle he had been wrestling with all day. "You always told the truth." Yukio looked at him again, his brow creased in confusion. "When we were little," Rin clarified. "You would tell me about the demons and I didn't believe you, but you were telling the truth. That whole time you were telling the truth."

"Nii-san…" Yukio looked at him for one long moment and then finally seemed to make up his mind. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A flicker of pain flashed across his face before he spoke. "I've been putting myself in dangerous situations on purpose. Situations where I fear for my life."

Rin repeated the admission in his head, making sure he hadn't misheard. "Fear for your…? You mean you were putting yourself in situations where you could've… died?"

Yukio opened his mouth to respond before closing it and settling for a single nod.

"You were trying to… kill yourself?" Rin felt like he had been sucker punched in the stomach.

"No! I… I wasn't. I was…" Yukio hesitated a second too long, and Rin's temper flared over his horror and confusion.

"Why would you want to do that?! Are things really that bad?! Have I really been so blind?! Were you in that much pain?!" He couldn't take it in. It didn't make sense. It _couldn't_ make sense.

All those nights Yukio stayed out late flashed through Rin's mind. The dorm room had felt so empty, even with Kuro for company. And now Rin realized how close he had come to living the rest of his life with that emptiness. "What… what would I do if I lost you? Did that ever cross your mind?! Did you even think of me?!"

"I thought of you every single time!" Yukio snapped back, and he suddenly sat up to look Rin straight in the eye. He gasped harshly for breath and clutched at his chest. His face was flushed in red splotches over pale, sweaty skin, but his eyes were clear from the glaze of fever. "Every time. I tried _not_ to think of you. But I always did. Every time right before the blue, I would see your face."

"Then why did you keep doing it?!" Rin's fists were so tight that his nails dug gouges into his palms. "Two months! You were doing this for _two months!_ " (1)

"I had to know! I had to understand it!" Yukio hissed. His arms were shaking with the effort to keep him upright.

"Understand what?" Rin asked in a quieter voice. His temper was starting to wane as he watched Yukio struggle. "What was so important you would risk your life? Tell me."

Yukio collapsed back on the futon, staring adamantly at the ceiling with his mouth locked in a tight scowl.

"Tell me, Yukio. I'm supposed to protect you! You're my little brother!"

"I'm not your responsibility."

"And I'm not yours!" Rin looked at Yukio's posture grow more rigid, and he finally realized his mistake. Yukio was clamming up just like Shura said he would. He forced himself to take a deep breath tried to find his calm. "Stop trying to protect me from whatever this is. I can take it. I just… want to help." He released his fists and looked at the red grooves left in his palms. "Please? Let me help."

They sat in silence for a minute before Yukio sighed and winced a little at the release of breath. He looked up at Rin with a derisive smile. "Shura-san is right. We're both idiots."

"You heard that, huh?" Rin scratched the back of his ear.

Yukio snorted and immediately grimaced in pain. "You were right outside the door, shouting. It was hard not to hear."

Rin grinned sheepishly. Then he looked Yukio in the eye with a calm, steady stare. "Yukio, what is it? What's going on?"

Yukio studied him for a long moment. The tension was gone from his face, leaving a strange mix of sadness, acceptance, and shame. Rin knew his answer before he said it. "I'm only saying it once."

Rin nodded eagerly. He tended to zone out when people gave monologues, but this time he sat in rapt attention, desperate to understand what had been causing his brother so much pain.

-oOo-

He told Rin everything about his eyes. Everything of importance: the first time it occurred, the experiments, and the conclusions. Just as he had when telling Shura, he left out a few things he couldn't bring himself to say aloud. But the one thing he had told Shura and kept from Rin was his encounter with Lucifer. There was no need to worry Rin with the Illuminati's interest in him. Not until he was sure which side Shima was on. Rin would act defensively if he knew, and Yukio didn't want to tip Shima off yet.

"Why?" Rin's one question was the one question Yukio didn't want to answer.

Yukio swallowed hard, letting the ache in his throat and chest keep him from overthinking his answer. "To find the truth."

Rin shook his head. "No, I understand that. I wonder about things too. Maybe not like you, but…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "What I mean is… why didn't you tell me?"

Tōdō's words came floating to the front of Yukio's mind, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. The resulting shock of intense pain successfully cleared his mind of the venomous words, but he still couldn't find the proper answer for Rin.

"Is it because you didn't want my help? Because you knew I would stop you?" Rin's voice was a whisper that drove a knife through Yukio's heart more painful than his bruised ribs. Rin knew more than Yukio gave him credit for.

"I had to know if I could use it to become stronger." Yukio wasn't sure how much Rin understood of what was implied by his admission, but he seemed to understand enough.

"You… You always did hate losing." He smiled as he said it, probably trying to downplay the hurt below the words.

"Yes." The word felt like it was torn from his mouth, like a thread that is tugged until the whole tapestry is unraveled. He was sure Rin knew now. Maybe not the scope of his resentment, but the fact that it existed at all.

His secret was ripped from the deep, dark part of his chest leaving him exhausted. His beating heart lay on the ground between them. Rin could finally see it all. The ugly, bloody mess that Yukio had tried to hide for so long.

Yukio apologized like he had when they had started the conversation. He used the last of his strength to say it again and again. But Rin just threw his arms around him and squeezed like Yukio might disappear if Rin didn't hold him in place.

It made Yukio feel like he was six years old again, like he was that small, useless crybaby again. Because Rin forgave him as he always did. Rin was the stronger twin, the braver twin, the better twin. He always forgave every mistake, every fault. And there were so many faults. Yukio could never understand _how_ Rin did it. How his heart was so big when Yukio's was so small.

And then he felt Rin tremble against him, and he heard the muffled sob. The envy that had risen up in his heart was instantly washed away by Rin's tears and replaced with love. He hugged Rin back and finally let himself cry too.

They sat together like that for a while. Even after the tears dried streaks of tight skin on their faces, they still clung to each other. Yukio's chest ached horribly, but he didn't mind. He couldn't recall the last time he had felt so close to his brother. He had forgotten how it felt. It was familiar, comfortable, and warm. It was like coming home to a fire in the hearth after trudging through the snow for years.

"Hey, idiots!" A box of tissues came flying into the room and hit Rin in the back of the head. "There's puddin' if ya want." Shura quickly closed the door behind her before Yukio could do more than scowl at her, but he saw the satisfied smile on her face.

Despite himself, he smiled too.

* * *

 **(1)** Rin is rounding up. It's been closer to a month and a half. Ugh, I really need to draw out a timeline. The timing in AnE has always felt a little hard to grasp to me.


	3. Warning

**SPOILERS:** THROUGH CH 72. I originally thought the story would diverge after ch 71, but I've decided on after 72 instead. You'll see why (or the beginning of why) in this chapter. More in my A/N at the end of the chapter.

 **A/N:** Finally, I have internet again and can post this!

Believe it or not, this started off as a short, fluffy chapter. And then I had an awful week. You know, the type that makes you want to punch a hole in the wall or curl up under a blanket and never come out? Yeah, so writing this was the bright spot of my week, which made editing and "killing my darlings" rougher than usual. It also grew into something else because I was too stressed to write fluff properly… Let me know if it meanders too much.

You'll also notice that Shura has her dialect back. I had a (probably too) long conversation with SuperiorDimwit about it, and realized I hadn't put it in for rather dumb reasons. One being, I forgot. Sorry. Hope it didn't throw anyone off. I've also edited the first two chapters to reflect the change. Now I'm wondering if I should give the Kyōto trio their Kyōto-ben, but I've never seen it any translations, so...?

* * *

"They're not giving up, you know. Just changing tactics."

Shura looked up from the quizzes she was putting away, at the end of the second anti-demon pharmacology class she had somehow gotten suckered into continuing to substitute, to find Shima looking at her expectantly.

She finished stuffing the papers away in the briefcase she was borrowing from Yukio, not caring when she wrinkled some, and straightened up with her hands on her hips. "Let them try."

He blinked at her and then laughed. "Wow! So he did tell you everything! I wasn't sure if he left that part out or not."

Her fingernails dug into the fabric of her shorts as she realized she had walked into a trap, but she kept her face in a well-practiced look of boredom. "Well, he told me. So ya can give up yer little role of messenger between Yukio an' Lucifer an' tell yer Illuminati buddies he's not goin' anywhere as long as I'm around."

"Ah, well…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll let them know, but you really shouldn't underestimate them."

"Oh, don't worry, I'm well aware of how dangerous they are. I'm telling ya not to underestimate _me_ ," she said in a low, sharp voice that would have most men shaking in their boots. To his credit, Shima merely laughed nervously.

"Eh? Is something going on?" Rin asked innocently as he joined the two at the front of the classroom. The others had already left for their next class.

"No, I got what I needed." Shima waved goodbye and headed for the door.

"Uh… What's with the glare, Shura?"

She broke her intense stare down with Shima's back. Rin was picking at the inside of his ear, completely oblivious to what he had interrupted. Shura swung Yukio's briefcase over her shoulder so she could lace her fingers in the handle behind her head. The contents rattled around, signifying a complete loss of organization. "He was just seein' where things stand."

"With what?" Rin dug out a piece of earwax and looked at it with more interest than their conversation.

Her eyes narrowed. "Isn't it obvious…?"

"Hm? Oh, was he asking about our final?"

Shura raised an eyebrow. Oh. Yukio hadn't told him. That was… pragmatic, as usual. There's no way Rin could keep himself from acting the same around Shima if he knew. She groaned. If it didn't make so much sense she could be annoyed at Yukio for not telling Rin everything, but of course his logic was perfect. Ugh. The new development suddenly had her questioning if he had told _her_ everything. "An' he calls _me_ annoyin'."

"Huh?" Rin cocked his head to the side in confusion until there was a sudden glint of recognition in his eyes. "Oh! Are you talking about Yukio?"

"Oho? Ya knew just from that? An' here I was actually considerin' helpin' him grade these quizzes. Ferget that," she huffed.

"Is he okay?" Rin asked as if he hadn't heard her griping.

"Rin, ya just saw him last night. Ya know he's fine. Lucky guy is probably sleepin' right now."

"Yeah I guess…" He adjusted his bag on his shoulder. His frown told her he wasn't convinced. "Can I come by again tonight?"

"Shouldn't ya be studyin' or somethin'?" Normally she wouldn't care, but the whole execution-if-Rin-didn't-become-an-exorcist thing was still looming over them. Although Rin was such a carefree guy that Shura sometimes thought he had forgotten about it.

"I'll make dinner," he offered quickly.

"Oh, hell yes, free food will get ya into my apartment any day." She grinned. A bell rang in the distance.

"Ack! I'm going to be late!" Rin yelped and bolted out the door.

Shura snorted and followed at a more leisurely pace. Her mind jumped back to Shima's warning. She wasn't sure what to make of it yet, but she made a mental note to refresh the wards around her apartment.

-oOo-

It had been decided that Yukio would take Shura up on her offer and stay with her for a few days. Even with Rin's forgiveness, he felt they needed some time apart. A part of him still expected Rin to change his mind and to start throwing angry, hateful accusations at Yukio, so some time apart to make sure Rin was certain was important.

There was also the fact that Yukio was still feverish and weak. He didn't want to burden Rin so close to his brother's exorcist exam. Instead, he burdened Shura, who seemed to have no qualms about letting him know what a bother he was. She didn't give him an eviction date though, so he decided to stay until the exams were over.

Rin, as usual, had different ideas. He showed up every other night with bags full of groceries to make dinner. He was appalled by Shura's lack of pots and pans, but still managed to make all of Yukio's favorite dishes without Yukio saying a word. Then he stuck around until Shura kicked him out. Yukio couldn't find it in him to tell Rin not to come. At least it gave him a chance to help Rin study, which let him feel a little less useless in his current state.

Finally, on New Year's, his fever broke, and he was strong enough to move about on his own. He went to the shrine with Shura and Rin, but declined the offer to meet up with Rin's friends later. Instead, he and Shura sat around her apartment reading and playing video games respectively, eating mandarin oranges, and getting into little fights about the irritating things she did.

The next day, was the final for the anti-demon pharmacology class. Normally the exam would have been scheduled for a few weeks before spring break, but it had been pushed up to match the impending exorcist exam. Yukio was as nervous for the final as he had been for the first day of class. It would be the first time he saw them all since Shura had so brazenly revealed his wounds.

Apparently, the exwires were nervous too. That was the only excuse for the ridiculous sight that greeted Yukio and Shura when they arrived at the forest campsite.

Shura sniggered. "Are they really freakin' out over a frost sprite?"

The exwires hadn't noticed their arrival, for they were arguing with each other over the small snowmen attacking their ankles and springing up from the thick blanket of snow as soon as they stamped them down. Frost sprites were mischief makers that typically hid in trees and enjoyed the show as their enchanted snow attacked stragglers in the forest. The trick was to find the sprite before its fun grew into something more dangerous. Unfortunately, the exwires were too consumed with yelling to organize themselves for a search.

"Kyaaa! So cold!"

"It must be nearby! If everyone could please listen-"

"Can't you melt these things with your flames?"

"Oh, yeah!"

"What do you mean 'Oh, yeah?!' That type of thing should be obvious!"

"See? Situations like these is why we need the sword of Michael."

"Shima! Quit talking about a fairy tale and start helping!"

"Sure, sure. Ah! Izumo-chan look out!"

"Get away from me, you pervert!"

"Um… Kamiki-san, I think he was just trying to tackle the snowman behind you…"

"Nyahaha! Where's my phone?" Shura began searching her tiny pockets. "I need ta record this. They've fried their brains from studyin' so much that they've fergotten how ta work in the field!"

"Seems so…" Yukio watched the scene for a long moment. He had already spotted the grinning face of the sprite, but for some reason he found himself hesitating, watching Rin and his friends argue. Shura suddenly smacked him in the back of his head.

"Loosen up, Scaredy!" she said without sparing him a glance from the phone she had finally retrieved from the tattoo on her stomach.

Exasperation dampened his nerves as Yukio drew his gun with his uninjured hand and fired a single shot into the branches of a nearby conifer. Shura's bottom lip jutted out in a pout, knowing her fun was ruined. A second later, the plump, white form of the sprite fell out of the tree in a heap on the ground before it dissolved into the snow around it. The aggressive snowmen froze in place, their icicle fangs still bared.

The group instantly silenced and whirled around to see their teachers. Yukio holstered his gun with a sigh. He had been debating all day on what to tell them, yet, now that the moment was here, he still hadn't decided. He stepped forward and forced himself to look in their eyes. "Good evening, everyone. Sorry for my absence from your extra lessons the past few days— Ghk!"

He was saved by Shura leaning on him with most of her weight, forcing him into a semi-bow. "Nyaho!" she greeted. "I hope yer all ready ta show Yukio how much I taught ya the past few days. Make me proud!"

Yukio slipped out from under her arm and gave her a blank look. "What _you_ taught them? That doesn't fill me with confidence."

"Aw, c'mon. I've treated ya... What? Four times in yer life? And yer still alive and kicking today."

"Yet, now that you mention it, I realize all four times I came out of it with a fever." (1)

"Hn? That's not my fault! …This time."

"Exactly. There's no reason a sprained ankle should lead to a fever."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "That's just because my methods are better than usual. It gets the job done quicker."

"At the cost of the patient's health."

"Temporary health," she corrected.

"Should we just come back or something?" Kamiki muttered.

Yukio and Shura stopped bickering and turned back to the exwires. He was loath to admit it, but Shura had managed to relieve the tension in the air. He reached into his pocket and retrieved seven slips of paper. He handed them to Suguro who was closest and instructed Suguro to pass them out in a random order. "Each paper contains a different description of a patient's symptoms. Your job is to diagnose and then prepare a cure for the patient's ailment." He checked his watch. "You have until 2200 hours to finish this task. Every minute after will reduce your score by a respective amount of points."

"Um!" Shiemi raised her hand. "Can we gather our materials from any source?"

They had met in the forest for a reason. The obvious implication was that all the ingredients for their cures could be found in the woods, although it was past sundown so the exwires would have to deal with lesser demons during the collection stage. Shiemi, obviously, hoped to use Nii-chan instead of venturing into the forest.

"Of course. Use any means within your abilities that you deem necessary." He looked around the group and smiled at the determined faces. "If you can pass this test with above a 90, I have confidence you can earn the title of Meister in the doctor class."

"All right! Ya heard the guy! Ya've only got three hours. Get to it!" Shura clapped her hands together and the exwires all tore open their papers to read the symptoms in the firelight. Yukio and Shura moved to sit on one of the logs set up around the fire as all the exwires except Shiemi and Rin dispersed. Shiemi sat down and began to talk to Nii-chan. Rin was still glaring at his paper as if it had insulted him.

"Ya okay there, Rin?" Shura asked, grinning shamelessly.

He glanced up at them, and Yukio was relieved to find that it was still easy to meet his eyes. He knew it was silly to wait for Rin to suddenly reject him, and every time he saw Rin's sure gaze he felt bad for doubting his brother.

"I just don't see why I have to do this. I'm gonna be a knight, not a doctor," Rin whined. "As long as you're around, Yukio, I won't have to worry about this stuff."

"You need it to pass the class," Yukio snorted although the sentiment of Rin wanting to keep him around somehow made the winter air feel a little less frigid. "Just do your best Nii-san. If you get over a 56, you'll scrape by and won't have to retake the course."

"Retake?!" Rin cried. "Ah! Okay, okay! I'll do it." He turned to go before looking over his shoulder at Yukio. "You feeling better? You got really tired yesterday."

"I'm fine. I just need to build up my endurance again." He nodded encouragingly at Rin. "I'll be back to normal by the time of the exorcist exam." In truth, that was overly optimistic, but he couldn't afford to take any more time off.

"Ugh, I have ta put up with ya for that long?" Shura threw her head back and groaned in exaggerated misery. Yukio rolled his eyes.

Rin gave a tremendous grin. "Good! I'm glad!" He looked back at the paper in his hand. "Okay! I'm gonna kick this test's ass!" And with that declaration he sprinted into the woods, crunching loudly through the snow as he went.

They sat in silence, listening to the fire crackle. Shura popped open a can of beer and began to gulp it down happily. Shiemi summoned her materials and was fast at work grinding up leaves in an apothecary bowl. Yukio let his mind wander as he stared into the fire. He felt lighter and more peaceful than he had in months. There was still a lot he didn't know. A lot that he needed to sort out and try to understand, but somehow, despite new obstacles, the task seemed less daunting now.

The experiments would have to stop. Rin would be watching him like a hawk now, and he couldn't stand to see that look Rin had had when he had learned the truth ever again. He swallowed hard at the thought, and the bruise on his neck ached. That was the other reason he couldn't continue. Shura would kill him.

The next step in his experiment couldn't be done easily anyway. He had faced low and mid leveled demons. Logically a high level demon would come next, but they were fairly rare occurrences outside of summoning and even if he did encounter one it would likely be on a mission with several other exorcists around. The only other option to continue with would be to tempt death without a demon present. He could return to the roof…

He shivered at the thought. Shura shot him a look, her eyebrow arched, but he shook his head and pretended it was just the cold. No. He couldn't go back there, and he couldn't continue. He would have to find answers another way.

Shiemi got up a while later and approached him, bowl in hand. "Um, Yuki-chan, I finished."

He smiled up at her and accepted the bowl. "All right, let's hear your diagnosis and what you've created here."

Shiemi gave her report. She was correct in her diagnosis of a ghoul bite and her cure was flawless. Yukio was not surprised at all. "Excellent work, Shiemi-san. I couldn't have done it better myself."

"Really?" She took back her bowl and bowed. "Thank you so much! I'm sure I'll earn the Meister title because of you, Yuki-chan."

"You're the one who put in all the work. You should be proud of yourself."

Even in the firelight he could see her cheeks flare red. She shuffled her feet a bit, like she was considering going back to her seat but remained in front of him. "Um… Yuki-chan…" She bit her lip for a moment before finally speaking. "Um… Rin told us not to bother you about how you got your injuries. And… And I'm not going to!" She clasped her hands tight around her bowl and held it to her chest. "But I just wanted to ask… Are you all right?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Shura waggling her eyebrows at him. He fought down the childish urge to kick her in the shin. Instead, he looked at Shiemi. "I'm fine. It's just like I told Ani. I'm sure I'll be back to full strength soon."

Shiemi nodded and her tight posture relaxed a little. "Thank goodness! Oh, and I'm not asking for any details, but please let me know if there's anything I can do to help your situation."

Yukio was surprised into silence at the way she puffed herself up in determination. He nodded. She was too kind and good to get mixed up in his problems though.

"Okay. That's all I wanted to say. I'm really glad to see you again," she finished just as Suguro and Miwa returned to the campsite to begin prepping their collected ingredients.

"Ah! You finished already? Just as expected of Moriyama-san!" Miwa said cheerfully from between thick green leaves.

He and Suguro quickly got to work, and soon the rest of the exwires arrived one by one with their ingredients. Rin was last to return, with only an hour left. In the meanwhile, the group began presenting their cures. Admittedly, there was a wide range of effectiveness for each cure, but Yukio was proud to see everyone had been successful in their diagnosis. Shura seemed to be experiencing something other than pride.

It started with suspicious side glances when Suguro announced that his patient had been scratched by a rotting kappa. Then she was staring at Yukio with narrowed eyes and a smirk when Miwa reported his patient had had their blood sucked by a heat vampire. By the time Kamiki stated her diagnosis, Shura was snickering quietly even though there was nothing funny about the poison needles of an archer hornet.

"What are you laughing at?" Kamiki demanded, her chin lifted in defiance.

"It's not ya. I know yer answer's right." Shura waved away Kamiki's concern and looked at Yukio. "Are ya serious?"

He gave her a blank look as he adjusted his glasses. "I don't know what you're referring to. Anti-demon pharmacology is always a serious issue."

Shura seemed to take that as an invitation to laugh freely, so Kamiki, Takara, and Shima all had to give their reports with Shura grinning impishly at them and guzzling her beer with renewed enjoyment. When Rin was finally ready she was on the edge of her seat and fully inebriated. "Don't mess up the punchline, Rin!"

"Uh…" Rin frowned in confusion, but after a nod from Yukio, he began. "So I think my patient was poisoned by a demonic mukade centipede."

Shura fell backwards off the log laughing hysterically. Rin looked back and forth between Yukio and Shura with wide eyes. "Did I mess up?"

"Ignore her. She's been drinking," Yukio said with a perfectly straight face. "Please continue."

Rin scowled. "Okay… So I got this stuff for the antidote." He presented a handful of plants and a bowl of thick paste.

"Aw, yer poor, poor patient," Shura paused her laughter just long enough to comment.

"Huh?! What's wrong with it?"

Yukio sighed. "Well, you did use a species of _Corylus_ instead of _Hamamelis_. While the two are similar in appearance, _Corylus_ is all but useless in anti-demon pharmacology. So the rest of your cure may have eventually worked, but in the meantime your patient—"

"Yer poor, poor patient."

"Are you saying you could do better?!" Rin challenged, giving into Shura's goading.

"Oh, I know I could. I already treated a guy—"

Yukio chucked one of Shura's empty beer cans at her, which she easily caught, and began talking over the two of them. "Your patient would have had intense swelling which could have serious consequences, such as cutting off their air supply, depending on where the mukade bite was located. Otherwise you had the correct ingredients, and your patient may have lived. The mixture should have been prepared as a liquid however because demonic mukade poisoning causes paralysis in the small muscles first, making it difficult to chew and consume a solid." He checked his watch and then calculated Rin's score in his notebook.

He wrote the number on a slip of paper and handed it to Rin, who was staring at him with pleading eyes. Rin brightened immediately upon seeing the result. "I did it! I passed the class!"

Yukio couldn't help but smile at Rin's enthusiasm despite the fact that his score had been only two points above what he needed. Yukio stood and the rest of the exwires looked at him expectantly. "Good work everyone. You've all officially passed Anti-Demon Pharmacology Fundamentals." Rin and Shima gave whoops of excitement before he continued. "I believe this was your last final, correct? You can all concentrate on the exorcist exam now. I wish you all the best of luck."

He bowed respectfully to them and they bowed back, thanking him as they left for celebrations (according to Rin and Shima) or studying (according to everyone else). Rin invited Yukio and Shura along, but Yukio politely declined, so soon it was just the two of them left. They walked slowly back to her apartment, listening to the snow creak softly underfoot.

-oOo-

They were almost halfway out of the forest when Shura suddenly laughed and nudged Yukio in the side. She was still tickled by the examples he had chosen for the exam. He had to have known she would recognize the injuries as the same ones that she had found on him a few days prior. The injuries themselves were not amusing by any means; what had her laughing was the fact that _he_ had put them out there in such a nonchalant way. And the way he sat there with that ridiculously straight face as she put the pieces together, she knew he was waiting for a reaction. He was making himself the joke, admitting that the wounds he had sustained were advanced enough to be used as final exam questions.

"Y'know, ya really have everyone fooled into thinkin' yer a salaryman (2), but then ya go and pull that an' my faith that ya have a sense of humor is restored."

"Glad you got a kick out of all my injuries," he said dryly, but she could see the corner of his mouth twitch into a smile. "I couldn't find the exam questions I prepared weeks ago because someone went through my briefcase like a typhoon." He raised an eyebrow at her, but Shura gave him a wide-eyed look of pure innocence. He sighed. "Fortunately, I realized I had a dozen examples right under my nose."

"Literally!" She cackled. "Seriously though, the fact that ya can even joke about it already… It must feel good ta have the weight of secrecy off yer chest. I'm proud of ya."

"When you say it with such a smug look on your face, the sentiment is completely ruined."

"Well, I can't help it if I did an amazing job." She grinned unabashedly.

He shook his head, and his lips twisted into a half-smile. "You attacked my bruised ribs, kidnapped me from my home, guilted me into talking, and then choked me. Amazing job."

She shrugged. "Unconventional, but effective. I wouldn't have had ta take such extreme measures if ya weren't such a troublesome, stubborn, idiotic, obsessive—"

"By all means, don't hold back, Shura-san," he grumbled.

"—scaredy-cat, four eyes," she finished with a nod.

He glared at her, but didn't fight it, knowing she wouldn't let that nickname go until they were old and wrinkled.

They continued onwards in silence for a while. A few snowflakes drifted down languidly from the dark sky. Shura fought off a shiver. Even with the warmth of alcohol thrumming through her veins she was freezing. Maybe she should have worn a thicker jacket. Or maybe she could steal Yukio's, like she had stolen his briefcase earlier in the week. The one she had been using when Shima confronted her… She wrapped her arms around herself and glanced at Yukio. His long stride was slowing down probably as a result of exhaustion and the cold air doing no favors for his chest.

"Hey…" She wrinkled her nose against the biting cold as she watched his reaction closely. "Ya told me everythin', right?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Where's this coming from?"

"Don't dodge the question."

"I'm not trying to dodge…" he trailed off when he looked at her and saw no hint of humor in her eyes. "I told you everything important."

"Everythin' important isn't everythin'."

"What did you expect? I wasn't about to rehash every detail I could remember."

She hummed, not convinced.

He crossed his arms and began tapping his fingers against the crook of his arm. "Really? You mean you wanted to hear about every failed experiment when my eyes didn't awaken, every demon I encountered that did awaken it, every word of my conversations with Toudou, every detail of how Lucifer disarmed me and cornered me, every thought that crossed my mind when I thought I had finally messed up and was going to die?"

"All right, all right. I get it." She puffed out her lips and considered what he had just said. "So… When did ya have more than one conversation with Tōdō?"

He froze in his tracks. "What?"

She stopped a few steps ahead of him and looked back over her shoulder. "Ya had one in Kyōto an' one before that, but we're talking 'bout yer eyes. I thought ya only had one conversation 'bout yer eyes with him, but just now, ya said 'conversations.'"

He crossed his arms even tighter in front of himself and took a step back from her. "I did not. You misheard."

"Ah, ah! No getting' out of this one." She turned to face him full on. "C'mon, Scaredy. I know I said that secrecy is a tough habit ta break, so if ya tell me now, I promise I won't get mad that ya didn't tell me before. An' given all the trouble ya've been fer me lately my anger would be justified," she said with a teasing lilt, hoping to ease the tension that had suddenly descended between them. He didn't respond. Dread snuck into the base of her stomach. It seemed this was really serious after all. She crept forward, closing the distance between them as if he might bolt, and leaned over to interrupt his eye contact with the ground. "Yukio… Let me help."

"You can't!" he hissed through clenched teeth. "This is something I have to do on my own."

"Okay," she backed off immediately, trying to avoid having his anger silence him. "I have the unfortunate honor of sayin' I understand revenge. I understand wantin' ta kill the reminder of everythin' that yer fightin' not ta be."

"I'm nothing like him!"

She hummed. So that was it. She had read Tōdō's file and could take an educated guess of what type of things the man might say to try to build a rapport with Yukio. "I know yer not. Not in the ways that matter."

His head jerked side to side as if he was disagreeing with her, but his brow was creased in thought so deep that she doubted he was aware of the action. She straightened up and stuffed her hands in her pockets in attempt to avoid frostbite while she waited for him to sort his thoughts.

"It was…" he started softly. He began digging the toe of his shoe into the snow and stared blankly as he revealed black dirt under the pure white. "The second experiment I did. I realized I couldn't be halfhearted about invoking fear in myself, so I went to the roof—"

"Wait. Ya said ya only tested against demons!" She objected out of shock more than any form of anger. Then she recalled her own words to Rin a few days before and bit down the rest of her accusation. "Sorry. Go on... Please."

He took a deep breath, and his face twisted in pain. She had a feeling the memory was more painful than his ribs though. "I didn't hit the ground. Tōdō caught me." His lips curled up as if the words were bitter in his mouth. He took a shaky breath to steady himself and then spat out the rest. "He said I would die if I tried something like that. He said my power only worked against demons, and if I was to continue searching for the truth I should start there. And if I wanted the full truth…" He grit his teeth.

She took that as her cue to jump in. "Let me guess: Lucifer knows."

He nodded.

"So… ya listened to what Tōdō suggested?" she asked slowly, disbelief coloring her tone.

"Of course not!" he bit out. "I searched for him for a full week. Every free second I had, I scoured Campus Town, but I found nothing. But then I realized he'd come back. He had been spying on me for... I don't know how long! I figured if I played along, he'd return."

"An' then ya could catch him." She nodded and cocked her head to one side. "Why wouldn't ya tell me that? I don't like the idea of goin' along with what he's says, but it's not a half-bad plan. I could've helped, so why-"

"Because I need to defeat him myself!"

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. She had never seen him with such a cold expression before. She had seen him scowl, glower, glare, and seethe in anger, often aimed at her, but this was on another level entirely. This was the expression of a man with the intent to kill. She had seen it on others in the heat of battle. She had seen it on herself when she was young. But she had never seen it on Yukio, the master of self-control. She didn't like it.

This was why she insisted he be honest with himself. This was the result of bottling up his negative emotions for years. Now he had found an outlet for them, a scapegoat to direct every ill intent towards. It was an incredibly dangerous thing to do and exactly the type of thing demons looked for. If he killed Tōdō like this, she had no doubt he would become a demon.

She swallowed hard and found her voice again. "Yukio…"

He stirred at the sound of his name, as if coming out of sleep, and the tension in the air instantly lifted. He blinked at her as if just now realizing she was there. "Sorry, Shura-san. Did you say something?" He smiled that polite smile, and she had the urge to punch it off of his face.

Instead, she sighed heavily. "Yer walkin' a dangerous path. I can't talk ya out of it, can I?"

The smile slipped away as quickly as it came. "No. Not about this."

She groaned and stretched out her arms. "How'd I get stuck with such a stubborn guy? If I ever meet Shirō again, he'd better apologize."

"Sorry I make your life so troublesome," he said, voice heavy with irony.

"Ya better be." She turned and started walking again. He followed suit. She hummed to herself as she thought. "I guess now I know who Shima's contact in town must be."

"You think he knows where Tōdō is now?" Yukio asked sharply.

"Nah," she said a little too quickly. She didn't actually know if it was true, but the more time she had to work on erasing that killer intent from his heart, the better. "If he's avoiding ya, he's probably layin' low for a while. Although, when I talked to Shima he seemed to be in contact with somebody. Could've been a trick though. That kid is sneaky."

"When did you talk to Shima?" His brow wrinkled in uncertainty.

"Oh, right. That. Well, I had a little talk with Shima the other day, an' now he knows I know."

Yukio froze in his tracks for a second time. "What?! Shura-san, what were you _thinking_? You shouldn't have said anything! You just painted a target on your own back!"

"Oh? Are ya sayin' I can't handle myself?"

"You _know_ how dangerous they are! We're not talking about a horde of goblins here; we're talking about an organized group of people!"

She watched as he paused to gasp for air, trying to hide a wince through the small white puffs of breath curling up into the winter sky. Then, after he caught his breath, she punched him in the shoulder. Hard.

He grunted in pain and glared at her as he rubbed his arm. "You know the goal is to heal, not hurt, your patients, right?"

"Ya just said it didn't ya?" She reached out as if to hit him again, but telegraphed the move so he could skitter a step back out of her reach. "Yer the patient. Ya need ta worry 'bout yerself fer a change. At least until ya get better. I got ya covered 'til then, okay?"

He remained stubbornly quiet, but his scowl softened a little. As they began to walk again, he gradually drifted back to her side.

She blinked at his change in demeanor and then decided it was time to cheer him up. "Nyahaha!" She flipped her ponytail over her shoulder and struck a pose. "Yer finally looking at me with the gratitude and admiration I deserve!"

"What?!" He recoiled from her smirk, but quickly found his footing as the straight man in their duo. "There's no way that would ever happen. This must be Stockholm syndrome from being stuck with you for nearly a week."

She snickered. "Aw! Don't pretend! Ya just don't know what it's like to have a friend lookin' out fer ya."

"Yeah, right…!" He fumbled for a comeback, and she could see his shoulders stiffen. Perhaps that jab had been a little too close to the heart. If she hadn't seen that murderous face, she may have let it pass without comment, but clearly it was time to knock some sense into the guy.

"Wow, Scaredy-Cat Four Eyes. Yer face is super red." She knew it was just anger and embarrassment, but she reached out a hand to check his forehead for fever anyway. He batted her hand away and then dodged the other hand and swatted away her counter attack and soon Shura had no choice but to put the idiot in a headlock.

"Let me go!" Years of experience should have told Yukio that fighting her grip was no use, but he always tugged against her, much to her amusement.

"Hm. Yup, just as I thought," she said in a grave tone as she placed her palm on his forehead. "Ya've got the horrible condition of takin' everythin' too seriously. Ah! Even right now! Yer thinking somethin' dumb an' givin' it serious thought!" She gasped as if she could hear his scandalous thought. "Yer thinking ya don't have friends or somethin'."

"I never said that!" he snapped. All she could see was the back of his head, but she could feel him tense under her arm. She knew Rin's strength wasn't the only thing he envied. She had seen the distant look on Yukio's face when they had first approached the exwires arguing amongst themselves. He probably hadn't even been aware of the look, just like she hadn't been as a kid. She remembered watching a group of other children hungrily before Shirō snapped her out of it with a smack to the back of the head. He hadn't pushed her at that point, since she was still feral in many ways, but she knew that smack was to remind her she was no longer alone. And Yukio, whether he was aware of it or not, was definitely not alone.

"Yer lucky. Ya've got decent teammates that ya can get ta know. Everyone on that Legion I'm supposed ta be a part of are all bald."

"Bald…?" He finally stopped fighting against her, so she released him. He straightened up and opened his mouth to say something, but then seemed to think better of it. Instead, he smoothed out his disheveled clothes and gave her that polite smile again, so she knew he wanted to change the subject. "Isn't Angel-san the opposite of bald?"

"You'd be surprised," she said with absolute seriousness, but refused to drop the topic. "Y'know, those guys managed to make friends with Satan's son, so I'm sure they'd be okay with someone like ya."

"Gee, thanks."

"Hell, they probably consider ya a friend already."

"I don't need any more friends," he said stiffly and began marching away.

"Ah!" She jogged after him while she rubbed her ears. "I think I'm hearin' more dumb thoughts! Ya keep this up, an' yer ribs be damned, I _will_ kick yer ass."

"I'm serious, Shura-san. I can't drag anybody else into this. It'd just be more people I'd have to lie to."

"Or more people ya'd have to trust." She crossed her arms and gave him a hard stare.

"Trust them not to tell anyone else? I can't do that with some of them, and I can't ask that of the others." He pressed a hand to his forehead. "I can't even believe that you convinced me to tell Ani. Now he has to keep this from his friends, and I know that can't be easy for him."

Without missing a beat, she punched him again.

"Are you _trying_ to give me dead arm?"

"Quit worryin' so much, an' I'll quit punchin' ya." She shrugged. "Rin's fine. He's a whole lot better now that he knows. He would've burst from worry otherwise. Hmmm… Though now that ya mention it, he's not very good at lyin' is he? Wonder how long before he lets somethin' slip."

Yukio's eye twitched.

"I'm jokin'! Relax, Scaredy." She waved away his worry. "Rin kept his flames secret fer a full three months."

"It could have been longer if you hadn't interfered..." he admitted.

"Exactly," she said, ignoring his jab at her. "An' that Moriyama girl said they weren't gonna bug ya 'bout it, so far as I can see, yer in the clear." She scratched the tip of her nose, testing if she could still feel it. "I wasn't sayin' ya need to tell everyone. All I'm tryin' ta say is that ya don't need to isolate yerself. An' if they do find out, I don't think it'll be as bad as ya think. Okay?"

They lapsed into silence. She looked up at the night sky. The only patch of light was where the moon illuminated a curtain of clouds from behind. The silver light glittered prettily off the impressive snow drift they were passing. She considered pushing him into it, but before she could, he nodded.

"Good. Now, c'mon. Yer walking too slowly, an' I'm gettin' cold. Do I need ta carry ya?"

"Maybe if you wore clothes, you'd stay warm," he muttered.

The familiarity of the argument made her grin. "Y'know, I'm not hearin' a no to the carryin'." She turned to him with open arms, ready to scoop him up.

His hand jumped to his gun. "Stay away from me."

"Suit yerself." She sped a little ahead of him, but kept each step measured so she wouldn't leave him in the dust. Judging from the sounds behind her, he was doing his best to pick up the pace. Always trying his best and getting nowhere. What a pitiful guy. For a second, she considered ignoring his pride and carrying him the rest of the way. Or, if she hadn't just tried to make a point about friendship, she could jog back to her apartment on her own.

Instead, she gave each step a little more force than was necessary, letting the jolt of her feet against the frozen ground send shockwaves through her numbing legs.

Damn, she was cold. She hated snow.

Warm, heavy fabric suddenly descended on her head. She stopped in place and drew the cloth away from her head to find Yukio had thrown his jacket at her. It was still warm with his body heat. She turned to him with a fist raised. "What'd I say 'bout worryin' 'bout yerself?"

"Just take it," he said without looking up from his gun belt, which he was readjusting over a thinner jacket he had had on underneath the coat in her hands. "Your shivering is annoying."

He hadn't said thank you, and he owed her a lot more than his jacket. But she recognized the gesture for what it was, so she slipped the coat on and enjoyed the warmth as they continued forward.

* * *

 **(1)** Someday when I have more time, I'll write a one-shot about this. Maybe as one of those "Three Times Something Happened and One Time It Didn't" fics. Do people still write those?

 **(2)** The typical Japanese salaryman has a life that revolves around work, which results in a serious, robotic persona. It's a stereotype, of course, but also the reasoning behind the title of the spinoff manga.

 **A/N:** Next chapter I won't have Shura manhandling the twins. I'll let someone else do the beating up.

Okay, so the conversation about the roof was obviously about ch 72 and my AU version of 73. (We'll get to see exactly how much of an AU next week. Yay!) Honestly, I wish I could have presented it as the actual scene instead of a summary in the middle of a conversation, but a flashback would have been jarring smackdab in the middle of the chapter. Maybe if you guys are interested and I have enough time, I'll write it out as a one-shot. ( **EDIT:** After reading ch 73, I can happily report that, although what was recounted in this chapter was AU, the theory I'm using to explain Yukio's eyes is still not AU. Yet.)

Here's hoping next week will be better, not just for me, but all you readers as well!


	4. Promise

**A/N:** I just looked at Ch 73 raws with my limited Japanese, and wow. Talk about emotional whiplash. The ending has me super excited for the next arc though! And that's all I'll say because spoilers.

Anyway, about this story, if people were hoping for a chapter on the exorcist exams, then sorry, I've got NOTHING. I'm talking ZERO inspiration for how that chapter would go. Well, okay, just one thing, but definitely not enough to write a chapter with. If I ever do figure it out, I'll write it as a one-shot (I know, I keep saying that). But then, this is a story that's supposed to explore what would happen differently if Yukio started to open up, and at this point I don't see how that would affect the exorcist exams (now watch as I'm proven wrong).

* * *

"Ya've never done it with a demon of this power!"

"Shura-san. You know this is our only weapon left."

"Hold on, hold on! Just lemme think for a minute!" Shura yelled at him waving her hand as if to wave away any words he might say next.

A minute passed. Those of the others who were still conscious shifted in discomfort, silently cradling their wounds. The only sound was the crackle of what was left of Rin's flames, and the crashing of the Ocean Queen against the mountain, searching for them.

It had been three months since Rin and his friends had passed the exorcist exam, and two months since the world had descended into chaos. Demons roamed Assiah freely, and everyday hundreds of ordinary people sustained Mashō and discovered that their world was being overrun.

The group of fresh exorcists occasionally expressed frustration and bewilderment at the sudden increase in the level of demons appearing. Yukio was left biting his tongue, knowing perfectly well what was going on. Mephisto Pheles's grip on the Illuminati's artificial Gehenna Gate had finally slipped, and the Gate now expanded freely. There was concern that True Cross Academy and the surrounding town would be taken over because the barriers Pheles had put in place were greatly weakened with Pheles's own physical decline. Those fears were quickly realized when the Marquess of Fire and the Fire Princess rose up in the valley beneath the school and began raining fire down on everything within sight. (1)

While this was happening, the Ocean Queen had started a slow, lumbering walk from shoreline towards True Cross Campus Town. Clearly someone or something was drawing the high class demons to the school, but what was not clear yet. Pheles had called the usual group he had dubbed 'his favorites' to his hospital room and ordered them to cut off the Ocean Queen while she was still near the shore. The exorcists protecting the Academy were putting everything they had into protecting against the fire demons. Even if they won the battle, the school wouldn't survive a second attack in the span of two days.

They had intercepted the Ocean Queen as she was sloshing over a village and quickly drew her away from her path into a neighboring valley surrounded by mountains. It was just as planned, but the fight had not gone as well. Even with coordinated attacks, they could only inflict minimal damage on the great demon. Rin's flames couldn't penetrate the thick, gelatinous skin. Maybe if they could get inside the demon, but that would spell certain death. Dead bodies and debris already floated within the waters of her arms and legs.

The group was left with depleted weapons and various wounds. Once Rin was down with a nasty blow to the head, they had to retreat. For a moment, Yukio thought they might not be able to do even that, but then Takara's puppet had stuck to the demon's wet skin. He had gone ballistic, attacking with a frightening ferocity until he managed to peel the bunny away from his enemy. The blitz was enough of a distraction for them to slip further up the mountain for a small reprieve from the fight.

Takara now sat, taking comfort from his own puppet, in the corner of the hideout Nii-chan had grown around them to camouflage their safe haven on the mountainside. Shiemi and Yukio did their best to treat everyone's wounds, but Rin and Shima were still out cold. Looking at the others, it was clear nobody was sure what to do. Yukio had come to the conclusion that there was only one move left for them to make and presented the idea to Shura in a hushed voice. Shura had immediately stopped wrapping her swollen ankle in favor of yelling her rejection. She now had the full attention of the other exorcists as she struggled to find another option.

She finally looked up from Rin's prone body. Her shoulders sagged and she ran a hand over her face, whispering something to herself. "Why? Why do ya want ta do it?"

He wasn't sure what she was getting at until he realized what this could look like to her: another experiment. The next step in his search for answers. The past few months had yielded no progress given his recovery and then the sharp increase in work.

He paused. In truth, that hadn't occurred to him. He was doing this so they wouldn't be killed; so the people of the nearby village, Campus Town, and the Academy wouldn't be killed; so his brother, laying defenseless in front of him, wouldn't be killed.

"It's our duty," he said plainly. The ultimate duty of the exorcist was to protect the people of Assiah from the demons of Gehenna. This simple, black-and-white idea had been ingrained in him from the time he entered the Order. He knew it was ironic, and perhaps hypocritical, to be using a power no normal human should have, but that was the life Rin had been living for nearly a year.

He smiled wryly to himself. After not being able to acknowledge Rin's use of Satan's flames, using his eyes now would make him far more hypocritical than Rin had ever been.

Shura groaned. "That's such a stupidly diplomatic answer. But I suppose that's not the worst one ya could've given." Then she grabbed his shirt collar and was shouting in his face. "Ya better not die, or I will hunt ya down an' make ya regret it!"

A bitter laugh escaped him before he could stop it. "Not dying is the point, isn't it?" He looked down at Rin. "Look after Ani for me."

Her mouth screwed up like she wanted to yell at him more, but instead she let go of his shirt. He quickly undid his gun belt, laying it next to Rin. Then he stood and looked out between Nii-chan's branches at the demon thrashing about in its search for them. Shiemi's voice was so tiny. "What…? Yuki-chan?"

He winced and pinched the bridge of his nose, not daring to look at her. "Ah, right. Shura-san, could you explain it to them?"

"What?! Do it yerself!"

He opened his mouth to retort, but the best he could come up with was, "I'm busy."

"Yer a coward," she countered easily.

He couldn't deny it, so instead he smiled. "So you keep saying. But that may be what's about to save us."

There was a particularly angry hiss of rushing water from the Queen from outside. Shura studied him with half-lidded eyes. If he didn't know her better, he would have thought she was bored. "Are ya sure?"

"After I do this, a lot of it will be obvious…" he reasoned for the sake of his own courage more than anything. "Just use your best judgement."

She squinted at him as she pouted. "Yer askin' a lot of me lately."

"Yeah, I don't know how I became so reliant on someone like you. I'm disappointed in myself." He did his best to smile at her irritated frown, although he could feel it didn't reach his eyes, and then looked down at Shiemi. She was looking at him with wide eyes that threatened to kill his courage and root him to the spot. He swallowed hard and hoped at least she didn't see his hands trembling. "Keep everyone hidden a little longer please, Shiemi-san."

Then, before he could turn back, he picked his way through the branches, ignoring the shouts and questions of the others. It took a while to find a path out, but when he did, he was greeted with the tremendous sight of water demon versus rock and stone. His breath caught in his throat at the marvel and he stood frozen for a second, his hands feeling too warm without the cool metal of his guns.

He pushed himself forward, finding it easier and easier to move towards the calamity the closer he got. He had done this enough times to recognize the sick thrill of adrenaline coursing through his skin, making him itch for movement until he could take it no longer and ran forward, skidding a bit on pine needles.

A few minutes later, he reached a ridge several meters below where the group was taking shelter. There was a sheer drop off that he couldn't climb down without the proper equipment, so it would have to do. He dug out a grenade from his pocket: the one significant weapon he had brought. Then, with his precise aim, he unclipped it and threw as hard as he could. The grenade exploded as soon as it made contact with the demon's ear. It roared a great crashing sound before turning to him.

"Hey! Over here!" He waved his arms over his head to make sure it would spot him and not the group above. He saw its beady eyes focus in on his movement, and a great arm of water slowly raised as if returning a greeting.

Then the water crashed into him, lifting him off his feet, and smashing him into the stone face of the mountain with the force of a hundred hobgoblins. The air was instantly pushed from his lungs, but when they searched for relief only water was there to fill them as he fell through the thick skin into the surprisingly warm waters of her grip. Somewhere through the veil of adrenaline, he felt pain flare in his side and he wanted to scream.

Instead he focused on his eyes. Keep them open, keep them open, keep them open!

He thought he tasted blood in the water and spots were bursting across his vision and somehow he could still see the beady eyes but there was red in the water, not blue and the pain and oh god air. He needed air. He needed air! It wasn't working and he needed air and he was going to die! This was it! This was nothing compared to his first experiment with the naiads! This wouldn't stop! There was no relief! His body rebelled against him. His hands clawed at his own chest, throat. He had _failed_! He was _dead_.

Regret smothered him as effectively as the water in his lungs. Familiar thoughts and faces flashed through his mind. Father holding his hand and offering him a purpose. Shiemi sitting with him in the rain and comforting him with her presence. Shura's face was new. He saw her, calm and patient, as she waited for him to tell her about his eyes.

But clearest of all of them was Rin's face. It was always Rin.

His strength was failing. His body ceased its struggle and began to go limp.

He would never see them again. He would never see Rin again. He was going to die.

 _No!_ He didn't want to! He wasn't ready!

 _Somebody, anybody, help! Please!_

 _Nii-san!_

The colors of the world changed to a single hue of blue.

-oOo-

"What is he doing? What is going on?" Kamiki asked as soon as Yukio left, her voice slowly gaining anger. She turned to Shura. "You know don't you?! Explain!"

Shura grit her teeth and did not respond from where she had hopped over to see between Nii-chan's branches. She understood that Kamiki's anger stemmed from confusion and anxiety, but Shura had no explanations or words of comfort to offer.

"Kirigakure-sensei, I think we all would like to know what Okumura-sensei is thinking. He left his weapons here…" Miwa said in a kinder voice, tinged with fear.

"He's planning something. What did he mean there was only one weapon left?" Suguro growled.

Shura grit her teeth as the questions mounted and the young exorcists began talking over each other, trying to understand the situation. Her nails dug into the branch she was using to support herself so hard she was surprised they didn't splinter. She couldn't see Yukio anymore from where she stood. He had disappeared further down the rock face.

"What…? Whaz goin' on?" Rin slurred out. The other voices silenced immediately.

And then Moriyama, who had been quiet up until that point, was suddenly sobbing. "Rin! Yuki-chan…! He just went! And he's gone to face it alone! And… and…" She hiccupped.

Rin jumped up to his feet, swaying a bit as he clutched his head. "What? What? Where's Yukio? What're you saying? What's going on?" Rin's eyes landed on Shura. It always amazed her how quickly he could find his calm in situations like this. "Shura. What happened?"

She opened her mouth to speak, her clenched jaw popping at the release of tension. But before she could, a warm light exploded behind her. She whipped around, seeing the last bit of a grenade explosion disappear. He was getting the demon's attention.

Rin rushed to her side, looking for a way through the branches. "Let me out!" he shouted over his shoulder to Moriyama, and instantly the branches receded. The rest of the group, hurried forward, Suguro carrying the still unconscious Shima on his back. Shura hobbled on her swollen ankle until Shiemi, who somehow still seemed to trust her after her silence, slid herself under Shura's arm and helped her to the edge of the cliff face where the group now stood.

Shura wondered why Rin hadn't run further, until she saw the water demon staring in their direction. Then an arm of water shot out towards them. But it was too low. It wouldn't hit them. Just Yukio below them.

Moriyama screamed as the arm crashed into the mountain, shaking the ground they stood on. At the angle where they stood, they couldn't see Yukio. Shura wondered how many of them realized what was going on.

" _Yukio!_ " Rin yelled at the top of his lungs. He, at least, seemed to know.

The demon roared dangerous and deep like a whirlpool of sound. Its eyes were locked on what it held tight to the stone wall of the mountain. Shura counted her breaths. It was taking too long.

"C'mon. Cmon, c'mon…" she whispered. Guilt ignited in her stomach. It wasn't working. She had let Yukio walk freely to his death. She should have known this demon was too strong. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" She'd really let Shirō down this time, getting his star pupil killed. Damn it, Yukio! He wasn't supposed to die! That wasn't the plan. He was supposed to be more stubborn than this! "C'mon!" she yelled as if he could hear her. "C'mon yer not supposed to actually die ya stubborn, scaredy—"

Rin gasped and slapped his hands over his ears.

The demon roared again, but this time it was the sound made the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. The demon was _afraid_. It stumbled backwards as fast as its girth and sloshing limbs would allow, but it was too late. The outstretched arm burst. Moriyama yelped next to her as warm water rained down on them. Shura thought that might be it for a moment, but then she realized the explosion was continuing up the arm, into the chest, the abdomen, the head, the whole body was coming apart like a water balloon bursting from too much pressure. The demon screamed again and Shura could swear she saw blue flames within the water, boiling the demon alive. And then it popped, the shape of the demon was gone, only a lake full of water rained down upon the valley below, instantly flooding it.

It had worked. And it wasn't like he had described. The demons were supposed to run away, not _explode_.

The group stared. The only sound was dripping. And then Rin hurried down the mountain, squelching through mud and sliding on slick plant debris. They followed until they reached as far down as they could without rope.

Rin was dashing about the edge, peering over as far as he could without falling. Guilt clenched in Shura's stomach again, accompanied by shock and horror. This had to have been where Yukio was standing, so why wasn't he here?

She nearly dragged Moriyama with her to the edge and looked, strained her eyes for any sign of black hair or long exorcist coat.

"There!" Moriyama gasped, pointing. Between branches jutting out of the cliff face, Shura could make out a black shoe and the cuff of a pant leg. The rest of Yukio was blocked by branches and stone. Moriyama sniffled a little. "Is he… Is he…?"

"No," Shura said adamantly although the truth was she had no clue if Yukio was still alive. He could have died from the fall. "It wouldn't have worked if he was. Though if we don't get him up here soon ta tend to his wounds, who knows." There was a crumble of rocks over the side of the cliff, and Shura looked up to find Rin sitting on the edge, trying to reach a leg out to the nearest branch. Shura groaned and grabbed his collar, sending Rin sprawling backwards. "What're ya doin'? Ya have a head wound. Yer not fit ta go scalin' a mountain."

"But it's already healed, so…!"

Rin cut himself off as the black flames of Yamantaka shot past them, down to where Yukio was. Shura glanced at Shima who now sat fully awake still on Suguro's back. Shura felt her jaw clench. The spy was awake enough to summon… How long had he been watching, listening? Had he seen what Yukio had done to an upper class demon?

The black flames returned with Yukio in turn. Yamantaka dissipated instantly, leaving Yukio in his brother's arms.

"Hey!" Rin shook Yukio lightly, searching his face for any reaction. "Yukio! Can you hear me?"

"Do ya have enough energy to summon more healin' herbs?" Shura asked Moriyama quietly, taking charge when Moriyama didn't move. This must've been the first time the girl had seen a friend with such serious wounds without Yukio available for guidance.

"Ah, yes!" Moriyama brought them both over to Yukio's side so they could start their examination. "Rin…?" Moriyama murmured softly, and the older brother looked at her with wide eyes. Then he slid back, still cradling Yukio's head, so that she had enough room to start her work.

"He's bleeding!" Rin blurted out. That was accurate but not close to the full story. A sharp piece of branch was sticking out of Yukio's side, piercing him from back to front. Judging from the crushed tree behind them, he must have clipped it and been impaled on a branch when the Ocean Queen slammed him into the cliff wall. More concerning though was the stillness of his chest. His skin was growing ashen by the second.

Rin reached out towards the piece of branch, eyes wide and dazed, before Shura swatted his hand away. "Breathin' first," she murmured. Moriyama was already tilting Yukio's head back to open his airway, and instantly he coughed. Water and foam spilled from his mouth as he spluttered for air. They rolled him on his side so he wouldn't aspirate, and a few gasps later, a more natural color flooded his cheeks. Then, Moriyama turned her attention to the branch as they peeled off his drenched coat and shirt.

"Could you look for other wounds?" she asked in a thin voice.

Shura nodded, knowing she had her work cut out for her deciding how to remove the branch. Shura went about placing firm fingers over areas of discoloration, feeling bones still firm and solid, watching Yukio's face for signs of pain, for a hitch in breath. All the while she took his pulse, feeling for any abnormalities that could indicate internal bleeding. By some miracle, she found no other significant wounds. The swollen redness of a fresh bruise was blossoming all over his chest and back, over top of a dozen cuts, but if they could deal with the branch and he didn't pull a dry drowning stunt, he'd survive.

Moriyama leaned back on her haunches. "I can't get a good angle. Any way we move it will tear more flesh, and right now, it hasn't hit anything vital yet, but it's so close to the kidney and spleen that moving it is sure to hit one. If only we could just make it… disappear… Ah!" She clapped her hands together and turned to Rin. "You can burn the branch without burning Yuki-chan!"

"Eh? But…"

"You can do it! If we try to remove it by hand we're only going to make the wound worse, but you can just burn it away. Then I can pack the wound until we get to a hospital. Please, Rin! You can do it! For Yuki-chan!"

The doubt cleared from his expression with Moriyama's encouragement. "Okay." He wrapped a hand around the branch. "On three?"

Moriyama nodded and handed Shura a bottle of liquid to cleanse her hands with and some of the healing herbs she had already summoned through her familiar. "Please staunch the bleeding from the wound in his back while I work down from the top!"

Shura quickly doused her hands with the liquid and the scent of thyme and other herbs hit her nose. "Got it! On yer count Rin." She slid one of her hands under Yukio's back next to the other side of the branch.

He nodded. "One… two… three!"

A flash of blue flame lit the afternoon shadows, and then the splintered wood was gone and blood flowed forth to take its place. Shura pushed herbs and fingers into the wound to staunch the stream while Moriyama bowed low over Yukio's side, biting her lip in concentration. Nii-chan was perched on her shoulder, providing absorbent moss to clear her view of blood.

At the same moment, Yukio groaned. His eyes fluttered open, and relief spread from the pit of Shura's stomach like heat from a shot of liquor. Regaining consciousness this early was a good sign. But then she looked closer and saw molten blue instead of the usual blue-gray looking back at her.

"Is that-?" Rin had gone even paler than before as he stared. Shura had never seen him so spooked, but she could only calm one twin at a time.

"Hey Scaredy, ya can relax now. Demon's gone, an' we're takin' care of yer wounds," she said steadily, holding Yukio still with her free hand as he struggled to move and pant for air. "Just relax."

His eyes found her, Moriyama, and then Rin, and almost immediately his panicked breathing evened out. His eyes faded back into a more familiar shade of blue, and with it went his strength. He slipped back into unconsciousness, but it was probably for the best, since they had only just started.

It was a slow process. Shura began measuring time with each wince that crossed his face as they filled the wound with herbs and packed it with a single, wooly clump of tree fern. Finally, the pair worked together to wrap long, sturdy leaves around Yukio's stomach to act as makeshift bandages. They had depleted Yukio's medical bag of bandages earlier, so until they had access to more proper medical supplies it would have to do. (2)

"Is he okay now?" Rin asked hopefully as he did as he was instructed and picked Yukio up onto his back.

"Fer now," Shura explained while Moriyama wiped her hands on the handkerchief Miwa had handed her. Shura was already wiping her hands on the back of her shorts before he could offer her one too. "We need ta get him down ta the village quickly though."

Moriyama stood and offered Shura her shoulder to lean on again. Rin took this as the cue to get going, so they started to trudge back up their improvised camp.

Now that it appeared Yukio would be okay, the other exorcists seemed to grow restless, shooting Yukio uneasy looks or staring at the waters the Ocean Queen had left behind. Finally, Kamiki decided to speak up, tapping the fingers of her right hand against the sling her left arm was wrapped in. She looked at Shura with narrowed eyes. "So? He told you to explain it to us. Or are you going to keep us in the dark?"

"Huh? Yukio wants us to tell them?" Rin jerked his head around to look at Shura and excitement bloomed on his face. "That's great! I don't know where to start though. Maybe you could—"

"No, what he said was ta use our best judgement," she interrupted. A surge of protectiveness hardened her heart against his enthusiasm.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kamiki wrinkled her nose, obviously insulted.

She had told Yukio that she didn't think it would be that bad if they found out. But in truth that had been a big 'if.' Now that the moment was becoming a reality, with the Illuminati spy and Mephisto's earpiece observing, she was suddenly doubting herself. Ugh. Clearly she had been spending too much time with the scaredy-cat. His worrying was rubbing off on her. She hadn't had this issue when helping to reveal Rin's flames. Wasn't it the same situation?

Except it wasn't. She had been confident the Order would give Rin a chance to prove himself. They would see him as too powerful of a weapon to be thrown away without consideration. But with Yukio, the chances of him escaping from experimentation were next to zero.

And then she had known by that point that Rin was a breezy guy. He could handle the social and emotional ramifications of everyone knowing. Yukio, on the other hand, took things seriously and hung onto ideas with an obsessive persistence to the point that he could work himself up enough to throw himself off of a building. If he lost the duty Shirō had assigned him as a kid and the freedom to stay by Rin's side, there was no telling what extremes he might take.

But this was a good group of kids. She'd seen that over and over. Surely they would keep this quiet.

She frowned at her own indecision, which was something that was rare for her. "It means… Rin, ya have ta think. Who do ya trust here? Because yer not gamblin' with yer life here; yer gamblin' with his."

She wasn't sure he understood exactly what she was getting at, but she could see his grip on Yukio tighten.

"With his _life_? What exactly do you think we're going to do?" Suguro objected loudly.

"We would never do something to hurt Yuki-chan!" Moriyama instantly agreed, looking up at Shura with an expression as close to anger as she'd ever seen it.

"Not intentionally." She glanced at Shima, who simply smiled back. Suguro caught the look and glowered at his friend.

"You're worried that we'll tell someone." Miwa had also caught the look, but seemed to have expected it. "Not just Shima-san either. You're worried about the Order finding out."

Shura hummed, neither confirming nor denying.

"Okumura-sensei said that he undergoes regular checkups," he reasoned out. "They must not know about this if they haven't pulled him from field missions for further study."

"Further study?" Kamiki echoed incredulously. "But they haven't done that to Okumura-kun." She nodded to Rin.

"What, are you stupid?" They nearly jumped as Takara's rough voice joined the conversation. Kamiki shot him a fierce glare, but it had no effect. "You saw what happened earlier. The guy has powers of a demon, but he looks totally human. That makes him incredibly dangerous. Plus that means there's potential to invoke the same power in other humans. The Order would love to experiment with a power like that." It was the most Shura had ever heard him speak at once, yet it had done nothing to increase his likability.

"Experiment…?" Kamiki's voice had lost its edge.

"If there's a way to have the powers of a demon without having a demon heart, then that could change how the Order fights." Miwa glanced over his shoulder at the damage the Ocean Queen had left on the mountain. "But for Okumura-sensei…"

"No! That's…! They're not locking him up! I won't let them!" Rin stopped walking and turned around so that he was between the rest of the group and Yukio on his back. He glared at them all as if daring someone to try and take his brother right then and there.

"Don't worry, Rin! Nobody's going to do that. Right, everybody?" Moriyama looked around hopefully at the others.

"Of course not," Kamiki proclaimed instantly, to Shura's surprise. The girl crossed her arm as best as she could with one arm in a sling and put her nose in the air. "I'd be more concerned about this guy and the Illuminati."

"Hah? Who me?" Shima pointed to himself and chuckled nervously.

"Of course you!" Suguro whacked him over the head. "Are you going to report all of this?!"

Shima rubbed his head and pouted. "But they, or at least Lucifer, probably already know..."

"What?!" Rin took a few steps back from Shima, slipping a bit in the mud.

"Well, you see, Lucifer has been trying to recruit him for a while. He seems to find Okumura-sensei interesting. I wasn't sure why… Until now!" he said a little too cheerfully at finally having all the pieces of the puzzle.

"Recruit?! Why would Yukio ever want to join that creepy masked guy?!"

Shura sighed. "Think 'bout it, Rin. There's only two things in this world that'll drive him to extremes."

"Oh…" He deflated as his anger dissipated and he caught on faster than Shura had expected. "You mean the truth about our birth and all of that… He thinks Lucifer knows?"

"That's what he's been told." She shrugged.

"Wait. How do you know that? Yukio didn't tell me. Why would he tell you?"

She puffed out her lips. "What's that supposed ta mean?"

"Huh?" Rin seemed to be oblivious to his own insult, so Shura decided to ignore it for now.

"I'm sure the original reasonin' was that he didn't want this guy-" she jabbed her thumb over her shoulder towards Shima "-an' the rest of the Illuminati to catch wind that he'd told people, so that they'd keep pursuin' him an' he could take advantage of that. But I kinda messed that up." She rubbed the tip of her nose. "After that, I think it was just so ya wouldn't fight with a friend. He's been worried 'bout ya havin' ta lie ta them."

"Oh…" Rin glanced at the top of Yukio's head lolling on his shoulder. His brow creased in thought, but he seemed unsurprised. Perhaps their conversation three months before had resulted in _both_ brothers being more aware of each other.

"Konekomaru, what's wrong?" Suguro asked. The others turned to find Miwa looking at the ground.

He bit his lip and continued to stare at the dirt. "I was just thinking about what Okumura-sensei said earlier. About duty. I was wondering if he had ever considered telling the Order so they could use this power to fight against the sudden increase in demons."

Shura didn't realize her grip on Moriyama had tensed until the girl looked up at her in concern.

"But then I thought, there's no way he could!" Miwa finally lifted his face, and Shura was relieved to see only earnest determination. "He would have to give up not only his freedom, but his family as well." He looked Rin in the eye. "It's incredibly doubtful that the Order would allow two assets with powers inherited from Satan to stay together. When you look at it logically, it's more dangerous for the assets and for others if they keep you two together. Don't put two targets next to each other, and don't keep two bombs next to each other." He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Okumura-kun, for speaking so bluntly."

"No, I get it," Rin said easily. "Yukio warned me that people would treat me different just because of my… our parentage. I think he always understood the way people viewed us better than I did. He probably did consider all of that."

Miwa nodded. "I think that it's best not to split up family. Which is why I promise I won't say anything about what I witnessed today." Shura felt a rush of fondness for the kid, and judging from Rin's grin, he felt it too.

"Ah! Yes! I promise too!" Moriyama cried. Rin's grin grew even wider.

Shura snorted in amusement. "Trust me, Green Thumbs. Nobody was doubtin' ya."

Kamiki sniffed. "Do I need to promise too or something?"

"Eh? Really?" Rin asked, chuckling a little as if his mirth had overflowed into laughter.

"Don't misunderstand!" she huffed. She looked away. "I just don't want to hear about anymore experiments," she mumbled.

"Izumo-chan…" Moriyama started softly. (3)

She shook her head and they could all see her cheeks going pink. "I said don't misunderstand!"

For a second, Shura thought she saw Shima's mask slip. He had the same lonely expression she had seen on Yukio months before.

"You!" Kamiki pointed at Suguro. "Say something. Or are you too much of a coward?"

"Why the hell are you insulting me?!"

"Well?" She had an impish glint in her eye. "Or can you not promise anything because you want to go tell your precious mentor?"

"What?!" Rin gasped. "Light wanted my sword and now he wants my brother?! I knew he was a pervert!" Shura sniggered. If only she could tell Light about this. He'd get a kick out of it.

"Nobody said that!" Suguro shouted. He growled and rubbed his forehead. "Fine! You want to know what I'm thinking?! I'm thinking that I'm getting too used to my friends lying to me."

"Bon…" Miwa started, but Suguro shook his head.

"Look, I don't know what to think about all of this yet." He said it with such a note of finality that the group stilled, holding their breath for a second before he continued. "But I agree with Konekomaru. I won't say anything."

If Rin didn't have his hands full, Shura was sure he'd be attempting to hug his friends. "I knew it. You guys are the coolest! This is why you have the top spots on my list."

Shura breathed out as Rin continued to gush. The knot of worry in the pit of her stomach unraveled a bit, but there was one thing she had to check. She turned to Takara. "Mephisto already knows?"

Rin quieted and his smile faltered in anticipation of the answer.

"Yes." Takara didn't elaborate. For a moment, she considered taking away the puppet just to get more of a reaction from the shrimp.

"Well, if both Mephisto and Lucifer know, then I guess there's nobody for me to tell!" Shima grinned.

"Don't look so happy!" Suguro chastised.

"Why not? I am the one who told Okumura-sensei he should talk to someone about all this."

"Hmmm. Did ya? He didn't mention that." Shura clasped her hands behind her head and looked into the distance.

"Hah? Don't tell me you don't believe me!"

"Why should we?!"Suguro snapped.

A strangled cough interrupted them. Shura and Moriyama moved as one to Yukio's side. A quick check of his wound and pulse told her his condition was holding, but the sooner they got down to the village, the better. "We need ta get movin'."

The group continued up the trail, and soon they reached the area where they had hid earlier. Shura sat next to Yukio's body while the others dashed about, gathering up their packs and scattered weapons. She watched them and found herself smiling.

Good kids. She knew it. Why had she ever doubted herself?

She pressed her forehead to her bent knee and watched Yukio out of the corner of her eye. His breathing was labored with pain, and, despite his wet clothes keeping him cool, sweat was accumulating on his pale face. Worry and guilt had blossomed up from her stomach into her chest.

He had killed a Queen with his eyes alone. There was no denying it any longer. There should be only one set of eyes that could do what he had done.

She had been considering the situation for weeks now, and there was really only one explanation she could think of for how he could have this level of power while remaining human. She had the feeling Yukio had figured it out too, but was too afraid to bring it up. Scaredy-cat to the end.

Although, in all honesty, the thought frightened her too. She shuddered and closed her eyes against the troubling thoughts. If she was right, and for once she desperately hoped she was wrong, any sane person would have told her to let him die. Let him go into shock and keep Moriyama from treating him. Simple, really.

He gave a rasping cough, and she opened her eyes in time to see his face contort in pain. If the others weren't there, she would have pulled him over to her to cradle his damaged body. Instead, she closed her eyes again.

No, not simple at all.

* * *

 **(1** ) We've seen a King, Princess, and Baron in the manga, so I'm assuming there are other ranks like Marquess, Duke, and Count. Then again, the exorcists are divided into Pages, Esquires (Exwires), and Knights, so clearly Katō must like using European ranks of nobility and chivalry.

 **(2)** I'm sure nobody else cares, but my emphasis as an undergrad was plant biology so here goes: herb-infused cleansing liquid = _Thymus_ (thyme), _Calendula,_ and others; absorbent moss (aka muskeag moss) that Nii-chan was using = _Sphagnum_ or _Hypnum_ ; wooly tree fern = _Cibotium;_ sturdy leaves used for bandages = just about anything fitting that description, but I was picturing _Musa_ (banana) leaves; herbs to stop bleeding = probably a mix of _Hamamelis_ (witch-hazel), _Capsella bursa-pastoris_ (shepherd's purse), _Capsicum annum_ (cayenne), _Achillea millefolium_ (yarrow)…I could go on.

 **(3)** The ONE thing I know about what I would write into a chapter on the exorcist exams would be Izumo and Shiemi finally being on a first name basis.

 **A/N:** I have a habit of getting into one character's perspective by using the names that that character refers to others by, but I understand if that gets confusing for readers. Most noticeable in this chapter, is "Shiemi" to "Moriyama" when switching from Yukio's to Shura's perspective. Please let me know in a review if it's too weird and I'll do my best to get rid of the habit.


	5. Proclamation

**A/N:** If you need a distraction for whatever reason, I hope this chapter can fulfill that purpose.

L'amour gagne toujours.

* * *

They arrived at the village just as the sun dipped below the horizon. A scene of chaos greeted them. Buildings were crushed and torn apart. Their contents were strewn across roads slick with puddles and mud. All the analogies of typhoons running through towns like a giant beast suddenly made sense.

Yet, as they picked their way through the rubble it was eerily quiet. The few people they encountered scurried past without sparing them a glance. Their faces were drawn and offered no invitation for introduction or questions. Only when they made it to the doctor's clinic in the center of town was the oppressive silence lifted. The air was buzzing with the sound of people sobbing from the pain of reality, comforting others, or organizing themselves in an effort to help. Patients were overflowing into the street outside the tiny clinic and into a nearby schoolhouse.

Rin knew things could have been worse if they had not drawn the Queen's attention away from her path through town, but he still cursed his inability to do more. If he had been able to defeat the demon quickly on his own then fewer people would have been hurt, and Yukio wouldn't have had to put himself in harm's way. Now looking at the aftermath, there wasn't much he could do. If only he was smart enough to be a doctor like his brother…

Yukio's breath was warm as it brushed across the side of his neck in shallow bursts, serving to solidify Rin's resolve to focus on what he _could_ do instead of useless, negative thoughts.

They set Yukio up on a cot in one of the classrooms and identified themselves to the authorities in charge. The elderly doctor wasn't familiar with the existence of the True Cross Order, but he had long known about the existence of demons so he took the discovery in stride. Given the state of his village, Rin imagined the old man would've happily accepted their assistance no matter what.

"Everyone follow Moriyama's orders, 'kay?" Shura said sternly and hopped over to a chair next to Yukio with some medical supplies. She started poking the inside of his arm looking for a place to hook up an IV line. "I'll stay here an' make sure this guy doesn't kick it. Come get me when dinner's ready."

Shiemi went red as they all looked eagerly at her, but then she gathered her hair into a ponytail and began assigning duties. Rin became an errand boy, running about with supplies throughout the town, only stopping to help move rubble.

Before long, he found himself in the kitchen of one of the restaurants neighboring the clinic. The locals had no qualms about banding together and sharing space during their time of crisis, so Rin was allowed to make dinner for his friends. Soon he had five separate pots of curry cooking and hungry locals lining up. It was late, sometime around when he started the sixth pot, by the time his friends got there. They all looked exhausted and ready for dinner, but when they saw what he was doing, they quickly started helping serve the food.

He was halfway through chopping up a massive pile of carrots when Shura suddenly appeared by his side. She hobbled over and hopped on the countertop next to him. "I think we need ta tell them."

Rin paused, knife already poised for the next slice. "Huh?" He did a double take. "What are you doing here? Is Yukio—"

"He's fine. Super lucky actually. I gave him a more thorough exam with the supplies here, an' there's no internal bleedin' or anythin'. It's almost _too_ lucky…"

"Huh?"

She shook her head. "Nah. That's not why I'm here. I was thinkin' more, an' it's like I said."

"You want to tell them about Yukio. But… weren't you the one against it? You said his life was on the line."

"I did, and it is, but…" She crossed her arms and ducked her head away from him with a frown. "I had just gotten through helpin' patch a hole in his side. I wasn't thinkin' that far ahead of that. But now that I have… Watch." She turned and yelled at the group helping to dish out curry. "Nyaho! Kitty!"

"M-me?" Konekomaru scurried over.

"Gimme yer report."

"I'm sorry?"

"Yer report. On what ya saw this afternoon. Gimme yer analysis of what happened when that guy went ta face the demon."

"But…" He looked at Rin doubtfully. Rin blinked back, just as confused.

"I heard ya wonderin' why he left his guns behind. Start there."

"Oh… okay," he said when Rin shrugged at him. He held his chin in thought for a moment. "He left his guns there because… when he went to confront the Ocean Queen the guns would get in the way somehow? They weren't effective as a weapon earlier, but there was no reason to leave them behind… When he went to confront her, he brought a grenade, but that didn't do damage. All it did was get her attention." He looked up at her with dawning realization. "He _wanted_ her attention. The grenade was so she'd attack. That's why… That's why he had all those wounds were around New Year's! It only works when he's in danger. And without his guns, he can't attack back, except with this ability. So it works as a last resort."

Rin stared slack-jawed for a moment before pointing at Konekomaru. "You know everything already!"

Shura caught his hand, and he quickly realized he still had the knife in his hand. Konekomaru eyed it nervously. Understandable since it was only a few centimeters from his nose. "Not everything…"

"Sorry." Rin set the knife down on the counter behind him. An edge of worry was slowly piercing his veil of awe, but he wasn't ready to wrap his mind around it yet. Instead he stared at Konekomaru in wonder. "But that seems like everything to me!"

Shura hummed. "Ya even made the connection to New Year's. Impressive."

"Not really…" He shook his head, going a little pink. "I was already thinking about the last time Okumura-sensei was acting strangely. And he already knew how the ability worked, so it must have happened before. He must have been in a last resort situation back then too."

"Just as sharp as I expected. Thanks, Kitty. As ya were." She gave him a little salute, and he returned to the other side of the kitchen, glancing at Rin. Rin smiled back encouragingly before turning to Shura.

"See?" she asked as if there was a neon sign over what she was trying to prove, but Rin was still lost. "They know most of it already. An' all those promises that they came up with of their own accord certainly help… I'm just thinkin' it'd be best to head off any misconceptions."

"Huh?" Rin picked up his knife and resumed chopping vegetables to stave off his confusion.

"Think 'bout what Miwa didn't say." She lifted her bandaged ankle up onto her opposite knee to support the swollen joint. "They're prob'ly all thinkin' Yukio can explode any demon that comes his way. An' they don't know that it has ta be life or death situations. They could wind up thinkin' that all he has ta do is walk inta battle without his guns an' _boom_." She splayed her fingers in emphasis.

Rin's brow furrowed. That actually made it sound worse than it was. More of a weapon. And that was what the Illuminati would be looking for, right?

Shura was still saying something. "Yukio could've ignored them when they asked what was happening, but instead he told me ta use my judgement. I think that was as close as he can get ta givin' permission. It's not much, but fer him, I'd call that progress."

"You sound like you've already made up your mind."

She rubbed the tip of her nose. "Yeah… I guess so. But ya know them better than me, so I want ta hear yer opinion. Do ya trust them?"

How could he? She had said it so bluntly before. How could he trust _anyone_ with Yukio's life? He couldn't even trust Yukio with it.

Yet Shura was trying to make it easier for him. After hearing Konekomaru, it was clear the damage was already done. There was a lot less information to come out than he had imagined, and her reasoning made him think it would be for the best. There was just one thing holding him back.

"Would it help if I took the Illuminati out of th' equation?" she asked softly. It was as if she had read his mind.

"Yes," he said instantly. It may have been for the best, but it still felt like they were betraying Yukio if they didn't even attempt to guard the information from Lucifer. Apparently he couldn't trust the Order completely either, but he was still trying to wrap his mind around that. He wondered how Yukio was dealing with that idea. He had been with the Order so much longer…

She stretched and sighed. "I hate doin' more than one long term summonin'," she murmured under her breath. Then she whistled a short, loud note, and a moment later Shima was yelling.

"Aaah! What the hell?!"

Rin whirled around to see him hopping up and down with a snake curled around one leg. Rin bit his lip to keep from laughing.

Shura smiled as she sank into a looser posture, the picture of smugness. "Say hello to yer shadow, Shima. She's here ta make sure ya don't get inta trouble, 'kay?"

Shima went pale as the snake flicked her tongue at him, but then she let go and slithered back into the hole in the ground she had just come from. Shima whimpered a little. "How long has that thing been following me?"

"She's not a thing, an' wouldn't ya like ta know?" She turned and winked at Rin. "How's that, nya?"

Rin lost his battle with himself and burst into laughter. "Your face, Shima! Ahahaha!" It felt good to laugh. It was as if he had been holding his breath all afternoon and could finally let it out. The whole group seemed to relax right along with him.

He looked at them and thought of Shiemi speaking about her grandmother and her garden, of Suguro struggling to keep the barrier up around the Impure King, of Konekomaru swearing to protect the Myōō Dharani from all threats, of Izumo holding her mother as she died, and of Shima yelling his relief about being able to return to the Academy.

"I trust them," he made the proclamation to Shura loud enough for them all to hear it. He beamed at them and they smiled back. Then his grin faltered. "Uh…" He looked at Shura blankly. "Still don't know where to start though."

"Yer hopeless," she groaned. "Fine, I'll do it. But only after ya've fed me."

-oOo-

After dinner, they sat around the room the village doctor had offered them for the night and talked. It was a small bedroom on the second story of the clinic that they filled from wall to wall with futons. They settled Yukio in one in the middle of the room and then claimed their own.

Shura gave as brief an explanation of Yukio's eyes as possible, skipping all mention of Yukio's encounter with Tōdō. In truth there wasn't much to say, but she hated giving explanations. Where was Satō when you needed him?

When she finished, silence wrapped around them like a thick blanket. The young exorcists were deep in thought, and exhaustion was finally catching up to them all. Half of them looked ready to fall asleep in their day clothes. Shura sank into the top of her comforter and wondered where she could find a beer.

"If only Yuki-chan was able to heal quickly like you, Rin," Moriyama said with her head bowed and a hand to her heart. "It's such a horrible ability otherwise." Shura had often thought something similar as she watched Yukio struggle with his wounds a few months ago. And now that process was starting all over again. Judging from the way Rin kept staring at Yukio, he was also thinking the same.

"It's an unfortunate combination with his human body," Suguro muttered from his spot next to Rin. "The whole situation is strange though. I understand with your heritage, there would be potential for extraordinary abilities, but being able to repel demons when death is imminent is something I've never heard of. But you're right, the more important question is the fact that he remains human."

Shura stifled a sigh. It was the same old question.

"I looked totally human before I unsheathed Kurikara," Rin pointed out. "And I was really strong back then too."

"Oh!" Shiemi raised her head; her mouth formed a perfect little o to match her sound of surprise. "Do you think maybe Yuki-chan has something like your sword? But it hasn't been unsheathed yet or something?"

"You think?!" Rin sat up straight, looking around as if such an item might suddenly present itself.

"Maybe if it was just repelling lower class demons, but he was able to kill an upper class demon." Suguro crossed his arms. "I've read many of the texts in Lightning's library, and he has a whole collection on the topic of demon and human blood mixing. Your case is unique, but it was only after the Koumaken was unsealed and you gained your demon traits that you had access to a lot more power. Nobody should be able to have the level of power your brother does without some demon traits appearing permanently."

"But…" Rin slumped back so that he lay propped up on his elbows.

"Shirō would've said somethin' or left some instructions with somebody if there was an item like that," Shura said as she stared up at the ceiling. Something like that would have to have surfaced by now if it existed. Unless the person who had it was purposefully keeping it hidden. She wracked her brain for a moment. The only person Shirō might have trusted enough who would do that would be Mephisto… She glowered at the ceiling. If it didn't fit his agenda, there was no way Mephisto would give them straight answer. If he wasn't outright dodging questions, the demon seemed to be incapable of speaking honestly unless he used incredibly vague terms.

"Do you think the Old Man knew?" Rin was watching the subtle rise and fall of Yukio's chest as he slept. He was in the futon between the two of them, safe for once from the gravity of the exchange happening above him.

She hoped Shirō hadn't known. She couldn't understand it if he did. Why wouldn't he leave some sort of warning? He had raised the twins as his own sons. So why would he leave messages to take care of Rin and take care of Kuro, but leave nothing to prepare Yukio?

But at the same time, how could he _not_ know? He had raised Yukio for fifteen years, and Shura knew from experience that Shirō had been incredibly perceptive. Had there truly been no signs until months after Shirō's death, after Rin had unsheathed Kurikara?

She had no proper answer for Rin. She resumed staring at the ceiling. "I don't know."

The group caught the note of finality in her tone, and, after a moment, began pulling out their packs to get ready for sleep. Kamiki unfolded the folding screen between them and the boys, so when Shura finally slid under her comforter she was stuck staring at the yellowed surface.

She tried to pick out the sound of Yukio's shallow breathing from the others' for a few minutes before giving up and slipping into a light sleep.

-oOo-

Peals of laughter echoed throughout Rin and Yukio's dorm room as the boys, barely seven years old, played catch. Sunlight and joy hung in the air around them as the ball bounced against the wood floor higher and higher until Yukio had to stretch his arms up as far as possible to catch it.

Suddenly a hand plucked the ball out of the air in the middle of its elegant arc. Yukio looked up and a comforting warmth filled him when he saw it was Father in all of his exorcist gear, looking as impressive as ever. Father knelt next to him and pat his head affectionately.

 _I miss you,_ Yukio wanted to say. But he couldn't remember why, so he gave Father his best smile instead. Then he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

Something was lurking in the shadows of the room. Father tried to block his view, but Yukio would not be deterred. He stood on his tip-toes to peek over Father's shoulder and immediately regretted his curiosity. Eyes stared back at him. Thousands of gleaming eyes glaring out of the darkness.

He yelled, reaching for his guns, but they weren't there. He was stuck in his childhood body, weak and defenseless. The shadows reached for him, and the eyes leered dangerously.

"Yukio…"

He yelped as cold, rotting hands grabbed at him and dragged him towards the darkness. "Father!"

"In ten years' time, your brother will witness something far more frightening."

Yukio could still see Rin standing in the light, laughing and playing with the ball. Envy gnawed at Yukio's heart. The oily, dead fingers constricted his chest and pierced his side with their nails.

"Yukio. Would you like to fight alongside me?"

Yukio looked up to see Father offering him a hand. But instead of the usual kind face, his eyes were full of blue fire, and blood poured down his cheeks.

"Would you like to fight alongside me?" he repeated with a grin full of fangs.

-oOo-

Yukio woke up gasping. His diaphragm spasmed in panic as the image of Father's face marred with blood still seared behind his eyelids. Each breath burned his throat, but his mouth was too dry to swallow.

"Yukio!"

"Ghk!" Something landed on his chest sending shocks of pain through his body, and for one fearful moment he expected to find the melting flesh of the dead when he opened his eyes. Instead, he found the blurry, familiar sight of Rin looming above him.

"You're awake!" To Yukio's ringing ears, it sounded like Rin was yelling.

"Okumura, it's the middle of the night. Shut up," Suguro's voice came from somewhere to Yukio's left. Apparently, it sounded like Rin was yelling to the others as well.

"But Yukio's finally awake! And there's nobody here but us!" Rin sat back for a second, giving Yukio a peek at the darkness of the room. No blue.

"And now we're all awake." Kamiki's voice was a bit muffled to Yukio's right.

"Hey!" Rin returned, filling up his fuzzy vision. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

"Nii-san… get off," Yukio whispered through the pain in his throat.

"Hm? What'd you say? I didn't hear. Why are you squinting at me like that? Ah! Are you worried? Don't be! Everyone is going to keep your secret!"

Yukio felt a chill go through him. What? Secret? Did Rin mean his eyes? Memories of the water demon finally knit together, and panic swelled in his chest. They knew. They all knew. He was exposed. There was nowhere left to hide. He had expected this when he went to face the Queen, yet now that it was a reality... Cold sweat spread along his palms and his already shallow breathing quickened of its own volition.

"Are you okay? Hey! You listening to me?" A pillow seemed to fall from the sky and land on Rin's head as he yelled.

"We're all listenin' ta ya. Yer too loud!" There was movement to the right. Something was pushed aside, and Shura's red hair came into view. "Wha…? Rin! Get off him. He's all bruised up, an' yer leanin' on him!"

"Ah! Sorry!" Rin's weight lifted off Yukio's chest making it easier to breathe. He closed his eyes for a moment and quickly collected himself with an ease that only came from years of practice. When he opened his eyes again he found Rin's face even closer than before. "You okay? Why didn't you say something?"

"He just got through nearly drownin', an' coughin' all evenin', an' ya missed the part where he was pukin' out all that water he swallowed. His throat's probably shredded." Shura limped over and flopped down just to Yukio's right as he glowered at her. Did she have to say it like that? "An' see? He's squintin' like that because Four Eyes needs his glasses."

"Oh!" Rin leaned over, and a second later the cool frames of his glasses were being pushed onto his face much gentler than he had expected. Rin's grin instantly came into focus. "Good thing you have so many spares. Your first pair is probably somewhere on the mountain still, and then the second pair that was in your pocket was completely crushed. I didn't believe Shura when she said you always have a third pair in your pack, because who brings _three_ pairs of glasses with them, but there they were!"

It seemed somehow Shura had turned into Yukio's spokesperson. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but given how sore his throat was, he was suddenly glad she knew him so well. He glanced at her and was relieved to see her easy-going eyes staring off into the distance. No change there.

He took in the room and was surprised to find everyone was stuffed into the tiny room. The boys were lined up on futons to his left, and, to his right, Shura had pushed a screen back to reveal the girls in their beds. For some reason, he was in the middle of everyone instead of his usual spot on the periphery.

"So how are you feeling?" Rin asked, finally quieter.

"Fine," he whispered. In truth everything ached and felt heavier than it should have. His left arm felt cold and stiff where his IV line was, and his head pounded with each beat of his pulse.

"Huh?" Rin leaned over to hear him.

"Fine," he repeated. "How's your head? Is everyone okay?"

"'Fine?!' You're the one who's in the worst shape and you're asking if we're okay?!" Rin's eyes were intense as he scowled at Yukio. But then he leaned back and laughed. "Bwahahaha! Of course you'd say something like that!" Yukio felt his ears grow hot. Shura let out a snort of amusement.

"Just as expected of Okumura-sensei. Always looking out for his friends!" Miwa said cheerfully as he sat up and put on his glasses.

"Speaking of friends, isn't there something you wanted to say?" Kamiki leaned over and poked Shiemi's shoulder.

"Oh, right!" Shiemi sat up and clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "Yuki-chan! I just wanted to say, I…" She swallowed hard, her face turning noticeably red even in the dimness of the room. "I really hope we can continue to be friends forever and ever!"

"Pfft! There it is!" Shima crowed. "Moriyama-san's famous friendship confession!"

Shura ducked her head and Yukio knew she was hiding a chuckle while he looked at Shiemi with wide eyes. The girl was holding her hands to her face in embarrassment, and a surge of gratitude and fondness filled his chest like a breath of sweet, summer air. The only thing diminishing the moment was Shima's continued laughter.

"Quiet, Shima!" Suguro growled, trying and failing to stop his chortling. Yukio turned his head to look at the boys and caught Rin's expression on the way. He was looking between Shiemi and Yukio with a dumbfounded face. Before Yukio could guess what was going through his brother's head, Suguro addressed him roughly. "Moriyama-san is right. I'm still not sure what to think about your power, but I can't ignore that you used it to save us today. You've been a dependable companion this past year. You still have my trust."

"Mine too!" Miwa added, adjusting his glasses. "It's just like Okumura's flames. It doesn't matter what the origin of the power was, only how you use it!"

"Eh?! But… But guys…" Shima had stopped laughing in favor of pouting. "Why couldn't you forgive me so easily?"

"Because your secrets weren't being used to protect your life!" Suguro snapped.

"Aw." Shima's shoulders sagged. Suguro and Miwa continued to look at him expectantly. Shima blinked vacantly at them. "Hm? Oh come on guys! I can't be talking about trust as easy as all of you. I mean, I delivered Lucifer's messages. I'm the one who should be asking for trust, not giving it."

"Wow, that's the closest I think you've ever come to apologizing for this whole spying business," Rin said bluntly.

"You're right. Why couldn't you say something like that before, huh?" Suguro shook Shima violently while Shima wailed.

Shura was trembling with repressed laughter. Yukio's face felt like it was glowing with heat.

"Feh, boys. Do I have to make a speech too or something?" Kamiki huffed.

Suguro paused in his efforts to shake a real apology out of Shima, who hung limp in his grip, and raised an eyebrow at Kamiki. "Don't act so cold. You were the most vocal earlier."

"I was not!" she scoffed, but Suguro looked unimpressed. Then she caught Yukio's eye for a second before her nose was up in the air. "I'll only say something if that guy does." She pointed across the room at Takara.

"I hate all of you," was the puppeteer's only reply.

"He really does care!" Rin cheered. He was bouncing up and down like a puppy as he grinned at Yukio. "See! I told you, didn't I? It's really great, isn't it?" He paused, confusion fading the light of his smile. "Hah? Your face is all red. Do you have a fever?"

Shura roared with laughter, and Yukio desperately wished he could sink into the ground and disappear.

"You. Were. So. Worried," she gasped between cackles. "And here they are… Proclaiming their friendship!"

He covered his face with one hand and grabbed the pillow Shura had thrown earlier to start whacking her when she didn't shut up. His arm ached, but it was worth it.

There was only so much abuse Shura would take before fighting back though. Still cackling, she ripped Yukio's pillow out from beneath him and threw it at him while trying to back away. Instead she wound up hitting Rin in the face.

"Hey!" He grabbed his own pillow and threw it too hard, so it landed on Shiemi. She gave a squeak of shock.

"Pillow fight!" Shima cried happily and tore away Miwa and Suguro's so he could start hitting them with their own pillows.

The room dissolved into chaos after that, especially after Rin found a hoard of spare pillows in a closet. He took up the role of guarding Yukio and the stash dumped in Yukio's lap by flailing his pillow around wildly, all sword lessons seemingly forgotten. Yukio played support, throwing pillows in people's faces whenever there was an opening.

It had felt like ages since Yukio had last, albeit painfully, laughed so hard. He thought of dancing at the school festival with Shiemi and Rin, and of sitting around Shura's apartment on New Year's. Those were the last times he could recall feeling this happy and relieved like he didn't have a thousand responsibilities weighing him down. He thought there were only three people left in the world that could make him feel this alive, but maybe there could be more.

He tired quickly, falling asleep before the battle was even over, but there was no denying the smile on his face even as exhaustion took him. His dream from earlier that night was completely forgotten.

* * *

 **A/N:** It's amusing to me to write characters theorizing on something I'm sure fans have been discussing for years. I haven't read any fan theories since I'm new to the fandom (I read the manga for the first time three months ago) and actively started avoiding them when I started writing this story (two and a half months ago), but I'm sure that to those of you who are familiar with them, the ideas the characters are batting around are nothing new.

Fair warning: I tend to get really busy around the holidays, so updates may be slower. I suppose this one was already later than usual. Anyway, speaking of holidays… To those who celebrate, have a happy Thanksgiving! I hope you spend it safe, warm, surrounded by loved ones, and filled with lots of yummy food!


	6. Question

**A/N:** Warning: This chapter is mainly composed of fluff, and in all honesty, probably shouldn't exist. I wrote half the chapter, then decided to scrap it, then wrote the rest, and now I'm posting it?

Anyway, to those who celebrate, happy Christmas! I hope you all spend it someplace warm, unlike me. The furnace in my home just broke the other day. Oof! I'm not made for cold weather!

* * *

There was a bird outside the window that refused to shut up. Didn't it know Shura had stayed up late the night before with the very important mission of becoming the Pillow Fight Queen? She needed her eight hours of sleep. Or, at the very least, some alcohol to take the edge off the throbbing in her ankle.

When the bird showed no signs of stopping singing with excessive happiness, she groaned and rolled out of her futon, nearly crashing into the folding screen. Grunting in surprise, she sat up. She didn't remember the screen being replaced the night before, but looking around quickly answered her question.

Kamiki was taking her time brushing her hair with her uninjured arm. Day clothes were laid in front of her. "Finally awake? Everyone just left for breakfast."

"Everyone?" Shura jumped up, balancing on one foot.

"Oh! We're still here!" Moriyama's voice called from behind the screen. Shura hopped over to peek around and found Yukio sitting up in his futon, holding a pillow to his chest to brace himself while Moriyama changed the dressing on his wound. The elderly doctor had stopped by to help Shura do more work on it the day before while the others had helped the villagers. It was strange to be the one giving the more conventional treatment, but the old man probably would have freaked out if she brought any snakes into it.

"Morning," he croaked.

"Mornin'. Ya sound like shit." She ignored his scowl and hopped over so she could flop down next to him, across from Moriyama. She tried to run a hand through her hair, but wound up catching on a handful of tangles. "How's it goin'?"

"Someone gave me a fever again."

She gasped. "Moriyama, how could ya?!"

The girl looked up with wide eyes. "Eh? But I've been checking the wound! It's not infected!"

"Actually, I may be in the beginning stages of pneumonia," Yukio quickly admitted, sparing Moriyama from unnecessary guilt. He coughed weakly as if to prove his point. "I'm sure at worst it'd just be walking pneumonia. Just aftereffects from near-drowning."

"Just," Shura snorted derisively. She grabbed Yukio's medical bag and began rummaging through shiny metal tools, amber vials, and bottles full of herbs. She handed Yukio a surgical mask without looking up.

"Middle pocket, red case," Yukio murmured as he pulled the mask across his face, and Shura plucked a vial of antibiotics from the red case a moment later. She tossed it and a vial of painkillers to Moriyama, who began preparing to inject them into the IV line. But then Yukio gave another feeble cough, his whole body going rigid as he braced himself against jostling his wound, and Shura waved at Moriyama, causing her to pause.

"It's no wonder yer catchin' pneumonia. No way ya can clear yer lungs like that. Now cough like ya mean it, or Moriyama won't give ya yer medicine."

"I won't?"

"This is how ya have ta be with stubborn patients," Shura said with a grave expression as if her word was law. Moriyama bit her lip in uncertainty, but slowly nodded.

"Don't listen to her," Yukio told her flatly before scowling at Shura. "Stop trying to confuse Shiemi-san."

"Aw, c'mon. She knows I'm just messin' with her." Shura winked at her, although judging from Moriyama's reactions, she wasn't used to friendly teasing.

"Oh, um, yes!" She nodded and looked down at the vials in her hand. "Um… But she is right, Yuki-chan."

"'Course I am. Now why aren't I hearin' any coughs?" Shura cupped her ear, knowing full well he wouldn't back down from a challenge from her. Sure enough, a moment later, he took a deep breath and dissolved into a coughing fit. She nodded to Moriyama, who took the signal to inject the medicine.

Clenching his jaw, Yukio lay back and settled himself into his bed. Shura began to massage the stiff muscles around her sprained ankle and watched him blatantly avoid eye contact with her. She knew what he was avoiding, but she also knew his need to know the answer would win out over his fear without her saying anything. His eyelids began to droop as the morphine hit his system.

"Shura-san… What… what exactly happened to the Ocean Queen?" he whispered. Moriyama shifted as if she was considering leaving, but instead her posture stiffened as if she were rooting herself to the spot.

Shura stretched her arms above her head before responding. "Ya killed it." Best to rip the bandage off quickly. "Ya don't remember?"

A cringe flickered across his face. "No…"

She nodded, unsurprised. "Well, it sorta exploded, like it was boiled. Ya were thrown in th' explosion. Yer in remarkably good shape considerin'. Just got nicked by a branch."

His nails went white as his hands grabbed fistfuls of the comforter, but his façade of calm was well in place. He nodded and stared straight up at the ceiling. She wondered what thoughts he was concluding, but knew better than to ask right away.

Besides, it looked like Moriyama was trying to convince herself to say something. She puffed herself up and held tight fists over her chest before finally speaking. "Yuki-chan… I'm sorry." She looked at him with misty eyes. "I had no idea what you've been going through. I've been really selfish. I kept thinking that I wasn't the one you needed to talk to. But that was just an excuse. I wasn't strong enough to be the friend you needed. I'm so sorry." She leaned forward and the mistiness cleared, revealing an unwavering gaze. "And I promise, I'll be a better friend from now on!"

"Shiemi-san…" He looked as stunned as he had the night before. Perhaps it was the drug making him looser, but when the shock wore off it was evident his façade had crumbled into a grimace of regret and guilt. "I kept pushing everyone away. It's my fault."

Moriyama wrung her hands in front of her "No, you had so much to worry about—"

Shura groaned. "It's everyone's fault, 'kay?" She rubbed the tip of her nose and tried to dispel both of their guilt-ridden expressions with a grin. "Well, everyone's but mine, since I actually did somethin' other than dance 'round the issue…"

"Yes! I'm really glad you were there so he didn't go through it alone!" Moriyama's smile was all sunshine, and Shura had to look away from the sheer brightness of it.

She had been trying to lighten the mood and prevent the conversation from swirling into a tornado of self-doubt, but for some reason she was receiving earnest gratitude. She clicked her tongue and shrugged, but couldn't think of anything proper to say.

"Made her speechless… Don't think I've ever seen that…" Yukio murmured. His words were starting to blend together, and he couldn't seem to open his eyes any longer.

Moriyama's expression melted into a soft smile. "You must be tired. Go ahead and sleep, Yuki-chan."

"Shiemi-san, thank you," he breathed and was asleep before anything else could be said.

Moriyama held her hands to her heart, eyes closed like she was savoring the moment, before she looked up at Shura. "Um… Should we go get breakfast? We should get some porridge for when he wakes up…"

"Hold on. Weren't you going to help me readjust my sling?" Kamiki's voice drifted over the screen, tight with embarrassment. She must've heard the entire conversation.

"Ah!" Moriyama scurried to her feet, clearly having forgotten about Kamiki's presence. She hurried behind the screen with a fresh roll of gauze and a dozen apologies.

Shura stretched out, laying down so the top of her head rested against the screen and her legs were bent over Yukio's comforter, somewhere over his bony ankles. The thought of hopping over to the kitchen by herself was unappealing. Maybe she'd text Rin to bring her food.

The girls behind the screen grew quiet, and Shura considered going back to sleep now that the bird wasn't screeching outside the window. Before she could do so, she sensed someone else enter the room. She cracked an eye open to see Shima staring down at her, head cocked to one side.

"What?" She sat up and crossed her arms. "Here ta make thinly veiled threats?" she said, recalling the last time he had appeared before her alone.

"No, I wouldn't dare! You've made it clear I'll get a snakebite if I do." He scratched the back of his head. "I just came back because I forgot my phone."

She hummed, not convinced. "Then why are ya hoverin' 'round like a creep?"

"Creep? Aw, there's no need to be so cruel…" He smiled a mask of appeasement that she had seen too often from Yukio to be fooled. When she continued her dead stare, he relented. "Well, I've been wondering…" He glanced down at her injured ankle which was still resting on Yukio's comforter. "Why did you appoint yourself as his protector? It seems like a lot of trouble for not much in return."

"Hah? Are ya serious?" She narrowed her eyes as she scrutinized him. "Is this an Illuminati ordered mind game, or are ya really that dumb that ya don't get it?"

"Hey! I'm sure I'm not the only one who has questioned it."

A third voice joined the conversation. "No, I think even I understand it without an explanation."

"Moriyama-san?!" Shima yelped as the girl peeked her head around the screen. "What are you doing here?!"

"What?!" Kamiki marched over. "Shouldn't a spy like you be able to tell when first entering the room?!"

"Izumo-chan too?!" Shima fell to the ground with a wail.

"How the hell do you get away with what you do if you couldn't tell there were two more people in the room?!" Kamiki yelled, the hand that wasn't trapped in a sling was on her hip as she glared down at him. "And why are you asking such dumb questions?! Shiemi is right!"

"What? You mean you get it too?!"

She gave him a disparaging look. "You're really sad, you know."

"Why are you being so harsh?" he whined.

"I agree. It is sad." Moriyama's voice was filled with pity.

"Not you too, Moriyama-san!"

"Eh? Oh! I didn't mean it like that-!"

Yukio suddenly gave a shuddering breath, and his face contorted with pain for a moment before relaxing back into deep slumber. The four of them were immediately silenced as they watched, waiting for the next breath. It came less painfully, and there was a collective sigh of relief.

"Ya don't know, do ya?" Shura sighed after a moment. "Where yer true loyalties lie. Ya haven't decided which side yer goin' ta choose in the end."

Shima blinked slowly at her, and she could practically see the gears turning in his head as he considered his next words. "What makes you say that?"

"If ya can't understand what it meant when this guy, who doesn't trust easily, put his trust in me… If ya can't understand how important that was, then I worry that ya don't understand how big it was fer Rin ta say that he trusted everyone last night, or fer all these guys ta trust ya enough ta let ya back inta their group."

Shima blinked slowly, and for a moment she was reminded of the familiar emptiness of a snake's gaze.

"I just hope fer yer sake ya figure it out in time." Shura shrugged. She wasn't sure when her advisory services had extended outside of the twins, but someone needed to knock some sense into the emotionally unintelligent morons of the group.

Shima and Shura looked at each other in a fierce, unannounced staring contest.

"Um… Um!" Moriyama's voice interrupted in a transparent attempt to break the tension. "Wow, Kirigakure-san! I didn't even think of that. I just thought how you and Yuki-chan argue all the time made it obvious how much you care about each other."

Deciding to allow the subject to change, she broke the stare down and blinked at Moriyama for a moment before bursting into laughter. "I'm sure he'd say it was the opposite! Besides, I just tease him because it's fun."

Moriyama shook her head. "I don't believe that. You call him out and get him to relax when he needs it. And he argues back because he cares about your opinion and wants to push you when you need it. I think it's nice."

"Yer funny, Green Thumbs! As if he could ever push me ta do somethin' I didn't want ta!" Shura laughed even harder. "Ya've got to tell this to Yukio. I'm sure he'll just tell ya how much he detests me!"

"Well, maybe he dislikes you sometimes…" she tried to sugarcoat it as she clasped her hands together in front of her. "But to, um, dislike someone you have to care about them in the first place. I think Yuki-chan is the type who can detest someone at the same time as truly caring about them."

She was dancing on the border of something without realizing it. Something Shura only knew about because of the time ten year old Yukio had been so overwhelmed after a phone call full of lies to his brother that he worked himself into a panic attack and thought he was escaping into an empty room. She hadn't been able to get much out of him back then; it would be another year or so before she learned how much he valued silence and patience in the rare instance his control slipped. But when he began berating himself not to cry until he dissolved into hyperventilating gasps instead, she could guess why.

She had seen the way he trailed after Shirō like a shadow and heard the admiration in his stories of his brother's strength. She had watched him train for hours, skipping meals until she cornered him and demanded he pay for her dinner. She remembered how he had proudly proclaimed his intentions to protect his brother the first day they had met, the picture of innocent determination. It didn't take a genius to figure out what giving so much of his life to a brother who could not be told would do to a child who tried so desperately to change himself. A mixture of unaddressed envy, low self-confidence, and unthanked effort was the breeding ground for resentment and hate.

She was sure this was the last thing he would want Moriyama catching onto. She could picture him worrying that the girl would recognize the bitterness in him and realize she didn't want him as a friend. Time to steer the conversation in a new direction.

"Look, all ya need ta know, is he's the type of guy ya can call up at three in the mornin' an' interrupt one of his four hours of sleep because ya drank a little too much an' got in a fight an' when ya kicked the creep's ass ya somehow wound up with glass in yer foot an' ya know Yukio will come get ya an' patch ya up an' let ya crash on his bed because the dorms are closer than yer apartment an' he'll scold ya later an' tell ya this is why he hates ya, but sees that ya've had hell already that night so he waits ta do it until the next mornin'," she managed in one breath. She clasped her hands behind her head and stretched out her back as she took in her audience's reactions.

Moriyama had her mouth hanging open in a little o shape while Kamiki's half-smile suggested mild amusement. Shima, however, had a dreamy look in his eyes that spelled trouble. "You were in Okumura-kun's bed? Was he in it too? Man, what a lucky guy."

Kamiki recoiled, wrinkling her nose. "You're sad _and_ disgusting."

"Wha…?" He looked beseechingly at the other two.

Shura merely raised an eyebrow because the truth was they _had_ crammed into the same bed, her on top of the covers and him tucked underneath, just like they had when they were younger and Shirō had been too cheap to pay for a separate room for her. She didn't dare say this aloud though because she didn't want to plant weird ideas in the pervert's head. It had already taken several threats from Yukio and one malicious grin from her to keep Rin, who had somehow managed to wake up before them that day, quiet.

"It was a nice story… until you said that," Moriyama agreed with Kamiki.

"Noooo!" He collapsed onto the ground, successfully defeated.

"C'mon, let's go eat breakfast." Kamiki grabbed Moriyama's wrist, and they hopped over Shima together.

He sat up when they left and looked at Shura. "Aren't you going to go eat too?"

"Yup," she said without moving.

He glanced between them at Yukio and then smiled a little too smugly at her before getting up and moving to the door. "You know, I really haven't heard anything recently about their plans for him. Maybe they've given up recruiting him."

"Ya realize comin' from ya that means nothin', right?"

He laughed to himself. "Yeah… I guess it could be a trick, couldn't it?" He gave her a little wave and slipped around the corner.

She sighed and closed her eyes for a bit, listening closely to Yukio's breathing. Even without Shima lurking around, she wasn't sure she wanted to leave him alone. She grabbed her phone and texted Rin to bring breakfast. Then she lay down and counted the seconds between each soft gasp for air.

-oOo-

Rin hummed happily to himself as he slid the fried egg onto a bowl of rice. Yukio was going to be okay.

Enjoying the lightness thrumming through his chest, he let his thoughts wander. The only thing to worry about now was how Kuro was doing. They had gotten separated during the chaos of putting out fires, so, by the time Rin was summoned to Mephisto's hospital room, he hadn't been able to retrieve the cat sí. (1) He was sure he'd get an earful when they got back, but Rin knew Kuro was used to managing himself. It was more of an issue of loneliness. Nothing some of Rin's cooking couldn't solve when they returned in a few days. They just had to wait until Yukio could be moved.

Until then, they had plenty of work to keep them busy. Rin would clear rubble before any damaged buildings became breeding grounds for lesser demons, Shiemi would follow up with patients, and the rest of the group would help prepare services for those who had died. Suguro and Konekomaru helped the local priests by chanting sutras at wakes the previous day and would do the same at funerals starting in a few hours. The small village wasn't used to dealing with this many deaths at once, but it was important for the services to be held as soon as possible. The cremations had to take place before ghouls attempted to possess the bodies. It was a horrible occurrence that was happening more quickly after death in recent months, making it a startling issue in Japan where cremation usually prevented the problem.

Rin grabbed his bowl and sat down next to Konekomaru and across from Suguro. Shima's breakfast was sitting on the table, getting cold. He had doubled back to get his phone, although who was going to be calling him was beyond Rin.

"You seem chipper," Suguro observed.

Rin grinned at them. "Yup! You guys are the coolest. Seriously, you guys are the best."

Konekomaru smiled shyly back. "That's kind of you to say, Okumura-kun, but…"

"But what?"

Konekomaru and Suguro glanced at each other. Suguro sighed and scratched the side of his head. "You can't get complacent. Just because we've agreed to keep quiet doesn't mean everything is fixed."

Rin instantly sobered. "I know. I'm just so relieved. I don't know what I would've done if someone didn't agree…"

"That's understandable. Honestly, I think I might have reacted differently if this happened six months ago," Konekomaru admitted, absently running his fingers along the side of his cup.

"Right. If this was the first secret to come out things would've been different. But after going through this with you and Shima." Suguro glared down at his own breakfast. "It can't even compare to Shima…"

Konekomaru nodded. "In a strange way, it softened the blow. This feels like nothing after Shima-san, who we've known all our lives, lied to us." He bit his lip. "And then the shock of the ability itself was softened by your flames. Fighting alongside you has kind of taken the shock out of seeing such powerful demonic abilities on our side." He hung his head. "I… I'm sorry."

"Huh?" Rin asked through a mouthful of food.

"It's hypocritical of me treating this differently than when I found out about your flames."

"Huh? No it isn't," Rin said easily. He chased a clump of rice around his bowl as he thought back to the previous summer. "I mean, back then… I kinda lost control. But Yukio never loses his cool!"

"Um… Well, I guess his ability can't be directed at us anyway, unless we are the ones putting him in danger…" Konekomaru caught Rin's eye and waved his hands as if erasing what he had just said. "Which would never happen!"

Rin grinned. "Of course not! You guys are the coolest," he repeated for the third time in two days.

"I wouldn't be so trusting of everyone…" Suguro looked over his shoulder at where Takara was sitting, eating in silence. Rin had forgotten he was there.

"Oh! Hey! You!" Rin swallowed down another bite of egg and then hopped to his feet when Takara didn't respond. "I'm talking to you! Come here!" He pulled Shima's abandoned chair out from the table in invitation.

Takara didn't budge.

"At least answer some questions!" He decided to take Takara's silence as request to continue. "Are you going to tell Mephisto everything that happened? You're supposed to be monitoring me right? So there's no need—"

"What are you talking about, moron? I'm not here to monitor just you." Somehow the puppet was speaking even though Takara was chewing a mouthful of rice.

Rin nearly dropped his chopsticks when he finally received an answer, so it took a moment for him to realize what the bunny had just said. "Wait. What?! You knew about Yukio this whole time?!"

"What're you deaf? I said I monitor. I don't need a whole backstory to do that."

"But…" Rin crossed his arms and squinted at the puppet. "You were told to watch Yukio too?"

"All of you," the puppet corrected. "But you and your brother in particular."

Rin frowned, humming to himself in thought. In truth, he wasn't sure what to do with this information.

"Why the rest of us?" Konekomaru questioned.

"I said I don't need background. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one."

Suguro jumped to his feet, nearly knocking over his chair. "That's it! Months of your snobby attitude is getting old! Get over here you little-!"

"Bon, please don't! He's not worth it." Konekomaru held up his hands in a placating gesture.

Suguro slowly sank back into his chair, but the silent tension that had descended on them had frozen Rin in place. So, naturally, it had to be that moment when his phone buzzed in his pocket, shattering the quiet. He scrambled to retrieve the device and saw it was a text.

"Aw, man. Shura wants food. Why can't she get it herself?" He groaned before stuffing the rest of his rice in his mouth all at once.

"Because Shima was being a creep," Izumo informed them as she entered the room with Shiemi. Shima was close behind.

Suguro turned his piercing glare from Takara to Shima. "What did you do this time?"

"Nothing, Bon!" He reclaimed the seat next to Suguro, smiling innocently. He caught Rin's eye, and his smile faltered.

"Whuh?" Rin asked through the rice.

"Nothing," he said quickly.

Rin swallowed and was about to call Shima out, when his phone buzzed. "Aaah! I know, I know!" It buzzed again. "Stop texting me!" He hopped up and grabbed a clean bowl, scooping rice into it so quickly that half fell out back into the rice cooker.

By the time he finished preparing the bowl, Shura had sent him a dozen texts, and all were one liners telling him that she was starving, or that he needed to start a pot of porridge or else his brother would die of starvation too. He stomped into the bedroom to deliver the food.

"You know, I'm starting to understand why he calls you annoying," he said as he presented the bowl to her over Yukio's sleeping form.

"Good. I have a reputation to keep up." She happily accepted the food and began to scarf it down.

Rin took the moment to take a proper look at his brother. It seemed like breathing was taking a little more effort than it should have. "Is he…"

"Wound, fever, cough," she said, pointing at Yukio's side, forehead, and throat with her chopsticks respectively. "Otherwise, he's fine. How 'bout I just tell ya if that changes?"

"Yeah…" he murmured, not really hearing her suggestion, his mind wandering the instant she said Yukio was okay. "Hey, Shura, did you notice last night? He was really happy, wasn't he?" His thoughts had lingered on Yukio's expression when Shiemi had announced her desire to continue their friendship. There hadn't been any disappointment that the confession had been limited to friendship, just gratitude and relief. He wondered what his face had looked like when Shiemi had said the same thing to him…

"'Course he was."

"There's still a lot more I need to understand that he hasn't told me yet, isn't there?"

She hummed a note of confirmation. "Ya know better than anyone how stubborn he is."

"Yeah…"

"Just keep bein' patient an' let him know yer listenin'. The two of ya will be fine." She waved a hand through the air as if it would help dissipate his concern.

He nodded and lay down next to Yukio so he could watch the morning light dance off a wind chime outside onto the ceiling. Yukio would be okay. This was a fact. And yet, the more he thought it, the more he was told so, the more aware he was of an uneasiness creeping into the pit of his stomach. He had missed something vital, but as much as he questioned himself he couldn't remember what it was.

* * *

 **(1)** There's been some discrepancy with what translators call Kuro: a cat sidhe, a cat sith, or something else. But I decided to go with cat sí because it's the best match for the pronunciation (ketto shī) used in the manga.

 **A/N:** If you haven't read recent AnE chapters yet and don't want a (very vague) spoiler, then ignore this.

I always had plans to address Shura's past more directly in this story. I've been hinting at it since chapter one after all. But, now that we're getting her arc in the manga, I'm not sure what to do since I feel weird presenting fanon when canon is being revealed… There's a good amount of chapters before I was going to do it (the arc might be over in the manga by then), so if I can figure out a way to do a twist based on the canon that would fit into this divergent AU I've created, would you guys be interested in seeing that? I suppose the other two options would be to just keep the fanon version I created or scrap the arc altogether (which I'm very reluctant to do). Thoughts?


	7. Argument

**A/N:** Happy new year everyone! My home's furnace is being replaced later this week. Finally, I'll be able to feel my fingers again while I type. Yay!

I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude to all of you who followed and favorited. And to those who have taken the time to leave a review, a huge thank you! Your feedback has been priceless in keeping me motivated and inspired.

Akuma Black and android727: thanks for sharing your opinion and encouragement after my last A/N. I'll go ahead with laying groundwork for Shura's chapter. After reading ch 75 raws today, I think whether I go with a twist on canon or a completely fanon version will be determined by what Shura meant by what she said on the last page though, since one explanation would fit perfectly with what I have planned. We'll see…

Anyway, about this chapter, just like with chapter 4 and 5, this chapter and the next were originally going to be one. But then I hit a 9k word count and still wasn't done, so here we are. Enjoy!

* * *

The view was spectacular. Rin knew that the Ocean Queen had left a lot of water behind, but when they cleared the mountain separating the village from the valley, they were met with an impressive sight. It was as if a lake had sprung up in the wrong place. Trees reached down to touch their own reflections in the still water. Squirrels sprang from branch to branch, causing leaves to drop and disturb the glassy surface below. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, filling the clear waters with freckles of brightness within the shadows. Early spring flowers still bloomed happily within the water, oblivious to the sudden change in their home.

"Whoa!" Rin couldn't help but gasp out. This was a result of Yukio's power? He squeezed his grip on his brother, whom he was carrying on his back. After nearly a week of recovery Yukio was doing much better, but their return trip included a daylong walk to the next town to catch a train. By the time the sun was getting ready to dip below the horizon to welcome the evening he was clearly lagging behind, so after some fierce negotiations and an amusing scene in which Yukio rolled out of Shura's arms when she scooped him up bridal style, he had agreed to be carried by Rin. It wasn't long after that they had cleared the mountain and were greeted with the impressive view.

"It's… pretty!" Shiemi said in a hushed voice, as if speaking any louder would scare it away.

"It's amazing!" Konekomaru agreed.

Rin grinned as the others continued expressing their amazement. But then he leaned his head back a little to get a peek at Yukio's face, and his smile slipped away.

Underneath his face mask Yukio was pale, his cheeks an unnerving pallor. It was like he had nearly drowned all over again. But it was his eyes that made Rin's breath pause in his chest. There they were again. Eyes full of fear.

Rin followed Yukio's gaze. He wasn't staring at the water, but the mountain. More specifically he was looking at the area where he had confronted the Queen. Just below the area was some sort of crater blemishing the side of the mountain. The crater was filled with lines of black as if a giant had decided to paint the area with broad strokes radiating out from the crater. Rin wondered for a moment if that was where Yukio's grenade had gone off, but that wasn't right. They had seen the flash of the grenade as it hit the demon.

This was closer to where Yukio had fallen. Rin wondered why they hadn't seen it that day, but even from below he could see the trees jutting out of the mountain that had blocked their view. But if this was where Yukio fell when he was thrown in the Queen's explosion, then…

He turned back to the view everyone was admiring and saw the plants leaves curling brown from too much salinity in the water. A nest of broken eggshells was still clinging to a branch that had shattered from the weight of the Queen's falling water. A collection of cocoons of insects never to emerge still stuck to the stems of drowning flowers. Flies were buzzing around a patch of brown fur floating in the water.

 _Aren't you afraid of yourself?_ Yukio had asked him months ago.

"Shut up!" Rin yelled unnecessarily loud, and instantly his friends' awed comments ceased.

"Rin…?" Shiemi trailed off as her eyes darted from him to Yukio. The others' gazes followed the same path. He felt Yukio sink down behind him, and his friends looked away, abashed.

Shura sighed loudly. She was also looking at the mountainside, shading her eyes with a hand. "I wish I could say that it's worse than I thought, but…"

Yukio's head snapped around so he could stare at her. A beat of understanding passed between them, leaving Rin lost.

Shura turned back to the path and began walking, her recovering ankle causing a slight limp in her gait. "C'mon. If we miss the train because ya were all dwadlin', I'm makin' ya pay fer the hotel!"

-oOo-

He was drowning. Air was just out of reach on the other side of the Queen's grasp. Desperation filled him as he reached for relief, his body ached, and his lungs burst with need. He clawed at the Queen's skin, almost, _almost,_ but the bodies of those she had already claimed in her waters held him down. Rotting faces and dead eyes stared at him, called to him to join them, and, with horror, he recognized them. There was Shiemi's big eyes looking up at him from one. A flash of Surguro's glower in another. Miwa's ears were attached to a face melting off the skull. Kamiki's pale skin was marred with large stains of rot and writhing maggots. Shima's easygoing eyes were cloudy and lidless under a slimy brow. Shura's vibrant hair was muddied and dull with purge and adipocere. Rin's grin fell apart into chunks of bloated green as he watched. They pulled him down, welcoming him with open arms. He struggled uselessly with his weak body until-

Something horrible and cold sparked within him. He tore himself from their grip with a fit of power surging through his veins. He ripped them apart limb from limb. His nails digging into sopping flesh, peeling back decaying muscle to the very bone, his teeth – no, his _fangs_ gnashing at their rubbery fingers, his mouth spitting blood and curses at them. Heat built behind his eyes, behind the haze of blue. The Queen exploded around him, leaving him standing victorious in the chaos with the limbs of friends and comrades laying beneath him in the mud.

Something caught his eye. The light of a candle or perhaps a Will o' the Wisp was dancing just out of sight. Curiosity relieved the thirsty power flowing through his veins. He breathed out, and the blue left, and he was himself again. The dead and the mud were gone, and he was left in a familiar refuge: the Japan Branch Library. The Wisp burned bright behind the edge of the next shelf, so he stepped forward to follow. But it was quicker, flitting around another shelf of books. He accelerated his pace, whipping around corner after corner until he was flat out running.

Finally, he caught it and clasped it in his hands like he had when he would catch fireflies as a child. He opened his fingers cautiously, peering into his palms.

It was no longer a simple flame. It was a heart, bloody and beating in his hands. He yelled, trying to drop it, but it wouldn't let go of him. The heart was on fire, and the inferno was spreading to him, up his arms, across his chest. He was consumed in heat and light, and the beating pulse of the organ matched his own.

He tried to scream, but the flames shot down his throat, silencing him.

"Isn't it great?"

He looked up to see Rin standing in front of him, smiling like nothing was wrong. The earth opened up around him and a flood of rats swelled from the dirt. He tried to yell a warning to Rin, but the rodents were already scurrying up his brother's legs, dragging him down until the gaping hole swallowed Rin whole.

-oOo-

Yukio jarred awake for the second time in a week. He was still on Rin's back as the group continued its trek to the next town. Judging from the growing darkness, an hour or so had passed since they were near the mountain.

Rin was happily chatting with his friends, failing to notice Yukio was awake, so he took the moment to collect himself after the troubling dream and look around. They must've been nearing the next town, for the forest surrounding the road was starting to thin. The woods were quiet and still. No flutter of wing or buzzing of insect… Yukio's grip on Rin tightened instinctively, unintentionally gaining his brother's attention.

"Oh! Yukio, you're awake!"

"Something's wrong," he murmured. Now that they weren't consumed in conversation, the others began to look around, finally noticing the silence looming over them. Instincts refined by years of exorcism screamed at the base of Yukio's skull, raising the hairs on the back of his neck, and he clamped his hand on Rin's shoulder, pulling back as if that would stop Rin's momentum forward.

"Huh? What're you…?" Rin kept moving forward for a moment and then abruptly halted, stumbling backwards a little. Yukio could feel him stiffen, muscles coiling in anticipation as he stared into the shadows ahead of them. "Something's coming! Something powerful!"

A split second later, Behemoth came barreling out of the forest, straight for Rin. Shura intercepted with impressive speed given her limp, slicing at the beast with her sword, as the rest of the group drew their weapons. And then a colony of goblins, larger than any Yukio had seen before, was raining down on them and ents were sprouting up from every side. A few ghouls in the shape of drowned rabbits, dead moles, and rotting squirrels trudged forward to join the mix.

Yukio instinctively reached at his hip, but his guns weren't there. They were safely stashed away in his pack which Suguro was carrying. The only weapon in reach was Kurikara which was dangling off of Yukio's back since he had taken the sword's usual spot.

Rin yelled as he hopped about, dodging the aggressive demons. Yukio sank low on Rin's back, avoiding a goblin by a hair before one of Kamiki's byakkos tackled it to the ground. Through the chaos he could see Kamiki and Shiemi back to back, taking out the smaller demons around Shura so she could concentrate on Behemoth. Behind them, Miwa and Suguro were both chanting while Shima performed a flurry of strikes with his staff to create a protective perimeter around them. Suguro's propensity for multi-tasking made itself known as he fired a blast at one of the goblin kings.

"Put me down!" Yukio shouted to Rin, trying to push himself off of Rin's back, but Rin suddenly had an iron grip on him. "Nii-san!"

Instead of listening, Rin barreled through the confusion of the battlefield, off the dirt road, down the hill and into the forest.

"What are you doing?!" Yukio struggled uselessly against Rin's grip. "Go back!"

"I can't fight while I carry you!" Rin shouted as way of explanation.

"So put me down!"

"I can't just set you down in the middle of a battle!"

"I just needed to get my guns! And it'd be safer there with everyone else!"

"What're you talking about? It's safer off the battlefield!"

"It's safer with the group! Go back!"

"No!" he said stubbornly, and Yukio could see a deep, pouting frown on his face.

"Stop being childish and listen to me!"

"You're the one being childish, Four Eyes!" Rin yelled even though the nickname made Yukio's point.

"How the hell am I…?" He groaned in frustration and lowered his voice to a hiss. "At least tell me you know we're being followed."

"Of course! I'm not oblivious!"

"Then it should be obvious that it's safer with the group! If we get cornered like this…"

"…Urgh! Fine!" Rin finally relented. "Then maybe I'm just running in a big circle!" He began to make a wide turn through the brush. "Ah!" He suddenly put on a burst of speed. "Hold on!"

Amaimon came crashing down at them, but Rin was already sidestepping the attack. The demon straightened up and looked at them blankly. "Oh. I missed."

"Ah! Look, look, Yukio! It's the sweets guy!" Rin exclaimed in awe.

"Of course, it's Amaimon!" Yukio yelled back, astounded by Rin's obliviousness. "Who else would send Behemoth to attack?!"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking about that!"

"It's not a matter of thinking. It should've been completely obvious!"

Amaimon moved in for another blow, but Rin blocked the attack with one arm. Yukio could hear the bone crack, and he could swear his heart stopped for a moment in pure horror. Rin jumped back, slumping a bit.

"Nii-san!" He pushed off from Rin's back again, but before he could slide out from Rin's half-grip, Rin's broken arm resumed its grip around Yukio's dangling leg.

"It's okay!" Rin's voice was tight with pain, but he was grinning. "It'll heal in a moment."

"What…?" Anger swept up to cover the other dozen emotions swelling up from the pit of Yukio's stomach. "Don't act like that was nothing! What do I keep telling you about using your body as a shield?!"

"Says the guy who nearly got himself killed to defeat the Ocean Queen!" And just like that they were arguing again.

"That's different!"

"How?! How the hell is that any different?!"

"There was no other choice!"

"So you're saying I have a choice?! Letting you get hurt isn't an option!"

"I'm not defenseless anymore. You don't need to protect me!"

"You're my little brother! I'm always going to protect you!"

Amaimon was staring at them with a finger to his lips as they continued to ignore him. "Um…"

"What?!" Rin and Yukio chorused, turning to glare at him in unison.

"I came here to fight you, not listen to you fight amongst yourselves."

"Oh. Right." Rin nodded.

Yukio opened his mouth to ask if Rin was serious, but then blue flames were exploding around him. His dream came back to him, a flash of lightning in his mind, and he couldn't stop a gasp from escaping his lips as the inferno consumed him. But, of course, it was Rin's fire, not something to be scared of. The heat was nothing warmer than Rin himself.

He cringed at his own thought. When had they become Rin's flames and not Satan's?

Amaimon took a few steps back from the fire, and Rin took the opportunity to dive sideways through the brush and into the darkness. He extinguished his flames and stampeded forward, dodging skillfully around trees, but essentially running blind. He splashed through knee-deep water before finding a less wet path through the larger brush. At this rate, Amaimon would catch up again in no time.

Yukio leaned over in Rin's grasp and prodded Rin's arm, checking the damage. Just as Rin had said, it was already healed.

Relief eased his anger at Rin, but the feeling didn't pass. Instead, it was quickly latching onto another, familiar target: himself. The anger was easier than dealing with everything else, now that snippets of his dream were fresh in his mind.

"Nii-san," he said dully. He already knew what Rin was going to say. "You should put me down. I'm dead weight."

"Yeah right! Why the hell would I do that?!"

"You can fight if you just put me down," he said, even though the idea of Rin facing Amaimon alone brought up all sorts of horrific memories of Rin crazed, his mind burned away by his— _Satan's_ flames.

"And what do you think is going to happen to you?! He'll attack and you don't have any weapons to defend with!" Rin's grip on him tightened, cutting off the circulation in his legs for a second. "If you're just depending on your eyes, then that's… That's…!"

Yukio grit his teeth. He knew the word Rin was looking for was 'hypocritical,' and the truth was he couldn't deny it. But there weren't many options in this situation.

Rin finally figured out what he wanted to say. "I can't let you get hurt!"

"That's not always your choice," Yukio muttered. Perhaps walking all day while still recovering was not a good idea. He was too tired for this conversation.

"I should at least have some say! I mean, I—"

He pursed his lips. He was sick of hearing that he was the younger one. The _weaker_ one. "If you say it's because you're my big brother—"

"I wasn't gonna say that," Rin interrupted. "I mean, of course that's a reason. Big brothers need to protect their siblings. Or, I guess it should be 'family protects its own,' since you're always trying to protect me too."

Whatever comeback Yukio had been forming died on his lips.

"Thinking of you getting hurt is…" Rin ducked his head away so Yukio couldn't see the side of his face, but he heard him take a deep, shaky breath. Then Rin looked forward again and Yukio could see he was calm. "Yukio…" His voice was quiet, but it didn't waver. "Are you scared?"

Yukio ground his teeth as a stubborn surge of reluctance rushed up to protect the anxiety he was harboring. He knew where this was leading. He considered not answering, but he remembered how Rin had accepted him when he had told Rin about his eyes. He had told himself after that, that if Rin asked, he would answer. He forced his jaw to unclench. "Of what?"

Rin looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Of what's happening with your eyes."

Yukio quickly looked away, unsure where to start with such a direct question.

Rin must've known, for he kept going. "I'm scared for you. I've been scared ever since you told me."

Yukio's mind stuttered to a stop. He must've heard wrong. Rin didn't get scared. Fear rolled off of him as quickly as it came. The longest Yukio had seen him doubt himself was in Kyōto, but that had been resolved in a single night.

Rin looked steadily forward as he crunched through the foliage. "It seems like everyone has a better understanding of the situation than I do. All I know, is I don't want to lose you."

Familiarity eased Yukio's shock, and he smiled a little despite himself. "It's the same for me, Nii-san. It's the same fear I've held for you ever since you unsheathed Kurikara."

"Oh. I mean, I knew you were worried about me, but this…" Rin said quietly. Then he made a show of huffing and stomping as he continued through the bushes. "It's awful! How have you dealt with it this whole time?!"

Yukio choked out a laugh. "Why do you think I chastise you so often?"

Rin laughed too, an unrestrained, bright sound that lifted Yukio's spirits more than anything else could've in that moment. "Should I try doing that to you then?" He cleared his throat and adopted a ridiculously deep, authoritative voice. "Yukio! Stop worrying so much!"

"I don't sound like that!" Yukio smiled and swatted his shoulder while Rin laughed, although the sentiment of the words weren't lost. If only it were that easy.

"So what is it?" Rin asked, his voice still bright with laughter. "You figured it out, didn't you? You found the truth you've been looking for."

Rin asks, he would answer. But this… He bit his lip.

"Can you tell me?" Rin stepped a little lighter as he ran, his eagerness radiating off of him. "It seems like Shura knows."

"She doesn't. Or she might, but we haven't talked about it," Yukio said quickly. Anxiety was beginning to creep its tendrils up his spine, dispelling his good humor.

Rin seemed to sense the shift in conversation, and his tone sobered. "Then can you talk to me about it?"

"I…" A part of him wanted to say it and finally have it out in the open. But instinct told him to bury it deep. "This isn't the time."

"Yukio," Rin said quietly even as Yukio's tone grew irritated.

"We're running from a demon king!" It was a valid excuse. "This isn't the time!"

"Yukio, you can tell me."

"Nii-san, I'm serious! Not now!"

"Whatever it is, I can take it. I can help!"

The anxiety had climbed its way into Yukio's chest and began to choke him with a lump in his throat. "No! You can't help with this!"

"Yukio-"

"Don't make me say it!" he yelled, and Rin silenced. "Please! Just don't make me say it. I can't…" Shame and despair joined fear's chokehold. "I just want to live a little longer like this. I want to go just a little longer before I have to admit it to you, to Shura-san, to anyone, to _myself_. Please!"

Rin swallowed hard. "Okay, you don't have to," he said quickly. Yukio did his best to take a deep, calming breath despite his constricted throat. He could sense Rin searching for words. "It's… It's not that bad, is it?"

He sounded so hopeful, like a child looking for assurance after a nightmare.

And all of Yukio's efforts to calm himself crumbled. He was powerless to ease Rin's worries when the truth was so clear. "Nii-san, I'm…" He was suddenly glad to be on Rin's back instead of face to face. "I'm dangerous."

"No, you aren't!" Rin objected immediately, ignoring all of the facts.

"You saw it didn't you? Shura-san said the Ocean Queen exploded. Don't you realize how… _insane_ that is?! A high level demon gone just like that!"

"It wasn't 'just like that.' You had to risk your life!"

"That's not the point!"

"Of course that's the point!" Perhaps that was the point to Rin, but that wasn't what Yukio was trying to say. He released one of his hand's grip on Rin's shoulder so he could pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Nii-san, do you remember what it was like when you killed the Impure King? Do you remember what it was like to first realize how dangerous you were? That's what just happened to me. But you've had safeguards in place all around you from day one. I don't have that when I _should_. I should be monitored. It's risky letting me run free like this. It's risky for everyone around me!" The vague memory of his dream flitted through his mind, and he could feel himself tearing through dead flesh of his friends and comrades without hesitance.

His thoughts grew more and more rapid, scurrying about and impossible to catch like the Wisp. He was too exhausted to keep up. The words came gushing out of him so quickly he didn't have time to think before they were out in the open. "I'm _dangerous!_ That's abundantly clear now. I should be turned over to the Grigori! I should be locked away or executed or-"

"You said you didn't want to kill yourself!" Rin shouted angrily. "You said you didn't want to die!"

"I don't!" he choked out. The memory of pointing a gun at Rin, telling him that he was dangerous and that he should die, surfaced with an oppressive sense of guilt. "I'm sorry!" Too many thoughts sped through his mind; too many emotions filled his heart. Bitter tears collected at the back of his throat.

What had he _done?_ This was his fault. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I never… I never meant for this!"

The guilt, and the shame, and the anxiety, and the frustration, and the despair, and the fear were all blending together, building on each other, swirling through him, crushing him with their weight. He couldn't breathe. He hunched low in Rin's grip and pressed his forehead between Rin's shoulder blades. "I never meant for this to happen! I just… I only wanted to protect you! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Don't apologize! You did nothing wrong!" Rin finally sounded scared. Self-loathing joined the storm of emotions.

He couldn't breathe. His heart was beating so fast. He gasped for air. This was his fault. A wish gone wrong. "I wanted… I wanted to be strong! I didn't want _this!_ I didn't know! I didn't _know!_ "

"Breathe, Yukio! You did nothing wrong!"

But he had! Didn't Rin remember? He pulled down his face mask for just a moment so he could breathe properly, but it didn't help.

"I didn't… I didn't want to lose!" This was punishment for his envy. He deserved this. "I'm sorry Nii-san! I'm sorry I'm like this! I'm so sorry!"

"Stop apologizing to me! It's not about me! You don't owe me an apology. You never let it affect me. You never treated me any different. You never hurt me." It was a lie and Yukio knew it. He had pushed Rin away all because he couldn't stand being the weak one. But Rin spoke without the hint of lie in his voice. "The only person you hurt was yourself, and you don't deserve that! Do you hear me, Yukio?"

His mind was reeling, as he tried to make sense of Rin's words. It was too much. The wound had been festering too long and now it had a life of its own. The infection whispered doubt into his mind. Of course Rin would say something like that. This was what made Rin such an amazing person. This was why Yukio would never surpass him.

Rin was still saying something. "You don't deserve any of this! You're smart and kind and always give your very best for everyone to the point that you exhaust yourself! You're a good person! So don't you dare apologize for being who you are! I like you the way you are!"

Rin was trying to heal the infection by pouring medicine directly into the wound. Each drop burned horribly with guilt and shame. Yukio shook his head wordlessly as his breathing finally broke into full on hyperventilation.

Here he was, clinging to his brother's back, swallowing down tears until he choked on them, and all because he was useless in a fight so Rin had to save him. It was too much like their childhood. He wished he could listen to Rin's argument for his worth, but he couldn't hear them when reality was screaming a different tale. He just _couldn't_. He gasped uselessly for air.

"Yukio?! What's going on? Are you okay? Can I help?"

He wasn't able to respond. He shook his head against Rin's back again and closed his eyes against the dizziness. He was vaguely aware of Rin letting him down onto the ground and propping him up against a tree as his hands, feet, and head tingled with numbness.

"Yukio?" Rin called from beneath the ringing in Yukio's ears. "Breathe with me, okay? Ready? In… Out… In…"

Yukio struggled to follow, his diaphragm refusing to release the rhythm of quick bursts. He felt so foolish and childish. Look at him! What a stupid excuse for an exorcist, losing control, and on the battlefield no less! Where was the Earth King to slay him for his ineptitude?!

"Out… In… Out…"

Didn't Rin see how weak he was? Didn't he realize? How could he not see what was right in front of him?

"In… Out…"

Rin's voice was steady. Waves rolling onto shore and withdrawing in a gentle rhythm. Yet there was something else underneath. A note of strain and worry.

"In…"

He did see it, didn't he? He just didn't mind. Rin saw all of Yukio's ugliness and didn't mind. Yukio wasn't sure why he was surprised; three months ago when Yukio had revealed his first shard of bitterness, Rin had hugged him and accepted him. He had been holding his breath ever since, waiting for the rejection, but it never came. Things had gone back to normal.

"Out…"

Yukio released his breath and opened his eyes. Rin was watching him, unblinking, undaunted from what he saw. How long could this keep going before Rin turned away in disgust and disappointment? What if next time the piece of his heart that was revealed, it was too much?

He couldn't let that happen, Yukio decided with a sudden rush of resolve. He wouldn't disappoint Rin like that.

But how? The old wish, _become stronger_ , had failed him…

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and let his resolve ease his anxiety. He breathed easily now.

"Better?" Rin was still staring with wide eyes.

Yukio nodded mechanically. He hadn't had a full blown panic attack in years, but heavy limbs that resulted was still familiar.

"That was scary…" Rin breathed out in relief.

"Sor—" He stopped mid-apology when the corner of Rin's mouth tugged down into a frown. That had been said too much already. Instead, he settled for, "Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem." Rin shrugged. "It was just breathing."

"No, I mean… for everything else." He forced himself to look Rin in the eye even as he felt embarrassment burn his face red. "Thank you."

"Oh, yeah... Of course. I meant every word." Rin grinned. "And about that safe… safety… thing."

"Safeguard?"

"Yeah! That!" He pointed at Yukio triumphantly. "You meant that you and Shura were mine, right? Well, I'll be yours!" He crossed his arms and shrugged. "And I guess Shura can be one too if she wants."

Yukio blinked dumbly at him. And then, before he even knew what he was doing, he laughed.

"Huh? Did I say something funny?"

It took a moment to stop laughing, even with his chest still aching from hyperventilation. "No. Not at all." He shook his head, still smiling. "I'll be counting on you."

"Yeah!" Rin scratched one of his reddening cheeks and cleared his throat. "All right, enough talking! Where did that guy go! I need to kick his ass!" He suddenly started yelling in an obvious ploy to hide his embarrassment. Then he cocked his head to one side and frowned. "Huh. I guess I can't sense him anymore. I guess we lost him?"

"Really? Then it's probably like last summer. He knows you'll protect your friends," Yukio analyzed, relieved to be thinking about something less emotionally stressful.

"You think the others are in trouble?!"

"They can protect themselves with the proper wards and they have Shura-san with them, so that shouldn't be a problem." He stood, pushing himself up against the tree. Rin stepped forward to help, but Yukio waved him away. It was a relief to be on his own two feet again. "We should form a plan before we go back. I imagine they're in a stalemate by now." He glanced at Rin's exorcist jacket hanging loose and open on his brother's frame. "I'm guessing you don't have many supplies on you?"

Rin patted his empty pockets and nodded to the sword on Yukio's back. "Uh, I have Kurikara, but that's it."

Yukio nodded and took mental stock of his own pockets. "All I have is the medicine Shura-san stuffed in my pocket earlier, my folding knife, and some old trinkets that won't do any… good…" He paused as a thought suddenly occurred to him. The flicker of a plan had sparked in his mind. He quickly explained idea to Rin.

"No. We're not putting you in danger!" Rin interrupted.

"Nii-san, it'd only be for a second—"

"No! Not happening!"

"Nii-san, if you just listen—"

"No!"

"Nii-san—"

"No!"

"Stop being ridiculous!"

"No!" Rin's double take was appropriately comedic. "Ah. Wait. I mean…"

Yukio quickly took his opportunity. "Nii-san, are you sure you can take Amaimon like this? Without losing control?"

Rin slouched and huffed. "You sound like Mephisto."

"Excuse me?" Yukio raised an eyebrow.

"A while back Mephisto took me to the place where Amaimon was in Gehenna to show me that I wasn't even close to strong enough…"

"He _what?!_ "

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"He took you to Gehenna?!" Yukio's hands curled into fists.

"Uh, yeah, I think so. It was kinda dark and there were rocks or something, I don't know because I was busy fighting…"

Yukio swallowed down his anger as Rin began to ramble. As much as he wanted the full story, now wasn't the time. "Never mind. We need to focus."

"Right." Rin stood up to his full height and nodded. "I can do it, Yukio. I'm a lot stronger than I was before. I can do this. As long as he doesn't bring out that flower thing… I know I can defeat him!"

Yukio watched his brother for a moment. He wasn't sure what he was looking for: Rin never hesitated and that hadn't changed now. After all the growing Rin had done, the problem no longer lay with Rin, only with him. Could he trust that Rin could do this?

He sighed and went against every instinct he had developed over the past year. "Okay."

"Really?!"

"Don't look so excited!"

Rin struggled to rearrange his face into something more serious, resulting in a strange grimace. "Right. Then we should gather the materials for your plan too. If I have a chance to use it during battle, I will."

Relief shot through Yukio, going straight to his knees, so he had to lean heavily against the tree. He had been expecting to have to argue again. "You…" He covered his mouth and turned to the side. "You're actually using your head. I'm so proud."

"Don't look so emotional!" Rin laughed. He put his hands on his hips so he could puff out his chest. "C'mon! It's time for the Okumura Brother's Ultimate Exorcism Combo!"

"Ah. Please don't give us weird names," Yukio said with a straight face, but only for half a moment.

He couldn't hold back from smiling too.

* * *

 **A/N:** So… Yukio, Master of Burying Emotions under Smiles or Anger finally had his control unravel in front of Rin. I hope it was believable. I'm very aware of the fact that we've never seen him lose control like this before, or when he does slip up he defaults to anger, so this took a _lot_ of time to get just right. But it was an important step before… Well, before we get to more unravelling in future chapters! ;)


	8. Roar

**A/N:** So I had to split chapters _again._ The only reason I mention this is that chapters 7, 8, and 9 are now closely linked and I probably make more subtle references between them compared to other chapters. Or maybe I don't. I dunno. I haven't been keeping track. Anyway, the other thing that probably matters way more, is that this means chapter 9 is written, and now going through editing, so it should be up in the next few days. I hope. This week is looking pretty crazy so I really shouldn't make any promises.

* * *

Rin frowned at the scene below him. Just as Yukio had predicted, their friends were in a stalemate with Amaimon. Protective wards surrounded the group, just like the wards Shura had summoned during the group's last encounter with Amaimon during the summer. Their friends were clustered in the center, sitting on the dirt road and whispering amongst themselves. Amaimon was also sitting on the ground at the edge of the wards, licking a lollipop as if he hadn't a care in the world.

Rin and Yukio were sitting in the low branches of a tree a several meters from the road, straining their eyes in the darkness. Rin was looking through the small monocular that Yukio had produced from one of the pockets in his exorcist jacket.

"Are any of them injured?" he whispered. The forest around them was deathly silent, so even with the distance between them, their voices would carry and alert Amaimon to their position.

"From what I saw, nothing major," Yukio murmured back. "We should hurry just in case."

"Right." He looked down to the branch where Yukio was perched. His white face mask was still pulled under his jaw so Rin could see all of his face. After their conversation in the forest, it was a relief to see Yukio breathing evenly, even if he was seeming to have trouble meeting Rin's eyes.

Rin couldn't help but think of when they were children, and Yukio would come to him in a flurry of panicked breath and tears, claiming there were monsters where Rin saw nothing. He was telling the truth then, so when he gasped out his fears during their mad dash through the forest, as much as Rin didn't like seeing his brother distressed, he recognized what was happening. He wished there were easier ways for Yukio to express his fears, but ultimately what mattered to Rin was that the truth was being said at all. Now he could help ease Yukio's anxieties.

Admittedly, he didn't understand some of it. He didn't quite understand what had scared Yukio so much. Especially the bit about Yukio being dangerous. It was like Konekomaru said: he wasn't dangerous to those who didn't threaten him first, right?

He frowned as he noticed Yukio's normally perfect posture was reduced to a slouch. He had been exhausted all afternoon, and Rin was sure that was half the reason he said as much as he had. But now his sharp eyes were glazed over. He was in no condition for the battlefield or even the edge of the battlefield.

Rin leaned down and handed back the monocular. "Can you make it?"

"There are plenty of bushes along the roadside that I can use for cover." He finally met Rin's eye. "Can _you_ make it?"

"Of course." He gave Yukio a reassuring grin.

Yukio's lips formed a thin line as he gave Rin a hard stare. It must have been a full minute before he sighed. "If some of them can fight, then let them help. Otherwise, keep your cool and remember to inject him as early as possible."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You've said it three times already."

"Because you're acting so nonchalant about this."

"I'm very chalant about this."

"That's not a word," Yukio informed him. "Maybe I should be the one doing this," he grumbled under his breath.

"No! Our plan will work," Rin said quickly, only half-sure that Yukio wasn't serious about going back to his original plan. That stupid idea was essentially to use Yukio as bait, so there was no way that was happening. Yukio opened his mouth to respond, but Rin cut him off. "I want to fight alongside you. I can't do that if you keep running out in front of me to take the blow instead!"

"Shhh! Keep your voice down." He whipped around to look at the road, and Rin's heart skipped a beat as Amaimon looked up. They held their breath until, one long moment later, he went back to his lollipop. They both sighed in relief.

"I don't see how this is fighting alongside me if I won't even be on the battlefield," Yukio muttered to the ground.

"You thought up the plan, right? And I'll put it into action. That's gotta be the definition of teamwork!" he whispered, leaning forward in an attempt to see Yukio's face.

"If only I had my guns. I could lay down covering fire for you…" Yukio looked up at him again, and his shoulders slumped. "We'll stick to the plan." Rin nodded eagerly, and Yukio held up a hand, not done talking. "But be careful. This whole situation is so unexpected, it doesn't feel like the encounter last summer. I somehow doubt Pheles-kyō meant for this to happen… (1)"

"What do you mean?"

"He's in the hospital. Even his barriers around the school failed."

"Oh, right!" Rin remembered how bandaged up Mephisto was when they saw him for instructions to face the Ocean Queen. Nobody had explained why the headmaster was in the hospital. "He looked like he got in a really bad fight or something."

"Or something…" Yukio muttered, staring at the ground again. Then he shook himself out of whatever thought had just occurred to him and looked up at Rin. "That's not important right now. You need to focus and—" He cut himself off with a small cough.

Rin resumed watching his friends through the darkness while he waited for Yukio to continue. He squinted his eyes. It didn't look like Shiemi was treating anyone. Maybe they were okay. "And what?" he asked absently when Yukio remained quiet. Then he turned to look at Yukio and found Yukio doubled over, holding a hand over his mouth. "Yukio?" He nearly forgot to whisper. "What's wrong?"

Yukio shook his head and pointed to his throat.

"Huh?"

He pointed to his face mask this time.

"Oh. Oh! You're going to cough." Rin finally understood. Yukio had been having coughing fits all week, but they were getting less and less frequent. He hadn't had one yet today, so Rin had thought they were finally done. Then Rin realized why Yukio was holding his breath. "Ah! Hold on! I'll draw his attention away!" He hopped down to the ground and began to charge towards the road. The only thing that stopped him was when Kurikara fell from above to bounce off his head. He had forgotten that Yukio was carrying the sword. "Oh! Thanks!" he stage whispered up to Yukio who was digging in his pocket for something. His face was turning red, but whether it was from holding his breath or anger that Rin had forgotten something so important, Rin didn't have time to ask.

He flung Kurikara's case on his back and continued running. Kurikara bounced happily on his back as adrenaline shot through him, preparing him for battle. He grabbed his blade from its cloth case and burst through the bushes, skidding a bit on the dirt road in front of Amaimon. Beyond the demon, his friends all turned in perfect synchronization to look at him.

Rin felt himself grin as seeing them all relatively unharmed caused confidence to swell in his chest. Kurikara rang in a battle cry as it was released from its sheath. "Hey! You!"

Amaimon raised his head to blink lazily at him.

"Rin!" Shiemi cried.

"Okumura! What took you so long?!" Izumo clambered to her feet, and the others were quickly following suit.

Rin shifted his stance into an attack pose. "Just hang on guys! I'll finish this—"

"Who asked you to swoop in and play hero?!" Suguro adjusted his rocket launcher over his shoulder. "We can still fight!"

"We were just waiting for you to come back." Konekomaru dusted off his slacks and smiled up at Rin.

"Thanks guys, but I really need to fight now!" Rin said quickly earning some incredulous looks. He took one hand off of his sword to pat his pockets. "Huh?" His pockets were empty. _That's_ what Yukio was reaching in his pockets for. Their combo attack was ruined! "Aaaah! I forgot it!"

His friends looked at each other in confusion. A faint, muffled cough could be heard somewhere in the darkness to Rin's right. Amaimon, who had been staring at him curiously, turned slowly towards the sound.

"Why are you here?!" Rin yelled the first words that came to his mind, dashing forward with his sword raised. "Did Mephisto send you to make another point?!"

"Aniue?" (2) Amaimon's attention was successfully diverted as he hopped to the side. Kurikara cut deep into the earth, but missed its king completely. The demon pulled a wrapper out of his pocket and began to wrap his unfinished lollipop in it. "Aniue wastes all his time protecting fragile humans from shattering like glass. He punished me after last time because I won. I beat you, and he said I went too far!" He slipped the candy into his pocket without breaking his blank stare at Rin. "What makes you so special? I thought you were supposed to be one of his game pieces. He doesn't need weak pieces. But he wastes all this time on you! He punished me and thought that would make me understand!"

An emotion finally sparked in Amaimon's blank eyes, and Rin recognized it. "You feel betrayed."

"Oh, is that what this is?" he said without any irony in his voice, and Rin realized he truly had not been able to identify his own feelings. "Then that's why I'm here. He betrayed me, so I'll betray him. I'll smash all of his precious humans!" he declared, and Rin could see his friends brace themselves even though they were still inside the wards. Amaimon turned towards the bushes along the side of the road in between Rin and his friends. "I'll start with that one."

Rin didn't need to wait to know exactly who that one was. He charged forward with a yell, Kurikara raised, but Behemoth came barreling down at him to block the attack. Blood was already spilling from the beast's body, but it gnashed its teeth angrily at him. At the same time, Amaimon moved with a speed belying his true nature. Rin yelled angrily as he disappeared from view and easily deflected the blast Suguro fired at him on the way.

"Ghrk!" Yukio grunted as Amaimon threw him to the ground in between Rin and his friends. Per the plan, he had been sneaking through the bushes to the safety of the wards, but that damned cough had caught Amaimon's attention. Before Yukio could even sit up, Amaimon was on top of him, one hand around his neck. The demon pulled back his other arm, ready to strike with sharp nails just above Yukio's chest.

"Damn it!" Rin cried. He could hear his friends yelling their own choice words as they rushed forward, out of the protective wards. The only ones that hadn't moved were Izumo's familiars. The pair stood their ground a mere meter away from Amaimon and Yukio, growling with their hackles up. The swooping feeling of fear and adrenaline surged suddenly through Rin, seemingly doubling in strength, and his flames shot down his sword to meet Behemoth. The smaller demon yowled nastily and scurried backwards in fright.

"Those…" Amaimon hadn't struck yet. He was staring down at Yukio with a furrowed brow. "Those aren't yours!"

That was when Yukio took his shot. Rin was suddenly thankful he had forgotten the injection as he dashed forward. In Yukio's hand was a syringe that had been filled with his medicine. Now, however, it was filled with a quickly crafted concoction from herbs they had found in the forest. He plunged it into Amaimon's neck and released the anti-demon brew into the Earth King's host body.

"Ah!" Amaimon touched his neck in mild shock. Rin swung Kurikara in a long arc, throwing all his momentum behind the blow, aiming to separate the arm holding down Yukio from Amaimon's body. Amaimon jumped up, narrowly avoiding the blow, and landed next to his injured familiar.

Yukio struggled to get to his feet, holding his neck all the while. Rin growled and stood protectively in front of his brother. "You okay?"

"Fine," Yukio choked out, dissolving into a coughing fit as their friends raced forward. Shura practically flung him behind the semicircle of their friends, so that Shima and Konekomaru barely caught him and helped him regain his balance while he gasped for air.

Rin let out his frustration with a flurry of slashes. Kurikara was a flash of lightning in his hands, and Amaimon finally tore his eyes away from Yukio, either deeming Rin more of a threat or Yukio a target with too much protection.

Without saying it out loud, his friends seemed to know what he was thinking. They closed ranks around Yukio, and retreated back again into the wards while Rin took center stage in the battle. His friends reserved their long-range attacks only for when Amaimon tried to loop around to Rin's blindside or Behemoth tried to interfere. Amaimon kept trying to force the battle into the forest, away from the others, but every time Rin found himself surrounded by trees, he let out a burst of flames, pushing them back towards the road. Soon the air was thick with heat, and smoke stung his nose.

As the battle continued, Rin could feel his conscious thoughts drift to the back of his mind under a flood of adrenaline. His body moved instinctually; his flames and his sword were simply another limb to strike out with. Kurikara was ringing with anticipation as it glowed and reflected blazing blue.

The fire burning in his chest was filled with determination and the will to protect. But at the same time there was a savagery that had lived there for as long as he could remember. He was dancing with the limit of his control, drawing strength from it, but refusing to listen as it roared in his ears. It was more than just Shirō's lessons keeping him balanced. It was his friends fighting with him and protecting his back. It was his promise to Yukio, and Yukio's trust that he could do this.

Amaimon fought with the same ferocity and wildness as he had the last time Rin had seen him. But a red mark was blossoming on his neck from the dot of blood where the needle had pierced his skin. The rash was spreading across the pale skin like a drop of wine dispersing into water. His movements were growing sluggish and inebriated. Between Rin's growth the past few months and the drug dulling Amaimon's senses the outcome was clear before Rin landed the blow to Amaimon's thigh.

Rin felt the solidness of bone against the metal. A slick squelch came as he pulled the blade from flesh.

Amaimon stumbled and stared blankly down at the pool of blood staining the dirt as if there were something more interesting in the globs of red than the wound spurting it. "You fight differently than you did before."

"I've grown stronger than the last time we fought!"

"Grown, huh?" he said slowly as if the concept was foreign to him.

"Yeah! That's what people do!" Rin declared fiercely as he swung around for another slash, this one full of fire.

Amaimon scoffed and staggered, dropping into a low squat to avoid the blow. "Is that supposed to make up for humans' weak natures?!" He rolled to dodge another blow. "Pathetic! You need all this time to turn something soft into something soft with fangs?!" He lunged for Rin's tail, but Rin knew better now and kneed him in the face for his effort.

Now that he was injured, Rin had control of the flow of battle. Rin pressed him backwards, cornering him against the wards he couldn't cross. It wouldn't be long now-

Behemoth's cry reverberated in the nighttime air. Suguro had abandoned his rocket launcher in favor of his shotgun and had hit the bloodied beast as it tried to come to its master's aid. The bullet had entered one of the large, dark eyes. Then, with a burst of foul, black miasma, Behemoth rolled over, dead.

Rin and Amaimon had both stared.

Amaimon's eyes flicked up to Suguro.

And then there was a blast of power from the demon, smacking Rin in the face so he toppled backwards. He scrambled to his feet again, but Amaimon had drawn out his heart, the flower blooming on his chest. His body was bursting and pulsing with power as he changed form.

The wards around Rin's friends shattered with a flash of light as he tore through them with incredible speed, aiming a giant fist at Suguro.

"Bon!"

There was a crack and then Izumo's shocked scream. Everyone stood motionless, holding their breath. Shima's staff, which he had thrust into Amaimon's path and struck the demon in the face, shattered in his hands. The splinters fell from Amaimon's face from where he stood, one claw still extended mere centimeters from Suguro's chest.

"A-aha…" Shima swallowed nervously. Amaimon roared.

"T-tail!" Konekomaru was shouting.

And someone was already firing at Amaimon's tail. Yukio had retrieved his guns from his pack and, judging from his stiff posture, was pouring the rest of his strength into standing his ground and shooting. He was emptying a clip into the twisting, fleshy tail, giving Uke and Mike enough time to grab Shima and Suguro by the back of their shirt collars and pull them out of the way to Izumo's side. Amaimon howled in pain as the bullets pierced his thick skin. He spun around, looking for his attacker, and Yukio switched his target to the heart now that he had a clear shot. Rin cursed loudly as he ran forward, intercepting Amaimon as he barreled towards Yukio while protecting his heart with one giant claw.

Pain flared through Rin's side as his flesh was shredded and he went flying backwards. He had barely managed to raise his sword up in time to keep Amaimon from striking his chest, but, although the difference felt miniscule, Amaimon was slower than he had been in Gehenna. Struggling to sit up, Rin spat out a mouthful of dirt and blood and found that he had been thrown a few meters down the road from the battle. Amaimon had turned from his path towards Yukio to strike Rin, but now he was attacking whoever was closest. The only thing that kept Konekomaru and Shiemi alive was the flurry of small, paper wards Konekomaru threw up around them, buffering the blow, but breaking on impact.

"Nii-chan!" Shiemi was screaming for her familiar, but the greenman wasn't listening. "I know he's your king, but please Nii-chan! Please!"

Amaimon went in for another blow, but protective branches encased the pair in a defensive act of defiance. Splinters of wood sprayed everywhere. Yukio took the opening and began firing again. Amaimon turned to him and charged. Rin was on his feet again, darting forward as fear and adrenaline led him their speed despite pain dragging him down.

" _Snake Lance!_ " Shura's blade warped and lengthened, meeting Amaimon's leg with the wavering cry of metal. The slice struck true, right where Rin had struck Amaimon earlier. The demon lost his footing for a moment between the attack of both sword and bullet, and Shura took the opportunity to scoop up Yukio over her shoulder. He continued to fire without missing a beat, as if he had been expecting her to jump in and be his legs.

But even as Amaimon screamed, his tail lashed about and struck Shura in the thigh, sending her toppling into a handspring. She barely managed to keep her grip on Yukio during the flip, and Amaimon was on his feet again, moving forward to take advantage of the stumble, and Rin was too far away to reach them, and so were all of his friends, and the flames Rin reached out with would get there a second too late-

A giant robot doll appeared in Amaimon's path with a thundering crash and a puff of smoke and instantly began grappling with the demon. Rin's flames crashed into the wrestling pair. Amaimon overpowered the burning droid easily and turned to face Rin properly. The next second he was bearing down on Rin, his claws pressed against Kurikara as Rin blocked his blow. The two pushed against each other with all their strength, and for a moment Rin had a chance to really look at the demon.

He was obviously favoring one leg as the blow to his other leg was still oozing blood, and the anti-demon concoction was still working, Rin suddenly realized, perhaps even more so now that Amaimon had revealed his heart. Splotches of red covered his face and nasty boils were appearing on his neck. At the same time tiny pockmarks seemingly unrelated to the boils were appearing all over his skin as if his body were beginning to decay. It seemed, while revealing his heart gave him extra power, doing it in Assiah was damaging his body.

" _Snake Fang!_ " Shura cried and the shockwave of energy she sent out hit Amaimon square in the back, forcing the two of them apart for a moment.

" _Mitamashizume no harai!_ " Izumo finished her Shintō chant with a shout, and light poured forth from her and her byakkos as they attacked. Rin was almost blinded as white flames devoured the demon in front of him, and he suddenly understood why Shura had aimed to separate them.

Amaimon flailed, his tail whipping back, nearly sweeping Rin off his feet. He howled and delivered a crushing blow to Uke. Izumo screamed in rage as Uke retreated in a puff of smoke.

"Bon, Shima-san, now!" Konekomaru shouted.

"I've been waiting for this!" Suguro had reloaded his rocket launcher and was kneeling with it over his shoulder. Shima was next to him, one hand on the giant barrel of the gun, and the flames of Yamantaka were crackling around him, filling the gun with a dark glow. Suguro fired and the blast hit Amaimon in the side. Black flames joined the white.

In one last desperate attack, Amaimon grabbed for Rin, and he could see the demon's blank glare through the fire as he skittered backwards. "I can't… be beaten… by a bunch of humans!" Amaimon's claws formed fists, and he raised them high, leaving his heart completely unguarded. But before Rin could make a move, he crashed his fists into the ground.

Rin wasn't completely sure what happened next. All he knew was that he was at the epicenter of an earthquake, and the ground was exploding beneath his feet. The noise was tremendous, like deafening thunder roaring and ripping apart the air so he could barely hear his friends' screams over it. He fell backwards as the earth crumbled, and rocks, stones, the very spine of the earth jutted up from the soil to meet him.

He cried out, and let the instincts of his demon heart guide him. His flames exploded around him and shot out in a great dome, buffering his fall and cratering the stony spikes as he crashed down onto them. He met the ground and found it was still shaking, trembling, and giving way even where he thought there was no more ground to give.

Amaimon stood in the center of it all. He was still burning, and an acrid smell came off of him with the smoke. He raised his fists again, readying for an aftershock even though the earthquake wasn't over. Rin had to stop it. He could see his friends scattered among the rubble, struggling to recover their senses.

He ran, tripping as he was sprayed with a hail of pebbles and dust. Amaimon's fists swung down, and Rin lunged.

Kurikiara struck out in a brilliant flash of blue flame, and Amaimon's arm fell to the dirt with a dull thump. The earth was still.

Amaimon was surprisingly quiet as he burned and bled. The silence was horribly loud after the deafening calamity he had just wrought. The hand that was still attached to his body cradled his heart protectively. "I won't… be beaten," he gasped out. He tried to take a step forward, and fell to his knees. Rin stood over him, holding his breath against the vulgar smell of burning flesh. The demon growled as some of his friends slowly found their feet again, but made no move to strike. "I'll make all… of you regret this." His eyes swept the group and landed on Yukio. "You… You'll regret using… those eyes…"

Whatever pity was staying Rin's hand vanished with the threat to his brother. He raised his blade over the Earth King's heart.

Amaimon stared up at Rin with hollow eyes. "See you on the other side of the Gate."

And as Kurikara came down, its target disappeared. Amaimon's heart fell from the burning body to the ground. The host body fell back with a thud, and the flower heart bloomed. The petals melted into the earth with an intense glow, and Amaimon was gone.

-oOo-

They were silent, some standing stock still, others still collapsed on the ground from where the earthquake had thrown them. They listened to the crackle of the flames burning the body away to ash. Much of the forest was still burning with Rin's flames, relieving the shadows of the night with an ethereal blue glow.

"Shura-san, you can let go now."

"Hn?" Shura looked over at Yukio, who was sitting on the ground next to her. She had had him over her shoulder before the earthquake, but the crumbling earth had made her lose her grip. Instincts told her to hold onto anything solid in the moment though, so she had blindly grabbed at him. She hadn't realized until that moment that she still had an iron grip around his ankle.

She didn't particularly feel like moving, especially with her leg throbbing like it was. He raised an eyebrow at her when she didn't release her grasp, and she grinned mischievously for no other reason than to draw an annoyed frown from him. The familiarity of the expression on his face sent her heart soaring with relief, and her grin broke into a giggle and then full on laughter as the reality of the scene around her finally hit her.

They really had the worst luck, running into a demon king on the road home after a mission that had already exhausted them and depleted their weapons. But still, a group of exorcists fresh out of cram school had beat one of the Eight Kings all with their own power. The giddiness of leftover adrenaline thrummed through her veins, and she continued to laugh until she doubled over, holding her stomach with one hand, her other still wrapped around Yukio's black sock. She could hear him sigh in resignation.

The others were staring at her in confusion. And then Rin burst into laughter too, and soon the others were joining in, and the night was resonating with the release of stress pouring out of them.

"Is everyone okay?" Rin called as he sheathed his sword. He abandoned his station over the dead body and made his way through the rubble of the road to where they were scattered. Most of the rubble was piled around him, so he had to pick his path through the stones.

"Yeah…"

"I think so…"

"No," Shima moaned. He held up a few splinters of his broken staff. "Kin-nii is going to kill me." He stood with an overly dramatic pout, but in the next moment he was collapsing backward.

Suguro barely managed to catch him. "Careful!" he chided, and Shima laughed weakly.

"Ah, just dizzy from using Yamantaka." He leaned heavily on Suguro as Suguro pulled him over to a flat patch of earth and set him down next to where Shura and Yukio were already sitting. "The whole black flamed bullet thing was harder to do than using my staff. Good idea though Koneko-san!" he called as the group began to gather together.

"Thanks…" the boy said shyly while he made a useless attempt to dust himself off. "I know I wasn't much help, but—"

"No, you definitely were!" Moriyama exclaimed as she hurried forward and nearly tripped over a rock. "All those wards you took the time to draw earlier saved me!"

Miwa went pink and stammered out the proper polite denial and offered his own compliment to Moriyama. And soon there were compliments all around with Suguro gruffly acknowledging that Kamiki had saved his and Shima's necks, and Kamiki flipping her hair and admitting that he had done a good job getting rid of Behemoth.

Now that they were gathered together Shura could see that everyone was suffering from bruises and gashes in various places. If Rin hadn't struck Amaimon down when he did, the demon could have killed them all with the earthquakes, never giving them a chance to counterattack except for the briefest of seconds when his fists were raised. Judging from how most of the spikes of rock were gathered around where Rin had been, Amaimon had been concentrating on getting rid of him first, and that had been his mistake.

"Oh! Izumo-chan, is Uke-chan okay?!" Moriyama asked. She was clutching her own, trembling familiar to her chest, as she looked around.

Kamiki was ghastly pale as she brushed away blood from a cut on her cheek. "I probably won't be able to summon him for a while, but he will recover. Is… Is Nii-chan alright?"

"Yes, he's just a little scared," Moriyama said softly. She held her cupped hands up in front of her face. "Right Nii-chan? You're okay." The greenman's usual bright blossoms were closed into tight buds.

A few rocks shifted attracting the group's attention, but it was just Rin, finally bounding over the last bit of stone blocking him from the group and making a beeline for his brother. If it weren't for his healing factor he'd be, by far, in the worst shape. Blood was spattered on his clothes, and his shirt had a huge hole in the side of it where it was torn by one of Amaimon's attacks. The hole revealed a wound still dripping blood, but the flesh was stitching itself together right before their eyes. Rin clearly had only one thought on his mind though. "Yukio!"

Yukio jerked to his senses at the sound of his name, and Shura realized he had been staring at something, deep in thought. She peeked behind Rin and realized it was Amaimon's arm, laying in the dirt and burning with blue flames.

"I'm fine, Nii-san," Yukio assured as his eyes lingered on Rin's healing wound. But Rin was already poking and prodding him, looking for any hidden damage.

"Like hell you are! He had you by the neck!" Which, of course, meant Rin was going to poke said neck, which, of course, had Yukio hissing in pain, which, of course, sent him into another coughing fit.

"Don't touch it, ya idiot!" Shura finally released Yukio's ankle so she could yank Rin back by the point of his ear.

"Aaagh! I'm sorry!" he wailed.

"Let me see!" Moriyama took Rin's place kneeling in front of Yukio a more careful examination. The girl placed a small hand on Yukio's back as he coughed.

"Do you need water?" Konekomaru asked while Suguro disappeared behind some rubble for a moment before returning with his arms full of their backpacks. He tossed one to Shima and the three of them began searching for a water bottle. It was Kamiki's thin hand that pulled out a bottle and offered it to Moriyama. She was careful to look away from everyone so she couldn't be mistaken as caring though.

Rin watched the entire exchange quietly, but when he caught Shura's eye, he gave a tremendous grin to match her own.

Yukio clearly noticed too because, after pulling down his face mask and taking a gulp of water, he gave the group a small smile. Instead of the usual overly polite smile, it was one of those genuine ones that had been notably absent in recent weeks. "Thanks everyone."

Shura hummed to herself. It was an expression of gratitude that clearly meant more than it appeared on the surface, and she remembered she had been pleasantly surprised when it hadn't been just her and Moriyama rushing forward out of the safety of the wards when Yukio was thrown in front of them. Still, it was surprisingly honest for him. She wondered what had spurred it, but looking between Rin and Yukio, it was obvious. They had talked during their excursion into the forest.

"O-of course!" Moriyama said without an ounce of shame in her earnestness. "Are you okay now? Your wounds…"

"Actually, looking around," Yukio resumed a professional seriousness as he glanced around the group, "it seems I may be the only one not bleeding. We should take care of everyone else first—"

"Um, no! Please take it easy! I'll take care of everyone!" Her eyes darted between her friends. "Ah! Takara-kun is…?"

"Hey, Takara! You still alive?" Suguro shouted up into the sky.

The rabbit puppet peeked out from behind a boulder a few meters away. "Of course! I'm in way better shape than any of you losers!"

"Yeah, don't waste your time on him."

Rin grinned. "All right! Let's patch everyone up and go home!" They stared blankly at him, and he deflated at their lack of enthusiasm. "Huh? What's wrong?"

"Well, fer starters, ya set the forest on fire." Shura drew out a few holy water grenades from her tattoo. "Here. Go toss these around."

"Aw! But it stings when it gets on me."

"Then don't get it on ya." She smirked. "That should be no problem fer someone who just helped do the impossible, should it?"

It took a second for Rin to realize what she was talking about. Perhaps because he was that oblivious, or perhaps because in his mind defeating a demon king had never been an impossible task. He took the grenades and gave her a determined nod. "Right!"

He scurried past Yukio into the forest, and Shura realized, although it was just the smallest tilt of the corner of his mouth, Yukio was smiling again.

Maybe bumping into a demon king on the road home hadn't been the worst luck after all.

* * *

 **(1)** The honorific "-kyō" is often translated as "Sir."

 **(2)** "Aniue" is an even more respectful version of "Ani." Amaimon uses it when talking about Mephisto to acknowledge the difference in their power, experience, and so on.

 **A/N:** Giving away his position by coughing was probably the lamest thing I've had Yukio do so far, but that's why you shouldn't go to work while you're sick. You might get killed by a demon if you do. Anyway, I suppose I should give Yukio a cool moment soon to make up for it… Ahaha! Who am I kidding? I already know _exactly_ what's going to happen in the next few chapters.


	9. Answer

**A/N:** To those of you who celebrate: Happy Lunar New Year!

* * *

By some miracle, they made it on the last train out of the station. The few people on the bullet train stared at their dirty clothes and bandaged wounds, but they were fortunate to find a car that was mostly empty.

Everyone was exhausted, so it was no surprise when, twenty minutes into the train ride, Yukio was the only one awake. He closed his eyes and tried to let the quiet hum of the train relax him. But the moment he started to drift, pieces of the dream he had had that afternoon would drift to the surface. Flashes of his friends' and comrades' faces decaying, the heart beating and burning in his hands, Rin smiling like nothing was wrong…

He yanked down his face mask as the air suddenly felt too stuffy, and his muscles itched under his skin with the need for movement. Quickly and quietly, he left his seat and exited the back of the passenger car to the small connecting car. He paced the short length for a few minutes before giving up and leaning against the wall next to the vending machine. It was just a dream; he was getting worked up over nothing. He pushed his glasses up so he could press the heels of his palms into his eyelids for a moment and let out a deep breath. In truth, the dream was just a single wave in the sea of thoughts bugging him. Turning towards the window, he lowered his hands and stared. It was too dark to see out of, effectively turning the glass into a mirror.

He frowned at his own reflection. A bruise was forming around his neck. It was darker than the one Shura had given him when he had first told her about his eyes. Amaimon's chokehold had had the same effect as hers though. His vision had gone blue, and Amaimon had said the same thing Tōdō had on that sweltering summer night…

He clenched his fists at the memory. Where was Tōdō hiding? How long would he have to wait to find the demon eater again? How was he supposed to grow if his opponent never showed his face? He couldn't disappoint Rin, he had to find Tōdō and—

His thoughts screeched to a halt when his eyes flickered up from the bruise to his face. He was grotesque. The clenched teeth, the twisted glower, the darkness in his eyes… This was what he had been afraid of. This face was what he had to erase before Rin saw. Rin had seen the lying, the envy, the fear, and the desperation. He couldn't see this hate. Nobody could see this.

Warmth pressed into his back and Shura's face popped up next to his. Before he could spin around in surprise, she pinched both of his cheeks from behind and tugged, stretching his face into a deformed smile. " _This_ is how ya make funny faces, Four Eyes."

He batted away her hands and quickly pulled his face mask up over his face as he turned around to stare at her in shock. How could she stand there so calmly with nothing more than a raised eyebrow?! She had seen it, hadn't she?!

They stood frozen like that, him staring wide-eyed at her and her blinking slowly at him, long enough for it to become awkward. Stubbornness seized him, and he decided if she wasn't going to say anything about it, he wouldn't either.

He scowled and rubbed his sore cheeks, allowing the reflexive annoyance that came with her presence to hide his horror and mortification. "What are you doing here?"

She yawned and dug the tips of her fingers into one of the tiny pockets of her shorts. A moment later, she managed to produce a change purse that should have been too big for the pocket, and he wondered if she had finally figured out how to replicate the dimensional wards in her tattoos. "I'm thirsty an' I learned long ago they don't like it when ya drink beer on the train," she murmured and examined the vending machine's contents.

"You mean when you get drunk," he corrected.

She shrugged. "What 'bout ya? Shouldn't ya be restin'?"

"I rested all evening." He actually had more energy now than he had had that afternoon.

She grinned. "Yeah, Rin was havin' a good time takin' care of ya." He had insisted on carrying Yukio to the station, right up to settling Yukio in his seat on the train.

"Even though I'm perfectly fine."

She hummed and her eyes slid to his neck. "Aside from the coughin'." She snickered. "Can't believe ya gave away yer position like that!"

"I couldn't control it!" he huffed.

She grinned up at him. "Well, I guess it worked out. Ya wouldn't have been able ta stick Amaimon otherwise."

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ani was supposed to take the syringe, but he forgot…"

"Hmmm…" She gave him a side-glance. "Are ya sure ya just didn't want ta let go of it?"

He scoffed and crossed his arms. "What? Why would I want that?"

Her coin purse opened with a pop, and she slid a few coins into the machine. "Ya wanted ta be the one in danger, not Rin."

He quickly looked away from her even though she was too busy pressing the corresponding buttons for her drink selection to spare him a glance. He hated when she did that. Seeing through him without even looking.

There was a telltale clunk, and she reached down to fish out her bottle of green tea. "I knew it! Ya planned on bein' bait, right? Draw Amaimon in, stick him, an' if he went too far, yer eyes would kick in, right? Then Rin could charge in an' finish the job."

Was he really that transparent? He really could have given Rin the syringe and Kurikara earlier, but a part of him had stubbornly hoped Rin wouldn't be alone on the battlefield.

"It's really funny though, isn't it?" she said with no humor in her voice. " _Yer_ the one always yellin' at Rin when he does somethin' reckless. Ya should understand what it's like ta be on the other side best of all." She grabbed the cap of her bottle and twisted harshly. It let out a terrible cracking sound, and he winced.

"Sorry," he murmured.

"What was that? Could ya repeat?" She cupped a hand around her ear, but her grin told him she had heard him properly.

His remorse instantly evaporated. "Never mind."

She chuckled. "I guess I'll give ya a pass this time since Rin talked ya out of it." Then she took a swig of her drink and squinted at him. "Though fer future reference, recklessness doesn't suit ya."

Given her lifestyle, he had the perfect comeback, but then his eyes caught sight of the large, purple bruise blooming on her thigh and the words died on his lips. He could still hear her suppressed cry of pain as she dragged him out of harm's way. It was almost as bad as watching Rin take the blow for him, flesh tearing like tissue paper and blood misting from the high velocity of the blow. Yukio had been so foolish to depend on them to pull him out of danger and think they wouldn't get hurt. But then, there was no way he could've sat on the sidelines; he would've never forgiven himself if he did. He couldn't regret his decision to fight, but that didn't stop a familiar hatred for his own weakness from boiling up in his chest. The only way he managed to swallow down the feeling was years of practice.

She was still watching him, so he cleared his throat. "How's your leg?" he asked quietly.

"Hn?" She looked down at her leg as if she had forgotten about the wound even though she was clearly compensating for the pain by leaning on her other leg. She shrugged. "I've had worse." An apology formed on his lips, but before he could say anything he realized she was smirking smugly. "That brings us ta Shura-sama: 18, Scaredy-Cat Four Eyes: 7. Ya have a lot of catching up ta do!"

It had been years since she had mentioned the score of who had saved who, but he immediately recognized it as inaccurate. "There's no way you're up to 18! You're just making up numbers!"

She had the decency to hide half of her smirk behind her hand as she laughed, and he suddenly had the strangest sense that she was trying to cheer him up.

He fiddled with his face mask, pulling it down under his chin and keeping his fingers hooked in the soft material as he smiled. "Shura-san… thank you."

Her eyes widened a little, and he had to admit, he had always enjoyed catching her off guard. But it didn't last long before her smirk was back in full force. "Yer bein' awfully honest all of a sudden. Just what did Rin say ta ya?"

"Huh?" Looked like it was his turn.

"The two of ya were in the forest fer at least an hour. Ya weren't just runnin' 'round in silence that whole time, right?" She took another gulp of her tea.

"Yeah, we talked."

"What about?"

His thumb and forefinger fiddled with the mask, feeling a little defensive. He had said so much to Rin. In some ways, too much. "How is that any of your business?"

She snorted. "I guess it's not. But I did catch ya makin' funny faces. Clearly, somethin' is buggin' ya."

"It's nothing," he said more coldly than he meant to.

"Booo!" Her lips jutted out into a pout. "Bring Mr. Honest back!"

He gave her a flat stare. "Shura-san…"

"C'mon! Ya were bein' honest. Ya were goin' ta let Rin go out on the battlefield without ya." She raised a finger for each of his two achievements of the day. "I thought fer a minute there that it was just like that funny thing Rin was shoutin' 'bout ta a demon: yer growin' up."

"Really?" he blurted out before he could stop himself, and he grimaced in preparation for the teasing.

She looked him straight in the eye. "Well… Yeah."

To his chagrin, warmth rushed to his face, and judging from the amused spark in her eyes, she noticed.

"I still have a long way to go," he muttered to the wall.

In the corner of his eye he could see her roll her eyes at him. "Well, of course. Ya wouldn't be human otherwise. It's okay ta take a moment ta appreciate the progress ya make along the way though."

He winced. She didn't realize what he had been struggling with all evening. That growth she claimed she saw was just him forcing himself to trust that Rin could handle himself in battle. And, as she had pointed out earlier, he had struggled spectacularly with that one task. "It's not enough," he admitted. "I have to be stronger. For Ani."

"Fer Rin?" she echoed quietly, her teasing smile fading.

He finally released the mask, still dangling under his chin, so he could cross his arms tight against himself. "I keep showing him how… how I really am. He hasn't turned away yet, but… I can't wait for it to happen. I have to become stronger before that ever happens." He stared down at his shoes, and his nails dug into his arms. The pain it caused was strangely relieving. "I've gone all this time with the same goal and it's done nothing! I don't understand how I messed up, but I must have! All these years of hard work and I'm still… I still…" His breath hitched all on its own, so he forced himself to stop and focus on slowing his breathing. There was no way he would lose control for a second time that day.

There was a swish of liquid, and he had the feeling that she was drinking her tea to give him time to calm down. Then she stepped forward so he could see the tips of her boots next to his shoes. "Do ya remember when we first met?"

He swallowed hard and nodded. It was an obvious ploy to change the subject, but he welcomed the opportunity.

He had a very clear memory of wanting to impress her when they first met. She was his senior as an exorcist and, more importantly, Father's student. He had naively thought she could be another role model to learn from and be like. Reality quickly shattered that idea.

Shura hummed softly to herself, and he wondered what she was remembering from that first encounter. "Remember how I asked ya why a kid like ya would want to be an exorcist?"

He finally looked up at her so he could give her a proper scowl. "I remember you laughed at my answer."

That had been the first moment he realized he didn't like her. Actually, the first inkling was when she started trying to give him weird nicknames. The second was when he proudly answered that he wanted to be an exorcist to protect Rin and all the people of the world. Admittedly, it was a naïve and grand, bordering on arrogant, dream for a seven year old, but when she _laughed_ at him, that had stung with humiliation he had only expected from his bullies and not from Father's apprentice.

She laughed in the present as well, and he found that the nine year old wound still smarted. "Yeah, I thought ya were such a ridiculous goody two-shoes." Her laughter subsided as she swirled the tea in her bottle and absently eyed the liquid. "But I also thought it was a good dream. I almost wished I could make goals like that."

Years of experience made him think for a moment that she was making fun of him, but when she met his eye, there was no flicker of humor. He stared openly in surprise, and his face felt warm again.

She broke eye contact first and rubbed the tip of her nose. "There's nothin' wrong with wantin' ta be stronger in order ta protect people. It's what came after that twisted up yer goal."

Yukio quickly looked away to the wall again. He hated that she knew, but somehow she did. She knew that somewhere along the line he had started wishing to be strong to relieve his envy and shame. Rin had called him kind, yet in his goal to be stronger he had become so _selfish_. If only he could be the person Rin thought he was: a person worthy of respect. If only he could be a person Rin would never be ashamed of…

He shook his head. This gave him nothing new to work with. "I know I need to change how I do things. I know I need to be the person Rin thinks I am instead of doing things for my own selfish reasons."

"Hn." She studied him for a moment, one hand picking at the golden strands at the end of her ponytail. "Damn, ya had me fooled fer a minute there."

"What…?"

"I thought ya were bein' honest with yerself, but it looks like yer only halfway there. Yer still closin' off yer heart." Her face was suddenly serious as she continued to lean over and look him straight in the eye. "Yer still dangerous."

He jerked away, stumbling back from her until he hit the wall, and his back went so rigid the wound in his side ached. His heart was suddenly pounding against his ribs. It was horrible enough having to say it himself, but having it confirmed by someone he trusted was…

"Ah. Sorry. Was that too much after what happened today?" She slowly stood up straight, watching his reaction closely.

 _Yes,_ he wanted to shout at her, but he clamped his jaw shut so tight it hurt. He had brushed it off when she had said it before, months ago during one of their bets, but this time was different. This time they had both seen the mountainside, and he had admitted all sorts of things he shouldn't have to Rin, and Amaimon had given such a cryptic warning.

She sighed and took a few steps so she could lean against the wall next to him. The path to the door was now open, and some shameful, cowardly part of him wanted to leave before she could say anything more. Instead, he curled his toes inside his shoes and forced himself to wait.

"Yukio, y'always said ya wanted ta protect Rin, but after I came back ta the Japan Branch, ya were sayin' it with a different look in yer eye. What changed?" Her question hung in the air, unanswered, even though he knew the answer was obvious to her.

The corner of his heart that constantly ached with grief, waiting to strike at any given moment, decided this was an appropriate time to swell and smother him with the weight and pain of his loss. Of _their_ loss. He wondered if she had this suffocating ache too or if her grief felt different. And how did Rin's grief feel? Why hadn't Yukio- _selfish, selfish,_ Yukio- thought about this before? He angled his crossed arms just a little lower so he could hug around the wound healing in his side. The resulting flare of pain didn't match what was in his chest, but it was enough to force another breath into his body.

Father had died.

That's what changed. Father had died, and Yukio had taken it upon himself to take Father's place.

But Shura's question ultimately wasn't _what_ but _why._

Why had he taken Father's place? Yukio hadn't thought much of it. It was his duty as a son and a brother. That's all there was to it, right?

The five stages of grief came unbidden to his mind. He had definitely gone through anger, throwing blame onto Rin. But now, wasn't he just stuck bargaining? If he did a good enough job teaching in Father's place, protecting in Father's place, then… Then what?

Then he wouldn't lose Rin too.

He was doing it again, wasn't he? He decided to change and just like that, on his very first step, he fell flat on his face. Wanting to be stronger for Rin may have been a fine goal, but that's not what he was wishing for. What was what was spurring him now was the hope that Rin would never see exactly how twisted his heart had become. Instead of envy of his brother, now he was motivating himself with fear of his brother's opinion. What Yukio thought was a significant change was nothing at all.

"I'm just going in circles," he muttered, his jaw aching as he finally released the tension to speak. "I keep wanting to grow for all my own selfish reasons."

Shura leaned over a little so her shoulder bumped his. "Don't get me wrong, Yukio," she warned quietly. "I think ya _should_ be doin' it fer yerself. Just don't do it because of other people's opinions. Ferget what everyone else thinks an' be honest with yerself about what y'alone want." She shrugged, minimizing her own profound statement. "Life's too short ta worry 'bout others' opinions. Ya should just be like me."

Father had always implied that he could learn something from her carefree attitude, but he had only seen the carelessness of it. His shoulders slumped. "Like you?"

"Don't make it sound so horrible!" She swatted at his shoulder, and he smiled half-heartedly.

To him, the thought of giving up on everyone's opinions was foreign and downright impossible. "It may be easy for you, but I don't think I'm wired like that, Shura-san."

"Okay, okay." She waved the thought away. "Ya don't have ta change yer lifestyle or anythin'. But isn't there somethin'? Somethin' that ya want ta do that makes ya happy ta be yerself? Somethin' that ya chose all on yer own?"

Was there something? Was there _anything?_

So much of what he did lately was influenced by Rin. If he took all of that away… If he took away the duties that Father had left him… What was left? Was anything there that was truly his and his alone?

His hand went over his heart, over where the inside breast pocket of his jacket was. One of the slips of paper in that pocket came to mind. It was old, wrinkled, torn, and smudged with dirt, but it held his first dream: become a doctor.

Rin had seen the slip of paper and happily encouraged him, but what mattered now was Yukio had written it down all on his own, months before Father had offered him a place in the Order. And now, when he helped treat people, helped save lives… That moment when all of his training, knowledge, and hard work clicked, and he knew exactly how to help someone… That felt good. He could live happily just curing patients of ailments, demonic or not.

Maybe, if he helped enough people, he could become someone worth looking at in the mirror.

He looked up, perhaps to thank Shura, but…

She had her head thrown back and was guzzling the rest of the bottle of tea all at once.

He was never going to understand her, was he? Never.

"What are you doing?" he groaned.

She finished and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. "I told ya. I'm thirsty." Capping the bottle, she flipped it over so she could try to balance it upside-down on her finger, catching it every time it tried to fall. "Feelin' better?"

He looked up and caught his reflection in the window again. His grotesque self was gone, and now he simply looked tired. A smile formed on his lips. Finally, he knew where to start. "Yeah."

There was really only one question brewing on the edges of his mind. One he neglected asking three months ago when he was too caught up in his own troubles to consider what anybody else was thinking. But after what had happened that day he needed to hear the answer.

-oOo-

Shura tossed her bottle and was ready to go back to her seat when she realized he hadn't moved. She didn't have to look at him to know he was thinking hard about something. She yawned and stretched, giving him enough time to say something if he wanted to. When he didn't, she turned to the door.

"Shura-san?" There it was. She tilted her head back to look over her shoulder at him and saw him searching her face. The relieved smile she had finally earned from him was quickly fading. "Why are you doing this?"

"Hn?" She looked at him blankly, and he swallowed hard.

"Back when I first told you about my eyes, you said you wanted to share my burden like Father did for you, but…" He shifted his weight from foot to foot when she didn't give any reaction. "You don't owe _me_ anything. So why?"

She shrugged. "I want ta."

"That's not a reason," he objected with a frown. "Shura-san, I'm serious."

"So am I. Why does there need ta be one?" she countered easily. "When it comes to helping someone, why does there need to be a logical reason?" He opened his mouth, probably to object again, so she poked him in the forehead. "If ya stopped getting yerself stuck up here, ya'd realize I'm right."

He shot her a doubtful look as he rubbed his forehead. "Not for this. Not with so much at stake. You _know_." His voice suddenly dropped to a whisper. "You know what all this means. What those scorch marks on the mountain mean."

She was quiet. He was looking at her expectantly, probably wishing she would make some comment to annoy him or smack him in the head or _something_ to break the tension like she always did, but she wasn't sure what to offer him. The fact that he was even saying as much as he was out loud was a surprise.

He took a deep breath and seemed to be teetering on the edge of something. He stared down at his shoes and, to her awe, continued. "Why are you protecting me? You should turn me in or let me die or kill—"

Her hand shot out, and he visibly braced himself for the smack. Instead, she gripped his shoulder tight. "Don't. That's not happenin', an' ya shouldn't even be _thinkin'_ like that. We don't know fer sure."

A bitter laugh escaped him before he covered his mouth and shook his head.

"Yukio, I mean it. Nothin' is set in stone yet," she said fiercely. "The conversation we just had has ta count fer somethin'. Keep growin' the strength of the lock on yer heart, an' I'm sure in a year we'll be laughin' that ya even thought it was a possibility."

When he kept staring at his shoes, she squeezed his shoulder as if that would somehow help. Finally, he cleared his throat. "I, uh…" He looked up at her. "I'll understand if at some point you change your mind and you have to go to the Order." With all his seriousness about duty, she didn't doubt it.

"I won't." She stuck her fingers in her pockets and looped her thumbs in her belt loops. His face was still pale, but now she knew what she could offer him. "I'll tell ya what: if I'm wrong about all this, I'll take care of it. Okay?"

He seemed to freeze in place as he considered her offer. Then he took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Well…" He gave her a small smile that almost reached his eyes. "Ani did say he'd let you be one of my safeguards too."

"Is _that_ what ya talked 'bout?" That actually made it easy to picture the rest of their conversation in the forest: Yukio worrying and stressing himself out, and Rin being Rin. She laughed. "Does this mean I have ta interview with Rin before I get the position?"

"How about you just answer my question."

"Hn? Oh." Shura crossed her arms and snorted, realizing he had managed to bring the conversation back around to what he wanted to know. "Ya really need a reason? I know ya like ta draw a line between black an' white, but tryin' ta do that with things like this doesn't work." Judging from his stubborn stare, he wasn't going to drop it. She groaned. Honestly, she didn't have a clear-cut answer for why. What had she told Shima the other day? Some story about trust? She settled for listing the first things that came to mind. "Fine, I can list a couple. Take yer pick: Shirō told us ta have each other's backs-" She shrugged as she said the first reason to pop into her head, but he interrupted before she could rattle off the next one.

"He meant on the battlefield. He didn't mean a situation like this."

"Ya kiddin'?" she scoffed. "I'm sure he meant exactly this." For a moment, she pictured the satisfied grin Shirō would have on his face if he could see them now.

Yukio opened his mouth, probably to argue, but then sighed. "Next reason."

She gave a triumphant smirk, knowing he couldn't deny she was right, and earned a scowl. The second reason was easier to think up. "Ya didn't go runnin' when I told ya 'bout my past-"

Again, he interrupted. "You don't owe me anything for that. Your past doesn't worry me because that's not who you are."

She blinked. He said it so easily without a clue of how she hungered for words like those when she was little. She buried the tight feeling in her stomach under a grin to rival Shirō's. "Oh, so there _is_ a family resemblance!"

"Huh?" His oblivious confusion completed the picture.

"Ya sound like Rin!" She chuckled and then corrected herself. "Or I guess I should say ya sound like ya did as a kid. I thought ya grew out of sayin' such funny things!"

"Shura-san…" he grumbled and crossed his arms. "Next reason," he said flatly.

She laughed at the reemergence of the scowl. That expression was something that had definitely stayed the same over the years. "Okay, how 'bout this: if I were the one who needed help, are ya sayin' ya wouldn't do the same fer me? I mean, yer horrible at takin' the first step," she teased, "so I'd probably have ta ask fer help first, but once I did?"

"That's not a reason. That's a hypothetical," he objected, conveniently leaving out his answer. "Next."

"It is a reason," she argued back, her good humor beginning to slip away. "If ya stopped an' thought 'bout what ya would do if things were reversed, ya wouldn't need ta ask fer my reasons."

"Next," he insisted flatly.

He could be so stubborn! She waved her empty palms in the air, signalling the end of the game. "Sorry, I'm out!"

"There's no way that's it." The edge in his voice told her that he was frustrated. "You're not being serious; you're just saying whatever you think of off the top of your head."

"Just because ya don't like my answers, doesn't mean I have ta come up with somethin' more." She puffed out her lips in a pout. "I mean, the rest is the obvious."

"What's obvious?" he asked a little too quickly.

And that's when she realized, he wasn't being irritating in some plot to be contrary or annoy her. He wasn't accepting any of her answers because, while she kept turning her answers into reasons to tease him, he was genuinely concerned. He thought that if she didn't have a serious, definitive reason, if she had any doubt about protecting him, that she might wind up regretting her decision.

What he didn't understand, however, was that their ways of thinking were different. He had to have a clear reason while she was fine having every reason that occurred to her in that particular moment or no logical reason at all. She didn't need to analyze her own motives to know she wouldn't regret helping him. As a general rule, she didn't regret anything.

Shura looked him in the eye and hoped it would be clear this time that she was serious about every reason she had listed. "We're friends."

Yukio's wide eyes gave her pause, and she considered what she had just said. She supposed she should have been embarrassed to admit she had made friends with a scaredy-cat or to think that, until she had become his self-appointed confidant, he had probably only thought of her as the annoying woman that gave him weird nicknames, but it didn't faze her. No, something else was starting to click in the back of her mind that made her unsettled, but she kept her confident tone. "Wipe that dumb look off yer face. I know a lot of it was just circumstance, an' if it weren't fer our connection with Shirō it wouldn't have happened, but that's how things wound up."

It's not like she had followed Shirō to the Order looking for friends. In fact, she had purposefully kept all of her classmates at the cram school at a reasonable arm's length away from anything more than an acquaintance or teammate. The habit continued today. She had colleagues, comrades, and drinking buddies, and that was it.

And she was fine living like that. She didn't need a support system like a certain four eyed idiot. Living life for fun and her own happiness came easily, and maintaining a group of friendly acquaintances worked just fine for her. Her unspoken mantra of _avoid pain_ ranged anywhere from _avoid boredom_ to _avoid heartbreak_ , so this was preferable. Especially when she was running from her so-called fate.

But somewhere along the line…

The rest of that something in the back of her mind clicked, and she realized what was wrong with the last reason she offered him.

Damn. She had walked right into one of Shirō's 'This Will Be Good for You' traps, hadn't she?

"There you are…" They turned to find Rin standing in the doorway, voice heavy with sleep as he rubbed his eyes. "Don't disappear like that," he grumbled through a yawn.

"Sorry, Nii-san," Yukio said softly. He had that small, grateful smile on his face again, probably because of what she'd said, and unknowingly confirmed that she was ensnared in the trap. Damn it, Shirō.

Rin finally blinked himself awake and looked between them. "Uh… Am I interrupting something?"

"No," Shura murmured, and Rin shuffled his feet a little, seemingly recognizing her moodiness. She wasn't one to mope, but when she realized Shirō was _still_ pulling these stunts on her she allowed herself a moment of self-pity.

Yukio opened his mouth, obviously racking his brain for something to say to cheer her up, but Rin beat him to it.

"Oh, uh… Hey, Yukio! I'm an exorcist now!"

Silence hung in the air for a moment.

"Congratulations. Glad you finally realized. It only took you three months." Yukio clapped at the achievement, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

And there was no way Shura could sulk properly after that, so she clapped too while laughing shamelessly.

"Huh? No! Stop it you guys!" Rin yelled. When their round of applause died away, he crossed his arms and slumped into a pout. "I meant you promised to tell me stories of your missions with the Old Man when I became an exorcist! So let's hear some!"

"Oh." The distant look of nostalgia softened Yukio's eyes. "Right…"

Their choice in topic made it clear that they had no clue why she had been sulking, but Shura couldn't pass up the perfect opportunity to tease Yukio. She put on a mischievous smirk and added a bright tone to her voice. "Ya should tell him 'bout the time ya were nearly eaten by a ghoul, nya!"

"Wha-?! That's not how it happened!"

"Here, I'll get ya started. So one day, Old Man Four Eyes brings Scaredy-Cat Four Eyes—"

"Just what type of story are you trying to tell?!"

"Are ya sayin' ya can do better?"

"Of course I can! Anyone could!" Yukio crossed his arms and began setting the scene. "It was back when I was an exwire and had finally been approved for field missions. Some disapproved because of my age, but since I was with Father, the paladin, I got a special exception. This was the first field mission I had where I saw battle. We were charged with clearing a mansion haunted with several types of demons. Shura-san was preparing for her exorcist exam—"

"Wait. Doesn't that mean…" Rin scratched the side of his head as he tried to put something together. "You were exwires at the same time?"

Shura shrugged. "I was content just hangin' around the cram school an' livin' in the dorms. Unlike some people, I like ta take my time with things. Stop an' smell the roses. Enjoyin' life instead of buryin' myself in work an' becomin' a salaryman."

"Slacking off," Yukio corrected.

"Relaxin'," Shura insisted.

"Ah! Who cares?" Rin groaned. "Hurry up and continue!"

So Yukio continued the story of their first mission together. Shura inserted a comment here and there, particularly when Yukio would describe her and mix up the words for 'annoying' and 'awesome.' But for the most part she sat back and watched Rin grin with eagerness and Yukio smile wistfully.

 _Don't get attached._

Somewhere along the line, she had broken her own rule, hadn't she? Shirō was supposed to be her only mistake, a child's mistake. When she met that scrawny kid with the big dream and trained alongside him for five years, she knew she was in danger of another slip-up, until she had gone to the Vatican and was safe again. But of course, Shirō had other plans. Asking her to teach Rin had not only brought her back into Yukio's orbit, but introduced her to a funny guy like Rin as well.

Shirō must've known what he was leaving her with. Maybe it wasn't a favor he was asking of her when he requested she teach Rin. Maybe it was his apology for casting her away. Maybe it was his way of looking after her too.

He must've known she would try and protect it.

The question now was if she could do so while she continued to run.

* * *

 **A/N:** A thousand points to whoever can tell me the manga I borrowed one of Shura's lines towards the beginning of her section from. Although perhaps my username makes it obvious…

I'm going through a sharp increase in my workload starting… Well, it already started! Unfortunately this means updates will slow significantly in the following months. Unless I use this as a procrastination tool… Which I really shouldn't. But you won't judge me if I do, right? ;)


	10. Snap

**A/N:** Just as predicted, there was an extra-long wait, but hopefully a double update makes up for it. I hope you're all doing well, and life's been good for the past three months. It's been... rough for me. But I'm (just barely) surviving!

Anyway, I wanted to thank all of you for your patience, and especially for the encouragement from reviewers. And to dandelion379 and Swift-Star9, an especially big thanks for our conversations which inspired specific moments in this chapter.

(And yes, unfortunately, I'm still very busy, so expect another long wait for chapter 12.)

 **EDIT:** So I don't know if it's affecting you all too, or if it's just the new browser I'm using, but apparently the ō and ā symbols and the like appear smaller than the rest of the text if you're reading in the default Verdana font. I don't recall this happening in the past (but then it doesn't appear that way on the editing page)… Anyway, if you are getting this problem and it bugs you, there's an easy fix: change the font (click the big A at the top under the summary box between the A- and the lines). It looks like every other font, other than Verdana and Droid Sans, doesn't have this issue. Sorry for any inconvenience. For future chapters, this begs the question: do I continue like this for consistency's sake or do I switch to using "ou" and such? I guess if I don't hear anything from you all, I'll continue like I have, so please let me know!

* * *

It was the night after they had returned home, closing in on two in the morning, and, as Shura watched Yukio lean over stiffly to peer around the corner, she decided he was more of an idiot than she had originally thought. Even if he was no longer sick, he should've been asleep in bed, recovering from the literal hole in his side. Instead, he had been tracking Shima ever since the spy had left his dorm room half an hour earlier. He stood rigidly, peering around corners, holding his breath, rolling his feet with each step to prevent sound, completely oblivious to her presence a short distance behind him.

At the moment they were in a shopping district in the west part of town. This particular part of town had been hit hard by the Illuminati led Fire Demon Attack. Rubble painted gray with ash still littered the streets. Crumbling buildings, evacuated by their owners, loomed over them as imposing monoliths of silence in the darkness. Even at this late hour, there should have been people cutting through the streets from the bar Shura knew was only a block away. Curfew orders were still in effect though, so only store mannequins sporting the latest spring fashions were there to provide their company from behind the safety of glass windows.

Finally, it seemed Shima had reached his destination; he had been loitering in an alley for nearly five minutes now. Looked like it was time to reveal herself, so she crept up behind Yukio and leaned close to whisper in his ear. "So how's the stalkin' goin'?"

Yukio gasped out a curse as he whipped around to face her.

She gave a mock gasp. "Language, Four Eyes! I didn't even think ya knew that word."

"What are you doing here?!" he hissed back.

"Followin' ya followin' Shima." She shrugged. Her familiar had alerted her to Shima's unusual movement, so she had dragged herself out of bed to find out what he was up to. It was either a very stupid move or a very bold one on Shima's part. He knew about the familiar, so either he thought he could shake his tail or he was letting them follow. If it was the latter, as Shura suspected it was, then the question became was this a trap for her or a trap for who he was meeting?

She had been so careful to watch her back that it actually took a second for her to realize Shima had a second tail. She had wondered how Yukio had known when to follow Shima. It made sense that Shima would report what he saw on their mission when they got back home, and the Fire Demon Attack provided the perfect distraction for any Illuminati contacts to come and go. But Yukio couldn't have known the exact hour. Now that she could see his face properly though, it was clear he had been at it for a while, probably staking out Shima's dorm for the past few hours. He was unnaturally pale, pasty at best. "Ya look terrible. Do I need ta poke ya in the side an' send ya ta bed?"

"I'm fine."

"Y'know, every time ya say that, I just hear 'I'm terrible. Please knock some sense inta me Shura-sama!'" She mimed swooning while she did a perfect imitation of his voice.

He didn't look impressed. "If I ever call you 'sama' _then_ you'll know something is seriously wrong."

She grinned. "Uh-huh. Well, I'm still goin' ta have ta send y'away. I'll call some exorcists who weren't wounded just last week." As much as she wanted to continue exchanging teasing remarks, a sense of anxiety was coiled in the pit of her stomach. She needed to get him out of here before Shima met with someone. The fact that Yukio was willing to go this far to track Shima's contact… Well, if the contact was still Tōdō, then Yukio was definitely not ready for another encounter. "C'mon, let's go."

"I'm fine. Really."

"Ya really want ta make this difficult? Yer just lucky my familiar couldn't wake up Rin, or he'd be all over ya fer pullin' a stunt like this." She had called Rin the instant she had realized who the second shadow was, but after no response, she had sent her nāga instead. If she hadn't heard back by now, the sleeping beauty was probably still snoring away. She raised an eyebrow at Yukio. "I'll happily kick yer ass an' knock ya out in his stead if that's really how ya want ta play this…" She grinned with a touch of malice this time.

"If Shima's contact shows tonight it will be worth a few hours of standing in the shadows," he defended. "My wound is fine. _I'm_ fine."

He was missing the point. "An' yet ya didn't call fer any backup when ya saw Shima leave the dorms at such a late hour. This whole situation isn't _fine_ at all."

"What are you talking about?" he asked to a spot over her shoulder.

Her eyes narrowed. Playing dumb, huh? "Ya _know_ what. Yer expectin' fer Shima ta lead ya ta Tōdō, an' ya wanted ta face him alone."

"I would've called for backup…" he muttered, still avoiding her eyes.

She balked at the lie and had to take a moment to wrangle her temper. She wasn't sure what it was that irritated her so much: that he was trying to lie to her again, that he was putting himself in danger _again,_ or that after all they had talked about he still thought this was a good idea. At least he wasn't giving her that overly polite smile while trying to change the subject.

"Why are you here, Shura-san?" Yukio smiled that overly polite smile.

She considered punching it off his face. "Ya still want ta go down this dangerous path?" she growled. The smile slid off his face as he realized she wouldn't take his bait for a subject change. "C'mon! Did ya hit yer head an' ferget everythin' we just talked about on the train? Everythin' that happened around New Year's? Hasn't _anythin'_ changed fer ya?"

"It has," he insisted quietly in contrast to her raising volume. "But I have to do this before I can move forward."

"Do what exactly?" It was no use fishing for a straight answer from him. She had to come out and ask. "Are ya goin' ta kill Tōdō?"

Shura didn't know if she should have been more relieved or worried when Yukio didn't respond. If she had asked a few months ago, she probably would have received another flat-out lie. Now, he was quiet, a flash of uncertainty crossing his face.

He didn't know what he was going to do. He probably wouldn't know until he came face to face with his opponent.

Her anger extinguished a fraction at his hesitance. "Yukio, don't."

"Why not? He's a monster. He's a demon. We always aim to kill when it's a demon," he countered immediately, as if repeating a line he had memorized. He had reasoned this out before. "Why would you say I shouldn't now?"

"This isn't about whether or not he should be killed; this is about whether or not ya should do it. This isn't just any demon. If it was, ya wouldn't be so stubborn about doin' this by yerself."

"This is my mess. I have to clean it up. I said I would beat him next time we met, but then I failed. He got away again!" he hissed between clenched teeth. "If I can't do this then…!"

"Then what?" she insisted.

"Then… Then I can't…" He looked around, anywhere but her face, as he struggled for the words. "Then this is my limit! This is as far as I can go! If I can't do this, then I won't be able to move forward. I'll never be able to look myself in the eye. I'll never be able to look Rin in the eye as an equal."

She sighed, unsurprised by his words, but unhappy to hear he was still stuck in this thought pattern. "That's some twisted logic ya got there."

"You don't get it!" he snapped.

"Yukio—"

He shushed her and leaned over to peek properly around the corner again. "Someone's coming!"

The anxiety in her stomach uncoiled into dread.

Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe a different Illuminati contact had been sent. Tōdō had probably been chosen as the original contact because he knew all the best places to hide in the town he had lived in for years. But that wasn't necessary with the evacuations and curfew still in effect. So surely, they sent someone new…

The hood slid back a little, and her hope was extinguished. She barely recognized the young face, but Yukio's reaction made it clear.

"It's him!" Yukio started forward, but she pulled him back by the collar.

"Hold up! Yer not in any shape to do this. Physically or mentally."

"I'm fine!" He twisted around, forcing her to lose her grip, but she caught his arm instead.

"Yukio!" He shook off her grip, and she had to pin him against the wall to keep him still. "I get it! I do," she whispered hurriedly as he glared at her and tried to push her arm away from his chest. "Remember? I know what it's like ta be told yer just like someone that ya hate. But as much as ya try, ya can't deny the connection, and ya just want ta be rid of it!" It was a tad harder to keep him still now that he wasn't a scrawny kid, so it was a relief when his fight bled away with her words. She sighed. "This is dangerous fer ya. After all the progress ya've made so far, this is not goin' ta help ya. This isn't a step forward like ya think it is."

"But it has to be! If I can defeat Tōdō, I can defeat…!" His face twisted as if the words were bitter, and she recognized the expression from the last time they spoke about Tōdō.

"Yer nothin' like him," she repeated his own words from that conversation back to him. "Ya don't need need ta beat him ta prove that yer different. Yer yer own person, Yukio. Yer not connected ta this guy."

He went rigid, and, not for the first time, she wondered what Tōdō possibly could have said to get this deep into Yukio's head. He swallowed hard. "I…"

"I don't know about that," a third voice interrupted them. "You wouldn't have to deny it so many times if it weren't true. Right, Okumura Yukio-kun?"

Shura grabbed Yukio's wrist, yanked him behind her, and summoned her sword with her other hand in a single, fluid movement. She felt Yukio tense behind her and heard the sound of metal against cloth as he drew one of his guns.

Tōdō looked at the sword mere centimeters from his nose and raised an eyebrow. "Ah, right, Kirigakure Shura. We met once before, if you recall. I've been told you are the one who has been dragging Okumura-kun back into his delusions."

"If ya mean I'm helpin' him see things clearly, then yeah." She tightened her grip on Yukio's wrist and widened her stance, sliding her foot back so it bumped against his. He seemed to get the message, and paused in his efforts to silently edge around her. She knew it was useless trying to keep the two of them separated, but there was no way she couldn't try.

"Okumura-kun, I'm glad to see you're doing well." Tōdō looked over her shoulder at Yukio, blatantly ignoring her comment, before she sidled over to block his view. He smiled and made eye contact with her even as he continued to speak to Yukio. "You don't need to hide behind her, Okumura-kun. She's doing you no favors."

"I'm not hiding!" Yukio finally slipped around her and tore his hand out of hers so that he could draw his second gun. His posture was winding up for a strike, but to her relief, he didn't rush into an attack. "I won't lose this time."

Tōdō smiled contentedly despite now having three weapons pointed at his head. "That's an amusing thought. But I suppose I should take it seriously after all you've achieved recently. I hear congratulations are in order. Your plan to draw in one of the Eight Kings so you could use an anti-demon drug and the power you hold in your eyes was quite clever. It seems you've learned how to use your power well. I'm proud of the progress you've made."

The fact that he was complimenting behavior that had put Yukio in danger made Shura laugh mirthlessly. She was satisfied to see Tōdō's smile lose an ounce of its smugness. "Wow! He talks with such a sense of drama, doesn't he? I'm amazed ya can take this guy seriously."

She didn't earn a smile from Yukio like she had hoped, but her comment seemed to succeed in snapping him out of the intensity in which he was listening to Tōdō's words. Seeing him being sucked in so easily made her concern ratchet up by a multiple of ten. She had to keep him grounded. "Seems ridiculous ta me the way he's talkin' like the two of ya are buddies."

"It… It is isn't it," Yukio said slowly, and a dry smile made its way onto his face this time.

Tōdō frowned, and Shura could swear the air around her had risen in temperature. "You know I'm looking out for you, Okumura-kun. I was the one who saved you when you fell from the roof. And wasn't it me who suggested that you focus on using your powers against other demons? Because of that, you were able to destroy the Ocean Queen. It was an elegant victory, being able to take down a high level demon with a single attack. That must have been an exciting discovery. An important piece of data for your experiments."

"That's not why I did it." Yukio's voice was firm. "It was our duty to protect the villagers—"

"You don't need to pretend. Your motives may not be as selfless as your brother's would be, but there is no shame in desiring the next step towards the truth."

Shura felt her jaw drop open at the sheer audacity of his comments, and Yukio went rigid beside her. She wasn't at all surprised by the suggestion that Yukio's motives weren't all as he had claimed; she had asked what his motives were at the time for a reason. Even if his answer had been perfectly diplomatic, she knew he would always harbor a curiosity for certain truths no matter how dangerous it was for him. But she also knew that she trusted the answer he had given her at the time. She wouldn't have let him run off to use his eyes otherwise. That dangerous curiosity may have been spurring him deep in the back of his mind, something he might've realized if he was any good at being honest with himself, but she had trusted that his primary motive had been to protect because they had just seen Rin struck out cold and defenseless.

She had to hand it to Tōdō though. With one comment he encouraged that dangerous curiosity, grew the envy Yukio held towards Rin, and buried Yukio's kindness under another layer of self-reproach.

Shura wondered if she could get away with a quick slash to be rid of the demon eater's tongue, or if she'd wind up burned to a crisp for her efforts. Instead, she started silently signaling to Yukio that they needed to back away and get some space because if the standoff broke now, she didn't have enough space to dodge the attack she knew would be aimed at her. She knew Yukio understood the hand signals she was using even while gripping her sword, so his lack of response meant he was ignoring her. "Ya better not be listenin' ta this poisonous dribble, Yukio. It's idiotic!"

"Poison?" Tōdō echoed while Yukio shook his head an incremental amount, just enough to reject her strategy. She glared at Tōdō, but she was sure Yukio understood the glare was for him too. Tōdō's expression remained even, seemingly oblivious to the second conversation happening in front of him. "If I'm poison, are you supposed to be the antidote then? But from what I see, you're not curing anything, just masking the symptoms."

"Yeah?" She snorted, and slid her foot to the left until it hit the wall. Yukio's eyes narrowed, finally understanding why she wanted to back up, and he relented by moving his own foot backwards, beginning the slow, subtle shuffle around their opponent. Shura grinned in appreciation, but kept it cold for Tōdō's sake. "Nice try. I'm not playin'."

"But it's true! Think about it Okumura-kun." Yukio froze as Tōdō's eyes landed on him again, and she took the opportunity to move a step away from the wall. "Isn't she only acknowledging one part of you? I see you as a whole and would have you embrace your true self. This woman is just trying to change you and have you become what _she_ wants. She's as bad as your father."

"Excuse me?!" she choked out before Yukio could respond. Damn, she did not want to let this guy under her skin, but there's no way she could let that comment pass. "What did ya just say? I must be hearin' things."

"He used Yukio," Tōdō said simply, smiling at her indignation. "He assigned him the destiny of being nothing more than a tool to protect his brother."

" _That's_ the type of bullshit ya've been tryin' ta feed him this whole time?!" She knew it was bad; it had to be if it had rattled Yukio. But hearing it was proving more difficult than she had anticipated.

"You seem so sure it's untrue, yet he has confirmed it himself. He hates himself for being too weak to reject the life his father assigned him."

"Shut up!" Yukio shouted, finally objecting. "I never said that! I hate myself for being weak, but Father gave me a way to move past that weakness!"

Shura felt a stab of shock at how easily he admitted to his self-hatred in front of Tōdō and the fact that Tōdō didn't blink twice at the words. They had discussed this before. Damn it. When she had told him to be honest with himself before the battle in Kyoto, she hadn't meant be honest with the enemy too!

"Oh. You still try to convince yourself of that? How disappointing." Tōdō sighed. "You can't let him escape without blame though. What type of father lets his son grow to hate his brother or to hate himself? Wasn't he the one that put you in that position? Why would he let it continue? The only answer is that he didn't care. He wasn't your true father after all, so—"

"Shut up!" she shouted, disturbed by the words, but more horrified that Yukio was letting them be said. He was watching Tōdō with blank eyes, sinking into a daze as he listened. Shura growled. "Yer talkin' 'bout things ya don't understand! Yer talkin' like ya knew Shirō! Ya don't! Ya didn't watch him train Yukio! Ya didn't see how much he cared fer Yukio! Ya didn't see what I did!"

"I don't need to. I've lived it. And I see the results right in front of me." He turned back to Yukio and leaned towards him. "It's a pity, Okumura-kun. You let your father decide things for you as a child, and now you are allowing this woman to take up that role. Isn't it time you were honest with yourself about what you really want?"

"I am!" Yukio protested, shaking his head as if that would clear it. He settled into a glare. "I know who I am, and I know who I want to be."

"Want to be…? Forcing yourself to go along with the changes this woman, the Order, or your brother ask of you is _harmful_. If you're still trying to be something you're not, then how can you say you know who you are? We cannot change. We are chameleons; we can change our skins, but at our core we remain the same. That core is what you cannot turn away from."

She was beginning to see how easy it was to be sucked into his words. "Hey, I'm all fer bein' honest with yerself, but yer neglectin' ta mention the big difference between ya an' Yukio. Maybe some people can't grow an' change, but some definitely can! Fer some people, acceptin' who y'are is just the first step. If ya have it in ya ta know yerself an' work ta grow beyond who y'are now, then why wouldn't ya put in that effort? Clearly, ya were one of those people that didn't have that strength. Ya took the easy way out!"

"Easy? I find no shame in saying it was incredibly easy once I admitted the truth to myself. This is who I was meant to be. Easy or hard ultimately does not matter. I am true to myself and my desires. You cannot argue that that is wrong. Are you claiming you worked hard to get the life you desire, and that fighting to reach your goals makes you better than me?"

The unfortunate truth of it was that she couldn't claim that she had. She knew her limit and hadn't bothered trying to push past it. She had her reasons for not bothering. Enjoying life was more important to her, and she liked who she was. But she knew Yukio was different.

"Yer just tryin' ta drag Yukio down ta yer level. If anyone has the strength ta constantly strive ta be better, it's him. He's got way more potential than ya ever did!" She glanced at Yukio, and the dread in her stomach vanished in place of amusement. His posture was stiff, but far less aggressive than it had been in the beginning of the conversation. If anything, the stiffness was just in reaction to her words. Tōdō seemed to notice too, and a note of coldness entered his voice.

"I will not argue with you there. I see the potential too." The smile he gave was nothing short of a cat that had swallowed a bird. But then, he had, hadn't he?

Her instincts screamed a warning of danger at the base of her skull, and Shura edged one foot backwards, preparing to drag Yukio away.

Tōdō saw the movement, and his smile grew. There was no chance of outrunning the attack. She was still too close to the wall, and her speed was diminished by her deeply bruised leg from the battle with Amaimon and her ankle still weak from the battle with the Ocean Queen. Her mind scrambled for an idea, any way to escape.

The demon eater cocked his head to the side. "Should we see if the legends are true? Karura versus nāga… The winner should be obvious. (1)"

"Don't try anything!" Yukio yelled, recognizing the threat while a thousand thoughts rushed through her head. Two viable ideas occurred to her, but one was something she hadn't used since she was a child, and she'd be damned if Tōdō could make her use it.

"I'm afraid you've left me no choice, Okumura-kun." He raised his hands, palms up, and fire leapt from his fingertips. "I only aim to free you from this woman's influence. Just as Satan freed you from your father's."

"Don't talk about him!" Yukio roared, and all her words to calm him no longer mattered.

Her own mind went blank with fury, and in a flash of rage she went for the attack. But before she could take even a single step a shiver ran down her spine as the air around her spiked in heat. Her body moved to evade before her mind registered the danger. She dove.

She barely made it behind Yukio, her nose wrinkling at the scent of her own hair singeing. Sure enough, Tōdō's attack missed them both by a miniscule, yet notable distance. He wouldn't kill Yukio.

She threw an arm around Yukio and hurried backwards, struggling to drag him with her as he opened fire on Tōdō. While the attacks slowed Tōdō down, it was also preventing her from getting a good grip on him.

"Yukio! C'mon!" she yelled furiously. Fire flared around them, cutting off all paths of escape except a straight path right behind her. Yeah, right. Like she would walk into such an obvious trap without her shield. If her shield would just work with her.

"No! I won't run from this!" Yukio shouted back, digging his heels into the ground.

"It's not runnin', it's savin' my skin from becomin' barbecue!"

"Go on without me then!"

"I can't!"

But he should have already figured that out. She caught a glimpse of his face as she readjusted her arm around him, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. He… He was too consumed. She had never seen him lose his head in battle; even when he was a frightened kid, he still had some sense. But now he wasn't thinking. He wasn't considering the danger he was putting them both in.

Tōdō chuckled at their arguing.

"Damn it!" she cursed loudly before he could start with any of his ridiculous dribble again. "Calm down, Yukio! Yer not thinkin' clearly!"

Waves of heat emanating from the ground gave them fair warning of another attack right where they were standing. Shura tried to move backwards. Yukio threw his weight forwards.

"Let go!" Yukio yelled as Shura screamed out a string of curses.

She'd have to apologize for this later. Or maybe not, considering this was his fault. She rammed the pommel of her sword into his side, just below his wound, with a little more force than she had meant to. The effect was instantaneous. The breath was knocked out of him, and Yukio passed out, going limp in her arms. She scooped him up and ran. Flames erupted from where they were just standing.

A wall of fire exploded in front of her, forcing her to spring sideways, but then another geyser of flames had her skidding to a stop before she ran right into it. Beneath the flood of adrenaline in her system, her leg began to throb with the effort to dodge attack after attack. She whipped around again searching for a new direction and saw Tōdō's pleased face. He was toying with her.

The inferno encircled her and began closing in from all sides, snapping and spitting embers at her. The air was stifling, sweat trickled down her back, and soon she was coughing from all the smoke.

A hand reached through the fire and grabbed Yukio. He woke up gasping and spluttering for air as he twisted away from the hand.

"Let go of him!" she growled and had to juggle Yukio so she could deliver a powerful strike with her sword, hacking off the arm. But even without a body, it clung to Yukio, the fingers walking up her arm like a spider, trying to find the best place to pry at her grip.

Tōdō's face appeared in in the flames. "You're the one who should let go."

"Ya can't have him!" She suddenly wished Shirō was… She wished Rin was there to back her up.

She stabbed the face through the eye, but the flames grinned. "Have you noticed the futility?" he mused. "You cannot win. You are not even a player in this game, Kirigakure Shura. It's time you stopped pretending you were."

A second hand joined the first as the flames leaned forward to smirk at her. The fingers burned blisters into her skin as they tore at her grip on Yukio. She hissed and slashed and knew it was hopeless.

She was going to die a very painful death unless she did something… Anything… Damn it! Tōdō had forced her to use it after all.

"Yukio, don't do anythin' stupid! I'm not goin' far! Do ya hear me, Yukio?!" She didn't have time to search for comprehension in his face before the scorching hands wrenched him away so that he toppled to the ground, the fire clearing a path for him. Instantly, the flames leapt around her to separate them, completely surrounding her, and, a split-second later, Tōdō attacked.

Just as before, she felt the ground beneath her feet spike in heat. But now that Yukio was safe, Tōdō didn't hesitate, and unleashed the full fury of his flames.

Shura hadn't performed a substitution technique since she was eight years old, but now she executed it so quickly, it would've made her mother proud.

Or at least she liked to imagine that the technique was developed by her mother. There was no way to know for certain who had scrawled the instructions for the technique in the margins of the old scrolls of the Kirigakure clan, but the ink was clearly fresher than the rest of the old notes. Whoever had discovered it, Shura was sure the woman had only figured it out while trying to break the seal on her chest.

The technique itself was awful. She had only used it once in her life, but once was one time too many for her tastes. To perform it, she had to stretch the dimensional wards in her tattoo out over her whole body. With enough focus, the wards which usually allowed her to summon her sword or other weapons could be bent to her will for a split second, so that she could trade places with something nearby of a similar mass at the cost of her energy. Unlike the teleportation Mephisto specialized in, this was utterly useless in battle. When she used it as a child it was in an attempt to run away, and now with fire exploding beneath her feet, she had no choice but to do the same. Hopefully this attempt would be more successful.

The snapback of the wards made her ears pop, and she could see nothing but white for a moment as the world spun around her. She yelped and fell to the floor, tearing off her boots blindly as she realized the soles of her shoes were melting. The awful smell of melting rubber had her gagging in unison with the taste of dusty plastic in her mouth. She wished she had chosen something a little more palatable to trade places with, but one of the dusty mannequins in the window had been the most obvious choice.

She sat up, her arms trembling and head swimming with the effort as she peered through the window of the boutique she had transported herself to. The fire in the street illuminated the stunned look on Yukio's face as he sat up and stared at where she had just been. Then she realized her mistake.

Usually it would be obvious to anyone watching the scene what she had done. But Tōdō burned everything so quickly and efficiently that the mannequin had instantly charred into something that almost looked human. Almost.

But with the mindset Yukio was in, _almost_ was too much.

Her fists pounded against the glass trapping her inside the boutique.

"Yukio! _No!"_

-oOo-

Yukio hit the ground hard, causing the breath to be knocked out of him and black spots to pop in front of his eyes. His side still screamed in pain from Shura's blow, and it took a second for his body to remember how take air in. He struggled against himself, pushing off the heavy blanket of pain, but by the time he scrambled to his feet, it was too late.

What had just happened? He stared at the orange flames

It wasn't possible. This was Shura. This was Father's student. She was stronger than that. That natural talent that he had admired and envied from the first moment he had seen her in battle was too good to be defeated so easily. She couldn't be gone just like that. The body didn't look right. There hadn't even been a scream. The scene was all wrong. She must have escaped somehow. This was just some sort of illusion or hallucination. It wasn't real. She had just said she wasn't going far. She wouldn't just… _leave_.

"Shu…" Yukio had to swallow hard before he found his voice. "Shura-san?" He tried to look beyond the walls of fire surrounding him. She had to be around here somewhere.

"Hm. That's too bad," Tōdō murmured, frowning slightly.

"You…" His eyes were caught on Tōdō's mild disappointment, and he was suddenly aware of his heartbeat. His pulse was pounding through his entire body. His skin felt so hot it was as if he was burning too. Whatever doubt he had was gone; Yukio decided. He had killed her.

He had done nothing to stop it. Why hadn't he objected more? Kept Tōdō's attention on himself instead of her? He had been too focused on Tōdō's words _again_. Every time Tōdō opened his mouth, Yukio struggled to find his feet in the steady stream of venom that poured out. Having Shura there to deny and defend for him had been an unexpected relief, but he had made the same mistake as with Amaimon: why did he think she could pull him out of danger without getting hurt?

What a fool! What a useless, pathetic fool!

Tōdō sighed. "Well, now that we are alone…"

Whatever Tōdō said next was lost to Yukio. All he heard was the nonchalant tone Tōdō had, as if he hadn't just… Hadn't just…

Something in the back of his head snapped like a rubber band finally stretched past its limit. " _You…!"_

The word was ripped painfully from his throat, but his wrath was all that mattered. He leapt at the man in front of him and put all his weight behind the tackle. They tumbled to the ground, and before they hit the pavement he had already pressed his guns to Tōdō's skull. He fired bullet after bullet, blessed by Suijin water gods, directly into the brain until his guns clicked, useless, empty in his hands.

He had killed her! He had killed her and acted like it was nothing! He acted like it didn't matter! It didn't matter that he had killed her while Yukio was on the ground, completely and utterly useless!

He discarded the pistols and found himself striking with his hands. He pummeled Tōdō with fist after fist, slamming the smug face against the ground. The shock of each blow ran up his arm with a satisfying jolt of force as he threw his entire strength behind each punch. Again, again, _again! Harder! Hurt him! Hurt him!_

This wouldn't have happened if he had been stronger. This wouldn't have happened if he had defeated him the last time they had met or the last time or…

No more! No more of the arrogant, manipulative bastard! _No more useless, pathetic coward!_

He had to beat him, punish him, hurt him, finish him! _He had to end him! Kill him!_

The pain began to surface in the sea of rage. His side throbbed with each breath and his fists shattered with each blow. Something was tearing his throat apart, and his eyes stung painfully, and he could still see her, completely serious for once, as she told him they were friends.

He had killed her. He had killed her after all she had done for him, and now she was gone and he couldn't… He could never…

His mind refused to continue the thought as he drowned in pain and rage. He focused on his fury, trying to sweep the swell of suffocating grief underneath. But that corner of his heart reserved for his grief for Father attacked with vigor. After all the training and missions together, he was supposed to have her back. Father would be so disappointed in him.

He threw another strike and another and another, and fire lapped at his knuckles, rushing up to repair what little damage he had caused to Tōdō's smirk. He didn't even bother to protect himself.

Smug, vile monster! _Weak, pitiful excuse for an exorcist—for a friend!_

He had failed her, failed Father! _He had to end it!_

It took a moment for sound to come back. The rushing of blood in his ears cleared away just enough for him to hear someone screaming. The ache of his throat suggested the horrible sound was coming from himself.

And then somewhere behind him, beyond the fire, there was the wailing of one of the nearby store's security alarm, and someone else was shouting his name. Perhaps it was Shima. Yukio had lost track of him in the chaos.

Tōdō was saying something, but Yukio didn't need to hear it. No more. He refused to be trapped by the demon's words again. He grabbed one of the holy water canisters he had brought with him and rammed it against that smile until he managed to shove it down Tōdō's throat. A cold satisfaction trickled down his spine when Tōdō gargled and choked, and the serene glint in his eye finally changed.

But then the can grew hot in his hand and suddenly burst, steam spraying everywhere, burning his hands, stinging his eyes, and making him cough. He swiped the water from his face as Tōdō spit out the empty can and laughed.

And before his mind registered the ineffectiveness of the move, he wrapped his hands around Tōdō's neck and squeezed until the laughter stopped. But his hands were burning, and he couldn't get a good grip, and he couldn't stop the words spilling from Tōdō's mouth.

"There's the face I wanted to see! You're so close. You're almost ready. Soon you will come to your full potential." His voice was horribly calm, making Yukio strike him again, trying to force him to feel pain, to feel something even as Yukio burned his bloody knuckles against the man's jaw. It only served to feed the flurry of thoughts in Yukio's mind.

He needed more. His fists weren't enough. His weapons weren't enough. He needed more strength. He needed more power. He needed the power of a demon.

"You want my full potential?" He didn't recognize his own voice through the cruelty in it. "You think I don't know? That I haven't figured it out?!" He grabbed one of his guns and reloaded it at last. "You want to see it so badly?! Here it is!"

He raised the gun to his own temple and released the safety. But his heart was a hot coal of fury in his chest. Not an ounce of fear when he needed it most. He put his finger on the trigger and felt a swell of approval when Tōdō's smile faltered.

If it didn't work, it didn't work. It'd be better for the world either way.

But then someone gripped him tight from behind, wrenching the pistol from his grip with a clatter against the pavement, pulling him backwards, off of Tōdō. He flailed blindly against his captor, elbowing them in the stomach and digging his nails into the arms holding him in place. "Let go!" He could see Tōdō's flames receding as the coward fled. "Let me go! He's getting away!"

"Yukio, stop!" shouted a familiar voice. There were only a few people in the world who could walk through the oppressive heat of Tōdō's flames with such ease, and only one who would hold him with such a gentle strength.

"Nii-san, let me go!" he cried, but Rin just held him tighter.

"No! Yukio-!"

"Let go!" He kicked back against his brother, but Rin was too strong. Yukio was too weak.

"I won't! I won't lose you!" Rin was yelling.

Yukio mustered his strength and elbowed Rin again, this time as an intentional strike, and Rin grunted, his grip loosening just enough. Yukio tore himself free and dashed forward, but Rin caught his forearm, tugging him back. The opposing momentums caused him to spin, Rin's strength pulling him around so that he faced his brother for a moment. "Let go!" he cried, refusing to look at Rin's face.

"Yukio, please!" Rin's voice cracked, and Yukio paused. Rin was reaching for him with his other hand. His fingers were trembling. Yukio stared, his entire body still pounding with his heartbeat.

He had to hurry… Tōdō was getting away. The chance he had been waiting for was slipping away again. He still had to defeat him… He still had to…

He let Rin yank him down into a clumsy hug.

"Let go," he whispered. The driving vengeance possessing him left him all at once, and his legs gave out beneath him, causing him to collapse into Rin's arms. Rin held him up, unbothered by the weight. He felt so warm compared to the sudden chill going through Yukio. "Let go," Yukio sobbed into the fabric of Rin's sweatshirt.

"No. Never going to happen." Rin slowly lowered him down to sit on the ground.

He didn't know, Yukio suddenly realized, and the coldness spreading through his body was accompanied by a heavy numbness. Rin didn't know that Shura was… Shura was…

And worse yet, it was his fault. It was all his fault. He had failed. He was too weak. He would never beat Tōdō. He would never be strong enough.

He wasn't sure how long he sat, frozen, in Rin's arms, staring blankly at the flames surrounding them as they faded back into darkness now that Tōdō was no longer there to spur them. The roar of the fire fell to a whisper.

"Yukio…"

He looked up and blinked once, twice just to make sure.

Shura knelt in front of him and gripped his shoulders tight like she had before Tōdō had shown up a lifetime before. Her face was ashen, and she was breathing hard as if it was taking all her effort to appear before him. He forced himself to release one hand from its vice-like grip on Rin and stiffly curled it around her wrist instead. He immediately found her pulse. The thumping of blood rushing through her veins kept a quick and steady rhythm against his numbing fingers. _Alive. Alive. Alive._

She smiled at him, but it lacked its usual mirth. "C'mon. Yer not gonna get rid of me that easily."

Relief washed through him like a wave rolling up onto a beach, and he sagged in Rin's arms. A second wave rolled through him, this one full of exhaustion and nausea.

"We're lucky the buildings didn't catch fire," Shura murmured. "But we should still move-"

"Indeed," a new voice agreed smoothly.

Yukio blinked, and the smoke and darkness of Campus Town were gone. He thought for a moment he had lost consciousness, but Rin and Shura were still crouched next to him. Then the fog of his brain lifted just enough to recognize the new voice, and it made sense how they had ended up in the headmaster's office.

"I just got out of the hospital, and I'm already putting out fires for you three," Pheles hummed to himself, patting out a flame on his gaudy purple pajamas. "You can go now, Shima-kun."

Shima was standing next to Pheles's desk watching the three kneeling on the floor. So this was where he had gone.

"Shima?! What are you doing here?!" Rin sat up straight as he looked at his friend, but kept his arms around Yukio.

Was it the change in lighting after being surrounded by fire, or did Shima look pale? "I was…"

"He told me where to find you," Pheles explained when Shima's reply didn't continue. He gave Shima a dismissive wave of his hand. "You've done enough tonight. I need to talk to these three alone now."

Shima closed his mouth and gave a curt nod. Yukio had never seen him look so stricken before as he stole one more glance at them and left the office.

"Now then, there are plenty of chairs. No need to sit on the ground," Pheles said breezily as if they were there for nothing more than a mission briefing.

 _He knows the truth. He has answers for everything. He would know if Father…_

The dull thought froze, uncompleted in Yukio's head as Rin lifted him into a chair. He would ask in a minute. He just needed to rest a little first. Everything felt so heavy. Shura was next to him. He watched through blurry eyes, as if his glasses had slipped off his face, as she lifted his shirt to check his wound. His eyelids fell closed of their own volition for just a moment. He would ask in just a moment…

Their voices sank down to him through the thick layers of fatigue.

"Yukio? Are you okay?" Rin's voice was muted, but the concern was still audible.

"By some miracle, he didn't pull his stitches." Shura's voice was sharp with a quality Yukio struggled to put a name to. It was something he had heard once before, but when was evasive. "He's just tired. Right, Yukio?"

Yukio felt his head bob in a nod and heard Rin sigh in relief, although he kept his hand on Yukio's arm as he stood. "Uh… What are you doing? What the hell happened here?"

Yukio's eyes cracked open, or they must have, for he was watching the scene again. Pheles was moving around the room, waving his hand in a dramatic fashion. As he did so, his office began to clear itself of the mess littering the floor. Someone had upturned the room, clearly searching for something.

"The Fire Demon Attack allowed some ants into our picnic," Pheles said simply.

"Huh?"

"The attack was a distraction ta get into yer office," Shura deduced. She leaned heavily against Pheles's desk. "I heard there were sights all over town that were rummaged through: the library, one of the classrooms in the school, the labs at the hospital, and a sweets shop." She raised a finger for each location as she rattled them off.

"Huh? Why so many weird places?" Rin scratched the side of his head.

"Smokescreen." She shrugged. She was watching Pheles move about his office instead of facing Rin and Yukio. "They usually try ta hide their presence, so the fact that they left all these places trashed… They probably didn't have time ta clean up like usual, so they hid what they were really after by goin' after several targets even though they cared about only one of them."

"What were they after?" Rin asked as if everyone else knew the answer except for him.

"I wonder," Pheles said vaguely in a tone that implied he knew. He finished cleaning and finally sat behind his desk. He folded his hands in front of him. "So… I take it you had a nice trip."

Shura snorted and turned to face the demon. She swayed a bit as she turned, but she didn't sit down next to Yukio. Instead she stood stiffly with her hands on her hips, her chin lifting defiantly. "Is that what we're callin' it now?"

"I also hear you had an unexpected guest on your way home." He sighed dramatically. "I suppose I should apologize for Amaimon's rudeness."

"Oh. Oh yeah!" Rin said, unnecessarily loud. "What was with that?! He said he was mad at you and… Oh."

Pheles raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"He…" Rin shuffled his feet and squeezed Yukio's arm. "He's your brother, right? And we… We killed him."

Pheles grinned at Rin's discomfort. "You never touched our foolish brother's heart; what makes you think you killed him?"

"Huh?"

"Do you need another reminder so soon?" Pheles asked smoothly. "The two weaknesses of a demon are…?"

"I know, I know!" Rin pouted. "I just thought his body was too burned up after all that…"

"It will take some time for him to find another host body suitable to his needs, but I imagine he'll be ready to fight you again in a few years. Unless you'd be so kind as to meet him in Gehenna…?" Pheles winked, and Rin gave a displeased grunt. Pheles chuckled. "I thought not." He leaned back in his chair. "The mission itself went better than expected though. It seems you defeated the Queen more quickly than anticipated." Through the fog, Yukio was dimly aware that Pheles was smirking at him. "I expected you to keep that particular card close to your chest a little longer."

"You knew about his eyes?!" Rin stepped in between Yukio and Pheles.

"There is very little that happens in this town that I don't know. Did you really think that over a month of testing himself would go unnoticed?" he asked with a grin.

"An' yet ya didn't say anythin'."

Pheles raised an eyebrow at Shura's comment. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot in a staccato rhythm against the floor. "He was gettin' hurt that whole time, an' ya said nothin'. Ya just let him continue on. How long until ya would have said somethin'?"

"His life was never in danger. The one time it was, someone else swooped in to put him back on track." He brushed off her concern with a wave of his hand.

Shura drew up to her full height. "That someone else was Tōdō! An' throwin' himself in front of demons instead of off of buildings isn't any less dangerous! The whole _idea_ was ta put his life in danger!"

"Off of buildings?" Rin echoed quietly.

She glanced out of the corner of her eye at Rin, but didn't respond.

"Curious." Pheles cocked his head to one side as he watched Shura's reaction, but the knowing glint in his eye made the gesture mocking instead of genuine. "I thought you didn't get attached to anything."

"Shut up!"

The edge to her voice was anger, Yukio suddenly realized. No wonder it had taken him so long to place. Despite all their bickering, it was always _him_ getting angry. The only time he had heard her yell during an argument had been with Father.

But here she was, shouting. "Don't rub that in my face again, an' don't ya dare pretend ta understand what I'm feelin'! Yer a demon! Ya don't even _understand_ human emotions! Ya just put on an act an' imitate what ya see around ya! But ya don't really get it! Yer just an imposter! Just a puppeteer with a puppet that should have died thousands of years ago!

"Ya don't care about any of us, so stop botherin' pretendin'! We're all just pawns in this game ya play where ya have all the information an' we're left with nothin'! How many more secrets are ya holdin' back while we suffer because of it?! How much longer-"

"Did you forget my warning, Kirigakure-sensei?" Pheles interrupted, his tone icy.

"I'm sick of yer threats! It's time that y'answer—"

Pheles stood and the room was suddenly _full_. Up until that point, the rest of the scene had felt distant and illusory, but experiencing the sudden _realness_ of this pressure felt like being slapped awake. Yukio knew he had felt both of these sensations before, and there was no question of when he had felt this pressure. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and a trickle of adrenaline went straight down his spine just as had happened that time when Lucifer had cornered him and, more recently, when Amaimon had held him down. He felt incredibly small as he looked at Pheles and immediately understood that they were in the presence of a demon of high caliber. He had no doubt that if Pheles looked at him the way he was looking at Shura, the world would be cast in blue.

To her credit, Shura stood her ground, but she immediately silenced, her face flushed and posture rigid.

"But… But you do know, don't you?" Somehow Rin was undeterred by the thick silence that had descended over them. "You know what's happening to Yukio. You… You know where Yukio's demon heart is!" Rin stepped forward, his feet naturally arranging themselves in a battle stance. Yukio felt a distant spark of surprise that Rin would think to ask about that. "Do you have it? Where is it?"

The pressure lifted as Pheles sat again and tented his fingers in front of him. "I assure you, something like that does not exist in this world."

"What the hell does that mean?!"

"I think that's enough for tonight, don't you?"

"No it's not! You haven't answered anythi—"

"Tomorrow," Pheles interrupted as he turned back to Shura, "you'll be given the details of a mission you'll be taking part in on the day of the full moon. Take Okumura-sensei on that mission. Maybe you'll learn something interesting." Finally, he grinned again. "Now then, I think we all should be in bed at such a late hour!"

And with that they found themselves outside in the brisk nighttime air. Yukio found himself standing again and stumbled into Rin. He leaned heavily against Rin's shoulder, his eyes closing again as the surrounding darkness pressed down on him.

"What…?! I'm not done with you, you gaudy clown!" Rin yelled. "You think teleporting me is going to stop me?!"

"Rin, don't. He'll just keep sendin' ya back here. Let's go. Yukio needs ta rest."

Rin paused halfway through a deep breath as he prepared to yell more. Then Yukio felt Rin's shoulders droop in defeat. He picked Yukio up and said something to Shura in softer tones, but their voices were too far away for Yukio to make sense of them anymore. The darkness was so welcoming and easy. So he slid under the blanket of sleep where there was no more pain or anger or anything…

* * *

 **(1)** I'm sure many of you are familiar with the rivalry between Garuda and Nāga found in a few different religions. Karura is directly based off of the Garuda, and some of the legends have Karura acting as the natural predator of Nāga, which is what Tōdō's threat was referring to.

 **A/N:** Next chapter will be up either tonight or tomorrow. Not sure when because I'm doing last minute edits at the same time as studying for exams. Look at me I'm such a good student. Ha ha...


	11. Request

**A/N:** If you're a returning reader that just hit that little blue arrow after the title that brings you to the latest chapter, please note I posted TWO CHAPTERS in two days, so you might want to go back a chapter and check that out if you haven't already. Trust me, the fic reads much better in order.

* * *

Shura paced the length of the twins' dorm, trying not to look at Yukio's bed where he was still sleeping, and purposefully stomping on the comforters that she had used as a makeshift futon for a few hours the night before. It was lumpy and awful, and she probably should have gone home to her own bed. But she didn't want to leave; she was too furious. She had half a mind to wake Yukio up and let him know exactly how _stupid_ he had been, but then she would remember how hollow he had looked in Mephisto's office…

No, she was positive he would be just fine. The worst wound he had gotten was the bruise from _her_.

The heaviness of guilt threatened to settle over her, but she squared her shoulders against it. Rin had the concern part down, judging from the way he kept looking at Yukio's bed every few minutes.

She turned on her heel and made another pass across the room, glancing at the clock. It was well past noon. She wondered if Yukio had ever slept so late, but she didn't have the humor in her to appreciate the thought. Instead she just stomped a little louder because if _she_ was awake after burning up all her energy last night, then he had no excuse.

"Ugh…"

Shura and Rin looked up simultaneously. She stopped pacing and put her hands on her hips. Rin bound over from where he had been glaring at the mission report he was supposed to be writing.

"You're awake! Are you okay? How're you feeling?" Rin helped Yukio sit up while Yukio winced and held his side.

"Fine," Yukio croaked before clearing his throat. "Where are my…" he began in a more regular voice, but Rin was already handing him his glasses. "Thanks," he murmured as he slid them on, and his eyes scanned the room, landing on her for nearly half a second before she looked away. She could see him frown out of the corner of her eye as he adjusted his wrinkled clothes, the same he had been wearing the night before, and pat down his bedhead. He glanced behind Rin at his desk and frowned. "What happened there?"

"I was lookin' fer the burn paste," Shura said curtly, looking at the mess she had left on his desk when she upturned his medical bag in her search. It had taken a while since the paste had been in an unlabeled bottle. But as soon as she popped off the cap she was greeted with a familiar smell and a flood of memories: a mission exorcising a herd of hellfire salamanders, minor burns, and Shirō rattling off a complicated recipe which she had promptly forgotten. At least Yukio had been listening. The paste provided a much needed cooling sensation to the blisters dotting her arms and the angry red splotches on his hands.

Yukio glanced at his hands where she had dabbed the paste on his burns. They were already looking better, but then Tōdō had been going easy on him. "Oh. Thanks."

She hummed and stared at the spot above his head. His frown deepened.

"Yukio?" Rin shuffled his feet, and his tail twitched. Shura couldn't help but think of a cat preparing to pounce, and in the next second he had Yukio by the collar and was yelling at the top of his lungs. "What the hell were you thinking?! What the hell was all of that last night?!"

Before Yukio could answer, Rin pulled him up into a hug. Shura looked away, trying to give them a semblance of privacy. A muffled reply came from where Yukio was being crushed to Rin's chest.

"Why would you do something so dangerous?!" Rin continued, and his voice cracked and fell into a strained whisper. "That person you were fighting, were they really worth it?!" He squeezed harder for a moment before letting go and taking a step back from Yukio, his hands still gripping Yukio's shoulders. "You… You had a gun to your head!"

Her anger was waning as she listened to Rin's voice. She peeked a glance at Yukio's face, hoping this would be enough. He looked like he would have preferred more yelling as the color disappeared from his face, and he watched Rin with wide eyes. He scrambled to his feet. "No! Nii-san, it was just to trigger my eyes! It was nothing more! I never would have done it! I just needed my eyes! You don't have to worry, I never—"

"Oh, be honest!" Shura bit out and began pacing again. She had been trying. Really, truly. She should have left the room the minute Rin hugged Yukio and just let the brothers hash it out among themselves. But the instant she saw Rin relax even a fraction of a degree at Yukio's reassurance, a rush of heat went straight to her head.

"Shura?" Rin froze and glanced over his shoulder at her from where he stood between the two of them.

She saw the confusion in his eyes and quickly turned back to Yukio. "Ya weren't goin' ta trigger anythin'! Admit it! There wasn't an ounce of fear in ya, an' ya still would've shot yerself!"

"No, I—"

"Damn it! I knew I shouldn't have let ya use yer eyes on the Ocean Queen!" She had gone over it again and again that morning, trying to pinpoint when things had gone wrong.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Yer thinkin' of it as a weapon now! No," she backtracked, "That's wrong. Ya've _always_ thought of it as a weapon!"

"It _is_ a weapon." He didn't even blink as he said it.

"It's yer _life!_ But look at ya! Ya don't care, do ya?!Yer so used ta riskin' yer life that ya don't see what's wrong with all of this!"

"Of course I wish there was another way, but this is how it works." Just as had happened the night before, his voice was quiet in response to her yelling. Funny how that didn't help her temper.

"Are ya sure? Ya know _exactly_ how it all works all of a sudden? No more experiments needed, right?" She could hear the condescending tone in her voice and saw Yukio's eyes narrow.

"Where is this coming from?" he demanded through clenched teeth. "You said I was being reckless, but you ultimately didn't have a problem with it before."

She wasn't sure she had an answer to that. All she knew was somehow it was very different seeing him on the ground with Amaimon above him versus watching him above Tōdō, pulling a gun on himself. "I changed my mind," she growled. "An' after ya try ta use it three times in a _week_ , I think it's understandable. Yer usin' it too much!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Yer depedin' on yer eyes too much!" she repeated. If he insisted on playing dumb, she'd spell it out for him. "Haven't ya considered what it's doin' ta ya?! Didn't we just talk about how worried ya were about what this could lead?! Haven't ya thought that usin' yer eyes like this might lead _exactly_ where ya want ta avoid?!

"But if yer willin' ta sacrifice yer life fer this _weapon_...! If strength is—" No, that wasn't the right word. "—if _power_ is all ya care about, then by all means, depend on yer eyes! Go ahead an' run down that path! But I'm warnin' ya now, this obsession of yers is dangerous! It's gonna leave ya dead or a demon! An' I'm not goin' ta sit around an' watch! I don't know why I've been botherin' with ya this whole time!"

"I never asked you to," he said coldly.

"You guys don't mean that…" Rin started weakly. "Just calm down and—"

She might have let Rin finish if it weren't for how Yukio's comment stung in a way she had never experienced before. The sting only spurred her to continue yelling. "Of course ya wouldn't! When have ya ever asked fer help?! There's no way your ego would have allowed it!"

"Ego?" He smiled sardonically. "So I take it swooping in to save me when I never _asked_ for it has nothing to do with _your_ ego?"

"I'm tryin' ta look after ya! All I've ever done is look after ya!"

"That sounds familiar," he muttered, and she bristled as she realized he was comparing her to Tōdō. "Maybe he was right. You keep butting into my business and telling me what you think is best."

She stopped in her tracks and turned to stare at him, eyes narrowed. "What did ya just say?! Don't ya dare listen ta that guy!"

He glared back and finally his volume was rising to match hers. "I don't need you to tell me what to do! I don't need a babysitter! I'm not a kid anymore, so stop treating me like one!"

"Well, sorry ta burst yer bubble, but pretendin' ta be an adult doesn't make ya one!"

"And being one doesn't make you right!"

"If ya stop lyin' ta yerself fer one moment, then ya'd realize that I am! Ya'd realize that killin' Tōdō's not gonna make ya stop hatin' yerself!"

"Shut up!" he shouted, unable to come up with a better comeback, and she knew she had gone too far and stepped into a minefield, but the momentum of her anger was driving her forward. She was just so _furious_ and the sight of him within the flames, out of her reach, holding a gun to his own head burned bright in her mind.

"Y'almost got us both killed last night, an' all fer this stupid mindset yer stuck in! Ya need ta get over yerself! Get over how weak ya think y'are!"

"You don't understand!" He pushed past Rin, who was still frozen in place, eyes darting between them. Yukio stood at his full height, so she had to glare up at him. "You've never had to work and push yourself and struggle like I have! You don't get what it's like to live in a world where you have to run yourself ragged just to be average compared to everyone around you, and you never will! You can't begin to understand, so don't you dare talk to me about it!"

"After givin' advice ta ya all those times an' nearly dyin' last night, I think I've earned the right ta talk about it! Yer supposed ta be movin' past this! Yer supposed ta be better than this! But we keep windin' back here, an' it's gettin' old! How the hell did ya wind up like this?! Sometimes I wonder who the hell raised ya! It's a really good thing Shirō can't see ya now!"

Rin made a choking sound, and Yukio stiffened. Forget tripping a landmine; she had just detonated the entire field with a single step. His face flared red, and his eyes flashed dangerously at her. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"Ya _know_ what! Shirō didn't see everythin' black an' white! Not after the two of ya were born! But that's exactly the type of thinkin' yer stuck in! He'd be disappointed in ya!" Something else was surging up in her chest, pushing out the anger. Something painful. "I'm disappointed in ya! I overestimated ya! I can't keep doin' this!"

"Then don't!" he snapped viciously. He crossed the room in a few strides, heading for the door and stuffing his feet into his shoes.

"Where are ya goin'?!" she yelled at his retreating back. "Don't run away!"

And suddenly, horribly she was reminded of yelling at Shirō for casting her away, accepting his death, _leaving her_. The memory hit her like a sucker punch to the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. He was halfway out the door by the time she managed to take her next breath.

"I'm taking a walk!" Yukio shouted and slammed the door behind him.

She stood for one long moment, chest heaving, but instead of going after Yukio, she found herself shuffling backwards until the back of her knees hit his bed, and she collapsed onto it. Rin was still standing there, staring at the door with wide eyes.

"Shura?" Rin's voice was thin.

She buried her face in her hands. "Sorry."

Who she was talking to, she couldn't tell.

-oOo-

Rin wasn't sure how long he stared at the door Yukio had slammed behind him and then at Shura, staring dejectedly at the floor, and then back to the door.

So much had been said that he could barely register all of it, but one thing stuck in his mind. Yukio… hated himself? The panic attack in the forest suddenly made even more sense. Rin felt suddenly cold. How could he have missed this? He liked to think he wasn't oblivious to Yukio's troubles anymore, but he had assumed too much. He had acted like everything had been solved when Yukio opened up to him. He had done it when Yukio had first told him about his eyes, and now he had been naive enough to do it after their conversation in the forest. Getting Yukio to open up was such a hurdle, that once he had achieved that he had naturally taken a step back in relief. But he should have kept pushing. Nothing had been solved at all!

"Aren't you gonna go after him?!" he finally broke the silence. Shura didn't respond. Rin took a step towards her, bouncing back his heels restlessly. "You can't leave it like that!"

She continued her staring contest with the floorboards.

"Fine! Well, I'm going!" He crossed the room in a few strides and tore his coat off its hanger, sending it clattering to the ground. He somehow managed to get one arm through the proper hole at the same time as trying to get his feet into his shoes, when a knock came from the door right in front of him. "Huh?"

He opened it to find Shiemi wringing her hands and also staring at the floor. She jumped, clearly surprised at how quickly he had answered. "Oh! Rin! Hello!" She bowed hastily. "Sorry for bothering you on the weekend! I, um… I was hoping to speak with Yuki-chan!"

"He just left! You didn't see him on your way up?" He must have been moving faster than Rin thought.

"No, I didn't." She bit her lip. Rin pulled his other arm into his jacket and was about to pass Shiemi into the hall when she looked over his shoulder at Shura. "Is everything alright? Kirigakure-sensei?"

Rin peeked back at her, but all Shura did was pull Yukio's comforter over herself as she lay down. He growled. "You're really not coming with me?!"

"He won't want ta see me. An' I'm tired of bein' the one goin' ta him." Her voice came out muffled as she pulled the covers up to her chin.

"Fine!" Rin stepped out the door and pushed it closed with more force than necessary. He started down the stairs, not bothering to lock up.

"Um…" Shiemi trailed after him, a step behind. "What's going on? Is Yuki-chan okay?"

"He and Shura just had a big fight!" He gestured wildly, trying to ease his irritation at Shura. "I didn't know he yelled at anyone like that other than me, but then he stormed off in the middle of it!"

"Oh…" she said quietly. "So you're going to look for him?"

"Yeah. Though to be honest, I don't know what to say. I…" He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared blankly at the door. "I keep doing this. I keep acting like things are fixed when it's not even close. I keep failing him."

Shiemi's warm hand suddenly clasped his own, and he wondered if it would be okay to just stand here like this for a second.

"Rin? I'm sure you didn't. You're looking for him now, aren't you? You haven't given up yet, so you haven't failed yet." She took the final step down so that they were side by side. "I'm sure you'll think of what to say. It took me a long time, but I finally figured out what I want to say to him too." She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Now come on. Let's look for him together."

-oOo-

Fifteen minutes. He had been walking aimlessly through town for fifteen minutes, and he was still boiling over with anger.

How could she do that? How could she say those things?! How could she say them in front of Rin?! Hadn't she seen how shaken Rin was already without her saying things he didn't need to know?!

It took all his strength just to leave the room before he did something he regretted. He was seething. God, he just wanted to _hit_ something!

He stopped abruptly and stared down at the bandages she had applied to his knuckles, immediately regretting that thought. Then he realized where his feet had taken him.

The walls of the alleyway were black with soot. The darkness stood in contrast to the soft pastels of the adjoining stores' spring displays. He couldn't recall what was in the alley before, but whatever litter had been there had been reduced to flaky, gray ash. What caught his eye though was the storefront on the opposite side of the street. One of the windows had been boarded up, and an employee was busy sweeping up the shattered glass. It took a moment for Yukio to realize what was wrong with the scene: the glass was on the outside of the store as if someone had broken out, not in. Then he noticed the missing mannequin. How she had done it was a mystery, but he could guess who it had been.

He looked back at the pile of gray ash in the middle of the alley. In the daylight it was obvious it wasn't human, just a hunk of warped, charred plastic. Had he really been fooled by this? Or had he _let_ himself be fooled, just so he'd have a justified excuse to do something so irrational.

Because that's what it was. He knew perfectly well that getting information about the Illuminati and Lucifer's plans should have taken precedence over everything else, but instead he chose to believe Shura had been killed, even as the evidence screamed otherwise. He hadn't even used half of the weapons he had brought with him or a single one of the strategies he had thought up. He had just _attacked_ with no other purpose than to satisfy his hatred.

A breeze drifted by, and Yukio was suddenly aware of how cold he was. He tried to take a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, but the moment he did he saw Rin's face again.

Waking up sore with the full effect of being bludgeoned in the side was horrible enough, but when Rin started questioning him, thinking that he would've pulled the trigger… Yukio realized, with horrible guilt twisting in his stomach, why Rin, who was braver and stronger than anyone, had been trembling the night before.

Yukio had done that.

He had hurt Rin. He had almost gotten Shura killed.

He was dangerous, but not in the way he had expected. This had nothing to do with his eyes or demons or whatever abilities he somehow triggered. He may have done those things, but there was always a layer between each act and himself: a blue film clouding his vision and giving it a dreamlike quality. Those things never quite felt like they were him. But this. This was _all_ him.

"Oh! Okumura-sen-! Ah, I mean, Okumura-kun!"

How long had he been like this? Had he been born this way? He had been born weak, reportedly without a demonic heart, so it wouldn't have been much of a surprise if there was some piece of his human heart missing. He had been fighting a lost battle from the very beginning.

"Okumura-kun?"

Rin had seen. Rin knew now. And Father…

His stomach dropped to his feet, and he wasn't brave enough to finish the thought.

"Um…"

An itching pain surged through his hands, and he suddenly became aware that he was clenching his hands into fists, his nails digging into the burns on his palms. Then he realized that someone was standing next to him, calling him in a gentle voice.

"Are you okay?" Paku leaned forward slightly as she watched him carefully. It had been months since he had seen her outside of school and probably just as long without Kamiki present.

There were so few people on the streets that Yukio hadn't expected to run into someone he knew. He quickly forced himself to smile. "Sorry, Paku-san, I didn't see you there."

"Should you be up? Izumo said that you were injured." She eyed Yukio for signs of his wounds and her brow knit together as her eyes jumped from the bruise on his neck to his hands. Even under her gaze, it took a moment for him to loosen his fists.

"I'm fine." He slipped his hands into his pockets. "Some mild exercise is good for my recovery. How are you?"

Her brow was still furrowed, but she nodded. "I'm doing well. I'm going to meet Shiemi-chan at a café later. She's been so busy all month! It seems you exorcists don't get a break nowadays."

"Ah, yes, it's been busy. Well, I don't want to keep you…" He could feel the warmth in his smile slipping away by the second.

"No, don't worry about it. I texted her, and she's busy right now, so we're going to meet later." She sidled up next to him, undeterred by what must have been a chilling smile now. "So? Where to?"

He didn't have it in him to keep up the act. "You'll have to excuse me, Paku-san," he said politely, even as the smile faded away. "I'm not sure I'd be the best company right now."

"That's okay. I don't need the best."

He raised an eyebrow at her response and opened his mouth to object, but she interrupted. "Did you hear? Even though the Fire Demon Attack interrupted all the preparation, some of the third-years are insisting we go ahead with the graduation ceremony. They're expecting people to come back and for things to go on like normal."

"Really, Paku-san, I don't think—"

"I think I understand. Can you imagine if it were our graduation ceremony?"

"Paku-san—"

"I know I'd be really disappointed. Plus a bit of normal may be exactly what we need."

"Paku-san, I'd rather be alone."

"No, you wouldn't."

Yukio's sour mood was snuffed out by surprise for a moment. He didn't know Paku very well, but she always spoke in a soft voice and had a calm demeanor. Well, okay, that hadn't changed, but she hadn't struck him as the stubborn type. "I… wouldn't?"

She smiled and her eyes twinkled knowingly. "I'm used to Izumo's bad moods," she reminded gently. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

He stared at her for a moment and ran his thumb over a particularly sensitive burn on his palm. Then he allowed himself to glower as he shook his head. A part of him wondered how long Paku would stay with him despite this. "I really should be alone."

"I don't think I've ever met someone that was _supposed_ to be alone."

She had no clue. He snorted and wondered if her optimism would have survived if she hadn't quit the cram school. "You must have very good luck then," he muttered.

"Maybe." She shrugged. "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"

"No," he said curtly, and began to walk again. Part of him wanted to stay and inspect the alley more, but the urge to move away from the scene, from the conversation was overpowering.

"Okay," she answered easily, barely keeping up with his long stride without breaking into a jog. "So as I was saying about the attacks and such…" She let the comment dangle.

He wasn't sure he should encourage her with an answer, but the silence between them was somehow worse than listening to her soft voice talk about things he didn't particularly care about. He sighed. "I'm surprised you haven't gone home yet."

After the attacks, all classes had been canceled, and several students had gone home for an early spring vacation.

"Well… Actually, I was supposed to be on a train two days ago, but I couldn't leave until you all came back from your mission." She grinned abashedly and shrugged. "But… My parents were really mad when I didn't use my ticket. I'm going home tonight."

Her smile fell, and she looked away to the ground. A dagger of guilt pierced his bitter façade, and he wondered if there was anything he could say. It was easy for him to imagine what it would be like being sent away at a time like this. He hadn't known until afterwards, but he had once been sent away at a critical time. It had only been for a few hours, but he had returned to find his world turned upside-down. It was hard to believe nearly a year had passed since then.

Paku was the one who broke the silence. "Did you hear that they're not sure if they'll open the school after spring break? We might not get to start our second year together. But I guess after what happened during the school festival and now that fire rained down from the sky, it's understandable that people would be scared. They don't realize that with all the exorcists around, this is now one of the safest places to be…"

"I don't know about that. The Order is a target. Maybe it would be better if the school closed."

"You really believe that? I think, now that most of the students know about demons, they should be told about the Order. We should be allowed to make our own decisions. There are things that you can't abandon, even if there's a risk of danger." Despite her firm tone, a moment later her shoulders drooped. "I know I can't do anything. But all of you are doing your best! I can't imagine leaving all of you alone." She scratched her cheek sheepishly. "I'm sure that sounds really silly to you."

He thought of Rin's words from the night before and shook his head. "Not at all." He smiled again, but this one wasn't forced. "Kamiki's lucky to have you as a friend."

"Oh, no, I'm the lucky one, getting to be friends with someone so strong and sure of what they want."

Shura's cocky grin popped into his head, and he frowned.

"Okumura-kun?"

"It's nothing…" he said a little too quickly to be believed, but she nodded, ready to accept that answer.

Perhaps… Perhaps it was okay. He didn't know Paku well, but somehow that made it easier to ask about something as naive as this. He stared down at the cracks in the pavement below his feet. "Paku-san, have you ever had fight with Kamiki-san?"

In the corner of his eye, he saw her give a small smile. "Of course. A few times over little things when we were young. Although I don't know if you could really call them fights since I'm no good at arguing." She hummed and looked off in the distance. "There was one time that it was about something bigger. We don't disagree on much, so it was hard for me to say it to her, but I knew I was the only person who she would listen to. I knew that what she was doing… I knew she was better than that, so I told her how I felt because I wanted her to be the person I know she is. She actually thought I might not want to be friends after that because we had never disagreed on something so important before."

His throat felt thick as he recognized more in her story than he cared to admit. He swallowed hard. "But you two made up."

"Of course! I couldn't stay mad, especially when I saw that she was trying to be better about things." They walked idly down the road, his pace long since slowed to a more comfortable speed for her. "But you know how all of this goes. You've fought with your brother before, right?"

"All the time, but today…"

"You fought with someone else?" she filled in.

"I've never fought with anyone else," he admitted. "Ani was there, and I'm sure he's upset with me now too, but…" He sighed. "The fight was with Shura-san."

"You mean Kirigakure Shura? The person I knew as Yamada-kun?" She cocked her head to the side as she considered this. "Izumo told me a little about her. She said you two were close. I'm sure you'll work it out."

He didn't have a response for that, so he nodded.

They walked together in silence for a while. Paku seemed content to peer into the windows of some of the nearby stores. Yukio simply tried his best to calm the swell of thoughts and feelings as he replayed his argument with Shura in his head.

Paku's phone suddenly buzzed. She slipped it out of her bag and took a look at the text. "Oh! Oh no! She was looking for you!"

"Who?"

"Shiemi-chan! She just texted that she was going to take even longer because she's going to look for you. Ah! I should have known!" She began to tap out a reply on her phone. "When I texted her earlier she said she needed to say something important to someone before we met up," she explained. Then, to his surprise, Paku giggled. "I was teasing her and asked if she was going to the old boy's dorm because I thought that maybe that something important was…" She froze and covered her mouth with her hand. "Um! I mean…"

He raised an eyebrow, unsure why she was suddenly going red.

She dropped her gaze back to her phone and finished her message. "She said she really was going to the dorms, and I thought…"

"You thought she wanted to talk to Ani?" She nodded, not meeting his eye, and it suddenly clicked what important thing Shiemi could have wanted to say to Rin. "Oh."

She froze again, and he had his answer. She finally lowered her hand, but her face was full of pity. "You… know?"

The familiar, awful feeling stewing on the edge of his mind every time he looked at Rin together with Shiemi flared in response to her pity. Because of course he knew. He had known for months. Rin wasn't shy about it, and it was easy to read the way Shiemi looked to Rin in those vital moments. He crossed his arms, letting them fall against the large bruise Shura had given him, to stave off the need to move, to run, to yell that always came with this feeling.

But then Rin, pale and gripping Yukio hard in order to hide his trembling hands, flashed through his mind, and heavy, sickening guilt welled up to dull everything else. Because who was he kidding? Rin deserved to be happy, and Shiemi deserved so much more than anything Yukio had within him. Last night had been proof of that. So why, _how_ could he possibly justify not giving up? Rin was by far the better match, and the way he inspired Shiemi, it was clear he would always be. So why did he still feel like this?

He hated to lose. He had seen her first. All he had were these stupid, immature reasons. It was selfish, pathetic, and unfair to them. Yet he still clung to these feelings because he wasn't ready to have this conversation with anyone, let alone himself. He had had months to think about it, but instead he had pushed it aside and focused on work just like he always did with so many things because he was a coward. Because he wasn't ready to face the reality of the situation, and when he was alone with Shiemi he still felt so peaceful. With everything happening around him, he needed that peace. He couldn't deal with the pain and trouble of letting her go just yet.

"Oh… Um… Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up," Paku said, and he wondered what his face must look like if she felt the need to apologize. Was it that ugly face he had on the train? The same face Tōdō had seen and complimented? Or some other jealousy twisted expression?

"I'm that obvious, huh?" he asked bitterly, daring her to answer.

She looked away. "No, you're not…"

He smiled wryly. "I see." He sighed. "So Shiemi-san is on her way?"

"Um… Yes." She glanced at her phone again. "I think she must be—"

"Yuki-chan! Nori-chan!"

He stiffened, searching for his smile before he turned around.

Shiemi was running towards them, but she wasn't alone. Rin was next to her, matching her stride. Yukio tore his eyes away from the sight and instead focused on Shiemi's face. Her eyes were bright as if she were happy to see him. Rin hadn't told her about last night.

Shame smothered him. Of course not. Rin would never do that to him.

He glanced at his brother's face as the pair came to a stop in front of them. Paku greeted them while Shiemi bent over, breathing hard after running.

Rin met his gaze, and Yukio was frozen in place as he braced himself for the accusations or, worse, the forgiveness he didn't deserve.

"Yukio, you…" Rin took a step forward. Yukio curled his toes in his shoes, forcing himself not to retreat a step back. "You don't have to pretend!"

That was when Yukio realized he still had his smile on. He quickly ducked his head away.

"Damn it!" Rin bellowed suddenly, making the girls jump. "Things were supposed to be different now!"

Yukio felt a flash of his temper. Shura had said something similar. They just expected him to be different now? Magically cured of everything wrong with him within little more than a week or a few months?

"Yukio, say something!"

He grit his teeth. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth! That's all I've ever asked for! Damn it, Yukio! Look at me!" Rin grabbed him by the shirt collar, but Yukio continued to keep his head down.

"Rin!" Shiemi cut in, placing a hand on Rin's arm. After a moment, Rin released him and let Shiemi push his arm down. "Rin…? Do you mind if I have a moment with him? I've been wanting to say something."

It took a second, but then Rin's shoulders slumped. Then he nodded, so Shiemi stepped forward to Yukio's side. She glanced at Paku and bit her lip.

Paku smiled and turned to Rin. "Okumura-kun, let's go over here for a little while."

"Yeah… Fine." He followed Paku over into the shade of one of the nearby shops, and Paku began to chat idly with him like she had with Yukio.

Shiemi turned back to him. "Yuki-chan? Will you listen to me for a little while?"

It took a moment for him to unwind his crossed arms and relax his fists. He nodded.

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about this for a while now, ever since last week when we faced the Ocean Queen. I promised you that I would be a better friend, so I've been trying to think of what I wanted to say to you."

She opened her eyes and looked down at her own hands as she wrung them. "Um… When you used your… ability against the Ocean Queen, and then against Amaimon… I was really scared, and I think some of the others were too. I know Rin definitely was. I think that's why he was yelling just now. And… Um, I don't know what you were arguing about, but I know Kirigakure-sensei must have been scared too."

Yukio wanted to laugh. Shura scared? That thought was as ludicrous as Rin being frightened. Yet Rin had said exactly that in the forest, and last night, those trembling hands...

"Um… I don't think you should use your ability on purpose anymore!" Shiemi's face was flushed and screwed up in determination. "Please, Yuki-chan! I don't want to see you get hurt anymore, and I'm not the only one. Please don't use it like you have been! Even if we're in a tough situation, I'm sure we can all work together to figure something out that will keep you and everyone safe! It's not right that you have to go out there alone and risk your life! One of the most important lessons you taught us was that we don't fight alone!"

Ah. Right. Hadn't Shura just reminded him of this a few months ago? But then, what Shiemi was asking of him was also something Shura had shouted at him just this morning. He swallowed hard and tried not to think about the chances of anything Shura had said being right.

Instead, he turned his focus back to Shiemi. She was biting her lip, and he realized he hadn't yet responded. "I'm sorry," she said hurriedly. "That was really forward of me to say."

A sudden sadness seized him as he watched her. He did his best to smile for her anyway. "You're amazing."

"Eh?"

"You're always thinking of others, and you understand what they're feeling. You're amazing. I wish I had that kind of empathy."

"Eh?!" she repeated, blushing furiously. "B-but you're always looking out for everyone—"

He shook his head. "I think there are some decisions I've made that would be very different if I were like you." Or like Rin. Or like Father.

"But…" She looked like she was going to deny the truth about him again, but thought better of it after looking him in the eye for a moment. She broke eye contact and held her hands to her cheeks, hiding the red. "Um… You don't have to worry about that. That's why we're friends!"

He raised an eyebrow, and she hurried to explain.

"Friends help each other and learn from each other! So… It's okay to feel like that!" She clasped her hands in front of her heart. "I've learned so much from you. And not just about medicine or when you tutored me. I've learned about what it really means to be a doctor and what it means to be an exorcist and what it takes to protect people. I've learned how to stay calm even when things are really tough or scary. And I've learned not to give up, and that I can do all sorts of things I never thought I could if I work hard enough!"

Her words summoned images of when he and Rin were little, and they took home an abandoned puppy. Father had found a family to take it home, and Yukio had been upset at losing the new friend. But Rin had waved happily, glad that the puppy had a place it belonged and people who loved it. That was the first time Yukio had seen exactly how different he and Rin were, but now he remembered how Rin had grabbed his hand back then. He insisted with a grin that they wave goodbye together, and as they stood side-by-side waving as high as they could, Yukio had eventually smiled too. He imagined that, just for that moment, he felt as happy for that puppy as Rin did.

Tōdō would argue that that was when he began modeling himself after others in attempt to be someone else, but was it really imitation if he had felt happy too? Perhaps empathy was a skill that needed to be practiced, a muscle to be exercised, and not some piece of him he was born without. Just like anything else he worked at, he could master this too.

Assuming he had the strength to continue fighting his own nature...

He took a deep breath and tried to banish the emptiness he felt at the thought. Instead he focused on Shiemi

"Thank you." He knew better than to make her any promises, but looking at the glint of hope in her eyes and remembering the pain Rin had had in his made Yukio want to try. "I won't use my eyes as a weapon anymore."

"Really?! Thank goodness!" She lowered her hands and returned his smile. Then she puffed herself up and gave a tiny huff, although her blush and fidgeting fingers detracted from the act. "You and Rin have such bad habits! Both of you keep using yourselves as a shield to protect everyone else. I would rather you both stay safe."

That wasn't quite right. While Rin acted as a shield, Yukio used himself as a weapon. He didn't have it in him to argue the point though, so instead he hummed in thought. "Does that mean you'll talk to Rin next?"

"Oh!" Shiemi's eyes brightened. "Do you… Do you think I should?"

"He might actually listen to you." He glanced at where Paku and Rin were and accidentally made eye contact with his brother. He quickly looked away, his smile disappearing as quickly as it had come.

"Yuki-chan…?" Shiemi began.

But Rin crossed the distance between them in a few strides before she could say more. Yukio braced himself.

"Sorry," Rin said, and Yukio wondered how it was possible that he could still be taken off-guard by Rin's selflessness. "I shouldn't've yelled. I was just really…"

"You were really, really scared," Shiemi supplied.

"What?! 'Really, really?!'" Rin gave Shiemi a dismayed pout. The expression was so exaggerated, Yukio heard himself chuckle. Rin looked at him, and smiled too.

His smile was a welcome sight, but guilt anchored Yukio's relief back into reality. He wasn't sure he'd ever be rid of the sight of Rin with trembling hands from his mind. "Nii-san, about last night…" He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Seeing it wasn't the problem! I'm supposed to be a safety guard remember?" Rin said it with such certainty that Yukio didn't have the heart to correct him. "It's the fact that you even feel like that that matters!" He looked Yukio straight in the eye, piercing defenses Yukio thought were better reinforced. "I'm not gonna give up on you Yukio, so don't give up on yourself either, okay?"

"Are you sure?" His voice was thick, and he suddenly wished the ground would open up and swallow him so none of them would hear it. He forced himself to continue. "I should be alone. Shura-san finally understood that."

"No, she didn't! You'll see! She didn't mean that! She's probably still sleeping in your bed right now!" Yukio opened his mouth to object, but Rin interrupted. "I won't give up."

It was just like Paku had said. Even knowing the danger, some would chose to stay.

"Yukio, say you won't give up either."

What he was asking was a thousand times harder than Shiemi's request. There was no way Yukio could say yes. Not after last night. Not now that he finally, truly understood himself.

But he couldn't say that to Rin, so he was the coward he always was, pasted on a smile he hoped was believable, and nodded.


	12. Chorus

**A/N:** Hey there! I hope you all have been enjoying your summer. Mine has been filled with work for my thesis project, so unfortunately it looks like I'll continue to be insanely busy for months to come. I haven't even gotten a chance to read last month's chapter of our beloved manga!

Anyway, as always, a huge thanks to those who reviewed! I wish you all had accounts so I could PM you and thank you individually. Some of you made specific comments that I want to respond to, so I guess I'll have to do it here. If you're not Silver, Saki-chan, or NEW FAN, and you don't want to read me chatter about romance, enneagram tests, Shiemi's character, or Shirō's intentions, feel free to skip down past the line. I'm sure those who do have accounts can attest that I like to ramble on when answering reviews. It really helps me think out where I'm going with this story.

( **Silver:** Your comment on the sheer number of romance fics in this fandom made me chuckle. Personally I can't attest to it since I've read very few AnE fics. I generally avoid reading fics in the same fandom that I'm writing for, but in my experience a majority of fanfiction as a whole is focused on romance so I understand what you were getting at. I hope the hand holding I put into the last chapter didn't deter you though. Since I'm working through Yukio's issues, the love triangle was something I had to address eventually. Strangely, I realized there's probably more YukiShiemi moments in this story than .)

( **Saki-chan:** YES! In a roundabout way, enneagram tests were actually part of what inspired me to write this story in the first place! What I enjoy about that personality test is that it includes descriptions of what a person in each particular group might act like depending on their level of mental health and balance. When I took an enneagram test last year (blame 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors), I was reading my results (One, the Reformer) and began to realize how much an unhealthy One sounded like Yukio. This got me thinking more and more about his character and eventually led me to start writing this story.

By the way, I also classified Shura as Seven, the Enthusiast. Rin is still difficult for me to place. Maybe Four, the Romantic? I haven't tried placing anyone else yet, but now that I think about it, Shiemi is obviously Two, the Helper.)

( **NEW FAN:** Oh no! I hope I didn't make Shiemi seem like all she does is repeat others. I made her say something similar to Shura in the last chapter on purpose to show that others are worried about Yukio's behavior (it'd be weirder if she _didn't_ say anything), and that even though Shura's intentions were right, yelling at Yukio wasn't the way to get him to listen (not that I'm trying to excuse Yukio's behavior). I'm going to have to disagree about her always depending on the guys though. Her character arc is focused on gaining confidence and understanding what it is to be a friend (which she's clearly progressing with), but if we're talking purely strength in battle, the twins have only had to save her twice towards the beginning of the series. Since then she's saved herself (twice), Izumo, Rin, and arguably most of the main cast during the exwire exam. Yes, she has a way to go, but I don't think she's been a stagnant character.

I always interpreted Shura's drinking more as a way to feel good, an understandable focus given her situation, than a way to avoid something bad, but I think both interpretations are valid. Perhaps it's more accurate to say that it's both. And about Shirō's intentions, I have faith that Katō is going to address how there are some things that don't add up yet even though we're repeatedly shown that he wanted the best for the twins and Shura. I agree there is something that bugs me about how things went with Shura's flashback in recent chapters, but I'll leave that discussion for my fic.

And never apologize for a long review! Hearing people's opinions about characters helps define my own interpretations and inspires me to write about things I hadn't considered before.)

* * *

There was a knock at the door. Rin rolled over in his bed, away from the noise, still half asleep. Another knock, and he could hear Yukio's chair scrape against the floorboards as his brother got up to answer.

"What are you doing here?" Yukio's tone was stilted.

"No hello?" Shura's voice asked. "How rude."

Rin shot straight up into a sitting position, flailing against his covers, tripping as he rushed out of bed.

It had been nearly a week since Rin had woken up to a snake on his chest and rushed out to find Yukio in the middle of a fire with a gun to his head. It had also been nearly a week since Yukio and Shura had fought. If she was here now, then maybe they would finally talk things out.

Rin had been watching Yukio carefully each day. Whenever he asked how Yukio was doing, he would receive a smile and reassurance. He recognized both as a lie, but when it came down to it, he didn't know what to say. He had tried being angry, but he was too shaken. There was no demon to kill, no bully to defend against. He felt small.

All he could do was keep showing Yukio that he wasn't going anywhere, even going so far as to tell his brother that he loved him. It was a fact of life that had gone largely unsaid before because it was supposed to be obvious. Never before had he felt the need to convince Yukio of it.

Rin wasn't sure what else to offer, but even if he did know, he wouldn't have gotten a chance to do much else. The exorcists were called upon to help organize the recovery effort in town, and Mephisto was insisting the school go forth with the graduation ceremony no matter how late. Between the two, both of the brothers spent most of the day cleaning and preparing the campus and surrounding town. Yukio threw himself into the work with almost an obsessive intensity, using it at an excuse when Rin suggested he try talking to Shura.

She hadn't been there when they had returned from meeting Paku and Shiemi, so having Shura appear at their door the day of the mission Mephisto mentioned caught both of them by surprise. Just as surprising, she was actually wearing her black exorcist jacket buttoned up properly.

"You're here!" He hopped over next to Yukio. "Come in!"

Yukio sighed loudly and turned back to his desk.

Shura scoffed at Yukio's reaction and didn't move. "I'm not stayin'."

"Oh..." Rin glanced between the two of them. "Then why're you here?"

Shura shrugged. "The mission's today."

"Uh… Yeah, but…" He looked over his shoulder at Yukio who had resumed sitting at his desk, not bothering to turn around.

Shura stepped past Rin inside the entryway and put her hands on her hips. "Well? Are ya comin'?" she called.

"I would've thought you wouldn't want me to," Yukio said to the wall.

Shura snorted and drummed her fingers against her hip. "Yer goin' ta try ta follow us anyway, aren't ya? Can't control yer curiosity, so I might as well drag ya along ta make sure ya don't pull anything so incredibly idiotic as the other night."

He didn't deny it, and Rin knew he couldn't because he had prepped his weapons and medical bag the night before.

"Can I come too?" Rin interrupted the awkward silence that had descended over them.

"Sorry, Rin, but I doubt I'd be able ta get ya in. Just convincin' Angel ta let this guy tag along will be difficult, but bringin' a Lower Class exorcist is askin' the impossible. Even if it is ya. _Especially_ if it's ya." She tapped her foot. "Well, Yukio, if yer not comin'…"

Yukio finally stood, grabbed his bag, weapons, and coat and was ready before Shura finished. She smirked at his readiness as she fished a key out of her pocket. "The meet up is at the Vatican," she said as she closed the door to their dorm and inserted the key with a click. "We should be back tonight. See ya, Rin."

"Bye." Yukio turned to go, and the bottom of Rin's stomach suddenly vanished. This mission sounded like a big deal.

He grabbed Yukio for a quick, tight hug. "Be careful."

"Yeah…" He didn't meet Rin's eyes as he let go and made his way out the door.

It took everything Rin had not to drag Yukio back and keep him there, but Rin knew he had to do this. Something had to change.

-oOo-

Their footsteps echoed loudly in the grand halls of the Vatican, emphasizing the tense silence between them. Yukio followed a step behind Shura, unsure of where they were heading, and soon he found himself staring at the back of her head as if it might help him read her thoughts.

He had been curt with her earlier, but that was because presenting an angry front was easier than the painful truth he already knew deep down: he deserved a lot of what she had said. Rin had continued pretending Yukio was a good person, but Shura had finally understood who he really was.

Despite this, Paku's tale and Shiemi's words still rattled around in his mind. His eyes bore into her. It was so much easier fighting with Rin. Most of the time he could guess what Rin was thinking. Shura had a knack for catching him off guard though.

As was the case now, when they reached a large door, and she suddenly reached up to throw an arm around his neck and pull him into a headlock.

He tugged uselessly against her. "What are you-?!"

"If ya want ta go on this mission, then shut up an' follow my lead," she muttered and pushed the door open, dragging him along with her.

There were several exorcists already gathered in the room. Yukio recognized many as elite exorcists that used to work with Father from every different branch of the Order. There were at least thirty of them there. And he was being dragged under an obnoxious woman's arm. Great.

He stared stubbornly at the ground as he heard the sound of two people approaching.

"Shura? What is this?" Angel did not sound pleased. Yukio felt his gut twist in embarrassment as he watched Angel's perfectly white shoes stop in front of them.

"My luggage." He felt Shura shrug.

"Luggage?" Yukio muttered incredulously. He received a squeeze around his head for the comment.

"Luggage that doesn't talk," Shura corrected.

Light chuckled, identifying who the scuffed, stained pair of boots belonged to. "Your luggage looks an awful lot like Okumura-kun."

"Does it?" Shura asked innocently.

"Enough of this!" Angel proclaimed. "You know that this mission is for Upper Class exorcists only!"

"Eh. He's close enough." Shura shrugged again.

"He is not allowed. Only a handful of Upper Class exorcists were selected, by _me_ , to join the Legion today. I will not allow your tendency to break rules—"

"Then promote him," she interrupted.

"Excuse me?"

"It won't break the rules if ya bump him up a level."

"I can't promote him!"

"Oh, really? But ya always make it sound like ya can do anythin' as Paladin." Shura's voice held a biting irony which Yukio wasn't used to hearing. "Besides, there's talk of promotin' everyone that helped take down Amaimon. This guy was there."

"The boy doesn't even have a familiar," Angel huffed, and Yukio pursed his lips at the jab at his inadequacy. "I will not be a paladin that breaks rules to fit my needs. I refuse to be like Fujimoto." Yukio stiffened, his annoyance instantly replaced with ire, but he didn't need to say anything because he felt Shura bristle at the same time.

"I don't care about yer clean reputation," she snapped. "He's comin' with us and that's final."

"No, that is not your place to decide."

"Again. I don't care. Do ya need ta clean yer ears out?"

"Clearly, you are the one who needs their hearing checked, for talking like this to a superior is plenty of cause for reprimand."

"Now, now Angel," Light interrupted. "I think she gets the point. We need to be on our way, and I think we all know an extra set of hands is nothing to turn away for this mission. Especially when it's a doctor's. I hear there's a dependable set of eyes behind them too."

Yukio finally looked up, trying to judge Light's expression. Surely he was referring to Yukio's sniping skills and nothing else.

"Besides," Light continued evenly, "he already signed a Morinas Contract. If he finds out anything new, we can simply modify the Contract and have him sign again." He smirked, clearly aware he should have started with that. Yukio felt his breath pause in his chest as his mind scrambled through all the possibilities of what that could mean.

Angel scrutinized them a moment longer before straightening his posture, his hand coming to rest on his sword hilt. "Fine. But let me warn you now, Shura. If you keep insisting on defending these boys, the spawn of Satan, it will be your downfall." He turned on his heel in a whirl of white before Shura could respond.

She grumbled an insult under her breath before finally releasing Yukio who skittered a few steps backward and readjusted his wrinkled coat. She sighed. "That went better than expected. Thanks, Light."

"How about you tell me what inspired today's mutiny, and we can call it even." He leaned forward, and despite the black material, Yukio could see a few stains on his jacket.

She made a show of stretching and yawning. "I was bored."

Light cocked his head to the side. "Seems a pretty risky mission to cure boredom with. Do you even know what you're getting into?" he asked Yukio.

"He doesn't," Shura answered for him without sparing a glance over her shoulder.

Yukio scowled at her back. "No, I wasn't informed."

"Well good luck then." Light looked between them, but was undeterred by the obvious tension. "So… What's this really about?"

A lie came to the tip of Yukio's tongue, but again, she beat him to the response.

"Yer not goin' ta like the answer."

"Let me guess: Mephisto Pheles." Shura shrugged noncommittedly, and Light crossed his arms. "You're too trusting of him, Shura."

She clasped her hands behind her head and scoffed. "After the repeated threats ta my life I'd have ta be insane ta trust that demon. Nah, this isn't about him."

Light's eyes glimmered beneath his hat as they slid to Yukio, connecting dots even when Shura didn't elaborate. Yukio wished they were alone so he could scold her for saying too much, but instead he forced his face to remain neutral for Light's sake.

Before Light could ask what he was surely thinking, the doors behind them opened. A young woman entered followed closely by a mountain of a man carrying a large bundle on his back, nearly half his size, wrapped in linen. Yukio had spotted several others with similar packages when they first entered, though not nearly as large as this man's. But despite the man's size and cargo, it was the woman that drew everyone's gaze. She had a poised air about her and was wearing white robes in contrast to the rest of them, aside from Angel, who wore their traditional black uniforms. As she passed them, Yukio thought maybe her eyes lingered on him for a second longer than the others.

She continued towards the center of the room, where a door with no wall waited. "Paladin! It is time!" she called, confirming that she was no ordinary exorcist.

"Very well," Angel nodded to her. He slid a large, ornate key out of his pocket and held it aloft with a sense of grandeur. His eyes scanned the group as the circle of exorcists silenced and gathered closer. "My fellow exorcists!" he began in English, and Yukio heard a few voices in the crowd echo, translating in other languages. "Those of you who have been selected for this mission know what is at stake today. This mission is vital for the protection of this world and all of its inhabitants. We are the sword and shield of Assiah, and we must not fail to protect it! Today is not only for rejuvenating our previously placed barriers, but for adding sensors so our researchers may find a way to put an end to this battle. We will have to venture further in than we normally do.

"It may seem a daunting task, but you were chosen for a reason. Those of you that have joined me on previous ventures have all shown your worth. I am confident that, if you perform as admirably as you have in the past, there will be no issue. And those of you I selected to join us today, I have faith you will not disappoint me. You will not disappoint the people of our world. We will make short work of every demon we come across! Now stick close to me, and victory is all but assured!"

And with the appropriate amount of flourish he turned to the door and opened it with the ornate key. Yukio had never heard Angel give a rousing speech before. His mind couldn't help but compare it to Father's more personal approach. The rest of the group seemed inspired enough though, and as soon as the door was open, they marched through the doorway, heads held high and weapons at the ready.

Yukio found himself swept up in the crowd. He was torn between trying to stay with Shura and those he recognized from the Japan Branch and moving to the other side of the group to get away from her, but the narrow doorway didn't give him much choice.

As soon as he passed through, a gust of frigid air went straight through his jacket.

"Ugh! I hate snow!" Shura grumbled next to him. His immediate reaction was to answer her complaint with a comment about wearing more clothes, but he stifled the instinct, remembering in time that they weren't doing friendly banter today.

Just as she had said, the ground was covered in a thick layer of snow, crunching beneath their feet. Unless they were in Hokkaido, they were definitely not in Japan anymore.

He glanced over his shoulder, curious where they had wound up and found the door they had come out of was not nearly as ornate as the door they entered. It was downright dingy, attached to a crumbling building that had clearly been abandoned for months.

But that was about all Yukio could register about the new environment before the first wave of demons was upon them. Angel took out half of the demons with a single swipe of his sword.

"This way!" he directed with a wave of his weapon. The blade glimmered, even in the gray sunlight, as the pommel began chattering affectionately to Angel about how powerful he was.

The group charged forward at the cry, soldiers following their commander into war.

It quickly became clear what their mission truly was: holding water with a sieve. It seemed their ultimate goal was the set of buildings on the edge of the horizon. Starting from nearly 500 meters out, every twenty meters or so they encountered series of powerful wards encircling the buildings. As they went, exorcists specializing in magic circles rushed forward to repair the damaged wards while others protected them from the demons pouring forth from one building in particular.

It was strange though. As he looked around the icy land he noticed a subtle change from where they stood compared to an area about ten meters in front of them. The area held signs of warmer weather, albeit now frozen: plants with leaves, a few brave flowers preserved in ice where they reached for the sun… It was as if this area, this circle around one of the buildings on the horizon, had been placed in a bubble that had missed the heart of winter, only for it to pop right when—

Oh.

Yukio squared his shoulders as everything clicked. It was just as he suspected the moment Light mentioned the Morinas Contract. A thousand questions rushed in to build on his new knowledge. As much as he wanted to, with the chaos of battle surrounding him he didn't have time to ponder why Pheles would want him here on a mission like this.

The woman in white seemed to be at the center of it all. Angel was doing a remarkable job multitasking between leading the charge and protecting her, but it was the woman who directed them to the next spot where the wards needed repair. At specific points, she requested with a gentle, regal voice for a stake to be planted in the ground. Each stake was decorated with anti-demon seals, large glass spheres of holy water, and several sprigs of hallowed plants, some of which Yukio had only seen in textbooks.

Members of the Legion took turns unfurling the linen wrappings on their backs to reveal a set of stakes, before offering one to the woman with a respectful bow of the head. The large, stoic man helped thrust each into the frozen ground, and the woman would brush back her long brown hair as she knelt in front of each with clasped hands. The soft, melodic chants she recited must have acted as more than a protective barrier; it was easy to notice the lifting of miasma from the air when she finished.

Yukio quickly found his role narrowed down to doctor as he worked with a handful of other doctors against a large variety of wounds and taint, the scope and combination of which he had never seen before. The types of demons attacking the group tended to be adapted to cold environments, but there was no way such a variety would occur naturally in a single region. But then the world had never experienced a situation like this before.

Despite his unexpected presence, his fellow doctors immediately accepted him into their ranks, and soon he found the rhythm of the battlefield. He was so consumed in his work that he barely noticed when they entered the shadow of the building.

A particularly nasty wave of demons hit them, and Yukio finally drew his weapon as the chaos descended on them too fiercely for the doctors to concentrate. By the time there was room to breathe and treat wounds again, nearly a quarter of their numbers needed treatment.

"Excuse me."

Yukio finished wrapping a bandage around his current patient's forearm and looked up. The woman in white was standing over him, watching him. Her stare was intense, giving him the strangest sense she was seeing something more than he was comfortable with. She lifted her hand, revealing fang marks on the back of it. "Could you treat this?" The question came out more like an order, so he gave a curt nod and grabbed his tools to look for a fresh bandage.

"What type of demon was it?" he asked, all business.

"An angry one."

He snorted in amusement, looked up at her, and suddenly felt his stomach clench with sheepishness when he realized she was serious. He cleared his throat. "I mean what species. That will affect the treatment of your wound."

"I see. In that case, I believe it is what we have named a Kisihohkew wolf."

She had a strange way of phrasing things, but he knew better than to comment on it now. He got to work, relieved that it was a simple treatment.

"I knew it wasn't a mistake to bring you!" Light said brightly as Yukio finished, and he looked up to notice belatedly that he had garnered a bit of an audience. Angel gave him a cold stare before slicing through a towering snow Cerberus, but both Light and Shura were smiling at him. He caught Shura's eye, but she quickly turned back to the battle, her amusement vanishing.

"Thank you, Okumura-sensei." The woman gave what could have been considered a smile.

"Not at all. I was simply doing my job." He bowed respectfully to her. There had been no confirmation for his theory of why she garnered so much respect from everyone, but he chose to recognize it anyway.

"I imagine your mother would be proud."

His breath caught in his throat, and his head jerked up. But she was already walking away, calling for Angel to bring them inside the facility.

-oOo-

As soon as they entered, they went straight for the stairwell, climbing up, up, and up. Yukio didn't know why they avoided the lower levels, but given the sheer number of demons crashing down upon them as they ran, he could only assume that it was because they were too dangerous. In their mad dash upwards there was no chance for treating anybody, and the wounded braved it out until they burst onto the roof.

It was there that the woman in white went to plant her final stake, and the rest of them worked furiously to protect her under Angel's leadership. This time took longer though, not only because of the number of foes, but also because of the mechanical sensors another exorcist was placing around the room. After juggling his guns and medical equipment long enough, one of the doctor's nodded to Yukio in the middle of an aria chant, signaling for him to focus on offense, so he drew his weapons and joined the fray.

It was while he was taking down a colossal snowman golem that he caught a flash of red hair and realized he was fighting alongside Shura.

They may have been angry with each other, barely speaking, but they didn't need words for this. He could read her stance without any conscious effort. She protected his blind spot while he thinned the rush of demons of its smaller components and injured the larger ones to give her an easier time. This was where his trust for her had grown, a garden on the battlefield watered with blood and sweat. A surge of energy came with the relief that she still had his back, and they moved together to take down one of the larger demons.

But he knew trust in battle was different than what they had jumped into four months ago when he had told her about his eyes. His view of her had shifted then, more than he cared to admit, but he had no clue if it was enough to survive the harsh words that had spilled from their mouths.

Light appeared to their right, holding onto his hat as he effortlessly wound his way through the battlefield. Several sylphs flitted around him, attacking any demon within his radius. He whistled and grinned at the two of them. "Not bad. You mind taking down that one next?" He pointed over his shoulder at a raging bear demon that appeared to be chasing him.

"Take care of it yerself, ya lazy bum!" Shura shouted, and Yukio had to bite back a smirk.

"I guess I'll go have Angel do it then," Light said brightly.

But then the ground rattled beneath them. Amaimon's earthquake leapt to Yukio's mind before he remembered why that thought was ridiculous. A short distance away the concrete floor was breaking apart. As he watched, the ground trembled again, and the concrete buckled sending out a spider web of cracks, one of which crept beneath his feet. And a second later, before he could move to a more stable footing, a third shockwave came, and this time the floor gave way into an enormous, gaping hole. The huge, scaly head of an ala dragon sprouted from the darkness with a roar of success, bringing a dark miasma to blot out the sun.

At the same time, the ground beneath his feet disappeared. The most he could manage was a gasp. He heard Shura scream his name and knew it was bad.

He fell.

For one moment, the darkness that swallowed him held nothing. There was just a swooping feeling in his stomach, and Shura's voice echoing down after him.

 _Please don't use your eyes…_

He didn't have time to do anything, let alone think, so why did Shiemi's voice pop into his head now? His heart pounded uncomfortably hard in his chest, spreading a fresh dose of adrenaline through his system. It hadn't even been a week, but he couldn't keep his promise. He was plunging to his death. Surely, if there was a time when that promise didn't matter, it was now. And even if he wanted to keep it, what could he do to stop it? He didn't know how to control it. Even with all of his experiments, he had only ever sought to trigger it, test its limits, weaponize it. All he could do now was wait for it to save him.

And then a flurry of things buffeted against him, causing him to yell and throw his arms around his head instinctively. He heard the flapping of wings and the eerie, teasing song of kolobok goblins as they soared to freedom through the hole the ala had provided. Dozens of other demons he couldn't identify in the darkness joined the horde, snagging on him, slowing his descent. He yelped as something clipped the side of his leg, sending a shooting pain through his calf.

Something else was there in the darkness. Cables of thick rubber sprang up to catch him. They wrapped around him, tangling around his arms and legs for the briefest of seconds, but he slipped through the web. He reached blindly for them, and finally, suddenly, crying out through teeth snapped shut, he jerked to a stop, suspended in a tapestry of wires and cables.

By some miracle his right arm had caught in a loop with his head. The thick wire was cutting off circulation to his hand and digging into his chin, but without his arm in the way, the wire would have formed a noose. Instinctively, he struggled against the position, but the instant he moved he became aware of the rest of his body. His left shoulder had taken the brunt of the fall. His left arm was extended and wrapped tight above him, and judging from the intense pain and muscles spasming around the joint, his shoulder had been dislocated. His legs were in better shape although his right leg was bent awkwardly behind him at the knee, and his left calf still throbbed and burned where he had hit something earlier.

He supposed he should have been grateful for the demons. They had slowed his momentum enough that the wires hadn't snapped his neck or caused severe internal damage. Or at least that's what he guessed. The adrenaline was masking most of the pain, so maybe he was in worse shape than he thought. But judging by the way his heart was trying to beat through his chest, he was alive and that was a start.

Slowly, he worked his head out of the loop, taking care not to jostle his shoulder too much. He lost his glasses in the process. They had already been dangling precariously from one ear, so it wasn't much surprise when they slid into the darkness. He held his would-be noose tight to keep his balance while he struggled to regain his breath, his throat tight. Then he realized his hand was otherwise empty, and his heart leapt in panic as he realized he had dropped something else: one of his guns. The pair he had used today had been a gift from Father. He looked around frantically, searching the darkness for some way to climb down and find the lost item.

And then he heard _it_. He froze, forgetting his pistol, straining his eyes for the source of the sound instead. He didn't have to look far. Something was _wrong_ with the darkness about thirty meters in front of him. It was somehow _darker_ than the rest of the inky black and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as he watched the horrible darkness move and pulse as if it had life. And maybe it did, for the sound… No, it wasn't quite sound. It was more of a feeling or emotion. He could feel them pressing down on him, crying without with terrible voices sounding into the black. Thousands upon thousands of voices wailing, screaming, and sobbing in utter fear and desolation. It was suffocating.

It took a moment to pick himself out of the chorus. He was just another voice crying out for help. When he came back to himself, he found he was on the verge of vomiting from the pain and nausea.

"Stop, stop!" he moaned uselessly, wishing he could cover his ears, but he doubted that would help. His whole body ached and itched with the need to run and escape. He dug his nails into the cable, tearing into the rubber with the insane thought of tearing away his own flesh to be free of the pain.

The voices surrounded him, begging him to take them with him. Pity filled him, and the second it did, he felt more than their screams. The voices took the pity as an invitation, and clawed at his skull and chest, trying to find purchase inside of him. He sensed desperation in them, but the instant they brushed deeper inside of him, he felt them grow cold and malicious as if touching him fed some horrible addiction.

They filled him up with a viciousness that was not his own, yet it was not as foreign a feeling as it should have been. He had felt this uncontrollable rage before, while he had bloodied his fists with no logical thought but to end Tōdō, and in Kyoto when he had stood over Tōdō with his gun, ordering him to die. This was what he had been trying to avoid thinking about all week: this dangerous anger fueled by hatred and fear. But now, he was trapped, forced to stare into a mirror.

"I'm just like you," he whispered to the darkness.

" _Yes_ ," the voices whispered back.

-oOo-

They kept coming, dozens at a time.

Shura found herself yelling louder and louder with each battle cry as panic swelled in her chest.

How long had it been? How much longer until they stemmed the flood of demons rushing up from below?

She danced around a kamaitachi's scythe, circling around to cut off its tail.

What if Yukio was calling for help, but they couldn't hear him over the singing of blades, the chatter of bullets, and the cries of arias?

The kamiatachi sent out a gust of wind with its final effort, knocking her off her feet. Gasping to catch her breath, she felt the ground tremble as she lay there for half a second. In the corner of her eye, she saw Angel cut down the ala dragon.

But the air was still thick with demons and miasma.

Yukio had to be okay. He was too stubborn to be done in by something like this.

She pushed herself up and charged back into battle with a shout.

-oOo-

 _I'm not gonna give up on you Yukio, so don't give up on yourself either, okay?_

The memory of Rin's voice cut through the din and deep into Yukio's heart. He wanted so desperately for everything to be that simple.

But it was no longer a question of if Rin would, but if he _should._ Yukio had long suspected his selfishness, envy, wrath, and hatred made him unfit to be a brother or friend.

Just look at Shura. Yukio had pushed and pushed. Questioned her and tested her. And finally, he got the answer he had both expected and dreaded. She had given up on him.

It confirmed what he had felt the entire time. He deserved to be alone. She had been a surprising ally the past few months, facing each shard of his true nature head on, but if this latest piece was too much for even her…

Shiemi would have to be protected from this snarling rage boiling in his veins. He would have to distance himself from her and Rin. Just like when he was running his experiments on his eyes or the years and years of practice living a double life, he would drift away until they shared nothing but polite smiles.

And the others. They weren't friends to begin with. They had only promised to keep the secret about his eyes for Rin's sake. It would be easy to part ways.

 _I'm scared for you. I've been scared ever since you told me._

He never should have told Rin and Shura what was wrong with him. Telling them was selfish and had done nothing but cause unnecessary grief. Months later, he was still trapped in the same spot; like Shura said he kept looping back to this.

… _don't give up on yourself…_

Why bother? There was nothing worth trying to save.

He sagged in his suspended position, a puppet waiting for its puppeteer.

This was how it was supposed to be. He was finally alone among those who were just like him. Here he could be the cruel person he had tried to hide. He deserved this for every bitter thought and moment of weakness.

The voices rushed in. How many could he hold in his one, small heart?

-oOo-

"What are ya doin'?! We have ta go down there an' get him!"

Shura looked around at the others, searching for aid, but everyone kept looking away to the ground.

"You seem to have forgotten what is at stake here." Angel seemed to be the only one willing to look her in the eye. "You listened to Fujimoto's soft ideals for too long. We are not peacekeepers of Assiah. We are soldiers. We are knights. This is war. War demands sacrifice."

"Shut up! I don't care! I understand plenty about sacrifice, but this doesn't have ta be one!"

"Shura…" Light kicked at a pebble, sending it skipping across the floor to the edge of the hole. "Don't you realize what's down there?"

She felt the color drain from her face. She had been so frantic to pull Yukio back to safety that she hadn't thought that far ahead.

Light scratched behind his ear, pushing his hat lower over his face. "He fell down to where the Gehenna Gate is. You know what that means."

She knew. If he had fallen into the Gate then… No. He must have landed somewhere in between, but even then… He was sitting right next to the Gate. They were supposed to limit their time in this facility for the express purpose of limiting their exposure to the Gate. The more exposure, the more of a chance that a demon would push itself into one of their hearts.

"He has been down there… what? Fifteen minutes?" Angel had the gall to shrug. "If he is not dead, then he is a demon."

There it was. The two options she had laid out for Yukio, but this time it wasn't his fault. This time…

"You should not have brought him. It is a pity; he did well today." Angel turned on his heel, coat whirling in swirl of white. "Come. Let us leave this place before we fall too."

-oOo-

Thousands and thousands. They filled him past his limit, buzzing in every cell of his body. Yet somehow, he remained. Why hadn't he fallen apart yet, unraveled from his very soul?

He felt everything. He reveled in it, relieved to allow himself to feel instead of burying it all under a polite smile. The fear, the hurt, the resentment, the desire, the anger, the _power._

The power was amazing. He was a supernova burning bright, expanding out beyond his limits. The voices understood. They gave him everything he was too afraid to grasp on his own. Now he was free. Everything he had hoped to discover within his eyes during all those experiments, until he realized that power needed him to remain a coward, was all here, pulsating in his fingertips.

He felt good. No, he felt beyond good. He felt _strong_. The power sank into him, filling that wretched hole in his heart he had been born with, the hole that had been scratched at and carved out by sneering bullies, glaring demons, and Rin's back, Father's back always out of reach. His greedy heart gathered up the thousands of voices and swallowed their strength whole.

 _I admit it was incredibly easy once I admitted the truth to myself. This is who I was meant to be._

He felt himself grin with the flush of power. Tōdō was right. This was incredibly easy. Everything would be easy now. The nine year marathon was finished. No more hard work. No more struggling through the exhaustion. No more bone tired, muscle aching days. But most of all, no more having to prove himself! He could do anything now. He could be anything now. Everyone would see and understand.

 _This is who I am._

What a laugh! He had thought those words without shame. But he didn't need to be that small, worthless boy anymore.

 _I've learned so much from you!_

His smile nearly faltered at the memory of Shiemi looking up at him with her bright, earnest eyes.

Shiemi would understand, right? She knew what it was like to be limited and to have to work past that. She was succeeding spectacularly while he had become stagnant, no matter what sweet words she had used. But now she would finally see him as he was supposed to be.

 _I overestimated ya!_

The hurt in Shura's eyes had been unexpected, but it didn't matter anymore. Surely now he had surpassed anything she could have expected from him. After the past few months she understood him better than anyone. She had seen this coming.

 _I like you the way you are!_

Rin liked him before this. He liked having Yukio be the weak one. He got to be the one to swoop in and be the better exorcist, take Shiemi's hand, take Father's love. He was always, always taking everything that Yukio had worked to the bone for because of a fluke. Fate decided to let one twin be born better. But no more.

 _It's a really good thing Shirō can't see ya now!_

So… So what? So what if Father would be disappointed in him? He wasn't here anymore. Why should he care about the opinion of a dead man?

After all, Tōdō was right. What had he given Yukio? Everything had been about keeping Rin safe, happy, and untouched by the grime of their world for fifteen years. All Yukio got was the ability to shoot straight. There was nothing more…

" _Nothing_..." the voices agreed.

Something solidified at the base of his skull. The thread that his fear tugged on every time he was about to die had woven itself into something stronger. His eyes—

 _Please don't use your eyes…_

This was how it was supposed to be. This was…

 _Didn't we just talk about how worried ya were about what this could lead ta?! Haven't ya thought that usin' yer eyes like this might lead exactly ta where ya want ta avoid?!_

There was… There was no need to avoid it anymore. What was the point? He was already cruel and dangerous without using his eyes. This was where he had been heading for a long time now. This was what he was made for…

 _I'm scared for you. I've been scared ever since you told me._

He was supposed to… This was how it was supposed to be, so why?

Why was he crying?

 _Ya can't have him!_

 _Please, Yuki-chan! I don't want to see you get hurt anymore, and I'm not the only one._

 _All I know is I don't want to lose you._

No! Stop! Stop it! They didn't matter! Tōdō was right. He couldn't depend on them to decide for him anymore! He couldn't be what he thought they wanted from him. That wasn't who he really was.

 _This_ was him. This person, with hate pulsing through his heart. This person, who had craved power beyond all else. He had everything he wanted now! This is what he had been searching for! So how, with stars and galaxies exploding in his veins, could he still be…?

Disgust twisted in his stomach. The voices rose to shrieks.

How could he still be weak?

Better than anyone, he knew what it meant to have a weak heart, but this was supposed to help! How many years had he learned what it meant to have different types of strength? He had had people tell him his intelligence and hard work ethic made him strong. But it wasn't the same. Anyone with eyes knew it would never be the same.

He could still hear the bullies chanting in the school yard as they dumped his books in the mud and threw his glasses over the fence.

 _Where's your brother to save you?_

How long until his fellow exorcists began thinking the same things now that Rin had taken the oath of the True Cross Order. Rin had been in this world for only a year, and he was already leaps and bounds ahead of Yukio. How long until everyone started looking at him with those eyes that said they knew how worthless he was in comparison? He had spent years proving himself to them, but it was only natural to compare twins. Why couldn't they have been identical?

No. Why couldn't he have been the better brother?

The voices were screaming their assent. Their cold, harsh fury wrapped him in its tendrils.

Sometimes he wished Kurikara would shatter into a million pieces.

After all, it wasn't right. He never did anything to deserve being the weak one. Taking this power now was just evening the field. There was nothing wrong with it. Like Tōdō said: there was no right or wrong here.

Yet the tears continued to slide down his face, dripping off into the abyss below, and he thought of clinging to Rin's back in the forest during their mad dash from Amaimon. The ache in his chest still held the echoes of his gasps for air as he had realized how twisted his wish for strength had become.

But this was different. Each time he had used his eyes it was a second of power exploding out of him. The moment was always marred by the fear of death's hand reaching to take him, and the struggle to put all of them, to put Rin from his mind.

This time he could enjoy and revel in it. How could something that made him feel this good to be himself be wrong? There was no fear of death here. They had worried he would be hurt using his eyes, but now he would never be hurt again. That never-ending ache of hunger was finally sated. How could he give up this elation, this freedom, this relief, this feeling of being unlimited?

He could finally be a good person. He envied Rin's power, but if he was honest with himself, he had always envied Rin's strength of heart more. Lucifer had seen right through him and known, and Yukio's response had been to search for power because he knew it would fix him. He'd no longer be envious. He'd no longer be a coward. He'd no longer have to lose. He'd no longer hate himself. If he had power, he never would have become the bitter person he was now. Finally, he could change.

The voices laughed, and he felt another pulse of familiar aggression.

No, changing was a fevered dream brought on by the rush of power. Tōdō was right.

 _We cannot change… I see you as a whole and would have you embrace your true self._

It was best to accept that the fight was over. He couldn't go back to his denial. He was stuck this way, and they were better without him.

 _I don't think I've ever met someone who was supposed to be alone._

Being alone didn't matter as long as he could be true to himself. He was fine with this. He was free now. No more expectations or forced smiles. He was free from them.

Yet for some reason he thought of when he was little, sobbing because he felt like the loneliest kid in the world. None of the other kids understood why he refused to go into the corner of the schoolyard with the glaring shadows, so they laughed at his fear. He tried explaining to Rin, but like the time before and the time before that, he saw the confusion and uncertainty in his brother's eyes even when Rin assured him he believed him. But then Father was there, offering Yukio his hand and a new life.

Yukio's breath hitched painfully against the web of wires holding him up as he continued to cry. His body continued to betray him with the truth. No matter how he tried to justify it, he knew.

He was wrong; this was exactly like using his eyes. But instead of a single moment, he was suspended in time. The power burning in him and the fear of never seeing any of them again were exactly the same.

This power wasn't the fix he needed. It was a sheet of ice, cementing his heart in place, instead of what he had imagined it would be: a seed ready to grow and thrive. This power wouldn't strengthen his heart. It would only strengthen the way he was now, with every little bit that he hated about himself.

… _killin' Tōdō's not gonna make ya stop hatin' yerself!_

Maybe this was what Shura had been trying to tell him. She understood what it was like to be stuck in a situation full of hate even though she had been handed power the instant she was born. He hadn't been able to listen to her back then when his inadequacy had been highlighted so brightly by Tōdō and Rin had seen the very worst of Yukio's rage. But now it was starting to make sense.

 _Yer an idiot._

Another memory floated up through the screams: Shura sitting next to him after he had decided to trust her with what he had learned about his eyes.

 _Have ya really forgotten our first mission together already?_

Ah, right. What was his response again? The first rule of field missions.

 _Exorcists do not fight alone. We need to work with others._

He really was an idiot.

He wasn't alone. He'd only be alone if _he_ decided to turn his back on _them_. He could feel Rin hugging him tight, bringing him back from the edge.

Who was he kidding?

His plan to drift away was impossible. There was no way Rin would go along with that; his stubbornness was insurmountable. And Shiemi was just as bad, if not even more determined when it came to friendship. The ficklest person in his life right now was Shura, and despite their fight, she had shown up that morning. It didn't seem like much, but they both knew if he had tried to follow her as originally planned, she could lose him easily; the Vatican had made her an investigator for a reason. She knew how to lose someone tailing her.

But she had shown up and brought him on this mission where Pheles had implied there might be answers. She knew how important this was to him and had helped get him here. If she had given up on him, she was doing a lousy job of it.

He heard a shaky laugh come out of his own mouth, and the voices quailed.

How had he managed to get stuck with such stubborn people?

Maybe it was time for him to be stubborn too. After all, if he was going to accept who he truly was, then he had to accept all of it, right?

And he never could give up easily.

He was a prideful, self-obsessed person, and that was the reason for most of his worst thoughts. But the resulting competitiveness was what pushed him to come as far as he had. That tenacity was the one thing about him that was worth anything. If there was a chance he could have more than this single strength, he wanted it. He'd be selfish and take it all while keeping them by his side. He'd continue to put them in harm's way. He never was the type to take the blow for everyone else anyway.

So he'd cling to them as a weak coward that had allowed himself to become filled with this hateful rage. He'd depend on their support and strength to be his own. He still couldn't say he wouldn't give up on himself, but he couldn't give up on them.

Father hadn't left him with nothing. Father left him the three of them. If Yukio had never become an exorcist, he wouldn't have met Shiemi or Shura. And when Rin awakened as a half demon, they would have drifted further apart. Instead, Father had given him a way to stay by Rin's side.

No matter how much he hated himself, they had found it in them to love him.

 _I won't give up._

After he had told Rin about his eyes, Rin had hugged him with that familiar, comfortable warmth that had felt so much like home. As long as Rin kept his promise, Yukio's heart would count on that warmth for strength.

 _Friends help each other and learn from each other!_

 _Isn't there somethin'? Somethin' that ya want ta do that makes ya happy ta be yerself?_

Shiemi and Shura had already given him ways to try and grow. How had he let Tōdō's taunts drown them out? He would depend on their words to help his heart grow, and if that didn't work, he'd find more words, perhaps with the rest of their comrades. They may have only been there for Rin right now, but he was being selfish right? So he'd gather their strength too.

Yukio took a deep breath and found the clawing pressure from the voices was beginning to ease. He could do this. He could finally break the loop of destructive behavior Shura had been yelling at him about.

He laughed again, and this time the strength of the sound hushed the voices to whispers.

Damn it. He was going to have to apologize to Shura, wasn't he?

-oOo-

"This is why." Shura was trembling with anger. She glared at Angel's back as he swept over dead host bodies without even looking down. "This is why Shirō will always be a better Paladin than ya! He may have been unconventional, but he had humanity! He had faith in people, and yeah, sometimes he looked past the skin, and he saw humanity in demons too, but that's what made him great. That's what made him the best Paladin we've ever have!

"But ya hide behind yer rules. Ya hide behind yer white coat and pretend yer above it all. But the truth is ya don't have that faith in ya! Yer just a demon in a saint's skin!"

She turned back to the hole and walked up to the very edge without hesitation. Then she cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted as loud as she could.

"Yukio! Can ya hear me?!" she called down into the darkness. "Yukio!"

-oOo-

He looked out into the pulsing darkness and listened. This time it was easy to see it all instead of falling in line. They couldn't touch him now, so he could finally look at them properly instead of only seeing himself. Thousands and thousands of voices chorusing together, but they all thought they were alone in their pain.

"You're just like me."

The pressure of the voices retreated into silence as they heard him. The hollowness that had haunted him for years was back, but Rin's face was bright in his mind. So he smiled kindly for the voices, feeling them watching, and he sensed their uncertainty at the gesture.

He was hollow, but also weightless, like he could float up out of the darkness. Maybe he was injured. Lightheadedness could signify blood loss. He should probably check that. But before that, he should really find a more realistic way out of this pit.

He looked up at the spot of light above him. Were they still up there? A needle of fear sank into his heart, and a few of the voices began to murmur again.

No, Shura had to still be up there. He steeled himself, preparing to call out when—

"Yukio! Can ya hear me?" Shura's voice drifted down from the speck of light above, the moon in a starless sky, and his heart leapt with relief. "Yukio!"

"Shura-san!" He took a moment to let himself laugh loudly, giddy with relief. "Any chance you have a rope up there? I somehow forgot to prepare for falling into a hole."

Her laughter held the same sort of giddiness his did. "Really? Ya didn't see this comin'?"

"Shocking. I know."

"All right." There was a grin in her voice. "Hang on a sec."

"Not like I can do anything _but_ hang," he muttered to himself as he saw her silhouette move away.

He waited for a few minutes, realizing his ears were ringing in the silence. He glanced around. The unnatural darkness was still there, waiting. But the voices were watching him now, wondering what his next move was.

Then another shadow leaned over the hole above him. "So," Light began casually like they were chatting over a cup of tea. "You're really Okumura-kun, right?"

Yukio frowned, considering this for a moment. "Either way, my only answer would be yes." An imposter would lie, but surely Light knew that. Maybe this was more of a warning to the voices than a real question.

"And that's what I mean," Light said, but his voice was angled away from Yukio. "So should I get him up here?"

Someone made a noise of acceptance, and a moment later Yukio found himself surrounded by flurry of sylphs. They stirred up a breeze around him, the fresh air making him realize how thick the miasma he had been breathing was. So he did his best to relax into the cool feeling as they whipped around him, sending him floating up, up, up, until the patch of light opened into a gray sky.

He landed clumsily on his feet. His legs felt numb, making it difficult to stay upright, but he smiled at them. "Thank you." He gave a sloppy bow to where the sylphs had flitted over to surround Light and then turned to Shura. "What took you so long?"

"Eh, some people thought ya were dead or somethin'." Without his glasses, she was a blur of bright hair and a flushed face, like she had been yelling at someone. "I knew better because I know how stubborn y'are. Why didn't ya shout somethin' sooner?"

"Hm?" Relief was making everything heavy with exhaustion. His eyes were drifting closed of their own accord. The last thing Yukio saw was the woman in white standing behind Light. He couldn't be sure, but he thought maybe she was watching him with a frown. He tried to focus on Shura's question. "It was really loud down there. So many sad voices."

"Sad voices?" Shura echoed, and he could hear the frown in her voice.

"Interesting," Light said.

Was it? Yukio wasn't able to ask why Light thought so before he was swept away into sleep.

-oOo-

Shura felt a dozen pair of eyes on her, but she didn't care as she lowered Yukio gently to the ground. All the while her eyes scanned him up and down for wounds. The most obvious were the two spots where blood had soaked through the fabric: where his pant was torn just under his knee, and his side where the wound from the Ocean Queen was. And even in his unconscious state he was bracing his arm stiffly as if something was wrong with his shoulder.

Before she could do anything to help him, the doctors Yukio had just fought alongside swarmed the pair, quickly working on patching him up for transport. She blinked in surprise, expecting some sort of pushback on treating him like she had received on trying to rescue him. She glanced around. The other half of the doctors were taking care of others' wounds.

Angel and Penemue of the Grigori (1) stood a short distance away, speaking to each other in low voices. Shura strained her ears, trying to hear the pair over the doctors' conversation.

"We should go. We need to get you back to safety," Angel insisted.

"I am safe. Surely you sense it, Paladin?" In the corner of her eye she could see Penemue straighten her white robes. "That boy calmed them. We have a few moments of reprieve."

"I do sense it," he admitted. "But the meaning of it, given his lineage…"

"We will discuss it later." She turned towards Shura and Yukio, and Shura quickly looked down at Yukio's pale, sweaty face, pretending that was where her attention had been. Penemue approached them. "Kirigakure Shura?"

"Yes!" She was caught in between looking up at her and bowing hastily.

"You have done well so far. Continue to protect him." The woman looked down at Yukio with a small frown. "I am sorry, but that is an order."

"That's okay. Even if it wasn't an order—"

"You misunderstand." And to Shura's surprise, she sighed softly. "Orders can change."

The warmth drained from Shura's body. A gust of wind howled across the rooftop bringing a light dust of snow.

"It is exactly as our Paladin has said." Penemue raised a hand to examine the snow drifting down to greet them. A few coal tars rose from the ground, their darkness countering the white flakes as they met in midair. "We are at a critical juncture in this war. We have reached a point when those who were meant only to watch are forced to participate." She examined the pair of black and white as they tumbled together in the wind for a moment before meeting Shura's eyes. "It appears they are finished, and just in time too. Let us return to safer, warmer places."

She turned away, back to where Angel was waiting, and Shura turned her attention to Yukio again. Sure enough, the doctors had finished patching him up just as a few goblins appeared from the hole in the floor. The group packed up in an instant. Shura pulled Yukio up onto her back before anyone else could offer. He was surprisingly warm; usually she ran hotter than he did. But now she held him tight, hoping some of his heat would sink into her as they trudged back across the frozen landscape to the door they had emerged from.

It didn't.

-oOo-

Yukio couldn't recall the last time he had felt so exhausted, as if he hadn't slept in days. His skull felt like it had been pried open in order to make his brain into soup. And then there was something… That feeling of fire when the world turned blue. It was still there as a tingle, lingering just behind his eyes.

Last month he would have been intrigued by the realization, but now it felt like something cold was pressing on his chest making it hard to breathe. The bite of panic crept along his spine. He must have still been in the pit. There was no other explanation for the feeling still being there.

But at the same time he could hear Rin's soft snores and the hushed tones of Shura's voice. He forced himself to take a deep, full breath and opened his eyes.

The harsh whites of a hospital room greeted him. He recognized the fuzzy image of Rin snoring in a chair to his right, leaning forward to rest his head on the foot of Yukio's bed. And there was Shura, sitting on his other side with her back to him, hissing fiercely. Something in her tone set him on edge, but even more disconcerting was how it seemed like she was speaking to thin air.

He found a nightstand next to him and fumbled around for the smoothness of his glasses. The memory of his glasses falling suddenly occurred to him, but in the same moment his hand clasped familiar plastic frames. Rin must have brought a pair from his desk. Quietly, he slid them on and caught a glimpse of Shura's face when she turned away from her conversation for a moment. Her expression was something he had never seen on her before. She almost looked sad or lost or _something_ that looked _wrong_ on her of all people.

His heart sank down into his stomach. Somehow, she always knew. She always knew when something was bothering him and how to help, whether it was to call him out or to distract him with a teasing remark. But right now, when he caught a glimpse of a private moment and saw that something was troubling her, he realized he had never done that for her. He was always so consumed with his own problems.

He thought of all those screaming voices, oblivious to each other's pain, and forced himself to sit up. The world swam horribly, and he had to suppress a moan of pain.

"Shura-san?" Now that he was sitting he could see she wasn't talking to nothing; she was speaking to one of her snakes coiled low on the ground.

She looked up and waved the familiar away. "Hey. How're ya feelin'?"

He had to consider this for a moment. Thoughts were coming sluggishly, like trying to drag a rock up from the bottom of a lake. His body sort of felt like he was melting into the bed.

She raised an eyebrow, and he realized he hadn't actually said any of that out loud. He cleared his throat. "Like my brain was run over by a bus."

"Hm. It's no wonder. Ya had ta resist the Gate fer nearly half an hour."

He had suspected as much. He nodded once before deciding that was a bad idea. It felt like his brain was sloshing around in a blender.

Now that the world was in focus, he took a better look at Rin and found his brother was drooling as he slept. He cleared his throat. "Why am I in the hospital? My wounds aren't that serious."

She snorted. "Ya have a weird definition of serious."

Judging from how the pain was… everywhere, he supposed she might have a point. His leg was bandaged, as were the scrapes and rope burn on his hands and arms, and his left arm was in a sling.

"Yer goin' ta need some rehab fer yer shoulder, and ya split open the wound ya got from the Ocean Queen," she said, watching him inspect his more obvious wounds.

"I guess I was reckless again," he joked weakly. She had no reaction but to begin picking at a loose thread on his blanket. "Shura-san? Are you okay? Did that nāga—"

"Did ya ferget that we're fightin'?" she interrupted with a clipped tone.

Forgotten wasn't the right word for it, but... He had just spent what felt like an eternity fighting with himself, and then he had been so relieved to see her when he came out of the darkness and she had acted the same. But she was right, he had to say it plainly.

"I'm sorry." He looked her right in the eye, and saw her tight frown loosen into a look of surprise. Catching her off guard gave him just enough confidence to force the rest of the words out into the open. "I didn't want to hear what you were saying even though I knew you were trying to help. I didn't want to think of what it meant if you were right, but you were. You were right about all of it."

He expected her to milk his admission, but she returned her attention to the thread.

"Shura-san?"

"Not all of it." The thread was beginning to fray. "By the end of it, I was sayin' things just ta hurt ya. What I said about Shirō… He was always proud of ya. I'm sorry fer sayin' different."

"No, that was…" Pale sunlight was shining through the window, suggesting a beautiful morning outside. He stared at the shadows the light cast throughout the room. "I'm not sure that's true. I don't think he'd be proud of the path I've taken ever since he… left us. You were right, I've been stuck in this mindset, obsessed with my own weakness, and when I go to move forward, I let myself get sucked back into the idea that power could fix everything about me."

It still felt like something was clawing out of his chest with each word, but it wasn't any of the voices, only his own. "I feel empty," he whispered to the ceiling. "I feel like a shell of a person, and I look around and see everyone, you and Rin and Shiemi, and you're all full of so many things. But I just have this emptiness and the obsessive need to fill it with something." He took a shaky breath. "But I realized when I was down there that I get to choose what I fill this hole with. And if I focus only on power and hate then that's all I'm going to get. But I want more. So I'm going to be really selfish and… and…"

He blinked away the blurriness in his eyes and felt the tickle of a tear escaping down the side of his face, but before he could scramble to hide the shameful moment, Shura leaned forward, her fingertips brushing against his cheek to swipe the tear away.

"Yer such an idiot," she muttered with the same gentle smile she had given him months ago when she had first offered him her help.

He shuddered with suppressed tears, but it was burst of laughter that escaped him. "How do you do that?"

"What?" she asked, completely oblivious to the fact that she had read his mind.

"Nothing. Just an annoying thing you do." He shook his head once before learning that was just as bad as nodding. He quickly replaced the wince with a smile. "You know, if you're trying to cheer me up, maybe you shouldn't start with an insult."

"I'm not tryin' ta insult ya; it's a fact."

"Thanks so much."

"No, Yukio, I'm serious." She slid out of her chair so that she could sit on the edge of his bed and look him in the eye. "If there's one thing I know fer certain, it's that Shirō would've been proud of ya. Do ya remember how I told ya Shirō threw me off the cliff an' told me ta climb back up?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, I'm still climbin'. I'm not sure I'll ever reach the top." She didn't elaborate. Instead, she shrugged. "So it turns out that maybe yer climbin' yer own mountain too. Shirō would've appreciated that. And after yesterday, knowin' that yer the one who made it out of that hole..."

She smiled again, and he realized how rare it was to see the grin without a teasing air to it. The fact that he had earned the rarity was enough for him to know she wasn't just talking about Father. An elated sense of pride swelled in his chest, and he had to wonder when he had gone from hating her to this.

But the sadness he had spied when he first woke up was still there in the back of her eyes, and he didn't know why.

"He was proud of you too," he said, in an attempt to clear the look away.

She watched at him for a second before looking down at his blanket, her fingers finding the thread again.

Heat rushed to his face. "I mean, he said I could learn a lot from you. You've helped me so much I'm sure he… he would think…" He didn't know why he felt so embarrassed the more she didn't react. Usually he would get a look of surprise or a teasing grin. "Shura-san? What's wrong?"

"Ya know I have yer back, right?" Her posture was rigid, like she was ready to jump to her feet.

He frowned. "Of course. That's what I'm trying to say. That I'm glad you're here."

She met his eyes again, and finally he got the wide eyes he had been expecting. And just as quickly, it melted into the teasing grin. "Yer brain really is fried, isn't it? Either way, welcome back Mr. Honest Four Eyes!" She leaned forward suddenly, hand raised to poke him, and he recoiled in surprise. One of these days she would learn what personal space was. In his attempt to escape, his foot collided with Rin's elbow, and they froze as Rin groaned and shifted in his sleep. A moment later, his breathing evened out again.

"He was up all night, worryin'," she whispered.

Yukio smiled fondly. "Yeah?"

"Wow. He's really droolin'."

"Yeah."

"Want ta draw on his face?"

"Ye—Wait. What." He turned to find her holding up a marker from seemingly nowhere, her eyes alight with mischief. Yukio balked. "No! Put that away!"

"C'mon. Nothin' major."

"Shura-san…"

"Just some whiskers ta match his tail." When he didn't object right away, she snickered. "Keep an eye on the door," she ordered as if the nurses would yell at her for a prank like this. The cap of the marker came off with a pop and she leaned across the bed, over Rin's face.

Yukio looked away to the door, feeling very childish, but he couldn't deny the swooping feeling in his stomach, marking the thrill of a good prank. He sank back into his pillows and sighed. "You're such a horrible influence."

-oOo-

When Rin woke up, he found Yukio fading in and out of sleep while Shura flipped through the latest release of a romance manga. He also found his phone had half a dozen texts from Suguro, wondering why he hadn't shown up for their training session.

"I completely forgot to cancel!" Rin explained when Yukio asked what was wrong. He was halfway through typing out a reply to Suguro before Yukio objected.

"It's fine, Nii-san. You should go meet your friends."

"No, I'll stay here. We were just going to train together. We can do it some other time."

"Don't use me as an excuse to get out of training," he scolded lightly, and Rin couldn't help but grin. Yukio yawned. "I'm just going to sleep while you're gone."

Rin opened his mouth to insist he stay, but Yukio's eyes were already drifting close.

"I'll be here when you get back," Yukio assured.

"But—"

"All there is to do here is watch me sleep."

"What if I want to watch you sleep?"

"Please don't."

He glanced back at his phone. "One hour. I'll be back just one hour, okay?"

Yukio hummed in confirmation.

Rin looked at Shura. "You're gonna stay here, right?"

"Yeah, yeah." She leaned back in her chair, putting her feet up on Yukio's bed and earning a sleepy glare.

Rin felt the knot in his stomach he had been carrying all week melt away. It seemed they had made up. He gave them both a knowing grin. Shura met his eye for a moment before the corner of her mouth twitched upwards. He stood and stretched, his tail flicking back and forth. "Okay, I'll see you later."

"Ah, wait, Nii-san," Yukio murmured, not even bothering to open his eyes. "You've got something on your face."

He scrubbed an arm over his face. "Did I get it?"

Shura now had a full-blown smirk which she was trying, and failing, to hide behind her manga. Yukio blinked slowly at him for a moment. "Close enough."

He got all the way to Suguro's dorm, grinning at all the friendly people who kept looking at him as he passed, before Konekomaru held up a mirror for him to see what Shima was rolling on the floor laughing about.

* * *

 **(1)** According to the AnE wiki, the anime named her Casper, but given that Katō renamed the old man in the Grigori after Samyaza, one of the leaders of the fallen angels titled the Grigori or the Watchers, I figured using another one of their names was appropriate. There were about twenty names to choose from though so Katō will probably name her something different.

 **A/N:** This chapter was simultaneously one of the most fun and the most frustrating to write. I had several inspirations (would you believe me if I said "Let It Go" from _Frozen_ was one?) and several setbacks (namely when Word kept crashing). Anyway, I like to think of this chapter as a sort of turning point, marking the unofficial end to the first arc of this story. The next chapter is sort of a prologue to the next arc; there are a few more things that need to be set up before we knock it all down.


	13. Tease

**A/N:** Okay, without too much rambling, now that we're getting to a string of chapters featuring more of the main cast again, I've decided I want to try representing Kansai-ben. I had various excuses for not putting it in before, but when I think of how proud my Japanese teacher was of his dialect, I realize they were just excuses. I will say, as the readers, you all have final say on whether or not I do this because I don't want to wind up with a story of phonetic spellings and abbreviations that's too hard to read. (Speaking of which, please tell me if Shura's dialogue ever gets too distracting/tiring.) Shura's speech is as different from the vernacular as I will go, so the Kyōto trio's dialect will be much more subtle. The goal is simply to acknowledge and respect that they speak differently. This chapter will be a sort of test drive, so please tell me what you think.

Please note: the one thing I can accurately translate from Kansai-ben to English is, instead of " **san** ," they pronounce it " **han**."

 **SPOILERS:** Now including Tatsuko's deal with Hachirōtarō mentioned in chapter 76. I'm sure you all recall my debate a few months back about what to do with Shura's past. I've decided to use the canon, but with my own twist which I'll explore later. To my surprise, there was too much in common with what I had imagined up with what Katō revealed to justify having you all read something new but repetitive. No joke: my notes for my version included "giant nāga," "limited lifespan," and "identical ancestors."

* * *

April bloomed with a sense of renewal. Stores were reopening all over town, people were out on the streets again enjoying traditional flower viewing, and, to many people's surprise, True Cross Academy opened its doors for a new school year. Shura wasn't sure what Mephisto had to pull to get the school back open given several vocal parents concerned about security on campus. It seemed several people, still untouched by mashō, thought the Seraphim and later the Fire Demon attacks were caused by bombs. The truth probably wouldn't have changed many peoples' minds though.

As Shura stood on the steps outside of the Academy, she could tell the clusters of students rushing to freedom after the school day had dwindled significantly. The school's prestigious reputation had been stained.

"What are you doing here?" Yukio's voice pulled her out of her reverie.

She stretched her arms above her head. Passing students were staring, boys gawking and girls whispering to each other behind their hands. Then she looked up at where Yukio, Rin, and Moriyama stood a few steps above her and grinned. "I wanted ta check that ya didn't keel over from internal bleedin' or somethin'."

Yukio sighed. "At least wear some clothes. You're scaring the other students."

She gave an evil laugh, and winked at a cluster of boys that had stopped a few steps away. There was a mixture of blushing and grinning as they scurried away. Yukio rolled his eyes.

"Oh! You two made up? I'm glad!" Moriyama put a hand over her heart and smiled.

"Yeah, we put him through the wringer on our secret mission, so I decided ta go easy on him." Shura shrugged, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"I see…" Moriyama watched her with wide eyes and nodded earnestly.

Yukio pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please don't take her seriously, Shiemi-san."

"Um, but…" She bit her lip and looked at Yukio's arm which was still in a sling. "This secret mission is when you hurt your shoulder, right?"

"Secret mission? Tha' sounds fun." Another voice joined them and they looked up to find Shima. Miwa was beside him.

Moriyama and Rin greeted them happily, but Shura wasn't ready to pretend nothing had happened with Shima. She wondered if Yukio had talked to him yet, and as if to answer her unspoken question, after greeting Miwa, Yukio turned back to her.

"So," he said, "as you can see, I'm still standing—"

"Aw! Don't ignore me!" Shima whined.

"Yeah, I guess ya made it through another day." Shura nodded to Yukio as if Shima's voice was nothing but the breeze.

"Come on," Shima tried again. "Y'know I didn't mean for things to go th' way they did. I learned my lesson!"

They paused to look at him blankly. Then turned back to their conversation. "Anyway—"

"I actually thought I'd gotten you killed, Kirigakure-sensei!"

The others finally broke out of their confused reverie with looks of shock. Rin was appropriately outraged. "You did _what?!"_

Shima rubbed the back of his neck. "And then I wasn't expecting you to react tha' way, Okumura-kun!"

"That's why you…?!" Rin looked at Yukio, taking another step down the stairs so that they stood next to each other. When Yukio didn't react, Rin looked at her, and Shura pursed her lips and gave a half-shrug. It was more complicated than that, and Rin likely knew that.

"Um… What…?" Moriyama began, but shrank back mid-question, sensing that she shouldn't ask. She wrung her hands together. "Everyone is okay now though, right?"

"They may be safe now, but Shima-han…" Miwa gave Shima a disappointed shake of the head.

Shima squirmed under his friends' gazes. "I guess I should apologize."

"I guess ya should," Shura said, crossing her arms.

"Well, I'm sorry." And to her surprise, he actually gave them a quick, yet proper bow. "Can you forgive me?"

"Eh." She shrugged. "Depends on one thing. Who did ya mean the trap fer?"

"Trap?"

"Don't play dumb. Ya knew I had a nāga followin' ya."

"Sure, sure. But trap sounds so devious."

"Shima-han…" Miwa said quietly.

"Aw, come on! I didn't have any sort of plan in mind. I just wanted to see wha' would happen."

Shura smirked. "And then things got a little too intense fer ya." She leaned her weight back on one leg, tapping her other foot against the edge of the stair she was on. "All right. I'll believe that. What do ya say, Yukio? Should we forgive him?"

Yukio gave Shima an utterly blank look. "Technically, you weren't the one who put us in danger. I knew what the risk was before I started following you, and I'm sure Shura-san did as well." He spared her a side glance, and she nodded, a dip of the head. "Unless you're saying you told Tōdō where to find us?"

"Uh, no, he knew on his own. He even knew who had followed me before I did."

"And then you were the one who informed Sir Pheles of what was happening."

"Yeah…"

Yukio shrugged. "Then it's fine."

"Nyahaha! Well, I guess that's good enough fer me!" She clapped Yukio on the back, and he stiffened. Oops. She must have hit a wound.

"Ahhh! That's a relief!" Shima ran a hand through his hair with a grin. "Now we can go back to normal! I wasn't sure you'd trust me if—"

"Don't misunderstand," Yukio interrupted. "Not blaming you has nothing to with trusting you." In the corner of her eye, Shura saw Rin stiffen. But then Yukio smiled wryly. "I suppose in that sense we are back to normal."

Shura snickered, and after a moment she could see Rin's shoulders droop in relief as Shima laughed too. "Fair enough!"

"Um…" Moriyama started timidly. She and Miwa still looked lost, but Moriyama smiled sweetly at the reconciliation. "So what brings you here, Kirigakure-sensei?"

"Oh yeah!" She turned to Yukio. "I'm supposed ta be fetchin' ya. The medical people wanted me ta tell ya ta meet them at the radiology department today. They seem ta think I'm yer keeper or something…" she grumbled, but she knew why. After Penemue's words, she was in a way. A rather horrible way that she was trying to avoid thinking about.

"Eh? I'm due for the usual appointment, but we did those tests when I was in the hospital…" Yukio muttered to himself, and Shura knew what he was concerned about. They only did the more time-consuming, radiological tests once a month. She knew because those were the times Shirō was most likely to ask her to pick Yukio up from the hospital, and she'd wind up taking pity on the kid and feed him something from the vending machine because he'd always look exhausted. Those were probably the times they got along the best when he was little.

But if the doctors wanted to redo tests they had just done, it could mean there something wrong with his previous test results. Had something changed after his experience in front of the Gate?

"Don't worry so much." She gave him a brash grin, in part for herself. "It's probably because they also want ya ta… sign some more papers," she said cryptically, but there was a flash of recognition in Yukio's eyes.

Shura had taken his statement of what happened in front of the Gate while he was still in the hospital. She had left out a few unnecessary details in her report, and judging from Light's smirk, he knew. It was just as she expected, they were both being tested and these medical tests and another Morinas Contract signing were proof of that.

"All right." Yukio's shoulders were still stiff as he turned to Rin. "I should be back by dinnertime."

"Okay." Rin nodded with an easy smile. "That reminds me! I need to buy meat if I'm going to make nikujaga tonight."

"I have a little time before I'm supposed to serve at the advice center. Would you like to go together?" Moriyama asked with a level of excitement Shura had never associated with the grocery store.

"Sure!" Rin agreed immediately and began inviting the other two.

Shura caught a split second of a furrowed brow on Yukio's face as he watched them make plans without him.

She sighed and decided to take pity on him again for old times' sake.

"Alright, Scaredy-Cat! Let's go." She looped her arm around his. He stared blankly at her and then down where she was clinging to him. A set of girls behind them began whispering feverishly.

"You're trying to ruin my reputation, aren't you?"

She gave him a tremendous grin. He frowned a little, and she could see the gears turning in his head. Then, to her surprise, he returned her smile. "Well, come along don't want to be late."

"Aaah! Don't give me that creepy smile Four Eyes!" She tugged uselessly on her arm, but he had clamped down on it, refusing to let her go as he began dragging her down the stairs, smiling all the while.

"They're such good friends!" Moriyama giggled behind them, and Rin laughed loudly, his relief audible.

Shura continued to tug, but with a little less force as before. Yukio's smile wasn't entirely fake. He was having fun, and given where they were headed, it might be a while before he could enjoy himself again. So maybe, just this once, she'd let him do the teasing.

-oOo-

April blurred into May. Yukio was taken off active duty while he recovered from his injuries. Rehabilitation for his shoulder took longer than he had hoped, but, in a strange way, having no missions was its own blessing. Instead of being out in the field with the differences between his and Rin's strength shoved in his face during every sticky situation they found themselves in, he could concentrate on teaching the new group of pages that had joined the cram school and volunteering his services as a doctor. He was spending a large amount of his time at the hospital anyway between physical therapy and the increased monitoring of his health.

"Hear anythin' about yer medical tests?" Shura asked as he entered the batting cages where she was waiting.

"No," he sighed.

This was becoming their custom greeting. Shura nodded, and, just like the last few times she asked, he noticed a thin line of worry remain on her brow.

For whatever reason, the medical staff had yet to point out a difference in his status as a human. They must have noticed or suspected something since they insisted on continuing the tests more frequently, but each time his doctor would report nothing wrong. After knowing her for several years, Yukio liked to think he would be able to tell if she was lying, but her reassurance felt nothing but honest, even allowing Yukio to look over his chart himself when he asked.

The only change had come midway through May when he was informed he could resume his usual training regime, although he was still prohibited from partaking in missions. Shura seemed almost as eager as he was for him to be to be cleared. She had been hanging around their dorm room at odd hours, irritating Yukio by taking naps on his bed, so, when she heard he was cleared for training, she immediately challenged him to a round at the batting cages. He agreed, demanding his bed be off limits if he won. Clearly, he hadn't thought that through, because now he was paying for Shura's meals regularly _and_ finding her sprawled out on his bed more often now that she knew how he felt about it.

Rin had eagerly joined them for each outing. He had been inviting Yukio along to study or eat with his friends with renewed insistence, something that had trailed off when Yukio had started his experiments. Rin's smile had been a touch too delighted the first time Yukio agreed, giving him a pang of guilt. Truly, he had worried his brother too much. As a result he found himself working his schedule around to make time for more outings.

At the end of each visit to the batting cages, Rin tried joining them in their bets, but his sword style was quickly becoming defined as power over agility. Any blows that got past would meet his flames or heal quickly anyway. Shura would tease him every time his flames shot out to incinerate a ball into dust, but the flames had the advantage of clearing the training room, giving them privacy without the hassle of reserving the space. Yukio wasn't sure if people were still nervous about Rin's flames or Rin himself, but fortunately Rin didn't seem to notice when he cleared the room. Either that, or it was Shura's obnoxious laughter that did it.

Today was the first time Rin had had to skip out because of a mission, but the room was already cleared. Word must have gotten out to avoid the training room at this hour.

Yukio set a few bullet magazines on the shelf next to him while Shura swung her arms side to side, stretching. She punched the start button as soon as he was ready, and soon the air was full clashing and banging.

"You don't need to worry about me," he said after a minute. "It's weird seeing you worry about something."

"Who would waste time worryin' about a guy like ya?" Her laughter contained a note of arrogance, but he was sure it was forced.

"You're the one always telling me to stop thinking about things I can't change," he insisted.

She laughed again, and this time sounded more genuine. "That's because yer the type ta let his worries eat at him until there's nothin' left! I, unlike ya, am healthy."

It was his turn to laugh, an astounded bark of disbelief. "You? _Healthy?"_

"What's that mean?!" A ball came barreling off of Shura's wooden sword to hit him in the side of the face. Having experienced this several times in the past couple weeks, Yukio was expecting it and, for the first time, managed to dodge.

A second ball came out of nowhere to hit him in the side. "Shura-san! Cut it out!" And then he was being barraged. "Okay, okay! You're the epitome of health! With all your drinking and sleeping until noon how could I think differently?"

"Nyahaha!" The barrage ceased. "That's better."

They settled back into their competition. He spent another two magazines before she spoke again.

"Just let me worry about ya, okay?" Her voice was unnaturally quiet; he almost missed it in the din they were creating. She sighed. "I've got ta have somethin' ta do."

He watched her out of the corner of his eye, unsure where she was going with this. "What does that mean?"

"It's just somethin' I've been thinkin' about. Rin figured his stuff out a while ago. Ya went an' figured out yer stuff. If I'm not careful, yer not goin' ta need me ta stick around anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"Ya made it out of that hole in one piece."

"Just because I made it out doesn't mean I…" he trailed off. Something was niggling at the edge of his mind, ready to be pieced together. "What does that have to do with sticking… around…?"

The image of her hissing at one of her familiars in the hospital with a distant look in her eyes, the image he had been carrying around for weeks now, waiting for them to be alone together so he could ask about it, floated to the forefront of his mind. And the instant it did, it felt like he had been dunked in a bucket of ice water.

"Oi. Scaredy? Are ya—"

"You're not going to Aomori!"

He slammed a fist down on the stop button on the machine between them, even as a few stray balls slammed into his side where he still had bruises. Ow.

Shura had frozen in place, still holding the wooden sword in a ready position. She almost looked natural, as if she hadn't heard him, but he knew she never looked that stiff in a real battle.

Finally, she sighed, her posture drooping as she turned to look at him. "What?"

"You're not going," he repeated, gripping his pistols tight.

"C'mon, Four Eyes. What's with that scary look?" She tried giving him a teasing smirk, but he wasn't convinced.

"You are _not going_."

She raised an eyebrow and tapped her foot against the ground. "Weren't ya the one who yelled at me fer stickin' my nose inta yer business?"

She was very obviously trying to deter him with an argument. He grit his teeth. "Fine, so I'm a hypocrite. What else is new? You're still not going!"

"Why are ya so worked up about this—"

"Because I know what you're going to try to do!"

"Oh." She looked down at the ground and twirled the sword in her hand. She sighed. "Yer right."

A chill went down his spine at the confirmation. "Shura-san—"

"Yer right, I was goin' ta get it over with. Hachirō said there was someone snoopin' around, and I figured it had ta be the Illuminati. But I know what he'll say if I go. I know it's time. And I was ready ta face it. I was plannin' on gettin' it over with last winter."

"But you didn't," he said aloud as if to remind himself that she was still safe in front of him.

"I was all packed an' everythin'. But then I changed my mind." She shrugged. "I sent a familiar ta see who was loomin' around instead. Want ta know why?" She winked at him. "It was yer fault."

He was suddenly very aware of his heartbeat. "Me?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Why do ya look so nervous? It's nothin' big." She leaned back against the chain-link fence, stretching her arms out above her head. "I saw ya tryin' ta hide a broken wrist, and got curious."

He blinked. "What?" He didn't know what he was expecting, but her answer was somehow underwhelming.

"That was yer first obvious injury. I could tell somethin' was troublin' ya before that, but I didn't know how bad it was until then. That's when I decided I would have a little talk with ya."

"You mean kidnap me?" The joke came out flat, but he couldn't find his humor at the moment.

"Ya weren't makin' it easy ta corner ya before that."

His broken wrist had attracted questions he wasn't ready to answer at that time, so naturally he had avoided everyone outside of class as much as possible. The accelerated scheduling of the exorcist exams had been an easy excuse. Now that she mentioned it though, he recalled her hanging around his office more and more…

"So if it wasn't for that…" Yukio watched her carefully, and his voiced lowered to a hiss. "If I hadn't been injured, or you hadn't seen it, or you hadn't been _curious…_ You would have gone to Aomori and killed yourself."

He could picture it: wondering where she had disappeared to when she started missing missions, only to learn days or even weeks later that her frozen body had been found with a self-inflicted wound, and he would have no clue as to why…

"Hey! Look who's talkin'!" She reached out to poke him in the chest with the wooden sword. "Yer the one who was jumpin' off of buildings!"

"That was one time," he defended weakly, pushing the weapon away.

She closed the distance between them so she could jab him with her finger instead. "But ya really did it! I don't know why ya think ya get ta give me a hard time!"

He stood his ground. "You really would have done it. There was nothing to stop you except your _curiosity._ "

"And there was nothing spurrin' ya ta keep throwin' yerself inta danger except _yer_ curiosity." That wasn't entirely accurate, but her point was made. Her hand closed into a fist, still pressed firmly against his chest. The longer it sat there, the more aware he became of how warm it was. He holstered his guns.

"You're not going," he said again, but this time not as a command. This time he was just searching for confirmation.

She sighed and leaned back again, her hand dropping to her side. "I'm not goin' any time soon. That's what I keep tellin' the nāgas he sends. The Illuminati must've moved on because there hasn't been any more suspicious activity since. Okay? Sorry fer sayin' such silly nonsense before."

"No, that was… I've put all my worries on you, so it's okay if you want to do the same," he said, a little more forcefully than he had meant to. That shame he had felt in the hospital when he thought about how he had done nothing for her came flooding back. "I just don't want the only reason for you to stay to be because you're worried about me."

"Like I make all my decisions based on ya?" She cackled at his unamused stare. "I'll have ya know I have somethin' called a _life_. I'm the pinnacle of health, remember?"

"Shura-san…"

"I guess I have _one_ flaw. I doubt ya've noticed, but I tend ta run away from things." She shrugged, still grinning arrogantly.

"From paperwork?" he muttered.

"Or confrontin' ya about yer behavior fer the longest time," she offered up, suddenly serious again. She rubbed the tip of her nose. "I guess goin' ta Aomori then would've been runnin' away too." She gave a bitter laugh. "Ya know that mountain Shirō gave me ta climb…? I thought if I followed that path, livin' instead of killin' myself ta save any future generations, I thought that would be runnin' too, but I'm beginnin' ta think it's the exact opposite."

"Living, huh?" This was the first time she had told him what Father's challenge for her had been. That distant look in her eyes was back. He leaned forward to catch her eye and smiled for her. "That's a tough one. I'm almost glad he didn't use that one on me."

She gave him a wry smile. "Oh, so he'd do that ta ya too? Give advice or say some grand soundin' thing that ya weren't sure ya understood at the time?"

"But years later you would?"

She grinned at him, shaking her head. "I always hated when he did that."

He laughed. "I'm glad you remember him like I do," he admitted. He looked around the batting cages, thinking of all those afternoons the three of them had spent here. Rin knew what it was like being his son, but all those missions, all that training… "If I was the only one who remembered any of it…" He turned back to her and smiled. "That's another reason for you to stick around, okay?"

"All right…" Her eyes were a little shinier than usual, but she flipped her hair over her shoulder and struck a pose. "I guess I'll continue ta grace ya with my presence."

He decided to indulge her. "Thank you very much."

She snickered. Her smile softened a little. "Don't worry, Yukio," she said, and he wondered when the conversation had changed from him saying that to her. "I already decided I won't go. Not until the very end."

Reassurance that it might not be the end came to the tip of his tongue. He had thought long and hard about how to free her, but he swallowed the words. A plan like this would work best if nobody but him knew the details. They would also need Rin for it to work, and he wasn't about to force her into telling Rin before she was ready. No doubt Rin would start demanding that they go to Aomori straight away to fix things.

But there was one thing he could still do for her. He thought of the thousands of voices that couldn't hear each other and offered her the same smile he had given them. "Do you want me to come too? So you won't be alone…"

She was silent as her eyes roamed his face, and he suddenly wished he knew what she saw when she looked at him. Then, she nodded. "It's a promise. You'll go with me." She held out her pinky.

He raised an eyebrow. He was fine promising, but a pinky swear? "Really?"

She lifted her pinky, waving it in his face. "C'mon, Scaredy!"

"But it's so childish!"

"Boo!" She puffed her lips out in a pout. "Haven't you learned by now that acting like an adult isn't any fun?"

He groaned and interlocked his pinky with hers.

She grinned and stared expectantly.

He eyed her suspiciously. "What?"

"Isn't there a poem ya say when ya do this?"

"What?! I'm not saying it! If you want to, you do it!"

"I never learned it. I've never done this before."

"I never learned it either!"

"Oh." She burst out in laughter. "Wow, we're so sad. We had no childhood friends ta teach us!"

"Fine," he groaned and quickly recited the lines he remembered other kids chanting, something about swallowing a thousand needles, while he kept one eye on the door, praying nobody would come in. "There. Happy?"

"Yup!" She squeezed his pinky with her own for a moment before releasing him and took a few steps back, twirling her wooden sword like a baton. "Now come on! I'll be generous and won't count yer earlier behavior as a forfeit. We have a bet ta settle!" She hit the start button without any warning.

He grabbed his pistols and began firing. "Oh, right, I almost forgot I was beating you."

"Yer delusional, Scaredy-Cat Four Eyes!"

He couldn't resist shooting one of the balls aimed at her, leaving her to swing at empty air and interrupting her rhythm.

"Nyahaha! So it's now Showoff Scaredy-Cat Four Eyes!"

He could see her grin in the corner of his eye and stood a little taller, smirking back.

-oOo-

"Nii-san?"

"Hn?" Rin grunted an answer to Yukio's voice drifting across the dark dorm room. It was a humid June night, after midnight if Yukio had finally crawled into bed. The only reason Rin was half-awake was because he had also just gotten to bed after a mission that had run late. He was beginning to understand why Yukio never slept.

"Never mind," Yukio said quickly, and Rin could hear the restless rustling of blankets.

"No, no," Rin slurred. "What is it? I'm awake." He forced himself to sit up and rub his eyes.

Yukio's voice reverberated in a way that told Rin he was facing the wall. "I was thinking… about Mother."

"Mom?" It must have been years since they had this conversation. Rin could recall sitting on their primary school's steps, watching the other kids' mothers greet their children with a smile, and picking the best qualities he observed for their mother. Yukio would sit, enraptured, as Rin spun tales of how kind and beautiful she was. The tales grew less optimistic as they grew up and began wondering about her death until one day, when they were in junior high, Yukio said that Father had finally answered when he asked. She had died in a car crash. It was easy to spot the lie now.

Rin felt wide awake. He slid to the edge of his bed. "What about her?"

There was enough moonlight illuminating the room for him to make out Yukio's silhouette as his brother sat up too. After a moment of silence, Yukio's voice came soft and tentative. "I think she may have been part of the Order."

"Eh? Really?!" Rin tugged his blanket up to his chest, leaning forward so much he nearly fell off the mattress.

"Yeah…"

He waited a moment, expecting Yukio to elaborate like he usually did, but all he could hear was Kuro purring in his sleep and a few, late night crickets chirping outside. "Uh… So how do you know that?"

"It's…" Yukio was quiet for a moment before sighing. "I can't say."

"What? C'mon!"

"I really can't."

"Yukio, just tell me!"

"I'm saying I _can't."_

"I thought we were done with secrets!"

"I'm sorry," Yukio said stiffly. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Are you joking right now?!" He leapt to his feet, unable to stay still any longer. "She's my mom too!"

"I know!" Instead of getting louder, Yukio's voice became more precise, and Rin knew he was frustrated too. "This is why I wanted to find something official before I told you! I thought with this new knowledge or now that I have higher clearance I could maybe find _something_ , but I should have known better! There's nothing! No file! No photo! Not even a name!"

"A name?" Something stirred in the back of Rin's mind. "Yu…" he murmured and the memory solidified, but damn, he hadn't been paying attention. He had been distracted by the sword embedded in his leg. He sank back onto his bed while he thought. "Yu… Yuki…?"

"…Yes?" Yukio was clearly confused by the change in his tone.

"Augh! No, no, it's her name! They said it at my trial. It was something like Yui or Yuki or Yumi… Augh! Why don't I ever remember the important stuff?!" He flailed about, sending his covers flying, as if the movement would knock the name back into his head. Kuro woke up with a hissing objection. Then he heard footfalls against the wood floor and looked up to see Yukio had jumped out of bed. He hurried over to Rin's side and knelt in front of him.

"Do you remember the family name too?" His voice was tight with eagerness.

"Ummm… Well, I know it wasn't Okumura… I think it sounded kinda foreign."

"Really? That should definitely narrow it down if she was from the Japan Branch." He nodded, and, in the pale moonlight, Rin could see him smile a little.

Rin slid out of bed so he could sit on the floor next to Yukio. "You really can't say how you know?"

"I'm sorry, Nii-san."

He scowled at Yukio, but all he saw was honesty staring back. "…So, an exorcist, huh?"

Yukio nodded. "Like us."

He grinned and Yukio smiled back, and for a moment he thought of when they were little, sitting on the ground in the middle of their room at the monastery together. But it was short-lived. Yukio looked down at his knees.

"Yukio? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

"No you're not. C'mon. You can talk to me. I'm a safeguard, right?" He put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest. When Yukio still hesitated, Rin deflated a little. "I'm your brother, right?" he said, quieter. "You can tell me."

Yukio studied him a moment longer before relenting. "Father knew."

"Huh?"

"I think Father knew Mother. But he kept her secret from us. He kept everything related to our births secret, including her. I don't understand why. It's clear there's been a cover up, and he was part of it." His hands formed fists in his lap. "He said he would tell me, but it wasn't the right time. It was never the right time, and now…" He hung his head. "I don't know what I'm even thinking. Father must have had a good reason. He always had a good reason."

"You think it had to do with our demon side?"

"Yeah, that's clear enough. But when he said he would tell me later, I already knew about you, and I was getting regular check-ups with the Order's doctors. I don't know what else there could have been except…"

Rin leaned forward, trying to see Yukio's face better. "Except?"

"Except about me. About my eyes." He grit his teeth. "Why didn't he leave a letter or something? He knew he was going to die. He told Shura to teach you and even left sake for Kuro, but nothing for me! Why would he…?" He trailed off, shaking his head. "He always had a good reason," he repeated softly to himself, like a mantra.

Rin felt something uncomfortable twist in his gut. Yukio was right. It didn't make any sense. He swallowed hard. "A letter would have helped a lot though."

Yukio looked up at him, and Rin saw the pain there ease a little. Rin wasn't entirely sure what he had said right, but he remembered all the times he had doubted Yukio as a kid. Maybe it was as simple as validating that Yukio's concerns weren't crazy.

Rin tilted his head to one side as he thought. "It would be good to know for sure where your demon heart is."

Yukio looked a bit surprised by his revelation, and nodded. "Well… Yes. But you remember what Sir Pheles said. It doesn't exist."

"Huh?" Rin frowned. "That's not what he said."

Yukio raised an eyebrow.

Rin scratched the back of his head. "He said it wasn't 'in this world' or something like that, right? So maybe it's in another one."

Yukio's face remained impassive, but Rin recognized the spark in his eyes as he thought hard about what Rin was saying "You think it's… in Gehenna?"

He shrugged. "I dunno."

Yukio stared at him. Then he sighed dramatically and held his head. "How did you figure this out before me?"

Rin blinked for a moment before realizing exactly what Yukio was implying. "Hey!"

Yukio laughed and soon Rin joined him, and it really was just like when they were little. But again the smile slid off of Yukio's face.

"If you're right though…"

"Hm…" Rin frowned and crossed his arms. "Yeah, that would mean a demon has it, right?"

"It would be impossible without the help of Sir Pheles or…" Yukio trailed off for a moment, and then shook his head. "No, if it is in Gehenna it must be because of Sir Pheles."

"But demons travel back and forth all the time, don't they?"

"Only through possession. Moving an item back and forth is a very different thing." Rin gave him an uncertain look, and Yukio sighed before launching into an explanation. "Assiah is the World of Action. The Material World. Everything in Gehenna, except living beings, is just a reflection. Well, calling a demon a living being isn't completely accurate, but—"

"How come?"

"They don't meet all seven criteria of life. They're a bit like viruses in that they show several key signs, but ultimately…" He paused and raised an eyebrow. "Wait a moment. Shouldn't you know all this by now? I went over this in the first week of lessons!"

"Hey! That was over a year ago! How am I supposed to remember?"

Yukio pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."

"Uh, but I think I understand what you're trying to say!" Rin said quickly. "When I saw things over there it just looked like a bunch of rocks, but they were sorta in the shape of the school. That's what you mean by everything having reflections, right?"

Rin could swear he saw Yukio's eye twitch, and it took a moment for him to realize his brother was reacting to the reminder of Mephisto's actions. Yukio grimaced. "Right. Because of those reflections you can't use summoning circles to summon items between worlds like tamers use to summon demons to them. Tamers are essentially summoning a body that already exists in Assiah, which the demon then inhabits. If you try summoning an object from Gehenna… Well, it's questionable if you could even consider the reflections true objects or not, but simply put, you'll wind up summoning the original instead."

Before Rin could express his continued uncertainty, Yukio tried another tactic. "Pretend there's a wall dividing our room in half." He drew a line along the ground with his finger. "My half is one world and yours is another. Now pretend that the equivalent of a summoning circle is asking Kuro to fetch something for you. If you wanted to… steal my copy of this month's SQ…" He smirked at Rin, who grinned guiltily. "You could try summoning it, but Kuro can't go through walls, so he could only bring you a different issue." He gestured next to Rin's desk where a small pile of older issues sat. "The only way he could get my copy, would be if he went through a door, but in this case the only person who has a key to that door is Sir Pheles."

"So only Mephisto could have moved your demon heart to Gehenna," he concluded what Yukio was trying to say. But then he remembered the worst day of his life and realized that was wrong. "Wait. What about another door, like if someone built another one?"

Yukio's face went perfectly still. "That's not possible."

"Huh? But it is! I… I saw it."

They had never really talked about that day, but, as Rin watched, comprehension dawned on Yukio's face.

"It's still not possible," he repeated, more gently this time. He stared down at his hands. "Satan is the only demon who can open the Gehenna Gate."

"Oh." Rin felt like the bottom of his stomach had dropped out. He didn't need an explanation of what that meant. "Okay, so Mephisto it is!"

"Unless we're overthinking this." Yukio sighed. "I still can't shake the feeling that it doesn't exist at all, and this ability is just a remnant of demon DNA. Really, it's surprising I've survived it."

"Huh?"

"Human bodies aren't built to survive powerful demon abilities," Yukio explained, adopting his teacher voice again. "Your regenerative potential is likely the only reason you were able to survive summoning your flames in the beginning. Now that you have more control, you're straining your body less. I'm sure you've noticed how your endurance has improved respectively?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Rin nodded slowly. Now that Yukio mentioned it, he found it to be true. "So your ability may be uh…"

"Putting strain on my body. But then, just triggering it is a strain, so I haven't noticed anything." He smiled sardonically, easing the knot of anxiety that had developed in Rin's gut over the course of the conversation. "Don't worry, Nii-san. I already promised Shiemi-san I would be more careful about triggering it."

Back before Shura dragged Yukio away for the mysterious mission that had caused something to change in Yukio, Shiemi had mentioned the promise when Rin had continued to express his worries. "You can't disappoint her, okay?!"

Yukio blinked in surprise at Rin's outburst before dissolving into a smirk. "I don't need you to tell me that."

"Hmph! There's that cool guy attitude again," Rin pouted.

"Oh? Are you worried Shiemi-san will think I'm cooler than you?" If this were a manga, Yukio's smile would have been downright sparkling.

"Augh! I don't need you to say it when I already know it's true!" he wailed dramatically which Yukio, judging from the laughter, found amusing.

Kuro found it much less so. _"You're too loud! I can't sleep!"_

"Oh, sorry Kuro!" Rin apologized as the cat gave up on them and made his way out the window that was still set ajar, letting the nighttime breeze cool the summer heat that had gathered in the room throughout the day. When he turned back, he had hoped to find that the melancholy hanging over Yukio all night had finally dissipated.

But again, his brother was staring past him into the darkness.

"Yukio? What is it?"

"That day…" he muttered, and Rin wasn't entirely sure he was talking to him or himself. "Satan was going to take you to Gehenna…"

"Yeah. That's why I had to unsheathe Kurikara. I had to stab the Gate in its creepy eyeball to close it." He tried to say it in a breezy manner, but Yukio sat very still as he considered this. Rin frowned. "Yukio?"

He shook his head. "It's nothing. Just thinking about what I said earlier about demons not being alive. They're certainly more alive than other things if you can get rid of it with a well-placed stab…"

"Huh?" He asked before he could stop himself. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to continue talking about that day.

Yukio shook his head again, and whatever storm of thoughts he was sorting through seemed to clear. He leaned back and stretched out his legs. "So," he began in a tone far more relaxed than he had had all night, "I'm betting Mother's grin was just like yours."

"Eh?" Rin blinked at the complete change in subject. It took a moment to realize Yukio was trying to cheer _him_ up. "Well, I bet she had your moles!"

"Why would you wish that on her?!" Yukio demanded, a hand instinctively raising to cover the lower half of his face.

"I don't see what the big deal is! I have them too you know. It's a feature that give you charm!"

"It's not charming at all!"

Rin laughed. "C'mon! Wouldn't you want your most unique feature to have come from her?"

"Most unique?" Yukio was trying very hard to look annoyed, but Rin could see his eyes shining at the idea. "I see how it is. I'm just moles and a pair of glasses to you."

And from there the conversation completely dissolved into laughter and bets as to who had inherited what. He wasn't sure what time it was when the conversation slowed enough for Yukio to fall asleep, still sitting upright against his bed. After Rin poked him awake and he shuffled off to bed, Rin crawled into his own bed, laughing at a final thought before sinking into sleep.

"Hm?" Yukio murmured.

Rin grinned. "Just thinking, if Mom had your ability to sleep anywhere and my heavy sleeping, it must have caused all sorts of problems."

Yukio chuckled, and Rin was sure they went to sleep that night with matching smiles.

-oOo-

Rain pattered against the window while Yukio skimmed the patient file in front of him before filing it away for the night. The medical clinic was still buzzing with patients as the night crew came in, but his hours were done for the day. He took a moment to look out the window at the dark skies, hoping the weather wouldn't dampen the night's festivities. Rin had been chattering about it all week.

"You seem happy today," Shiemi observed, breaking him out of his reverie. She stood in the doorway of the filing room with her bag already slung over her shoulder, ready to leave.

Yukio raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Um, well…" She clasped her hands behind her back and rocked on her heels. "You just seem… happier lately than I remember you being for a while."

She must have picked up on the anxiety he had been carrying, waiting for the day his medical tests came back with notable changes. But _still_ , even as they were approaching the end of July, all his doctor reported were signs of stress. So Yukio had decided it was time to focus on other things. It was one of the ways he was trying to refocus his thinking.

But it wasn't possible to tell Shiemi that, so he readjusted his glasses and smiled. "Maybe it's because we're finally on summer break."

"Or maybe it's because of this clinic?" She knew summer break didn't mean much to him except that he now had more time to spend here at the clinic, which had opened last month. He had begun lobbying for a clinic devoted to treating minor mashō while he was still in the hospital, speaking to the staff, and wasn't at all surprised to learn other doctors were already suggesting the same. It was a natural progression given the increasing influx of patients. The backroom of the advice center was no longer enough for the number of patients with mashō that would show up each day. Still, the clinic hadn't opened its doors until June, and now it was inundated daily with all sorts of people searching for cures from minor wounds or illnesses.

Shiemi had joined the staff of doctors a couple weeks after Yukio. "I know it's made me happy being able to help so many people."

"Perhaps you're right…" At the core of it, he supposed they both felt happy when they felt useful, and the clinic was a perfect place to nurture that feeling. She was starting to speak more confidently during work, and he had found himself feeling lighter than he had for some time. He had found his flow.

She beamed. "Well whatever it is, I'm glad."

He finished filing the paperwork for the day, and the two of them left together, their umbrellas bumping against each other as they walked through the rain-soaked streets, enduring the last remnants of the monsoon season.

Life was good. It was a strange conclusion to come to after arriving home after a long, exhausting day, but when Yukio entered the dorm room and found Rin and the most of the usual group crammed around a table, he realized that was exactly what it was. The image of them all crammed together brought back the memory of entering the dorm late at night during the heart of winter, finding all of the exwires together eating birthday cake Yukio had missed out on because he was running his experiments on his eyes. He had been exhausted and sore then too, but his outlook had been grim, his life slowly being consumed for his search for power.

But now he was determined to think differently, and, after months of practice, he was surprised to find he was starting to feel differently too. The frenzied need for power had begun to fade into a dull ache, like a mosquito bite no longer itching but scabbed over.

That didn't mean he found it easy now. He had still struggled to stuff down his anxiety and jealousy when Rin and the others had been promoted. But then Shiemi had fervently thanked him for teaching her, and then the others were all following suit with Rin's grin the broadest of all. Even though any other teacher could have done the same, they claimed he had helped them grow, and that had made it easier to push his negative thoughts aside, smile properly, and congratulate them.

He was even sleeping better, without the usual nightmares waking him up. That wasn't to say he wasn't dreaming. He often dreamt of the artificial Gate with the voices crying out for him. But each night, they silenced when he smiled and spoke to them, assuring them they weren't alone. It was silly, comforting demons, but when he heard their screams of sadness and fear, so familiar to his own, it was difficult to think of them like the same creatures he faced in battle. And, after all, it was just a dream; he really wasn't talking to anyone but himself.

"I'm home," Yukio announced as he and Shiemi entered, leaving their umbrellas outside in the hallway to dry.

"Welcome back," Rin gave the customary response, but he sounded anything but cheerful.

Somehow, Miwa, Shima, and Kamiki had convinced Rin to start his summer homework before his usual last-week-of-break start date. Their study materials were scattered around the table, and Shima was sprawled on top of much of it, apparently being ignored by the others. Miwa was attempting to explain a parse tree to Rin when Shiemi and Yukio came in, and judging from Kamiki's forlorn expression, this was about the fifth time.

She looked up at them and flicked a strand of hair out of her face. "Finally. Okumura-sensei, you taught a whole subject to your brother. Find a way for him to understand this!"

"Hey, you don't have to be here you know!" Rin huffed.

"Maybe I shouldn't be. I only agreed because Paku went home for break. Which reminds me, she gave me your notes to return." She looked at Yukio and tapped a notebook on the table next to her.

"Thanks," Yukio said, as he shrugged off his coat.

After their conversation, Paku must have decided that she and Yukio should be friends. Once school resumed, she greeted him in the hallways, even inviting him to eat lunch with her and the other girls. When the others heard, Rin and Shima insisted they all join as well, finally uniting the group at lunchtime, something Yukio had been surprised to learn they hadn't done already. Going from lunch alone in his office to a full table was unexpected, but the strangest thing about it was he and Paku had effectively become the bridge between the two groups. Yukio had always been on the outskirts, and Paku wasn't an exorcist. Yukio couldn't find the logic in it, but he wasn't about to complain.

Shiemi took a seat next to Kamiki. "It's too bad she couldn't stay a few days longer to celebrate with us." The reason they were gathering in the old boy's dorm tonight was for dinner to celebrate their promotions. Shiemi sighed. "But I guess her parents are still worried?"

"From now on, she has to be on the first train home. That was the deal for her coming back to school." Kamiki crossed her arms and lifted her chin at the thought. "I doubt they would have allowed it if she had gotten hurt in the attacks…" she drifted off with a tight frown. Then her eyes slid to Yukio as he finished setting some paperwork on his desk for later. "The exwire exam was this morning, right?"

Yukio could guess that she was thinking about the time Paku _had_ been hurt and decided to keep his tone casual. "It went well. All of them passed, and with minimal bickering too."

"Hmph." Kamiki smirked a little, accepting the jab.

Miwa scooted over so Yukio could take the seat between him and Rin. Yukio smiled, thinking of how well the exwires had worked together. "I'm sure we'll see them on the battlefield soon. There's a lot of potential this year."

Rin pouted. "It's weird hearing you talk about them! _We're_ supposed to be your exwires!"

"If you miss it that badly you could always retake my class. Maybe some of it will stick this time."

"Uh… Wait. I didn't say I missed it that much!"

Yukio chuckled, not bothering to correct Rin. Technically, one of the other teachers had been assigned to lead this year's exwires outside of class just as Yukio had been assigned last year. "All right, I guess we can start with homework instead. What are you working on?"

"For about five minutes, English, but before that…" Kamiki pursed her lips, and it was clear they had been distracted.

"Oh, uh, yeah, that's my fault. We were looking at th' app." Miwa pulled out his phone. "I started working on some of th' wound descriptions."

Yukio peeked over his shoulder to see the app Miwa had been developing. After hearing about the demon identifying program, Yukio had suggested a feature for identifying demons by the wounds they left behind. It would help with treatment for inexperienced doctors and when victims were unable to identify their attacker.

"Looks good," Yukio said as he scrolled through the descriptions. "I sent out the consent forms to other clinics today, so we should get more photos soon."

"Koneko," Shima groaned from where he was still collapsed on the table. "Make me an app tha' will finish this homework. We should be out on th' beach right now, enjoying summer!"

"Um, Shima-kun, you know it's raining, right?" Shiemi giggled.

"We don't need sunshine to enjoy th' swimsuits!" Shima declared.

"All right. Go change into your suit and stand outside," Kamiki suggested. "I'm sure we'll all enjoy the peace when you're gone."

"How 'bout we make our own beach right here?" Shima suggested, undeterred. "You want to see th' swimsuits too, right Okumura-kun?"

"Of course I do!" Rin agreed immediately.

"Eh?" Shiemi went bright red.

"That's two yeses." He turned to Miwa, who sighed.

"Shima-han, we need to concentrate."

"Swimsuits will definitely help me concentrate."

"On _what?"_ Kamiki huffed.

Shima glossed past answering and turned to Yukio. "How 'bout you? Don't you want to see a certain someone in a swimsuit again?"

Yukio looked over his shoulder as if someone might be behind him before adjusting his glasses and giving Shima a blank stare. "Are you talking to me?"

"You could even invite Kirigakure-sensei!"

"What?! No! Don't you realize how dangerous that is?!" Rin yelped.

"Actually, that sounds like a great idea," Kamiki said with a rather cold look.

"Uh…" Shima's smile finally broke with nervousness.

Yukio felt himself smile a little at the familiarity of their antics. There was no doubt in his mind. Life was—

There was a knock at the door.

Pounding was more accurate. The room silenced instantly at the sound, and, for a reason he had yet to pinpoint, Yukio felt the tingle of anxiety constrict around his chest.

"Hey!" Suguro's voice shouted through the door. "Let me in!"

Yukio found his legs again and went to open the door. Suguro burst in.

"Where is—" Suguro did a double-take before realizing Yukio was right in front of him. "Okumura-kun!"

Life had been good up until that moment. Yukio had relaxed his guard, allowing himself to enjoy his work and his friends. Four months, and nothing had changed except a happiness growing steadily inside of him.

"They know! They know 'bout your eyes!"

He should have figured; he was teasing himself, thinking he could have such a life.


	14. Refusal

**A/N:** Wow! I can't believe I've been writing this story for over a year now. Thank you all for sticking with me. I know I'm a slow writer compared to many other excellent authors, so I want to thank all of you, whether you've been here from the beginning or are just joining us now. I appreciate all your support and reviews. I'm still having a lot of fun writing this story because of being able to hear your thoughts and reactions. Cheers, to all of you!

* * *

When Yukio was little, one of the things he hated most about seeing demons was that the fear struck without warning every time he turned a corner and was greeted by a demon. The terror would hit him so intensely that every nerve in his body would alight, and his resolve to stay strong would crumble from the shock of the blow. He began to live with dread every time he opened a door or turned a corner, until one day, Father gave him a book.

"Read, Yukio. Learn about them, understand them, and begin to anticipate them."

So Yukio studied the encyclopedia of demons, and he began to understand what Father had intended. Now Yukio knew to expect hobgoblins to appear when he opened the old storage shed. He knew it was just yanari squeaking the floorboards outside their room at night. He knew the old tree in the schoolyard was home to several kodama. And he knew these lesser demons were unlikely to attack him without cause.

The dread eased. The fear struck with less suddenness, and he was able to control his reactions more and more.

He had learned the value of staying vigilant, preparing, guarding, and controlling.

Yet somehow he'd grown careless. Allowing himself to be surrounded by friends and people who had his back had lowered his guard, and here was the fear to strike him down once again as punishment.

"They know about your eyes!"

It felt a bit like tripping. Like missing a step on the stairs, causing a second of freefall when he wasn't sure he would find the next step beneath his feet. Maybe the ground had opened up again to send him to the dark pit where the Gate waited. Or maybe he had done this to himself and had taken that final step off of the rooftop again. He forgot to breathe for all of two seconds.

But then his years of training and practice caught him like a safety net. He stuffed the fear and every other emotion swelling up to drown him down, into the sea below his carefully trained mask.

Rin had a much more dramatic reaction. "It's okay! We're okay! Everyone calm down!" he shouted, jumping up out of his seat and crossing the room so he could put his hands on Yukio's shoulders. "Stay calm, Yukio!"

"Nii-san," Yukio said slowly. "You're the only one panicking."

"Huh?!" Rin looked around at the variety of expressions ranging from dark to anxious. He studied Yukio's face for a moment. "Oh! Oh… Are you okay?"

Yukio blinked. He had been here before. The night Rin's flames had been revealed, seeing Rin losing his mind to the flames, Yukio had held onto his mask by a thread. He knew he couldn't take stock of his emotions because he couldn't return to the surface of blank calmness he was maintaining. "I'm fine. Now why don't you sit down and take a breath, Nii-san." He put his hand on Rin's back as Rin lowered his arms and directed Rin back towards the table. He looked over his shoulder at Suguro who still was standing in the doorway. "Come in, Suguro-kun, and close the door please."

Once Rin was situated, Yukio offered Suguro a seat across the table, in between Kamiki and Shima. It had been a while, but he felt very much like their teacher again as the group shifted nervously in their seats, watching him. "Now then, I presume you heard something from Light-san? Could you please tell me what you heard?"

Suguro nodded and sat up straight. He looked like he was considering standing again as he made his report. "I had left Lightning's place for th' day when I realized I hadn't grabbed a report that needs to be filed tonight. I doubled back, and he was on the phone talking 'bout you. He said th' lab is ready, and they'll be transporting you there tonight."

Silence swept the room, curling around their feet and creeping up their spines.

Lab… The word sank into Yukio's mind, past the calm surface, into the storming sea beneath.

"A lab?! Are they serious?!" Kamiki was suddenly shouting, crossing her arms and glaring at Suguro as if it was his fault.

"Wh-what do we do?!" Shiemi cried, her hands holding the sides of her face.

"Then it's true? They really will run experiments?" Miwa looked at Yukio and Rin. "They're going to separate you?"

"No!" Rin yelled. His hand gripped Yukio's wrist, almost painfully hard. Flames began to ignite all over his body. "I won't let that happen! There's no way I'll let that happen!"

"But," Miwa began, "if the Order—"

"I don't care about them! We're not letting it happen! I won't let them do this! Right, Yukio?! We're not going to… let… them…" Rin caught Yukio's eye, and his anger seemed to falter. "Yukio? What are you thinking?"

Yukio didn't have an answer for that. He was trying to keep his mind as blank as possible. "I…" He blinked, and it dawned on him how uncomfortable he felt under their gazes. He did his best not to fidget. "I'm tired," he settled on. Which was true enough, but his answer seemed to suck the air out of the room.

The others seemed lost on what to say. Only Rin was still looking at him, with some sort of light glimmering in his eyes. Determination, Yukio realized after a moment. And somehow that look, the thought that Rin was steeling himself in order to find a way to save him, was more painful that the raging sea he was hiding. He felt himself begin to crumble—

His phone buzzed, vibrating in his pocket like an angry bee. Someone was calling him.

He picked up the pieces of his face before he lost hold of them completely, and slowly slid the device from his pocket with growing trepidation. It was a bit of a relief to see it was Shura, but knowing why she had called… He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed, throw the covers over his head and sleep for a year.

Finally, he answered. And got an earful of yelling for his choice.

"What the hell took ya so long?! Don't wait ten rings ta pick up yer phone!"

"Hello to you too, Shura-san," he said stiffly.

"Where are ya?"

"Dorm room."

"Good. Stay there. I'm on my way." He didn't respond. After a beat of silence, instead of hanging up, she cursed. "Ya know, don't ya." It wasn't a question. "Damn it! Then why are ya just sittin' there in yer dorm room?! Get goin'! Run!"

"Run?" he repeated dully. A bitter laugh escaped him, and his grip on his phone tightened. He stared adamantly at the table in front of him, refusing to look any of the others, his voice filling with the bite of sarcasm. "Oh, sure. Why not? And where would you suggest I go? Where should I hide from an _international_ organization? You want me to abandon everything and _everyone_ so I can hide like a coward?"

"It's either that or be locked up and experimented on!" Her voice was suddenly coming from two places at once: the phone and where she stood, bursting through their door. She didn't bother taking off her boots as she made it to the middle of the room, striking an intimidating, almost majestic pose with her fiery hair swinging dramatically behind her. A fully loaded backpack was slung over one shoulder. "And who said ya were goin' alone?"

Her sudden, impressive entrance left him a little breathless, so he could do nothing but stare dumbly up at her.

She had the same look as Rin in her eyes, and the stupefied awe Yukio felt was tinged with something else he didn't have time to comprehend. But what he did know was here was irresponsible, lazy Shura with the same, fierce determination to save him. "Now pack yer stuff, and let's go!"

"Huh…?" Rin began.

She grinned at Rin. "Yer comin' too, right Rin?"

"Y-yeah!" He scrambled to his feet.

As Rin stood, Yukio felt himself falling again for a moment. Whatever that strange feeling of stupefaction her entrance had caused was, it had allowed emotion to seep through the cracks in his mask.

"Sit down!" he snapped, grabbing Rin's shoulder and pushing him back into his seat. "And you!" He glared up at Shura. "Take off your shoes! Nobody is going anywhere!"

"Eh? But…" Shiemi's voice a touch higher than usual, and Yukio found he couldn't look at her right now. If anyone could melt his anger it was her, and he needed his anger right now.

"Are ya crazy?!" Shura's hands curled into fists. "Ya can't stay here! They're comin' tonight!"

"I heard." He stood and went to close the door she had left wide open. It was a struggle to turn and face them all again, so he kept his glare on Shura. "But unlike some people, I'm not in the habit of making rash decisions."

Shura's mouth hung open for a second, clearly thinking he had lost it. "This isn't somethin' ya can talk yer way out of! I _know_ ya know this! Ya know what anythin' Satan related means ta the Vatican, and I don't see Mephisto pullin' strings ta save ya like he did with Rin!"

"I understand that," he said firmly. "But I can't just run because you said so."

"Then did ya hear that the lab was designed specially fer ya?!"

Yukio stiffened. The implications of that were all too clear. He swallowed hard and clung to his anger, gritting his teeth. "It's just a lab. I've been getting tests for years. It could simply mean they've finally updated their equipment. Until I've seen the lab—"

"I've seen it," she interrupted.

He paused trying to determine how to judge this statement. "How did you manage that?"

She snorted and crossed her arms. "What do ya think I've been doin' the past few months?"

"You… You've been investigating the Order?!"

"Technically, just the Vatican's plans fer ya."

"Shura-san!"

"Yeah, yeah! 'That's dangerous, bla, bla, bla.'" She crossed her arms and shrugged. "They made me an investigator fer a reason. I know what I'm doin', and I saw it. I finally saw the lab." She took a step towards him, and he bit his tongue when her shoes tapped loudly against the hardwood floor. "Yukio." Her voice was so serious he felt compelled to look at her in the eye. "Do ya remember what I said when I was tryin' ta trigger yer eyes back when ya first told me?"

Coldness pressed against the back of his neck. How could he ever forget that moment? She had tried pulling every horrible thought he had had about revealing his power to the Order into the open to scare him. He swallowed. "That doesn't… That's not…"

"There's dissection equipment."

There was a beat of silence. He felt himself grow cold. And then everyone was jumping to their feet, moving towards him. Instinctively, he backed up, blocking the door.

"They're coming tonight!" Suguro was shouting.

"That doesn't leave much time," Miwa said, sweeping his possessions off the table into his bag.

"I'll need twenty minutes to get my things! Where should we meet?" Shiemi looked at Yukio, her hands curled into tight fists.

Yukio did a double-take, his mind struggling to catch up to what was happening. "What?! Shiemi-san, what are you talking about?!"

"I'm coming too!" she said. Her face was pink and the corners of her eyes held tears. "I… I'll help you somehow! I'll help you hide!"

Yukio felt a strange mix of gratitude and horror. "No! You can't!"

"I-I have to! You're in trouble! I have to help!"

"But you can't!" he yelled, and she flinched a little in surprise. Disgust towards himself boiled in his stomach. He had never spoken harshly to her, and it was awful. He lowered his voice. "Helping me…" God. Was he really considering this? "This is _dangerous_. If you go against the Vatican, then everything you've worked for will be for nothing. You finally figured out what you want to do. You can't throw that away!"

"But if I can't help you…" She swallowed hard, and her small voice grew strong, even as it trembled. "You were my first friend! If I can't help you, then I don't know how I can be a doctor or an exorcist! I…" She stuttered to a stop and sniffled. "I'll have to return to my mom, so I can't stay with you. B-but I want to help you! I don't know how, but I have to help!"

"I know how," Shura offered. "Decoys. If someone is followin' us ya can lead them away."

"Oh!" Shiemi nodded eagerly. "I can do that—"

"No," he said flatly, throwing a vehement glare at Shura, but she remained unfazed. "That's too dangerous! You can't-"

"She sounds right to me!" Rin stood next to Shiemi, frowning at Yukio, and Yukio felt his chest constrict looking at them, opposing him together. "We've been in plenty of dangerous situations before—"

"This is completely different!" he hissed. "I don't want her—or you—involved in any of this!"

"Oh, so then it should be okay for the rest of us." Kamiki let the comment dangle as she studied her nails.

"Eh?" He stared around the room. Maybe he wasn't the one who was crumbling; it was the world around him. "You're… You're joking, right?"

"Yukio?" Rin frowned and began to take a step towards him, but Yukio stiffened.

He took a slow breath and tried to sound calm and logical. Instead, his voice sounded cold and cruel to his own ears. "That's the only explanation. That's the only way all of you would agree to something as _insane_ as this."

"Yuki-chan…? What are you saying?"

"You don't think we would do this for a friend?" Suguro growled.

"We're not friends." He looked coldly at them, avoiding Rin and Shiemi's eyes. Shura scoffed, cementing his harshness at the same time as making it strangely difficult to look at her too. "No need to pretend. The charade was nice while it lasted, but when it comes down to it, we've never been—"

"Stop it!" Rin cut him off. "I know you're scared, but you don't need to say things like that!"

Scared? Had his mask completely abandoned him? Or maybe Rin had seen through him from the start.

"But we're not friends," Yukio insisted. "Not like that. Don't any of you get it? You could lose your jobs, get arrested, or worse. Everything you've worked for the past year, all your goals, you'd have to sacrifice all of it." He snorted derisively. "It's idiotic to pretend I'm the type of friend you would sacrifice so much for, and—"

"Of course you are! Why would you even say that?!" Rin bellowed, swiping his arm through the air as if he could knock the idea away. "They agreed to keep the secret about your eyes, didn't they?!"

"They only did that for you," he countered coolly.

"That's not true!" Shiemi cried. "We all wanted to protect you, Yuki-chan!"

And maybe it wasn't true for her, but he wasn't naïve. He had recognized who they were protecting as soon as he had a moment to think objectively about their promises.

"And they still do! Right, everyone?" Rin was probably oblivious to the fact that if he was the one asking, it made it impossible to know the truth.

"Of course." Miwa nodded and adjusted his glasses. Yukio could see his eyes dart to the others, notably avoiding Shima. "We each may have our own reasons for keeping your secret, but keeping you safe and with your brother was always most important. I don't think there's much of a difference in the risk of keeping your secret and helping you hide as you make it sound. We've already been risking our jobs for months."

"It's not the same." He shook his head. "You could lie. Pretend you never knew—"

"Then why can't we pretend now?" Shiemi asked eagerly.

Suguro scratched his chin as he considered this. "Say we didn't know, and we were always planning on traveling because of summer break."

"I like it!" Shura actually laughed. "It's so crazy it might work!"

Yukio felt like his stomach had dropped down to his feet. He scanned the room, looking for help, but all of them seemed to be on board. All but one. "Shima-kun! You think this is ridiculous too, right?"

"Well, they certainly sound… altruistic." Shima had a strange sort of smile on his face. He got up from where he had still been sitting at the table. "I'm surprised to hear that type of sentiment from all of you."

"Is that comment aimed at me?" Kamiki's eyes narrowed. "Even after all this time, you still don't understand what I went through with the Illuminati."

"Aw, that's a little harsh. I understand it just fine." He rubbed the back of his neck. "But sacrificing your future because you relate to an experience is a little extreme, don't you think?"

"What are you trying to say?! That we shouldn't bother?!" Rin took a step towards Shima, before seeming to remember he didn't want to stray too far from Yukio.

"I'm saying, why not let someone else do it?" Shima said quickly under several glares. "There's a whole organization used to hiding from the True Cross Order tha' would be willing to help."

Yukio would be lying if he said he hadn't already thought of going to the Illuminati. But hearing it said aloud cemented the insanity of the thought in reality. Strangely, this realization calmed him. For the first time since Suguro had appeared with his warning, Yukio took a deep, full breath, and sighed. "You're more ridiculous than the rest of them."

Shima laughed. "So that's a no? Don't hold it against me. I had to ask. But if that's the case…" He joined the others standing in a semicircle around Yukio. "Then I guess you only have a handful of people left you can trust, and they're all in this room."

Yukio opened his mouth to rebut, but there really wasn't a counter for that. Instead, a strangled laugh came out.

It was true. These were the people he had told himself he was going to continue to stay with, even if it hurt them. Yet here he was, at the first real test of that resolve, and he found it was impossible.

"Yukio?" Rin sounded almost hopeful.

"You're right," he admitted.

Rin brightened immediately. "Really? Okay! Let's get moving then!"

Shura grabbed his arm and began tugging him away from the door. "Move over. They got ta get their stuff."

He dug his heels in. His decision was made. "No."

She continued to tug. "Don't be stubborn. Let them through."

"There's no need. Nobody is going anywhere."

She froze and frowned up at him. "What?"

"Nobody is leaving."

"Nobody?" Rin echoed, brow furrowed. "But we have to!"

"No. We don't."

"We're not going to let you go alone!" Rin didn't understand yet. "You need all the help you can get!"

He smiled a little at how slow his brother was on the uptake. "No, I don't. Because I'm not leaving either."

Rin and Shura moved towards him at the same time. Shura got there first, snagging his collar in a fist. "Yer not staying here!"

"Why not?"

"Because that's a death sentence! Yer doomin' yerself ta a life of experiments until they kill ya!" His collar tightened uncomfortably. "Damn it, Scaredy! What happened ta yer survival instinct, huh? Do I need ta choke ya ta get a reaction? Was I right? Yer sense of danger is screwed up after all those experiments! All those times tryin' ta come close ta death, ya wound up trainin' yerself that this is normal!"

"I know someone like you wouldn't understand this," he said softly. "But this is what needs to be done."

"Y-Yuki-chan! You can't give up!" Shiemi's voice was full of disappointment, and it was impossible for him to look at her again.

"Why not? Really, truly, if any of you thought about it logically, you would realize there isn't an argument here," he said the words slowly, deliberately, as if that would help them hear him. "I already gave them half my life, what's the difference giving them the rest?"

"But-!"

"If there really is a way for my ability to help the Order, why should I keep it from them? If I can be of any use, shouldn't I be willing to do this for the greater good?"

"Looks like you were right, Konekomaru. He's thought 'bout this before." Suguro crossed his arms, his perpetual glare intensifying. "You were out of it at th' time," he said to Yukio. "But we had this conversation already, after the Ocean Queen attack, and we still decided to keep your secret. Maybe you're right, but I don't know how you can give up even though you know wha' it was like when Okumura-kun was under threat of execution."

"Exactly what I was goin' ta say! Yer givin' the Order too much power over yer life even after ya spent all that time with the threat danglin' over yer head. I can't believe someone like ya would ferget—" She stopped herself abruptly, blinking up at him. Then, her eyes darkened as she finally put it together, and he felt some semblance of relief that someone understood. "Oh. Ya didn't ferget at all. That's why ya said givin' the rest of yer life wouldn't matter. Ya already gave them—"

"Something more important," Yukio finished for her, smiling a cold, sardonic smile. The realization rippled through the room, leaving only his brother behind.

"What?!" Rin looked between them. "What could possibly be more important than your life?!"

Kamiki huffed. "What else could he be talking about? He means _you_."

"Me?!" He turned to Yukio fists clenched in front of him. "What the hell are you talking about?! You're the one in danger!"

"Ya think they'll target Rin if he leaves." Shura let go of his collar and took a step back.

Yukio was content to follow her lead and ignore Rin. He couldn't deal with the frustration pouring off of his brother right now when he'd finally found some logic to cling to. "He'd be breaking the terms they laid out for him. The execution was only staid because he became an exorcist. If he leaves now—"

"Bullshit."

He felt the corner of his mouth twitch at Shura's interruption. "Excuse me?"

"That's bullshit, and ya know it is! They're not goin' ta throw away the best defense they have!"

"You can't say that for sure. _Clearly,"_ he indicated himself, "the prejudice of Satan's touch is too much for years of service to count. There's no way to know what they'll do, and it's not worth the risk to find out." He could feel his small, bitter smile slipping.

"Damn it, ya know how they think! Ya know the situation the world is in now! The same reason they want ta study yer power is the same reason they wouldn't throw away his! I even heard they're testin' if he could help close the Gate!"

"That's…!" He clamped a hand over his mouth, the words going painfully bitter metallic against his tongue, his blood threatening to change into the attractant that would lead the demon of the Contract to him no matter where he ran.

"Yukio?!" Rin leapt forward to his side.

"Yuki-chan, what's wrong?"

"Damn it! What are you two even talking about?!" Suguro demanded, and Yukio thought there might be an edge of worry to his outrage.

"Somethin' he can't argue back on," Shura said simply, looking bored.

God, he hated her right now. He glared up at her and swallowed hard. "If…" The taste was awful, but he could tell he was just skirting the line. "If that's true, then that's more of a reason for him to stay."

She frowned, knowing he was right. "Then let's ask him. Ya know what he'll say."

He grit his teeth. He did. "That's not fair. He doesn't have the full picture."

"Rin. If ya had ta choose who ta save—"

"Shura-san, without understanding—"

"Yer brother or the world? Which would ya save?"

Yukio looked away. The answer shouldn't matter, but a part of him wanted to hear it out loud.

"What? What type of scenario is that?!" Suguro demanded.

"Are you saying… our world is in danger?" Miwa asked quietly.

"Is it because of the Illuminati?" Kamiki's eye narrowed. She shot a look at Shima.

"Don't look at me! I don't know!" He waved his hands in front of him.

"Is it because of what Lucifer said at the school festival? About Satan?" Suguro asked, perilously close to the full picture.

Shura tapped her foot against the ground irritably. "Rin! I'm askin' ya. What would ya do?!"

"Why do I have to choose?!"

"Ya have ta—"

"No! That's stupid!"

"Choose, Rin!"

"Fine, then both! I'd save both!"

Shura shot Yukio a look of victory. "There ya go."

"That's not fair," he repeated stonily. Even though Rin's words were exactly what he was expecting, they still tore at his resolve. "He doesn't realize. Nii-san, you can't have it both ways—"

"I can!" Rin proclaimed, his chest puffing out a little. "I don't know what exactly you're talking about, but I'll find a way!"

His hands ached with the tightness of his fists. "This isn't a joke, Nii-san. This is serious."

"I know! I _am_ serious!"

"No, you're not! None of you are taking this seriously! None of you understand the scope of what we're dealing with—"

"She said they're gonna dissect you! I'm plenty serious!" Rin yelled back. "Why the hell can't you see that?! Why won't you let us help you?! Instead you're talking about saving the world, but how can I possibly do that if I can't even save my own brother?!" He stood in front of Yukio, rigid, and eyes brimming with emotion. "How can I do that if you're not with me, fighting alongside me? It's like you taught us: I'm never fighting alone! I always have everyone helping me or saving me. And most importantly, I have you with me! How can you expect me to do anything without you there?"

"You don't need me." Yukio grit his teeth. Shiemi was a capable doctor, Miwa was a budding strategist, and even Suguro was developing renowned accuracy and precision as a dragoon. Yukio had known the day they passed the exorcist exam: he would soon be redundant.

"How can you say that?!"

"Just look around you!" he instructed, and Rin glanced at his friends. Their enthusiasm had dimmed. "Everyone else understands. The risk is too great."

"N-no, Yuki-chan, we just…" Shiemi's voice shook, and Yukio smiled for her.

"It's okay. It's only natural. That's how it should be. The world for one person makes no sense."

"But…" She shook her head frantically, and one of the tears clinging to the corners of her eyes spilled down her round cheek. "No! I trust Rin! I believe that he can do what he says! If we all work together, I know we can save everyone, including you!"

"She's right. If we stop whatever danger you're talking about, then maybe they won't need to use your power anymore," Miwa said slowly, excitement growing in his voice as he finished his reasoning. "Then you won't have to live in hiding!"

Yukio's stomach dropped again as he saw the rest of them filling with Rin's contagious determination. They had faith in him. But for Yukio, it wasn't a matter of trusting Rin. It was understanding how helpless he was in the face of the Order's power and hatred. It was nearly nine years of testaments of how Satan was the ultimate evil, and anything associated with the demon god should be burned from existence. It was months of searching for answers and only discovering the absolute thoroughness of the Order at covering up every hint of their mother. How thoroughly could they erase Rin too?

Rin grinned at his friends, and Yukio had to turn away when his brother smiled at him too. "We'll save you and the world and anything else you want us to!"

"It's not worth the risk! I'm not worth…" He was very aware of all of their gazes on him as he caught the words coming out of his own mouth. Shura shifted restlessly next to him, and he was sure she knew what he was thinking. Rin might have been able to guess too after hearing what she had said during their argument.

Perhaps the rest of them needed to hear this. Clearly, he was the only one still thinking logically. He swallowed down the pain, but it was no use. Just saying the words out loud to Rin and Shura felt like someone was shredding his heart in his chest and stuffing his stomach with lead. Saying it to the rest of them was asking too much. He stared at Rin's feet in front of him.

He had to do it. Make them understand. Just say it. For Rin.

"I'm nothing. Haven't you realized? Haven't you realized the type of person I am?" His voice wavered, and the disgust at his own weakness somehow made it easier to admit everything. He cursed loudly, slamming his fist against the wall beside him, back still pressed hard against the door. "I'm nothing! No, I'm _less_ than nothing! A leech, a void! I do nothing but take, and it still amounts to _zero_. And here you are, offering everything, throwing it into the void! Don't you see how stupid that is? It's not worth it! _I'm_ not worth it!"

His confession brought the room to silence. Then Rin stepped forward and plucked his glasses off his face. "You shouldn't hit a guy with glasses."

Before Yukio could register what that meant, Rin's fist connected with his jaw. He stumbled sideways with the blow, the doorknob digging into his ribs as he collided with it. He could hear a few of the others gasp before the pain began to bloom across his face.

He blinked dumbly up at Rin, holding his jaw. His first thought was frustration that Rin had clearly held back most of his strength. The second was relief that he hadn't bit his tongue.

And then, even without his glasses, for the first time Yukio could truly see it. Rin was in pain.

"You're not nothing! You're everything! You're everything to me, Yukio!" He pulled Yukio up straight by the shoulders, gripping so tight Yukio could feel his fingernails. "You're more than your eyes or some stupid demon ability! You're so much more! Damn it!" He hung his head, clearly struggling to keep his flames under control as a few flickered across his arms. "Please, Yukio," he whispered. "They're gonna kill you."

It took a moment for Yukio to respond through the pain. "They'll kill you too."

Rin reached up and gently slid his glasses back on his face. "Then you protect me, and I'll protect you." His eyes were pleading. "We can only do that if we stay together, and for that, we have to run."

"But leaving now…" Yukio forced himself to meet Rin's eyes and acknowledge the hurt he had caused. "Have you really thought about the consequences? Leaving this life means leaving your dream, your friends, everything that Father left us."

Rin's eyes were bright and unflinching. "What are you talking about? He left us each other."

It was one of those moments when Yukio truly felt like the younger brother. Rin had long since known something that Yukio had struggled to piece together.

"He… left me a mission."

"He would want you to run!" Memory sparked in the back of Rin's eyes. "That day! That day when I first started seeing demons and stuff, he gave me Kurikara, and he told me to run. He was trying to keep me safe. That's what he would want for you too, Yukio. He would tell you to run too!"

Yukio's mouth went dry. Had Father really…?

Was that why he had sent all the exorcists away that day when he knew what was coming? To give Rin a chance to run? But if that was true, then why hadn't he told Yukio? Yukio could have helped. He could have gone with Rin. But instead, had Father meant for them to be separated? Or, as Yukio had always suspected, had Father meant for everything to happen just as it had…?

The wound of distrust burst open; the scab provided by time was utterly useless.

Rin gripped his shoulders tight again, oblivious to the fresh dose of pain he was experiencing. "C'mon Yukio! Let's go! Please!"

Somehow it was more real imagining Rin disappearing that day, than understanding the words he had been insisting all night. It felt like he had been slapped awake.

He looked up and found Rin's eyes still burning with that determination.

"You have to stay here," he choked out against the lump in his throat, even though he knew the argument was over. "You're needed here."

"I won't let you go alone. I'm staying by your side no matter what."

Rin's refusal was all he needed. He hadn't told Rin what he had decided in front of the Gate, but when he felt Rin's warm hand on his arm, it seemed like Rin knew exactly what he had promised himself.

He nodded.

Rin pulled him forward into a hug, away from the door. He let his weight sag into his brother, knowing Rin could easily hold him up even as he could barely feel his own feet. He heard the door open and the others rushing to leave and get their things, but he didn't have the panic they did. His adrenaline was dwindling and now he was just exhausted. He wanted to stay here like this and not think or feel everything buzzing inside of him.

It was a few minutes before Rin's voice pulled him out of it. "Uh… Yukio? I think Shura's going through your underwear."

Yukio looked up, and, sure enough, there was Shura, grabbing a stack of his boxers and throwing them in his backpack, now brimming with clothes she had clearly selected at random.

He sighed. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Well someone had ta start packin'!"

He supposed he should have been thankful. His annoyance at her gave him enough energy to break apart from Rin and repack his bag while Rin started on his own. They were done in a matter of minutes. Rin finished before him and was now explaining the situation to Kuro, who had quickly come when called, expecting dinner. Shura was texting someone, probably letting the others know where to meet.

Yukio threw on his jacket and-

He froze halfway through buttoning the last button on his coat.

He had put on his exorcist jacket without thinking about it. His hands gripping the fabric were shaking and his breathing was shallow. It was just like when he was little.

He was scared. He was scared, and it made him sick. Everyone else seemed so sure. Everyone else didn't hesitate. He wished he was someone else, anyone else, someone worth all of this.

The familiar pressure of tears was welling up behind his eyes. With trembling fingers, he unpinned the official exorcist pin from his jacket. He gripped it tight and felt the needle stab harshly into his palm, drawing the warm stickiness of fresh blood. The pain was enough to clear his head, and he was able to take a deep breath.

This was it then. He had given nearly nine years of his life to the True Cross Order. It would be surprisingly easy to give the rest. Put down his bags and refuse to go, let whatever was coming, come.

"Yukio?" Rin and Shura were watching him, already standing by the door. Kuro meowed loudly from Rin's shoulder. Rin glanced nervously at Yukio's clenched hand, and he realized belatedly that a drop of blood had made its way out of his fist and onto the floor.

He should throw it away, leave it behind. It could do nothing but hurt him.

Instead, he stuffed the pin in his pocket and grabbed his bag. Then he made his way forward, to his place between Rin and Shura.

He _should_ fulfill his duty to the Order. But he couldn't. Not with Rin and Shura here for him and everyone else helping him escape. His duty was to them now.

Sorry, Father.

-oOo-

Rin glanced around the group, crowded around the bottom of the stairs leading to the Moriyama's shop, huddled under their umbrellas, waiting for Shiemi. His friends looked like they usually did before a serious mission, chatting about if they were forgetting to bring anything. Shima was laughing at some joke Rin had missed, and Suguro was chiding him for it. Konekomaru was sighing in exasperation, and Izumo was looking aloof with her nose in the air. It all felt so normal.

Yukio insisted they didn't understand the full scope of what they were getting into. And to be honest, he had a point. None of this felt real yet.

They might have to part for a while after finding some place safe, but Rin was sure it wouldn't be for long. He just had to fight and fix whatever Shura and Yukio had been talking about, and then there'd be no reason for hiding.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" Shiemi called as she hurried down the stairs. "I— Eeeep!" Her arms flailed like a windmill as she skid on the bottom step. Rin leapt forward to catch her just in time, the rest of the group leaning or reaching forward in unison. The only one who hadn't reacted was Yukio. While Shiemi caught her breath, Rin stole a look at his face. He was staring at the scene, but it was as if he wasn't actually watching. His expression was blank, and his was face noticeably pale aside from the bruise beginning to blossom along is jaw. Once Shiemi was steadied, Rin slid back to Yukio's side and reached out to gently squeeze his wrist. He stirred and blinked at Rin.

Everyone else's attention was still on Shiemi. Her face was very red. "Um, my mom kept asking where I was going. I said a mission, but, um, I'm not sure she believed me." Rin saw Yukio's expression twist with guilt for a moment, but Shiemi was already moving on to the next subject. "It's too bad it's raining so hard. Do you think that will ground any flights?"

Shura grinned reassuringly, spinning her umbrella idly. "Actually, I was thinking the rain might help us. Everyone's goin' ta have their umbrellas out."

"So it'll block security cameras." Konekomaru nodded to himself. "And then we can keep our hoods up without looking too conspicuous on any security cameras."

"Ding! Ten points to Kitty." Shura winked at him. "Let's go fer a bullet train before switchin' ta smaller lines. The earlier we get the long-distance travelin' done, the better. I don't want ta be stuck on a train knowin' they're already lookin' fer us."

Rin blinked. "Huh."

"What?"

"You've thought a lot about this, Shura. I'm surprised."

"Surprised? What's that supposed ta mean?" She puffed her lips out in a pout.

"Well, you know. It doesn't sound like you. Right, Yukio?" He smiled at his brother, silently praying he would get a reaction.

To his relief, Yukio answered, albeit with a monotone voice. "You mean because her immaturity usually hides her intelligence?"

"Hey!" She swiped at him, and he dodged, the shadow of a smile entering his eyes for a second.

It was gone in the next, but Rin's spirits suddenly felt bolstered. "All right! Let's get going!"

Shura pulled out a ring jangling with keys. "Yeah, we better use a key before Mephisto realizes—"

"Before I realize what?"

Rin whirled around to find Mephisto sauntering up to meet them, grinning broadly, his umbrella bobbing above him with each step.

"I don't recall assigning you any missions. You must be going on a summer camping trip," the demon reasoned evenly. He smirked at the wave of restless fidgeting rippling through the group. "I'm sure you've been planning this a while, filing the proper paperwork for time off. The paperwork must be sitting on my desk right now."

He took a step forward, and Rin threw an arm out in front of Yukio. "You're not taking him, and if you try anything, I'll-!"

He cut himself off with a yelp as Yukio tugged the point of his ear, dragging him backwards. "Sorry about that. How can we help you?"

He huffed at Yukio's polite tone, rubbing his ear. "What the hell do you mean 'help?!' He's gonna—"

"Oh?" Mephisto spoke over Rin as he leaned forward, tipping the brim of his top hat back to get a better view of Yukio's face. "That's quite the hit someone got on you."

"An overzealous demon," Yukio said blankly. Rin wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, but he pouted anyway. Yukio smiled politely, but it didn't reach his eyes. "If the paperwork were to be on your desk, what can we do to help you find it?"

"I'm sure I will find it as soon as I return to my office. Maybe I signed them this morning, for all _nine_ of you…" Mephisto sidled a step to the left, revealing Takara standing behind him.

"No way! Not happenin'!" Shura objected, stomping up next to Rin, her boots splashing through a puddle. "We're not takin' him! We're not bringing your own personal earpiece!"

Mephisto ignored her easily, keeping his eyes on Yukio.

Yukio gripped the handle of his umbrella tightly with the same hand that had been bleeding earlier. Rin caught himself reaching out to grab Yukio's hand before wondering if Yukio would get angry at him. He didn't want to fight again tonight. While he debated, he barely registered Yukio's response. "…You'll take care of the paperwork."

Shura whipped around to glare at Yukio. "Be serious! We can't take him!"

Behind her, Rin spotted Takara's puppet crossing its arms.

Yukio continued to stare straight ahead, and Rin could see the pale blue veins crisscrossing beneath the skin of the back of his hand as his fist clenched. "We can and will. If there's even a chance, even the weakest evidence of an excuse for all of you, then we're taking it."

"I don't like it," Suguro muttered. There was a murmur of agreement from Izumo and Konekomaru.

Rin looked at Yukio's face and saw him grimace. His eyes were flicking towards the exit behind Mephisto. They had just barely convinced him to come, and now Rin could feel him slipping away.

The past few months, Rin had come to realize Yukio was trying to repair that cord binding them together: the cord that had frayed when he had pushed Rin away, searching for the truth behind his eyes. Or perhaps it had begun to fray before that. Was it when Father had died, and Rin had awakened? Or was it when they were seven years old, when Yukio had started to refuse his help, and Rin had begun to separate himself from others? Whatever the case, ever since spring, it hadn't been just Rin trying to add strength, threads of memories connecting them, to their bond. But now all of that was threatening to unravel in a single night.

It was like that horrible dream he kept having, of Yukio alone in the darkness, being drawn in by thousands of voices calling for him. Rin kept waking up before he could do anything. It felt like he would never be able to reach Yukio. He refused to let that happen.

Rin turned to face his friends. "Yukio's right. We have to do this, so you guys can come back. So that we can _all_ come back once we fix this."

His friends looked doubtful, but they quickly caught on, glancing at Yukio who still stood with his back to them. They must have realized what Rin did: Yukio would be crushed under the weight of his own guilt if they weren't allowed back.

"Okay," Shiemi nodded. "So that we can all return here together someday."

The others murmured in agreement.

"Thanks," Yukio whispered so quietly Rin almost mistook it for the patter of rain. He looked at Yukio in surprise, and found his brother was staring at the ground, watching the rain cause ripples in a puddle at their feet.

"Now that that's settled, Okumura-sensei!" Mephisto called with a wide grin, breaking the solemn mood. "Before you leave on this lovely camping trip, you might want to bring some summer reading." He waved his hand in a dramatic fashion, with what Rin considered a rather unnecessary flourish, especially when all that appeared out of the air into Yukio's hand was an old, faded file. "I believe you were looking for this in the library a while back. Turns out you couldn't find it because it was misfiled and sitting in my office."

"More misfiled paperwork…" Yukio's smile was bitter, and there was a renewed tightness of fear in his eyes as he looked at the cover of the file. "You're… just giving this to me?"

Mephisto shrugged. "It's been sitting in my office collecting dust for the past sixteen years. Nobody will miss it."

Rin looked over his shoulder at the gray folder. It certainly didn't look dusty. He was about to ask what was in it, when he caught a peek at Yukio's face and saw a flash of emotion on his face. Rin frowned, unsure what it meant. And then Yukio did something bizarre. He bowed respectfully to Mephisto. "Thank you."

Mephisto tipped his hat. "Perhaps you'll find something interesting."

"Like I found on _that_ mission?" Yukio's voice was icy, more in line with what Rin was feeling than the bow had been. He straightened up, holding the folder close to his chest, and his eyes bore into Mephisto. "You knew this would happen."

Mephisto chuckled, leaning back on his heels, completely relaxed under the accusation. "You're overestimating my foresight. I did think you would discover something interesting, but you vastly outdid yourself, falling like you did."

Rin heard a few of his friends whispering behind him, trying to piece together the meaning of the conversation like he was.

"You expected something to happen because of the close proximity to…" Yukio trailed off, swallowing hard.

Mephisto smiled smugly. "Careful with your words. It'd be a shame to ruin things this soon. You have a vacation to be enjoying, and with all these people…" His eyes lingered on Yukio's empty coat lapel. "I certainly didn't expect this many to be going with you."

"But you knew he would leave?" Suguro asked, catching the implication.

Yukio smile twitched and he barked out a single, embittered laugh. "…You thought I would join the Illuminati."

"What?! There's no way!" Rin glowered at Mephisto for even suggesting such a thing. But at the same time, he remembered what Shura had said about the Illuminati offering Yukio certain truths. His fingers wrung the handle of his umbrella as he turned to Yukio. "Right?"

Yukio met his eyes and gave a small smile he couldn't read. "Right, Nii-san." His face hardened when he looked at Mephisto. "Sorry, if I ruined your plans."

"Oh, I wouldn't go _that_ far," the demon said while he slid a pocket watch out of his pocket to check the time. "It's about time you get going, don't you think. Have a fun trip!" He winked, bowed, and disappeared before anyone could object.

The group stared at the empty air. Takara was still standing in front of them, but he was as silent as ever. The rain hissed against the ground.

Izumo sighed. "Well, that wasn't very comforting."

"Yeah," Konekomaru agreed. "But it's not like we have much of a choice right now. He's right: we need to hurry up and go."

"But um…" Shiemi bit her lip.

"Where _are_ we going?" Izumo finished for her.

The group looked around at each other.

"Kyōto isn't an option," Konekomaru said quietly.

"And neither is the Illuminati," Suguro said tersely, glaring at Shima who laughed nervously.

Shura shrugged. "Don't ask me."

"Wasn't this your idea though?" Yukio muttered. He was staring distractedly at the file in his hand.

"Is there something in there?" Rin encouraged, leaning forward, his umbrella bumping against Yukio's.

Yukio looked up at him, and hesitated, gripping the folder so hard his fingernails went white.

"What's in the file?" Rin asked. He peeked over Yukio's shoulder and read the cover. It was a personnel file for… "Egin Yuri?"

Memory slid into place so suddenly that Rin could practically feel the blade in his leg. "That's it! That's the name they said at my trial!"

Without meeting his eyes, Yukio gave a curt nod as if he'd already determined this. Everyone else looked clueless, all except Shura who had gone pale.

"Yukio, that's—" She stopped, face twisting as if in pain, hand flying to her mouth in a way similar to how Yukio had acted earlier that evening. "Ack! Bitter!" she cried, coughing and gagging.

"Eh? What's wrong?" Shiemi asked.

Rin glanced at Yukio, wondering if their similar reactions meant anything. It had, apparently, because Yukio now looked furious. He all but tore the file open. "I should have known."

Most of the file was covered in blocks of black, covering the text. Rin frowned. "What is this?"

"They redacted most of the file," he answered dully.

"Redacted?" Rin repeated. "Like erased?"

"Like they wanted to erase her…" Yukio muttered.

Rin looked up from the file and took in his brother's face. He looked tired and much older than Rin felt at the moment.

"Who?" Shiemi asked quietly, and Rin was thankful she was the one to ask. He could see Yukio making an effort to calm down before answering her, even as he continued looking at the file. Page after page of black.

"Our mother."

"Oh!" she gasped. She adjusted the strap of her backpack and leaned forward trying to catch Yukio's eyes. "That's great! You've been searching for information about her for a long time, right? Um… So maybe if there's a location, we could go there!"

"We would be following Mephisto's plan though." Shura had recovered enough to speak. Rin could tell she was making an effort to not look at the file, and he had the strangest sense that she felt guilty for some reason.

"It's an obvious manipulation," Yukio admitted. "But it looks like it doesn't matter anyway. There's nothing in here." He flipped another page and something tucked between the pages slipped out of the file.

Rin caught it before it fell onto the muddy ground. Then he looked at it, a photograph, and blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing properly. "Isn't that the woman from the painting?" he blurted out as his mind continued to tell him exactly who it was.

"Painting? What painting?" Suguro asked.

He held out the photo for the others to see. "Y'know. The painting we had to exorcise. With the shapeshifters." The one that was supposed to show your death, but that didn't make any sense given who this woman was.

They continued to look confused.

Shiemi bit her lip as she stared at the photo. "Um, which woman…?"

"The one on the right," Yukio said immediately. "You saw the same thing." Yukio was staring at the woman hungrily, and Rin didn't blame him. She was beautiful.

But what he said didn't make sense. "Didn't we all see the same painting?"

"No," Yukio said simply. He muttered under his breath. "Shura-san's answer when I asked was proof of that."

Rin didn't know what that meant, but he wasn't sure it mattered. His eyes returned to the photo like a magnet. "She looks a lot better than she did in that painting! Healthier and happier!"

"I guess I was right," Yukio finally looked up and gave him a small, genuine smile. "She has your grin."

Rin beamed, recalling their late night debate. The cord keeping them close was less frayed than he thought. "What are you talking about? That's _your_ smile!"

Yukio actually laughed, shaking his head and closing the useless file. He looked far more relieved than Rin could have hoped to see that night.

"I guess we have a location now." He pointed to the sign behind their mom.

Rin had been so busy looking at her that the rest of the photo hadn't registered, but now he noticed that she was standing in front of a shrine. She wasn't centered in the photo, instead standing behind a pair of tourists posing for a picture. Clearly having just finished sweeping around the main entrance with the broom in her hands, she was smiling at someone out of frame. The nameplate on the shrine gateway read Tottori Toshogu Shrine.

"Alright!" Rin cheered. "Let's get going!"

"Wait." Yukio shook his head. "It's too risky—"

"But it's your mother! You want to go, don't you?" Shiemi stepped forward, her eyes misty with joy for them.

"I know I do!" Rin agreed at once. He looked imploringly at Yukio, but Yukio began to shake his head.

"I think we should do it." Konekomaru straightened up to his full height, bouncing forward on his toes for a moment. "I think this might be your only opportunity. The Order doesn't know you have the file yet, but once they do…"

"Better go now then." Izumo shrugged, trying to look like the choice didn't matter to her.

"Sounds good to me," Shima said as if they were just picking a restaurant to eat dinner at. "We don't have any other place to go."

"No, we should pick a safer option," Yukio said firmly. "Somewhere over seas—"

"C'mon, Scaredy!" Shura groaned. "Fer once in yer life, do what ya want ta do! It'll eat y'alive otherwise."

Rin was surprised that she was arguing for it, especially since she had avoided looking at the photo when he had shown the others. But he immediately recognized that truth in her argument. Yukio had been the one to point out the location; no matter what he said, he wanted to go.

Yukio gave shot her a skeptical look. "I don't think I can take that advice coming from you…"

"Fine. Then do it fer Rin."

He hesitated, and Rin saw his chance. "It'll be okay. I'll be there with you. We all will."

Yukio struggled with himself for a long moment before shaking his head. "I suppose Sir Pheles wouldn't put you in a situation he couldn't get you out of…"

"Yeah! We can handle whatever is there!" Rin grinned, feeling light with relief. He held the photo close for a second before deciding to turn and slip it into Yukio's hand.

Yukio blinked in surprise. "Are you sure…?"

"Of course!" He grinned.

Yukio hesitated. And then he slid the photo into the inside breast pocket of his jacket with a grateful nod.

Then they moved to the door, Shura selecting an appropriate key, and left together.

* * *

 **A/N:** This is one of those chapters in which I could include other character's perspectives (Angel's POV two chapters ago was another time). There's a lot going on in everyone's heads right now, but it'll have to wait for future chapters.


	15. Claim

**A/N:** I've decided to take a little break from reading the manga (or I guess I already am since I'm a few chapters behind) because it's beginning to touch on some subjects that I've already drafted out my version of for this story. I must admit it's a silly thought to have while writing in a fandom with an ongoing manga, but I like for people's pasts to be the same as canon. A person's past affects their motives in the present and desires for the future, all of which are things I want to have as close to canon in my portrayal of these characters. I'm going to have to let that go though (it's not like I can wait a few months to see how things play out), and, like many of you encouraged when I was going through this with Shura's arc, I'll write what I've already imagined. Honestly, I wouldn't even bring this up if I didn't get the sense that I'm going to be addressing some of the same things as the manga at the same time. I'm sure my version can't compare, but I think what I've come up with is entertaining. I hope you do too!

* * *

Rin looked around the small graveyard, wiping a thin layer of sweat off his brow. It was hot and humid, and there were over four dozen gray headstones waiting for them. But he grinned at Yukio anyway. "This is the one. I can feel it!"

The two of them began walking through the graveyard, the second one today, checking the name engraved into each stone. Yukio sighed. "We've been in Tottori for three days now and found nothing. We're wasting time. By now, we've lost our chance to leave the country."

"Don't worry about that. Konekomaru said we're hiding under their noses or something like that, right? And Shura says she hasn't seen any indication that we've been followed." Rin had only gotten their opinions through texts on one of the burner phones the group was now using and late night chats at their hotel. He had barely seen their friends since they had arrived since he and Yukio were out all day long. He had the feeling that Yukio's reasons for the rough schedule were just as much about avoiding them as conducting the search for information about their mother.

"It's only a matter of time," Yukio muttered, his pace accelerating so he walked ahead of Rin.

Rin watched Yukio's back for a moment. His shoulders were stiff, and he seemed like he was barely looking at the names on the headstones anymore.

Rin had allowed Yukio to take control of their search. Apparently, it required a certain amount of subtlety that Rin lacked. But everywhere they went, every person they talked to, it all resulted in nothing. Disappointment after disappointment. Rin wasn't sure how much longer they should continue. He could see something in his brother breaking each time a lead failed. Finally, he understood what a toll the search for information had had on Yukio all these years.

Now they were searching graveyards. Even without Yukio saying it, Rin knew this was a last resort. If they found nothing today… He had to tell Yukio it was time to stop. The dread of the conversation had been growing in the pit of his stomach all day.

He easily caught up to his brother. "Maybe we should get help from the others."

"No," Yukio said immediately, which came as no surprise. He grew cold every time Rin suggested they spend some time with the others. He hadn't smiled since they had first seen the photo of their mother. Whatever joy the photo had brought had already faded. "They've done enough. I don't even know why they're still here."

"You know why! They want to help!" Rin kicked a pebble in frustration, watching it skip along the ground ahead of them. He had a lot more he wanted to yell, but then he saw how slumped Yukio's shoulders were.

He doubted Yukio was ready to say goodbye any more than he was, but he knew the longer their friends stayed, the more Yukio's guilt grew. He could see it mounting, weighing Yukio down, and curving his spine out of his perfect posture. Yukio lifted his hand to gingerly touch the bruise along his jaw before his eyes flicked towards Rin, and he stuffed his hand in his pocket instead. Rin was tempted to fuss over him and apologize for hitting him so hard, but just like the last few times he had caught Yukio touching the bruise, Yukio apologized first.

"Sorry. I know they mean well."

"Yeah…" Rin wasn't sure what else to say. Yukio kept catching him off guard with these sudden shifts in mood. It was like Yukio was trying to fight off his natural reaction to everything that was happening to him. "You know, it's okay to be upset."

Yukio frowned. "What?"

"After everything that's happened, it's natural—"

"I can't just think about myself right now," Yukio interrupted. "I've dragged everyone into this, so now I have to take responsibility. Otherwise…"

"Otherwise what?"

Yukio stopped walking, staring adamantly at the ground. "Nii-san, don't you resent me?"

Rin stopped in front of his brother, trying to catch his eye. "Huh? Why would I resent you?"

"They're going to have to leave," he answered heavily. "You're going to lose all of your friends because of me."

Rin wasn't surprised that he was stuck on this thought, but it wasn't even an issue. "No, I won't! We'll be back! Just like we said."

Yukio shot him a dubious look. "And if something unexpected happens—"

"We'll push through that, and—"

"Nii-san, you're missing the point!" Yukio hissed in a burst of anger. He glared at Rin, and his hands clenched into fists. "You're losing everything because of me! Don't you resent me for it? Don't you hate me?!"

Rin's brow furrowed as he stared at Yukio, trying to understand but completely failing. "No. Of course not. This isn't your fault. None of it is your fault."

"I decided to stay with everyone even knowing it might lead here. It might hurt them. I decided to put everyone in harm's way. I didn't picture it like this, but I knew I would hurt you all somehow," Yukio admitted, his eyes boring into Rin, but now it wasn't a glare but a smile. Rin wasn't sure he was even conscious of it. "I'm better off with you all here. But you aren't. Like I said: I'm a leech. It's perfectly natural to grow to resent me."

The smile was off, blank of all emotion, and his tone was stilted. It felt like Rin wasn't talking to Yukio anymore. It was almost as if he _wanted_ for Rin to hate him.

Something unsettling wriggled in Rin's stomach, but that just made him surer of what he had to do. "I won't. I promise. You couldn't do anything to make me feel like that."

"Are you sure?" Yukio asked coldly.

"Yukio, stop it! Stop trying to scare me away." He gripped Yukio's shoulders, shaking him a little. "I'm not going anywhere! I'll say it a thousand times if that'll make you believe me."

The smile that didn't belong finally faded. "But I keep…"

"Keep what?" Rin waited for the answer, but it didn't seem like it was coming. "Yukio—"

"I keep reverting. Every time I think I'm going forward, I'm really going back!" He held his head in frustration.

"You mean like how we've gone back to being close? I haven't felt like this since we were kids." Rin grinned, only half joking. In truth, he was still worried the feeling might slip away at any moment. "There's nothing wrong with going back to how things were."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it," Yukio grumbled.

"But it's still important! I don't know exactly what you think you're going back to. I'll never fully understand any of the bad things you say about yourself! But I know things are different in a good way. You're definitely going forward, Yukio." He wished he had wiser words for his brother. Maybe he should ask Shura what to say in a moment like this, but, even compared to the clumsy words he had now, that probably wouldn't feel right. "Isn't the fact that you're worried about it, a sign that you have?" He wasn't sure that made much sense, but Yukio seemed to understand him anyway. A spark of hope lit in Yukio's expression before he quickly schooled it into one of ambivalence.

"You may have a point…" Yukio looked at the ground and began walking slowly again, consumed in his thoughts.

Rin figured he had said enough for now, feeling optimistic that he had eased some of Yukio's worries. They could talk more later.

He trailed after his brother, kicking the pebble again and watching idly as it skittered off the path, behind a headstone. The graveyard was peaceful, waiting patiently for them to finish looking. Cicadas were buzzing loudly in the summer heat, a few dragonflies hovered lazily in the air, and there was the sound of an old broom scratching against the ground as an old woman swept the stone paths.

Rin looked at the graves they passed. Many had offerings: incense, flowers, other trinkets…

"We should have brought flowers or something," Rin said. Yukio didn't respond, so he kept talking. "I bet Shiemi would've given us a whole bouquet if we asked. Maybe with those purple ones that smell real nice. Or I guess you're supposed to bring lilies, but I think the purple ones would be better. Don't you think- Oof!" He walked straight into Yukio as Yukio suddenly stopped. "What're you…?"

Then he saw what Yukio was looking at.

The grave keepers had done their jobs. The gravestone was as well-kept as its neighbors, but it was devoid of offerings.

Carved into the dark gray stone was the name Okumura Yuri.

They stared at it, soaking in its finality. This was it. This was where their mother had been laid to rest.

"Okumura…" Yukio muttered under his breath. "Maybe it's the wrong grave." Despite his words, he stayed where he was, rooted to the ground.

"No, I think this is it," Rin whispered back.

He took a step forward, reaching out to touch the edge of the first kanji in their name. The stone was cool in comparison to the summer heat. He wasn't sure why his mouth had suddenly gone dry, but he couldn't find anything more to say.

After a long moment, Yukio broke the spell of silence. "Maybe… the person who paid for this headstone and the person who named us was…"

"The Old Man."

Rin felt a sudden longing to see their Father and hear his laugh. He'd even take a scolding if it meant he could steal another moment. The desire hit him with all the potency as the day they lost him, spinning him off kilter until he managed to grab Yukio's hand.

His brother startled at the contact. His expression was so similar to one Rin had often seen back when they were children and Yukio wore his vulnerability in the open. When they were little, Rin would counter the look with a grin and a dose of bravado, but now he felt exactly like his brother looked: small.

So he kept his hand linked with Yukio's as he knelt in front of the headstone and pressed his free palm against the cool, smooth surface.

"So he really did know her," Yukio murmured. Rin looked up at him, unsure if he meant for Rin to hear or not. Clearly, he was restraining himself. Anyone else might mistake him as calm, but Rin could see Yukio starting to take the deliberate, slow breaths he had been using every time they came to a dead end the past couple days.

Rin squeezed his hand. "I'm sure he would have shown us this place. Maybe he just didn't get the chance."

"He probably couldn't talk about her," Yukio agreed quietly.

"You mean like how Shura can't?" Rin really wanted to know why Shura looked uncomfortable whenever they talked about their mother, but it was clear she couldn't answer if he asked. Suguro had explained to the group that there was a way for the Vatican to ensure people didn't speak about certain things, although Rin had already forgotten the name of the technique. He had had trouble listening after hearing that breaking the contract resulted in death, especially since he knew Yukio must have signed one of these contracts too.

Yukio was gritting his teeth again. "I don't know if they would have the gall to silence their own paladin in that way…"

Rin stared up at his brother, hearing the venom in his voice. "Yukio, do you hate the Order now?"

"Hate…?" Yukio blinked and the sharpness faded. He averted his gaze. "No. I don't."

It didn't seem like a lie, but Rin recognized the struggle it was from him to say the words. He stood up so he could look Yukio in the eye. Yukio shrank back slightly, and Rin's heart jumped in dismay at the reaction. He swallowed hard and nodded. "All right. It would be okay if you did… I mean, I don't know how I feel about them anymore, and… that was the first place I ever felt like I belonged." He frowned at his own lack of words. "A part of me still wants to go back. Become the paladin and change all this messed up stuff. But then I think about what they wanted to do to you, and I just want to burn it all down—"

"Don't!" Yukio finally looked up at him with a fierce glare. "Don't think like that, Nii-san! They'll just use it as an excuse to kill you like any other demon!"

"Okay, okay," Rin said quickly. "I won't. I don't have time for that if I'm going to stick with you, right?"

Yukio's expression softened as his shoulders slumped slightly, and he nodded.

"Now then," Rin threw an arm around Yukio so they could stand side by side and look at the grave. "We found it." It was starting to sink in. "We found her."

Yukio nodded and slowly returned the gesture, his arm curling around Rin's shoulders. "Finally."

They soaked in the moment. The sun was casting freckles of light through the leaves of an old tree looming over them, reaching out as if to cover them in its shade. A bird sang happily from a nest in its branches. A breeze rattled through its leaves, brushing though their hair with a soft touch.

Rin could feel Yukio's breaths begin to tremble. He held onto his brother a little tighter, struggling to keep his own range of emotions in check.

"Are you family?"

Rin jumped at the voice, blinking rapidly and trying to get his head on straight. They turned together to find the old woman sweeping the graveyard path had made it to their row. She was surprisingly sturdy looking despite the deep set wrinkles lining her face. Her deep-set eyes scanned the two of them, and they broke their embrace under the scrutiny. "Yuri-chan's family? No, I suppose you can't be," she answered her own question. "He said there wasn't any."

"Who said that?" Yukio asked sharply, a frantic note in his voice even though they both already knew the answer.

"The priest who paid for the stone. Nice man. Quite handsome. He reminds me of my husband when he was younger." She laughed to herself, the sound resembling an owl's hoot. "Don't tell him I said that. My dear husband can get so jealous…"

Rin wished she would get back to describing the priest. There were a thousand questions popping into his head at the moment. But more powerful than any of them was the thought that the Old Man had stood exactly where they stood now.

He opened his mouth to ask something, when he realized the woman was still staring at them in a way that made him feel unsettled. "Um…"

"There's nothing there," she said.

"Huh?"

The old woman finally lowered her gaze as she began sweeping again. "There's nothing there. No ashes, if that's what you're looking for."

Yukio eyes narrowed. "Why do you think that's what we are looking for?"

"Nobody visits her. Oh, poor Yuri-chan. She must be so lonely, I thought, until a few months ago. A young man and a rude lady came and visited. They asked about the ashes, and I told them the body went missing, and that the priest said she disappeared on some dangerous mission that her work sent her on. So sad. She said she had finally found a place where she belonged, but then they couldn't even find her body."

"She's not here?!" Rin shouted. The woman jumped and hobbled a few steps backward.

Yukio quickly stepped in front of Rin. "I'm sorry. This is emotional for us. You were right: we are her family. We're cousins who didn't know she had passed."

The lie was so smooth Rin did a double take. Yukio's even tone seemed to win the woman over.

"You _are_ family?" Something was glimmering in her eyes, making Rin uncomfortable again.

"Yes. May I ask you about those people who visited before?"

"Nothing to tell, I'm afraid. They came and asked their questions and then left when I explained." The woman's eyes were caught on a leaf that was refusing to be swept off the path. "Poor Yuri-chan… They seemed more interested in her death than her life."

Rin wasn't sure why Yukio waited a beat before asking his next question. "Ma'am, did you… Did you know her when she was alive?"

"Ma'am?" The woman's nose wrinkled.

Yukio smiled politely. "Ah, excuse me, _Miss_...?"

The woman hooted in delight. "Uehara. And you two must be Okumura-kun?"

"Yes." The smile didn't falter, even despite the strangeness of her not offering or asking for a first name. "Uehara-san, did you know her?"

"Of course I did." She hummed happily, and then, for some reason, her smile drooped into a deep frown. "You look like she did."

"We do?!" Rin had already seen the photo, but hearing someone unbiased say it was completely different. He turned to Yukio and found his brother looked stunned. He summoned as much bravado as he could and grinned at Yukio. "Isn't that great?"

The wind gusted across the graveyard, carrying the stubborn leaf away for the woman, but she continued to scowl at the ground for a minute. "She was such a sweet girl. I miss her dearly, especially during festivals. She loved the festivals. We have lots of photos. My husband is very good with a camera. Would you like to see?"

-oOo-

An hour after leaving the graveyard, Yukio stared at the burner phone in his hand, the screen casting a bluish glow in the dim hallway of the restaurant he and Rin were having lunch in. He prayed nobody would pass by on the way to the restroom; he didn't want anybody to interrupt this moment when he was already feeling silly.

Why was he even considering calling her?

They still had half an hour before they were supposed to meet the old woman and were waiting it out by eating lunch, even though Yukio didn't feel at all hungry. Rin had enough appetite for the both of them though, scarfing down his food to the point of nearly choking before Yukio chastised him. After managing to force down half his plate, Yukio finally gave up and excused himself from the table. Now he stood in the deserted hallway, debating on what to do.

 _One of the portraits shows your dead face._

He closed his eyes trying to block out the image that had haunted his dreams. It was just the shapeshifter's influence, twisting their mother's image into something cold and unnerving. It didn't mean anything about their current situation. He was being paranoid.

More than paranoid, he was being ridiculous. He was struggling with what he was feeling, and his first, stupid thought was that he should talk to Shura.

Would she even pick up the phone? They hadn't had a proper conversation since they had left, and she was probably angry at him for the things he had said to deter everyone from coming. She'd have every right to not answer Yukio's call. He should just man up and deal with this on his own like he always did… or always used to do.

He stared at the number he had entered into his phone. It wasn't just a stupid thought that had entered his mind randomly. He _wanted_ to talk to her.

It was official. He was losing it.

But then, he had lost all control of the situation. He was fumbling in the dark, trying to find a way out with none of his usual resources. The investigation had been a nice distraction. It was soothing having an illusion of control over one last thing: one last thing to throw all his energy into before accepting that he was at the mercy of others. And now that the investigation was coming to a close…

Or maybe it was because their investigation had succeeded.

He wanted to move, to run, or to do _something_. Instead, he dug his hand into his pocket and immediately found the relief of a prick of pain as he clutched his old exorcist pin.

He was being stupid, paranoid, and weak.

The sound of his phone dialing her number broke him out of his internal rebuking, his finger still resting on the call button.

"Nyaho!" Shura's voice cheered as she answered. "What's up Scaredy-Cat Four Eyes?"

The nickname definitely wasn't helping anything.

"Helloooo?"

He pursed his lips. She didn't sound mad. Instead… Was she drunk? That would explain the voices in the background. She was in a bar.

He hung up.

Which was a useless reaction because, a second later, she called him back.

He glared at the phone buzzing in his hand.

He wasn't at all surprised she was wasting her day drinking. She obviously had been bothered when Yukio had received the file on their mother. He wished he could ask her why. Had she met their mother? From what he knew about the timing of everything, she may have had the opportunity. That didn't explain why she always looked guiltywhen they started talking about her though.

If he knew why, perhaps he would understand her drinking instead of feeling… _disappointed_.

The phone stopped vibrating for the briefest of moments before beginning again.

He groaned and lifted the phone to his ear.

"Oi! Scaredy—"

He hung up again. This time he waited three rings before answering.

"Scare—"

Again. Two rings.

"Yukio." He didn't say anything, waiting to see how serious she was willing to be. "Are ya okay?"

A viciously sarcastic response about her drunken state was on the tip of his tongue, but, even in this state, she knew to ask. He closed his eyes and held his aching jaw.

What was wrong with him? She was clearly going through something too, but here he was demanding her attention. Worse yet, he wanted to talk about the very thing she was probably trying to avoid.

"Never mind. Forget I called."

He was about to end the call when he heard her yell. "Don't ya dare hang up on me again!"

Reluctantly, he raised the phone to his ear again. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have called you of all people about this—"

"What's that supposed ta mean?!" she demanded.

He glared at a crack in the wall in front of him. He hated the rare instance when she got belligerent while drunk, although this time he _had_ provoked her. Annoying, he could deal with, but aggressively refusing to let things go like she usually did was always troublesome. At least it wasn't as bad as when she would get so drunk she became weirdly affectionate.

"It's not you." He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. "It's the subject. I shouldn't be talking to you about this. It isn't… _fair_ to you. I'm sorry I called, now just forget—"

"Don't tell me what ta do! And don't try ta protect me from this! Ya think I'm too stupid ta know what ya must be talkin' about?!" If they were having this conversation in person, he'd probably be trapped in a headlock by now.

"That's not what I said," he groaned. "Shura-san, please! I wasn't thinking! I was just considering what _I_ needed! I was being selfish again, which shouldn't come as a surprise to you. By now you should know-"

"That yer about ta start sayin' stupid things about yerself?!" Ah. So she was angry about that. "It'll be my turn ta hang up if ya start goin' on with that idiotic dribble again!"

"Sorry," he muttered, more to appease her than anything else. "Sorry I said that stuff when we were leaving."

"No, yer not!" she said bluntly, and he winced at how immediately she saw through him. "Ya said what ya wanted! What ya had ta!" Her volume lowered a little. "I know that."

"But you didn't like it."

"Of course not! Who likes hearin' their best friend beat himself up?!"

Whatever comeback he was steeling himself for, it definitely wasn't that. His response was gone, leaving an empty breath on his lips.

And then she burst out laughing, the tension of the conversation vanishing. He frowned as he listened to her cackle, completely taken aback by the sudden change in mood and unsure what she found so funny. _She_ was the one saying weird things. It took a few moments for her guffaws to peter out, and then she sighed, satisfied. "Thanks. I needed a laugh. Picturin' how red yer face must be…"

"No, it isn't," he defended, feeling his ears warm as he said it.

"Are ya sure…?" she said in a smooth, low voice.

He scoffed. "Positive."

"All right then. I'll just have ta try harder when I can see fer myself." He could picture her shrugging, not believing him for a second, and found himself starting to smile. For a moment, he let himself stand there like that, listening to the bustle of the restaurant beyond his corner of the hallway and the chatter of her bar.

"So ya found somethin'," she said, breaking the silence. "Congrats."

She didn't sound enthused. She didn't sound… anything. She was horribly monotone.

"No, it's okay. We don't have to talk about that…" He held his forehead, staring at the ground. Guilt rose like bile in his throat to wash away the smile.

Then he heard rustling, and a moment later, the background noise faded. She sighed. "If ya want ta talk ta someone, yer goin' ta have ta talk ta Rin, but if ya want ta talk _at_ someone…"

Her voice echoed off the walls of whatever room she had escaped to for privacy, and he suddenly wished he could be there with her, instead of the dimly lit hallway where Rin could find him at any moment.

"No, it's okay…" he repeated, feeling ashamed of his desire to hide.

"I can handle it. Just tell me already. Or if ya really can't, then promise yer goin' ta talk ta Rin." She sounded genuine enough. Either that or his desire to tell her had convinced him so.

He stared at the floor. The fluorescent lighting highlighted a water stain beneath his shoes. "I can't talk to Rin. He's so excited. He's ecstatic, and I'm…"

"Yer… not?"

He hated that she was able to guess that easily. He rubbed his forehead and let the words come spilling out, explaining everything that had happened in the graveyard. "She says she has photos from when she worked at the temple with our mother. So now we have to meet the lady in less than half an hour."

"Have ta?" She snorted. "Yukio, how long have ya been doin' this?" He could see her in his mind's eye, searching for the words she could get away with. "Lookin' fer info?"

"My first attempt was a few years ago…"

"And now that ya finally have an answer in reach, yer tryin' ta make it inta somethin' bad."

His brow furrowed. "What does that mean?"

"Yer scared."

He grit his teeth. Of course he was scared. "That's not what this is!"

"Are ya sure?"

"I'm sure!" He searched for a reason that didn't sound too ridiculous. "She called us Okumura instead of Egin. Isn't that strange? If she had known _Egin_ Yuri, then shouldn't she have naturally used that name?"

"So ya think her claim is false?"

"Her claim is… I just think it's a little too convenient!" He began to pace the short hallway. "Two whole days of nothing, and the instant we step into the graveyard, the exact person we need to find is standing right there, practically waiting for us! It just feels… off!"

She sighed, a rush of sound through the phone. "Really, Scaredy-Cat? We come all this way, and ya get cold feet _now_? She's an old lady. What could be off?" she drawled nonchalantly.

"This was a mistake," he snapped. "You're drunk."

"Yet I'm still thinkin' clearer than ya."

"You don't understand."

"Really?" Her voice was monotone again. "I don't get what it'd be like ta finally have a chance ta know what my mom was like? What she might've been thinkin' or feelin' or why the hell she would've given birth ta me even knowin' the type of life I'd have? Well, yer right. I don't know what it's like ta have that opportunity. Yer really goin' ta throw away yers?"

The words felt like a slap in the face. Yukio stopped pacing, facing the wall. He took a shaky breath. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't think." He leaned forward letting his forehead hit the wall with a thud, while his empty hand searched his pocket for his pin. "I'm doing it again. I'm so wrapped up in myself that I…"

"Yer bein' a selfish jerk," she provided.

He deserved that. "Yeah," he muttered, giving up on the pin and holding his palm against the bruise on his jaw. His eyes closed for a second, and he could picture Rin's face again, the moment after the punch when Yukio had finally _seen_ Rin again. He couldn't lose hold of that; he had to remember to consider the thoughts and feelings of everyone else. And Rin desperately wanted to go see this woman. "I can't walk away from this. It'll probably be just fine."

He didn't sound convincing to his own ears, and she must have heard it too. "Well, if somethin' really is wrong, ya've got Rin with ya, and me on speed dial. Just relax."

He rubbed his temples. "Relax?"

She snickered. "Okay. Relax as much as is possible fer a guy like ya. Text me if somethin' goes wrong. Or I can text ya so ya have an excuse ta duck out," she offered.

The noise from the restaurant was a constant hum of happy voices and clinking glasses. Rin was probably wondering where he was.

He stood up straight and tried to wrangle in his emotions.

"If you don't mind…" he murmured, hating that he couldn't find his proper voice.

"Yeah. Sure. I'll just be sittin' around drinkin' coffee and eatin' bar snacks anyway."

Relief melted the knot in his stomach, and he felt the corner of his mouth twitch into a smile, understanding what she meant. "With all that sodium, you're going to have a heart attack someday," he teased.

"Just as long as it's after I turn thirty."

He shook his head in exasperation. "That's not funny."

"Sure it is."

He couldn't agree in the slightest, but he could picture her, grinning to herself, forcing the joke. He should have asked her from the start. "Shura-san, are you… Will you be okay?"

"C'mon, ya know me. This is nothin'." Except he didn't know what _this_ was in the first place. "Now, what time should I text?"

He was tempted to press her for more, but he doubted it would achieve anything except frustrating both of them. A glance at his watch told him there were still twenty minutes until their meeting. "Forty-five minutes from now."

"Mm-hmm," she hummed in acknowledgement. "Hey, Yukio?"

"Yeah?"

"Everythin' will be just fine…" she said with surprising softness. He had almost forgotten how drunk she was. "Good luck."

He gripped the phone a little tighter, trying to hold onto the moment before he had to face everything else. "Yeah. Thanks, Shura-san."

"Aw… I should've been recordin'."

He rolled his eyes. "Bye." He hung up before she could answer with another quip, smiling to himself. Then he returned his phone to his pocket, took a deep breath, and went to find Rin.

-oOo-

Uehara's apartment was a short distance from the restaurant, on the top floor of the building. She greeted them at the first knock, practically dragging them inside, her bony hands digging into their forearms.

Rin looked as uncomfortable as Yukio felt, especially when they stepped into the apartment and were greeted by quite the sight. Piles and stacks of things teetered all the way up to the ceiling. Yukio wasn't sure how so many things could fit in such a small space, let alone how someone could live in it. The smell was enough to make Yukio want to leave. Air freshener hung heavy and sweet in the air, but something underneath was rotting. He tried breathing through his mouth instead, but he could practically taste the dust.

"Come in, come in!" Uehara beckoned, leading them through a narrow, winding canyon in the sea of objects. "I made tea. You came right on time. Sorry I haven't found the photos yet. Oh, my husband will be so annoyed that I lost them. You'll have to wait a little bit."

"That's all right," Yukio said politely. He could definitely see how something would get lost in here.

Finally, the sea parted just enough to reveal a small, grungy sofa and a coffee table. Two, mismatched cups sat awaiting them. She invited them to sit while she continued her search, so they sank into the cushions despite trying to sit gingerly on the edge.

"This is worse than Light's place! I didn't think that was possible!" Rin hissed, his mouth hanging open as he looked around. "Do you think something will fall on us?"

Yukio looked up at a pile of VHS tapes tilting ominously towards them. "I think its best if we stay as still as possible."

Rin gave a tiny nod. A minute passed, and Yukio could feel his neck beginning to cramp with the effort to be still. Rin gave up first and reached out to grab a cup of tea and take a sip. Yukio stared at his own cup, watching the steam swirl up into the air, wondering how much dust was in it.

Rin studied the contents of his cup, his brow furrowing. "Are you nervous?"

"I'm…" Yukio swallowed the word 'fine.' He was really trying the whole honesty thing, but some habits were hard to break. He sighed. "Yeah."

"Me too," Rin said without any hesitance.

They sat with their own thoughts for a while. Rin kept fidgeting in his seat, tapping his foot, sipping more of his tea, crossing and uncrossing his arms. In contrast, Yukio found himself frozen like a statue. He wanted to slip his hand into his inside breast pocket and take comfort in their mother's picture and the other items he had collected there. Either that, or he wanted to pull out the small pistol from the holster attached to his hip and clean it just so he could feel the comfort of the familiar weight of it. But instead he stared at his empty hands. The thin, pale line of a scar ran along his left index finger.

"What do you think she looks like?" Rin asked.

"You already saw a photo," Yukio said without looking up.

"I know, but that picture was from far away."

"Well… You also saw the portrait."

"That doesn't count! The portrait was wrong!"

… _the portrait shows your dead face._

Yukio did his best to ignore the words clinging to the edge of his mind. He swallowed. "Yeah, you're right."

"The smile was all wrong!" Rin continued despite his agreement. "It didn't look like Mom at all!"

He looked up in surprise. "Mom…?"

"Yeah!" Rin caught Yukio's eye and sank into his seat a little, his volume lowering. "What else would we call her?"

Yukio thought about it for a moment and found himself smiling. "You're right."

Rin gave a broad grin. He grabbed his tea cup and took another gulp. "Do you think the old lady has more? I've never tasted tea like this. I wonder what kind it is."

It looked like plain green tea to Yukio. "Who knows? Maybe it's been aged unintentionally."

"Yeah." Rin looked around at the piles surrounding them. "I'd lose tea leaves in a place like this too."

"I guess she's having trouble finding the photos…" Yukio muttered.

Rin hummed a noise of agreement, and they settled back into their silence.

Yukio went back to staring at the scar. He had had it ever since he was little, when he and Rin had been cooking together. One slip of the knife and he had been reluctant to step in the kitchen since, leaving it to Rin. He supposed he could start helping his brother again now that he was used to a little blood and pain. His eyes slipped from the old scar to the fresh scab on his palm where he had held the needle tip of his old pin.

Rin set his empty cup on the table. "Remember how we used to talk about what she must be like?"

Yukio nodded.

"Do you think…?" Rin shifted in his seat. "Did we get any of it right?"

Yukio looked up at him. His anxiety was written all over his face in his wide eyes, the way he twisted his mouth, and the perspiration building on his brow.

"I'm sure she's just as kind and loving as we imagined," Yukio assured. "She probably wouldn't nag me as much as you do."

Rin laughed, leaning back. He must have been calmed, for his fidgeting was quickly fading.

It was a joke between them, the way Rin would act motherly, asking if he was taking care of himself, but now Yukio could almost see a different life in which that was someone else's job. It was strange grieving someone they had never known. The hole had always been there. But then he found himself thinking of the hole Father had left, and the enormity of what they were missing was suffocating.

He found himself staring at his hands again, only becoming aware of this when he saw Rin's hand reaching over to grasp his own. Yukio couldn't help but feel childish as he accepted the gesture, wrapping his fingers around his brother's hand. They used to hold hands all the time when they were little, only stopping when they started school and the other kids teased them for it. That had been the first mark against them, quickly followed by Rin's unnatural strength and Yukio's sickly appearance. But Yukio still had fuzzy memories of Rin's warm, firm hold as they explored the world together.

Rin must've been nervous, because now his grip was clammy, cold, and, most surprising, weak. It was as if his fingers couldn't remember how to close properly. It was as if Rin was…

The bottom of Yukio's stomach dropped out as he whipped around to face Rin.

"Nii-san!" Yukio hissed. He wanted to shout the word, but the pieces were already falling together in the part of his mind that wasn't overridden by panic.

Rin was unnaturally pale, as if someone had drained the blood from his face. A cold sweat was beginning to glue his hair to his forehead, and he swayed a little where he sat. His mouth was open as if he were trying to say something, but nothing came but a slow, ragged breath. And his eyes… His eyes were blank as if he didn't recognize Yukio.

Yukio grabbed his shoulder, trying to keep him upright, while Yukio checked his pulse. It was sluggish, like the blood was struggling to keep moving.

The empty tea cup sat innocently in the corner of Yukio's vision.

"No! No, no! You're supposed to be out too!" Uehara screeched, her eyes going round as she stared at them from the doorway. "They'll be here any second!"

Yukio's blood ran cold. 'They' could be only one of two options, and both were bad. "Who?! Who did you call?!" he demanded, jumping to his feet.

He didn't wait for her to answer before he began gathering Rin up into his arms, looping Kurikara around one arm. He turned to exit the way they had come in, taking two steps, until—

The cold barrel of a gun pressed firmly against the side of his head, freezing him in place.

"Stay where you are," a woman with two-toned hair ordered unnecessarily. She was dressed in an Illuminati uniform, her glasses glinting in the dim light as she stepped out from behind the stack of newspapers she had been concealed behind. Yukio had a vague memory of seeing her at the school festival when Kamiki was taken.

"You're here!" Uehara scrambled around the coffee table so she stood opposite the agent. Yukio stared straight ahead so he could watch both of them in his peripheral vision. Adrenaline was sparking through his veins, and his body was coiled like a spring as he waited for his moment.

"These are the ones you wanted!" Uehara's voice was raspy with eagerness. "I told you I had them!"

"Yes, Uehara-san, but I believe I also asked for both of them to be unconscious before you called," the agent said in a clipped tone.

Uehara's face fell and she struggled for words. The agent was surprisingly patient, or perhaps she was enjoying watching the old woman squirm. Whatever the case, the pause was unbearable. Yukio needed to _move_. Rin felt so heavy, so _still_ in his arms.

His phone buzzed, breaking the harsh silence. It had been forty-five minutes.

"Those are my friends checking in with me," Yukio told the agent. "They'll get suspicious if I don't answer."

"You really think I'd fall for that?" The gun pressed a little harder against his temple. "Now walk. No sudden moves, no fighting—"

The phone buzzed again. For once, Yukio was glad Shura could be so annoying when she texted. He tried to swallow the eagerness in his voice. "I told her where we are. She'll show up if I don't answer."

The agent stepped forward, and Yukio felt her hand slip into his pocket to retrieve the phone. There was a breath while she read the message. "She's asking if she was right. Tell me how to respond."

He had never been so thankful for her teasing. If she had asked how things were going, he wouldn't have this chance. He kept his voice steady. "Type: Of course you were, Shura-sama."

The agent made no move to comply. "You call your friend Shura- _sama?_ This is a code."

"No, it's not," he said, maybe a little too quickly. He didn't know if Shura remembered the conversation they had before their encounter with Tōdō, but either way she would know something was up. "Look at who the sender was. It's says Shura-sama, doesn't it?" He was also sure the recipient was Scaredy-Cat Four Eyes. "It's how we talk to each other. She acts all pompous, so I address her in kind."

There was another tense silence, and then the agent tossed the phone to Uehara. "Type the answer he gave."

The old woman completed the task with trembling fingers. Then, to Yukio's surprise, she slid the phone back into his pocket instead of giving it to the agent. He caught her eye in that moment and saw the pain and regret in them.

Unfortunately, the agent wasn't about to allow such behavior. "Don't give it back to him. Give it to me."

"Not until you bring him back." Uehara was braver than Yukio had thought. She puffed herself up and began to screech, and Yukio was reminded of an owl. "You said if I got them for you, you'd return him to me! You said I'd see my husband again! Please! I betrayed Yuri-chan for this! It can't be for nothing! I must see him again!"

If she hadn't drugged Rin, Yukio might have felt pity for her. If the Illuminati were holding her husband, if they had been holding him for as long as the unhealthy state of her apartment suggested, then that would mean she was a victim too.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," the agent said simply. "I'll send you to him now."

The gun was removed from Yukio, and then the shot deafened him.

Something, blood, spattered across his face. For all his years of gun use, he had never seen something like this.

Uehara collapsed into a pile of books. Her blood was everywhere in an instant, the red mist staining everything in sight. Bits of brain matter and shattered skull clung to dust caked book covers. This was what it meant to shoot a human.

He ran.

He sent a pile of newspapers spiraling to the floor as he made a sharp turn. Readjusting his grip on Rin, he kicked over another stack as he heard the agent scream at him to stop. The door slammed open as he barreled through it. Kurikara's red case swung wildly where he had looped it on his arm, threatening to thread between his legs and trip him, but he couldn't adjust his grip on the sword since his arms were full of his brother.

His training kicked in, and his mind registered the two agents he had just passed who had been standing guard outside the door. He swung his weight to the left, making a wide turn towards the stairs. He flew down them, leaping down three at a time, using his shoulder to take the brunt of the force when his momentum caused him to crash into the wall as he struggled to make the next turn.

He twisted Rin in his arms, struggling to grab his phone. He had to settle for throwing Rin over his shoulder in a fireman's hold before he could lift the phone enough to see the screen. He couldn't hold this position for long. It took him a second to realize what he was seeing. Shura was already calling him with two other phones connected in a conference call. Unable to lift the phone to his ear, his heart pounded as he hit the speakerphone button.

"Yukio! What's goin' on?!" Shura demanded as soon as the line connected. He could barely hear her over the ringing in his ears.

Rin was slipping, so Yukio slid the phone into his front breast pocket and yelled his answer as he readjusted Rin back into his arms. "It was a trap! Ani's been drugged! The Illuminati's here!"

He heard a clatter from one of the other's lines, and Suguro's voice joined the conversation, quickly followed by Kamiki's. "Damn it! Should've known!"

"Where are you?"

For the first time since they had left together, he felt no shame in his relief that they had come with him. He shouted the address.

"Sounds like we're the farthest away—" Kamiki began before Shiemi's voice joined her.

"I'm sorry, Yuki-chan!" she panted. "We're running as fast as we can! Is Rin…?"

"He's okay! Still sleeping!" He was softening his words and they probably knew it, but he wasn't doing it for just them. He didn't have time for the reality to sink in.

Suguro sounded furious. "You should know: Shima's disappeared, and we can't reach Takara!"

"Disappeared?! What do ya mean…?!" Shura didn't bother finishing. It wasn't the time. "Hang in there, Yukio! We'll be there soon!"

He couldn't tell if they hung up or not, but all he could hear were his ears still ringing, his breath coming in hard bursts, and his feet slapping against solid ground as he made it to the bottom floor. He turned right, along the bottom floor of the apartment building, towards the road leading to the heart of town where the others would be coming from.

There were people ahead, standing outside of the doors of their apartments, sharing the gossip of the day. Slowly heads began to turn. He must have made quite the sight: running full speed with his brother limp in his arms and blood splattered all over his face and shirt. He… He could use that, he suddenly realized.

"Help! They attacked my brother!" He jerked his head back to signal who he was talking about and check how far back the agents were. They were making it to the bottom of the stairs. "Help! Please!"

Most of them just stared in shock. A tall, bald man ducked into his apartment and quickly returned, stepping into the road ahead of him, holding a broom out in front of him defensively.

A bubble of relief emerged through the panic in his chest. It was wrong to ask this of innocent bystanders. They might get shot like Uehara. But he had no clue when Shura and the others would find them, and Rin wasn't stirring. It was shameful, but if they were willing—

The bubble burst as the man came charging at him, sweeping his feet out from under him with the handle of his broom. Yukio crashed to the ground, stunned for a half a second as Rin landed on top of him and his mind tried to catch up to what had just happened.

"You're a demon! They're demons!" the man was shouting. "I see one of their tails!" The handle of the broom came smacking across Yukio's face with surprising force, making his head jerk painfully to the side. His jaw flared with pain as the wooden handle managed to collide with his bruise from Rin. There were confirming shouts of their true nature, and by the time Yukio managed to scramble up into a sitting position, he was surrounded.

"Stay down demon! The exorcists will handle you!" The man must've been talking about the Illuminati, Yukio realized as the broom came whipping around to meet his face again.

He reacted just as he was trained to. The man froze mid-strike, recognizing the danger he was in as Yukio pointed his gun at the man's head.

Human.

His breath caught in his throat. He was pointing his gun at a human. Not a zombie with no hope of kindness except to be put out of their misery. Not even a possessed human or an Illuminati agent. This was a human untouched by demon influence. This was a human he had sworn to protect.

Uehara's blood had gone everywhere. This man's blood…

Yukio forced his finger off the trigger, but he didn't lower his weapon. He struggled to keep a one-armed grip on Rin as he stood. The crowd took a step back, some onlookers retreating back into their homes.

"We did nothing wrong!" Yukio shouted. "We didn't do anything to you! You can't do this just because he's…"

His voice died away as he realized exactly what was wrong with what he was about to say.

"'You can't kill us just because we're demons,' right?" The Illuminati agent with the two-toned hair stood behind him. Yukio turned slowly on his heel, Rin's feet dragging on the ground like a doll's, so he could face her. She stood a few meters away at the bottom of the stairs, her two underlings by her side and her gun trained on him. "Doesn't that go against what the True Cross Order taught you?"

"No," Yukio lied. That was exactly what the Order had taught him. So much so that he had forgotten some of the most important lessons he had learned from Father.

 _Shirō didn't see everythin' black an' white!_

On his very first field mission, he had watched Father calm Kuro without a single threat of violence. Yet somehow, years later, he was able to think that a grenade full of saké had truly been a grenade.

But here was the truth again, shoved in his face. He couldn't keep looking at the world in the way he had before.

"Really? Then why are you here?" The agent took a step towards him, her face a stern mask he was having trouble reading. "Weren't they about to kill you for being a demon?"

"I'm not...!" Horror and a dozen other emotions stabbed through his heart. He didn't have time to process any of it; he had been actively avoiding it for the past few days. Because if the Order had built a lab especially for him then that meant his humanity was questionable at best. He had crossed into the gray alongside Rin

"Our Commander's offer is still open. We can protect you."

It took a second for his harried mind to realize her commander was Lucifer. "You think I would join you after you pull something like this?!" He jostled Rin, hoping the movement would wake his brother.

"After choosing to run, you chose to come _here_ of all places. A place where you might find answers. You know we can offer everything you need to know. You will come to us eventually."

"But drugging him?!" He held Rin a little closer, his hand curling around Rin's wrist. His pulse was thready, and his breathing was lethargic. "You're insane if you think I would trust _anything_ you would say, let alone _join_ someone who would hurt my brother!"

"Yet you stayed with the Order when they had an execution order for him. The drug will do no harm. It is only a sedative. Isn't this even better than you could have hoped for? You will get your answers, your freedom, a righteous purpose, _and_ you can bring him with you. You will have him by your side."

Something deep inside of him hesitated, but Rin's weight in his arms was more real than picture she was painting. "He would never accept it!"

He would hate Yukio for it. If Tōdō was here, he'd know what Yukio was thinking and have the perfect argument: hadn't Yukio hated Rin in turn? Yukio struggled to silence that voice ingrained in his head, but he refused to let the agent realize she had hit a vulnerable spot.

Instead, he focused on the sound of Rin's slow, shallow breathing. His scattered thoughts jumped to running through the possibilities of what drug could take out a half-demon for this long.

The agent continued on. "You don't think you could convince him? Doesn't he realize how much you need answers? We can protect you. Doesn't he love you enough to—"

"Shut up!" he snarled. "Don't you dare try to talk like you know him!"

"We could protect him too." She said it so simply, he thought he misheard at first. The life she was offering… Was she serious? He fought himself for a response while temptation squeezed at his heart, and he thought maybe he saw a glint of triumph in the woman's eyes. "Our Commander is offering us a world where being demon or human does not matter. We will finally have true peace."

He tried to hide his internal struggle beneath a scoff. "True peace, huh? You mean everyone will be too afraid or dead to fight back."

"What do you think the demons are experiencing right now? Do you think they've traveled to Assiah for fun?"

"That's no excuse for all those innocent people who have died!" He tried not to think of the stickiness of Uehara's blood on his face, but instead Miwa sprung to mind. After hearing his reasoning for protecting Yukio, it was easy for Yukio to put the pieces together, and now he felt a surge of protectiveness in return. "What about all those people you killed during the Blue Night?!"

"Oh? You think that was our fault? How did you come to that assumption?"

"Who else could it be?!" he demanded, even though the Order was an obvious candidate. "You're trying to bring Satan to Assiah. The Blue Night was your trial run!"

She shook her head. "That was the night we were finally born into the form we have today. You cannot blame every evil on us. Surely, you understand that, given what has happened to you. Aren't your eyes open now?" She sighed. "Tōdō was confident you were ready to accept that you belong with us."

"He was mistaken," he ground out between clenched teeth.

"Clearly, he has been too lenient with you, so I will make this simple. Come with us willingly, and we will ensure both of your safety. We will show you a world in which you can truly be free." She lowered the angle of her gun so that it now pointed at Rin's head. "Or resist, and I will shoot him."

He stared, unable to judge the veracity of the threat. His mind was telling him it was illogical to threaten a key player like Rin, but his heart was ready to burst with fright in his chest, unwilling to test if it was a bluff.

Time slowed, awaiting his decision.

It… wouldn't be that bad, would it? He didn't have any place else to go. He could learn what truths they claimed to know, and then maybe he could take them down from the inside. He and Rin working together for such a grand goal, surely they could be free if they achieved it…

Yet with each blink of his eyes he could see everyone, gathered around under their umbrellas, ready to risk so much for him. And that determination burning in Rin's eyes and Shura's eyes. He couldn't betray their faith in him.

A familiar voice shouted out from behind him, breaking the moment. He lowered his gun and curled himself over Rin in the same movement. Suguro's warning shot blew apart the ground in front of the line of Illuminati agents, pebbles of pavement spraying everywhere.

Yukio threw himself towards Suguro and Miwa while Rin flopped in his arms.

Then he heard a _pop, pop, pop,_ and his friends dove for cover behind the wall surrounding the apartment complex, bullets creating puffs of dust as they hit the cement. Yukio followed a second later, nearly slamming into Miwa in his haste. The three of them charged forward down the road, ignoring the shouts demanding them to stop. Yukio didn't have to look to know they would be overtaken in a matter of heartbeats; he could _hear_ their footsteps. And then, just ahead, another pair of agents rounded the corner, aiming their guns at them.

Suguro's vocabulary seemed to be limited to cursing at the moment as he shot another shell from his shotgun at the pair's feet, making them retreat a few steps. His choice of heavy artillery was proving intimidating, but Yukio knew he wouldn't have many shots left.

The pursuing group was suddenly upon them, and Suguro swung at them with his weapon, making one double over from a hit to the gut. Miwa was having less luck with the staff he was wielding. Shima's staff.

Yukio felt useless, unable to draw his guns, but his priority was Rin. He continued forward, ramming his way through the pair that had returned to block his way.

In the corner of his eye he saw something swing at him, but he failed to dodge in time.

There was a crack, a sound before the pain, and he found himself on the ground, spots of light and darkness bursting in his vision.

Then he felt cold, and he realized his arms were empty. Rin was being scooped up by one of the members of the pair, a large man.

"No! Nii-san!" He could barely hear his own voice through the blood rushing in his ears. He reached desperately for Rin's hand, but a strong arm wrapped around his chest, pulling him back. "Let go!" he spat out, furious, flailing against his captor, grabbing his pistol and slamming the butt of the gun into the man's leg. The arm refused to release him and began dragging him to the side until he lost sight of Rin. Panic was choking him. "Nii-san!"

He fired two shots into the man's leg. There was a grunt of pain in his ear, and the grip around him loosened. He ducked under the arm and ran forward. The throng of agents were converging on him again, but that didn't matter. Where was Rin? Where were they taking him?

The corner of his eye caught a shock of raven hair. He spun towards it, and the world tilted unnaturally. He lifted his gun, willing himself to see straight as an agent dove at him.

The world swam around him. His finger was frozen on the trigger. He might hit Rin.

A tangle of fiery hair caught his eyes. Shura dove in front of him, knocking the agent trying to grab Yukio off their feet. She was a blur of movement to his addled mind. The blood cleared from his ears just enough for him to hear her screaming at him to move. Someone else, the leader of the Illuminati agents, was also yelling with authority in her voice, ordering her men to go.

Fear swooped in his stomach, as half of the men, including the one holding Rin, began to run. The other half continued their fight, not hesitating in their attacks. A bullet whizzed past Shura's ear.

"Yukio! Follow them!" She didn't have to say it twice. He swung Kurikara over his shoulder and dashed forward through the gap she and the others provided.

He could hear Suguro yelling as his friends tried to follow, but after half a block the sounds of battle began to diminish. Yukio was on his own.

They were leading him across town, sometimes following long narrow stretches of road, other times making turn after turn, around a dozen corners, until Yukio completely lost all sense of direction. His head was throbbing each time his heart beat against his ribs, and his lungs felt like they would burst. It was a miracle he could keep up with the way the ground would appear to tilt in front of him, but he pushed past it. Focusing his sight on Rin steadied him.

His mind was running as quickly as his body, jumping to random, neurotic thoughts. Where was Shima? Had he betrayed them? Or was it Takara? Mephisto must have known this would happen, right? And why hadn't he seen Shiemi and Kamiki? He couldn't remember where they had said they would go that day. Honestly, he had been avoiding the others, but now he desperately wanted to know. Had they been stalled by another battle? Why hadn't he heard from the others? His phone was still connected, or if not, they could call. But it was horribly quiet. Were they hurt? Or worse, were they…? No, it couldn't be. Shura was with them.

His legs were beginning to ache just as he realized where they were heading.

The Tottori Sand Dunes were filled with tourists lured by the unique sights of the desert. The sand was horrible to run through as Yukio's feet sank slightly into the ground with each step.

He couldn't understand what they were thinking as they began to weave through the tourists sprinkled throughout the area. Yukio had a split second of concern as he realized he and Rin would appear in photos. The Order would know where he was. But maybe that was the purpose of this spot. They were sending a message by appearing with the twins in their Illuminati uniforms, claiming victory. Claiming Rin.

There were fewer stares than Yukio expected though, and as they mounted the crest of another dune, he realized why. There was crime scene tape cordoning off a large section of land. Staged or not, it was attracting most of the attention away from them, as the agents led him farther north over another, daunting dune. Once he mounted this one, he spotted their final destination. A helicopter, disguised as police transport, sat on a patch of smooth terrain at the bottom of the next dune over.

"Shiemi's down!" Kamiki screamed from the phone in his pocket.

It took three more steps for him to understand what that meant, but even as he did, his feet kept moving.

"She's been shot! We need help!"

"-mn it!" The phone caught the tail end of Suguro's curse, confirming they were still alive. "Where are you?"

"We're at our hotel! Oh, god! She's bleeding! She needs help! Okumura-sensei! She needs a doctor!"

"Yukio, where are ya?!"

He was almost to Rin, climbing the second dune.

"Sensei! Please, I don't know what to do!"

"Yukio, come on! Can ya hear me?! Yukio!"

"Okumura—"

"No," Shiemi's tiny voice interrupted. She was gasping for air. "No…. Yuki-chan… needs to… save Rin."

"Damn it," Yukio whispered. He took another two steps to the top of the dune before he found the resolve to throw Kurikara down, letting it tangle between his legs to finally trip him, simultaneously sending pain shooting across his shin. He crashed to the ground, getting a mouthful of sand as he slid partway down the dune, sinking into the ground.

His training was already on the next step, forcing logic into his mind. Triage who needed attention first: the person bleeding out or the person being kidnapped.

Emotion paralyzed him. He lay there, gasping for air once, twice.

"Shiemi! Oh, God! She's dying!"

He lifted his head, spitting out the grit in his mouth. His glasses were askew, but he could still see them.

The agents had stopped running, now a few meters from the helicopter. Instead of boarding, they had turned and were now watching him.

They were waiting for him.

Rin was limp over the tall man's shoulder. Yukio couldn't see his face from where he still lay, frozen on the ground. But he didn't need to. With each painful heartbeat drumming through his chest, he remembered the expression that Rin had had as the drug took hold. He had never seen Rin so scared.

His hand found his exorcist badge in his pocket and stabbed the pin fiercely into his palm. The sharpness of the pain was enough for him to get a handle on the ache in his chest.

The woman with the two-toned hair took a step forward, hand outstretched in invitation.

"Please!" Kamiki sobbed.

He clambered to his feet, sand pouring off him, gathering in his shoes, as he stared at his brother. Finally, it seemed his vision was clear, and he knew what Rin would do.

Rin would save everybody.

He raised his gun and emptied the magazine of bullets into the side of the helicopter where the fuel tank should be, and dark liquid immediately began hemorrhaging from between the metal plates. At the same time, he yanked the phone out of his pocket and lifted it to his ear. "There's a helicopter in the sand dunes! Someone get to it now!"

"We're close!" Miwa declared. "We got it!"

Yukio tore his eyes off of Rin and spun on his heel. He flew to Shiemi's side, but with each step he felt the sand shift beneath him. He felt himself sinking. His mind was stuck on the helicopter, his ears straining to hear the blades whirring to life.

He was nearly out of the dunes before he heard it overhead.

Rin was gone.


	16. Apology

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay (I think that's how I'm going to have to start all chapters from now on). Life decided to throw me some curveballs this past month. There was a death in the family, making things complicated for a while there, so the only time I could really work on this was at two in the morning when I had no energy. Before that, I admit the delay was entirely my own fault. I got bogged down in research for the first part of the chapter and wrote myself into a corner as a result. After discussing it with my sister, who is a much better writer than I am, I decided to cut a bunch out because, although it was more realistic, it was getting too technical and, frankly, boring. If you want the technical version, I'd be happy to tell you what I had planned, but I think in this case simpler is better.

* * *

Don't think.

Yukio charged through the hotel entrance, ignoring the startled stares from the people in the lobby.

Stop thinking.

He went straight for the stairwell, leaping up the stairs two at a time.

He had to stop thinking.

Ants were crawling all over his skin, and fire was burning his throat.

Stop thinking about Rin. Stop picturing Rin, struggling to reach out and grab his hand. Stop remembering Rin unconscious, vulnerable, being carried away.

Shiemi. Think about Shiemi and saving her life, keeping her warmth in this world, protecting her smile…

But now he couldn't picture her smile without Rin to put it there.

He howled in pure self-loathing, and his voice echoed around him, taunting him with how empty the stairwell was. The Illuminati must have been called back. Now that they had what they had come for, why stay?

He nearly tripped on the third landing, their floor. The jolt of falling caused him to gasp, and the moment made him realize shallow his breathing was. One of Father's lessons was there on the edge of his mind, but he didn't have time to pull the memory up out of his whirlpool of thoughts.

He slammed open the stairwell door, slamming the thought from his mind at the same time. Gripping his gun tightly, he edged forward to peer around the lip of the doorway into the long hallway, struggling to slow his breathing all the while.

They had rented two rooms in the middle of the hall: one for the boys and one for the girls. There was no mistaking which he needed to go to though. The door to the boy's room was open, and there was a long smear of blood on it, like a great red arrow pointing towards someone guarding the door opposite, belonging to the girl's room.

It was Uke. To Yukio's surprise, the byakko was in his humanoid form, and his partner was missing.

Yukio rushed forward, kicking wood debris, evidence of Shiemi's familiar, as he approached. Uke's lips pulled back in a snarl at the noise. Then, he saw that it was Yukio and quickly opened the door so they could both stumble through. Kamiki must have been struggling to keep him summoned; she was hunched over a bed in the middle of the room where Shiemi lay.

But it wasn't one of the hotel beds. The change of scenery was jarring, even having experienced the effects of magic keys for years, Yukio had to do a double take as he entered. Sure enough, there was a key in the doorknob, which Uke grabbed and clumsily dropped onto a nearby dresser before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Yukio scanned the room, but failed to take in much other than a few key facts: there were no Illuminati here, his travel bag was in a pile of bags in front of the doorway, and Shiemi was bleeding all over the bed as Kamiki tried to keep pressure on her wound. He rushed to where his travel bag was and yanked his medical kit out of it before scurrying to her side. "How is she?!"

Kamiki startled at his voice, gasping in relief when she saw him, and he felt something in his chest unclench at the sight of her too. She seemed relatively unscathed aside from a cut on her arm that had already coagulated. The most alarming thing about her appearance was her bloodshot eyes and the tear tracks still visible on her cheeks.

Having finished his assessment in the span of one breath, he turned his full attention to Shiemi.

The wound was in the junction between her shoulder and chest. Blood was soaking her blouse and the sheets beneath her despite Kamiki holding her hands over the wound. He opened his medical kit and grabbed a fistful of gauze.

"She was awake just a moment ago, but now… Now she's…" Kamiki didn't finish; she didn't need to.

Yukio glanced at Shiemi's face and immediately regretted it. She was ashen, nearly a match for the pillow case beneath her.

"Where's the nearest hospital?" he asked.

"Downtown, at least half an hour by car."

He cursed. "Call an ambulance. I'll take care of things until they get here—"

"They won't come!"

"What are you-?"

"Nobody comes up here!" she screamed at him. "It's too close to the Inami Shrine, and ever since the massacre, nobody maintains the roads, there's been a downed tree blocking everything since last winter, and the only way through is on foot or bike, and because it was just me and sometimes Paku I never cared, but…!" She stomped her foot in a fit of frustration.

Panic fluttered in his stomach. He couldn't keep up with all of what she was saying, but he understood the most important part: no help was coming. He swallowed hard and barely managed to keep his voice steady. "I need to see. Move your hands," he ordered. She immediately complied and a rush of red welled up where her hands had been. He immediately took her place, wiping away as much blood as he could so he could see what he was dealing with. If he was remembering his anatomy books correctly, it could have been much worse. This could be fixed. Right?

He pressed the gauze firmly against the wound, allowing it to soak red while he tried to organize his thoughts. "Go into my bag. The small outside pocket on the left. Under the gloves should be my keys."

In his peripheral vision, he saw her hesitate for half a moment, probably understanding what it meant. He had a key for a hospital, but it was for one of the True Cross Order's hospitals. She didn't hesitate long and scrambled to his bag while his eyes scanned Shiemi for any other signs of wounds. It was just the one, but bullet wounds could be notoriously complicated.

"The keys…" Kamiki's voice was strained, and he looked up just in time to see her crumple a piece of paper in her fist. "They're not there."

"What?! Did you empty the pocket?! They're at the bottom—"

"I did! They're not there!"

His mind was still catching up to what he had just seen. The paper she had crumpled… "That note. What did that note say?!"

"It's not important right now!"

He gritted his teeth. She was right.

Something cold slid down the back of his neck. He looked over his shoulder, but there was nothing there. The door leading to Tottori had closed. Any hopes of reaching a proper hospital, the Illuminati, _Rin_ —

No. Don't think it.

The coldness settled in his chest.

He couldn't handle this, the coldness told him. He wasn't trained for this. Doctors of the Order specialized in healing different types of taint, but a bullet wound…? He could do a patch job as good as any other field medic, but this was essentially a surgeon's job. He couldn't handle this.

"You have to! Please, Okumura-sensei."

He hadn't realized he had spoken his fear aloud until Kamiki was responding to him.

"She needs you. Please, sensei."

She was using his title as a teacher, as if he knew more than she did, and all he could hear was the title of a doctor. A doctor that had actually gone to six years of med school. A doctor that wasn't a sixteen-year-old high school student.

"Okumur—"

"Stop calling me that!" he snapped and stared uselessly at the blood seeping through his fingers. His head was full of a million thoughts buzzing like angry bees. "Focus. Focus!" he shouted to himself, trying to drown out the noise. Kamiki was frozen in place beside him, but he didn't have it in him to worry about her reaction.

He had read more medical books than was necessary for his Meister purely out of interest. He would have to rely on his supplemental knowledge from those.

First was… what? ABC: airway, breathing, circulation. Circulation took precedence for gunshot wounds, but he already had a… sort of had a handle on that. He leaned over her, tilting her head back, listening to her breathing, watching the shallow movements of her chest. Her breathing was ragged, but not from any obvious wound or obstruction. Instead it was most likely pain. He'd have to look closer at the wound to be sure.

He grabbed a small brown bottle from his bag and poured the liquid inside over his hands, splashing onto the bed out of clumsiness. It was something Shiemi had given him: a concoction she had created that was supposed to sterilize. Once that was done, he opened Shiemi's blouse, looking for the wound. It was only when he saw Kamiki look away in the corner of his eye that he realized how indecent it was. Shiemi would be mortified. If this was a normal situation he might feel embarrassed too, but as things were the feeling was distant background noise.

He remembered someone telling him to _live a little or yer goin' ta crack under the pressure._ Maybe this was it; he had split into two. The half of him that held his emotions shrank back, wishing for nothing more than to curl into a ball and hide from everything that was happening. The background noise was screaming a loop of accusations and pure horror.

But none of that was helpful right now. None of those thoughts were that of a doctor, so he clung to his second half: the one developed through years of training under Father's steady guidance. The one able to summon facts and analyze the situation despite the knowledge that whether Shiemi lived or not was his responsibility…

His hands moved almost automatically as his brain registered possible complications of such a wound. The amount of blood was intimidating, giving the impression that death was imminent, and he understood why Kamiki had been pleading over the phone. But as he examined the wound a horrible conclusion began to dawn on him. The amount of blood lost wasn't from the severity of the injury, but the time it had taken for her to get proper treatment.

Guilt swooped down upon him, choking him. He squeezed his eyes shut and could feel his hands trembling. He had taken too long to get here.

The memory he had been on the edge of remembering in the stairwell finally broke through.

 _Breathe,_ Father's voice ordered sternly.

Yukio followed the direction, and took a deep, slow breath, the type Father had taught him to use while sniping, and he had since discovered was one of the only ways to keep his hands steady. The other way was a dose of pain, but he doubted he could inflict enough upon himself to overpower his mental anguish without incapacitating him from helping Shiemi.

Once he had steadied himself, he grabbed a blade, pliers, and a needle and sterilized them.

The bullet was buried in her flesh, but not as deep as he originally suspected. Judging from the splinters of wood he pulled from the wound, Nii-chan had protected his master, slowing the bullet significantly. All Yukio had to do… All he _could_ do was remove the bullet and sew her up.

He was decent at sewing. He had to be or he would have lost several articles of clothing to battle over the years. Sewing up flesh wasn't that different… right?

Both his logic and emotions finally agreed upon something: it was _very_ different.

 _Breathe._

Everything faded away as he began his work, until it was just needle, blood, and breath occupying his mind.

Time was irrelevant.

At some point, his vision began to fade until a lamp was switched on somewhere beyond the landscape of skin and muscle.

It was halfway through his stitches when he realized his mistake. Holding her skin still as he tugged the needle through made him aware of how _cold_ she was.

He cursed.

"What?! What's happening?!" Kamiki demanded.

He jumped, having forgotten she was there.

"She's going into shock." He looked around, and for the first time realized there was a second bed in the room. Judging from the bright bed sheets and dolls adorning it, it was set up for a little girl. But what was important was the fleece blanket folded on the foot of the bed. "Get that blanket! We have to keep her warm."

Kamiki tore the blankets off the other bed and threw them over Shiemi while Yukio checked Shiemi's pulse. It was weak and thrumming rapidly against his fingers. She needed IV fluids.

No, what she really needed was a hospital.

He ground his teeth, knowing they didn't have time for useless thoughts. They had no fluids except one. "What blood type are you?"

"A," Kamiki said instantly. No good. It would have to be him then.

"Go into my medical bag and grab the largest syringe barrel you can find and two attachable needles for it," he ordered. It was a stupid idea. A really, really stupid idea that wasn't practiced anymore for a reason. He didn't have anything close to a proper apparatus though. He didn't even have an IV line to improvise with. Clotting was a serious issue—

"Hold on!" He dropped his needle and thread and snatched his bag out of her hands, digging around the pocket containing medicines before he found the bottle he was looking for. It was something he used to cure taint that caused blood to thicken to a stop in people's veins. Continuing to berate himself for how stupid this was, he popped the top off and took a swig.

Then he tossed the medicine back in his bag and shoved it back into Kamiki's arms. He worked rapidly, not caring that his stitches were now jagged, and finished closing her wound before turning his attention to the syringe and needles Kamiki was holding out for him.

In theory, he should be able to donate blood to Shiemi. The blood typing was fine, and surely she didn't have any bloodborne illnesses, just like him. His blood was perfectly… perfectly…

 _Normal_ , his doctor had told him with her usual smile, all while the Order had been setting up a lab to dissect him in.

He wasn't normal. What if his blood did something to her? What if his blood was now essentially poison to a human? Mixing demon blood with human was a tricky science. Centuries of research had been done, hoping to find a way to share the benefits of demon abilities with humans, but few cases had been successful. Those that were came with caveats, the most common being illness and death. Destructive demonic abilities were linked to necrotic tissue; regenerative abilities were linked to cancer.

That was why dissection had been a serious concern for Yukio. Understanding how his body could withstand a demonic ability would be a top priority. Just like it would be for the Illuminati…

Just like they would want with Rin too.

Yukio felt a wave of nausea ripple through him as his panicked mind ran with the thought, realizing the danger Rin was in, the _pain_ Rin could be in…

He grasped onto his logical half desperately, even as his breath became erratic. He came back to himself, holding the syringe with a white-knuckled grip, and Shiemi still dying in front of him. Right. Poison, or not? How much did she need the blood?

One look at her unconscious face told him there was no choice here. He found her vein easily enough and taped one of the two needles in place.

The second needle sank under his skin, and after a moment of aching search, he found the vein and attached the syringe barrel. Dark red flooded the syringe. Then he moved as quickly as he could to deliver the blood, releasing the barrel of the syringe from his needle and connecting it to Shiemi's, trying to ignore the way his stomach was clenching.

He needed a distraction, so he asked the first thing he could think of. "The note. Was it Shura-san?"

It took a moment before Kamiki pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and held it in front of him so he could read it while he began to slowly empty the syringe into Shiemi's vein. Smears of blood stained the paper from Kamiki's hands, but the words were still legible: _No running away._

He cursed and prepared the syringe for a refill, stabbing it into his arm a little more forcefully than he should have.

"The way you were talking before we left, I'm surprised you didn't try to leave us there in Tottori to go off on your own," Kamiki said, sinking onto the foot of the bed. Her eyes drifted past him and Shiemi, looking out at the gray sky of dusk, and he knew she was searching for a distraction too.

He didn't respond. It was true. He couldn't blame Shura; there was only one person at fault here.

The silence was ringing in his ears. Shiemi's breathing was beginning to take a slower, deeper quality after a third dose of blood.

"You have a key to your home," he commented quietly, not really caring about her answer, just hating the quiet.

"The headmaster gave it to me after what happened with…" She crossed her arms and looked at the empty child's bed. "It was for condolences for my mother's death or something like that. I'm not sure why."

"To track you…" he said without much thought. It was obvious really. Pheles had offered to make Yukio a key that would lead directly to their dorm room, and he probably had extended similar offers to everyone in their group. If they were pieces in the demon's game, then he'd want to know where they were. This was his way of tracking them where Takara couldn't.

"Is that true?" She leaned forward, her eyes flicking down to his arm. "Does that mean he knows where we are now?"

He didn't answer; he didn't know. Maybe it was a good thing if Pheles knew. They needed help.

A fourth dose. Blood was dripping down his arm, rolling across his skin, leaving vivid trails on the pale canvas. The anticoagulants were doing their job.

"She…" Kamiki rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. The front was still stained with Shiemi's blood. "She thought it would be a good idea to move everyone's things to a safe place, someplace we could access no matter where we went. I offered this place."

He nodded and leaned back as he drew another dose. It felt like he should have already pieced the situation together. Any other time, he might have, but right now, he didn't care enough to think about it.

"We didn't get all of the bags from your room. That's when we were interrupted." Her tone was familiar. It was as if she were simply giving her report after completing an assignment he had given her. Then her eyes scanned Shiemi's face, and she pursed her lips for a moment. The tone was gone, replaced with something raw he had never heard before. "Yukio-kun, is…"

He blinked slowly up at her, wondering when they had switched to first names. But he _had_ been yelling at her to call him something different. She must have thought he meant the name, not the title. But then, maybe he _didn't_ want to hear the name she called Rin right now, so he didn't bother correcting her.

"Is she going to be all right?"

He tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. Unable to look her in the eye, he grabbed a bandage to put over his bleeding arm as he plucked the needle from it, finished with the transfusion. "I… don't know." He braced himself for a barrage of questions or sharp comments about his incompetence, but she didn't say anything. So he continued on his own. "Without the proper scans, I can't see what other internal damage there is." It would be easy to slip into a lecture about how the dangers from being shot included the dispersal of kinetic energy into the surrounding tissue from the bullet. He could fill his mind with tedious facts instead of the awful ones currently occupying it, but he resisted. "She could get an infection. She could have a bad reaction to my blood." There were a thousand things he could list, but his tongue felt too clumsy in his mouth. "The one thing I do know is that she won't be able to move her arm properly for… months."

Kamiki was silent long enough that it became uncomfortable. "Is there anything else we can do?"

"Keep her comfortable and wait," he said simply. "Get her to a hospital as soon as she's able to be moved."

"Thank you." She nodded, but her posture remained ramrod straight. Her eyes were drilling holes into him.

He stared blankly back. "Thanks for what?"

She continued to study his face for one long, silent moment. He supposed he should feel awkward under her scrutiny. This was the first time they had ever been alone together, and she had been surprisingly open before. "Is…" She gestured to her own cheek while her eyes looked at his. "Is that blood from…?"

He reached up to touch where she had indicated and realized belatedly that his hands were already covered in blood. But he could guess what she was referring to. "The old woman. They shot her." He had felt the warm spray of blood across his face and chest in the moment Uehara had fallen. No wonder the villagers were frightened of him. He truly looked the part of a demon.

"Oh." She shuffled her feet awkwardly, then bowed low in a formal apology, her hair falling over her shoulder in a wave. "Please forgive me."

He blinked too tired to even begin to understand what she was talking about. "What?"

She straightened up and looked at him. "I asked you to abandon your sibling to _them_."

The roughness of Kurikara's strap had found its way between his fingers before he even realized he still had the sword on his back. He swallowed hard and looked away, back to Shiemi. Kamiki's words were pulling him back to reality, out of the forced, necessary calm of medicine. He wasn't ready to topple back into the truth.

"I have a sister."

He looked at her again out of sheer surprise. He knew this. Mike had told all of them, but Kamiki had never said a word.

"I have a sister, and I did everything so that she wouldn't suffer at their hands. But today I made you do exactly that. Now your brother is…" She shook her head, the rest of her body was stiff as a statue. "I'm sorry, I—"

His fist formed a white-knuckled grip around the strap as his stomach twisted. "Stop talking. I didn't do it for you."

A meow interrupted the thick silence. Kuro crept slowly from out of the shadows of the space under the bed.

Yukio stared dumbly at the cat, trying to understand how he had gotten there.

"Oh, are you all right?" Kamiki cooed in another voice he had never heard before. She glanced at Yukio nervously as if realizing she had said that out loud. "You're not hurt?" she said in a more regular voice.

Kuro meowed in response and turned to gracefully jump onto Shiemi's bed. Looking at Shiemi's sleeping face, he mewed quietly and his tails flicked back and forth.

"She's going to be okay," Kamiki told him and glanced at Yukio again. Unable to meet her eyes, he stared at the wound on her arm instead, wondering if he should clean it for her, while she spoke. "Shiemi saved Kuro-chan. That's how she got shot. He was too scared to cross the hall when they were firing, so she grabbed him and ran. Nii-chan tried to block the bullets, but…"

Having made his inspection, Kuro hopped down to the floor to stand in front of Yukio. He paused, sniffing the air and looking at the sword on Yukio's back before meowing loudly again.

His innocent, questioning eyes made Yukio want to throw something against the wall. "He's not here. He's not…"

Kuro's tails swished back and forth as he blinked slowly. "Nya?"

"I tried! I tried, okay?!" Yukio leapt to his feet, his voice raising to a yell. Kamiki quickly looked away, and Kuro ducked his head, tail rigid in surprise. "I couldn't do it! I couldn't save them both! I wasn't strong enough! I'm not ever going to be strong enough! I'm never going to be _him_!"

Which of Kuro's partners he was talking about, he didn't know.

It was almost a relief to feel his anger, to feel something other than fear and guilt, so he stood there, boiling for a minute. His heart was pounding in his ears so loudly he almost missed Kamiki's answer. "We can still get him back."

"Don't," he hissed, his toes curling inside his shoes. It took all his effort to stand still, but he knew if he moved he would break something.

"You saved her, and now we'll save him."

"Don't!" he bellowed. Kuro skittered under Shiemi's bed. "Shut up! Stop talking like you know!"

To his surprise, she didn't back down, glaring at him with a tight frown instead. "We will! Suguro-kun said you delayed them enough that by the time they got there, they were just taking off."

"What are you talking about?!" His mind was struggling to keep up with her. "You spoke to the others?"

"He texted me while you were finishing…" She nodded towards Shiemi. "They got close enough that Kirigakure-sensei was able to place one of her familiars on the helicopter, so they're tracking Okumura-kun now. They're going to bring him back."

He opened his mouth to say something, but hope, _horrifying, terrible hope_ , choked him.

He nodded silently.

Her shoulders drooped in relief, and she nodded back. "You should wash up. I'll show you where the bathroom is so you can take a shower."

He hesitated, looking at Shiemi's sleeping face for a minute, reaching out to take her pulse. To his relief, she was already warmer than before, so he relented and grabbed his bag. Kamiki led him down a narrow hallway to the bathroom. The room was cramped, the lighting was tinted from the yellow bulbs, and make-up was scattered around the sink, but otherwise it was spotless. He felt downright grimy in comparison.

"It takes a few minutes for the water to heat up," she informed him from the hall as he made his inspection. He looked over his shoulder at her and found she was pulling towels out of a linen cabinet. She went to hand them to him, but stopped, looking at his bloody hands, and put them on the counter instead. "Clean up," she ordered with a frown. "You'll feel better."

She didn't sound convincing. She didn't even look like she believed it either. But she left, closing the door behind her, leaving him with no choice but to comply.

His skin was beginning to feel tight and uncomfortable with the stickiness of dried blood. He held his hands under the faucet, watching the blood stain the water as it swirled around the white porcelain sink into the dark void of the drain. His thoughts kept jumping to Rin or Shiemi with every blink of his eyes, but each time, just as quickly, his mind would shut the thoughts down, unable to deal with more pain than he was already in. It felt like he was slowly going numb.

Instead, he thought of Uehara. Of the pitiful way she had died, crumpled in the pile of old books. When would someone notice that she was gone?

Her husband must have been taken years ago… He must have _died_ years ago…

He thought of the tower of dusty books the old woman had collapsed into, the yellowed newspapers, the obsolete VHS tapes, the smell of something rotting…

Something like the immortal zombies the Illuminati had created.

Yukio began to scrub at his fingernails and shook his head to clear it of the illogical jump in thoughts. Then he caught his reflection in the mirror. There was more blood on his face than he expected. A few grains of sand also clung to his cheek, pasted on by either the blood or his sweat. He blinked slowly and his reflection blinked back.

A flash of anger went through him like lightning, and he drew his fist back to strike the mirror, shatter it, feel the glass slice into his knuckles. But just as quickly, the emotion was gone under a blanket of exhaustion.

"Pathetic," his reflection whispered.

He turned away and began preparing the bath.

It wasn't until he was pulling his shirt over his head that he felt his scalp stinging. The pain sent him spiraling back to the moment he had been struck on the head: the sound, the panic, Rin's warmth being ripped away…

His body was no longer numb, as if the shock of pain had woken him up to the rest of what he was experiencing. Patches of his skin were raw and his shins were throbbing from when he fell. Nausea coiled around his stomach and clawed at his throat until his mouth filled with saliva. He swallowed desperately, scrambling to the toilet. What little lunch he had eaten came up bitter, burning his throat.

He leaned back against the wall, turning so he could press the coolness against his forehead. Did he have a concussion? He didn't remember losing consciousness, but there was so much that was blurring together already. He wasn't sure he was ready to try and pick it apart.

A single, humorless laugh echoed in the cold room. The noise had come from his own mouth, and he wasn't sure why.

His other half, the one still screaming, knew.

He couldn't do this.

The laugh came again, high and hysterical. He had thought the same about Shiemi, and she was actually stable for the time being. Everything after that should have been child's play. But maybe that was the problem. Even as a child he had Rin. And now…

"I'm sorry." The apology came out between gasps of panicked giggles. "I'm sorry, Nii-san."

He gagged on his laughter, clamping a hand over his mouth as he retched. It felt like his tongue swelled in his mouth, and it was no use.

He sat, enduring the spasms rolling through his stomach, up his throat, leaving his body heavy.

After a moment, he convinced himself to clean up and rinse the bitterness from his mouth. His mind was racing, replaying everything that had happened that day and everything he could have done differently. He pictured a world in which he was strong and powerful. He pictured a world in which he hadn't hesitated to kill, one shot to the head for each agent.

Logic told him it would have been no use. Logic told him he would have been injured in a gunfight with that many agents in a desert landscape with nowhere to take cover. He would have been taken too. But at least then he would be with his brother.

He moved about the room mechanically, preparing the bath and undressing. Then, he stood under the stream of cold water, watching goosebumps appear on his skin.

He dunked his head under the stream, and his scalp stung with enough shock to make him hiss. But he didn't duck away, instead letting himself be swept under the oblivion of pain.

-oOo-

He stared up at the ceiling as he lay on the ground between the two beds, snuggled into a guest futon. After his shower, he had been surprised to see Kamiki hadn't set him up to sleep in a different room to give the girls privacy, but now that it was the middle of the night and he had nothing but his thoughts to entertain him, he was glad he wasn't alone. Kuro was curled up on the edge of his pillow, pressed against the side of his head. The cat sí's heat provided a stark contrast to the pack of frozen vegetables serving to reduce the lump Yukio had on the other side of his head. Shiemi was silent, still sleeping in the bed to his right, the one he suspected was usually Kamiki's, but Kamiki was in the child's bed on his other side. Judging from the way she kept tossing and turning, she was still awake like him.

There was a sense of hopelessness that came with extreme exhaustion; it was something Yukio had experienced when he was younger and unused to a lack of sleep. But even though he knew that his fatigue was compounding everything else he was feeling, knowing proved useless in fighting its effects. Even though his body felt like it was being weighed down by bricks and his stomach was twisting, not from the metallic smell of dried blood hanging in the air, but from self-loathing, every moment he felt his heart beat in his chest he knew he wasn't doing enough.

He got up and went for his pack.

"Where are you going?" Kamiki's voice reverberated in the silence of the room.

"Where do you think?" he replied with biting sarcasm, searching his bag for his day clothes.

Her sheets rustled as she sat up in bed. "You can't. Shiemi needs you."

"No, she doesn't."

"Her wound—"

"Will be fine!" He tore a sweater out from the bottom of his bag. "I've done all I can! I can't do any more here!"

"She needs you."

"No, she needs Ani! She needs him to be safe!" He was positive she knew what he was trying to say. Everyone saw how they were together. He glared at the tangle of clothes in which his shirt was trapped. "How do you think this is going to go? If she wakes up, and he's not here… She's going to feel like I do right now. Like someone's punched a hole in your chest." He recognized the irony of his words a second too late and took a shuddering breath. The pinprick pressure of tears stabbed at his eyes, and he couldn't stop them from clouding his vision.

"This is my fault," he ground out, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes.

"Oh?" She scoffed, and he felt both indignation and amazement at her nerve for matching his earlier sarcasm. "So you ordered the Illuminati's attack?"

"We wouldn't even be here if it weren't for me!" Now that his eyes were clear, he could jump up to face her, seething yet simultaneously feeling relieved that she wasn't trying to comfort him. It gave him permission to skip any interlude of a politeness. "Don't give me that crap! We both know this is all my fault!"

"All?" She crossed her arms and raised her chin defiantly. "You wish that was true, don't you?"

"What?!"

"If it was all your fault then that would mean you had complete control." She raised an eyebrow, daring him to defy her logic, and he wished he had some snarky comeback to throw at her. Instead, he scoffed, wordless, so she continued. "Weren't you the one who kept lecturing me about working together with the others? I kept refusing. I thought I could do it all myself, but in the end… You were there. You saw it. I needed help." Her eyes searched his, and he crossed his arms, unwilling to give up his anger yet, but feeling it shifting away from her. "You did your part. Now it's time to count on them. Suguro-kun and the others will bring him back." Her voice grew softer, and she looked away to the window. Green sparks of fireflies lit the sliver of window between the drawn curtains. Each light signaling to the others they weren't alone in the dark. "Okumura-kun is… He's special to all of us. We'll do everything we possibly can to get him back." She rushed through the words, crossing her arms and eyeing him with a scowl, as if daring him to tease her, but he was too taken aback by her honesty.

A small voice, a habit not yet broken, wondered in the back of his mind if he would inspire such devotion if he were missing, but unlike other times he heard the voice, it felt unimportant, downright ridiculous. He brushed the thought away easily. "I should be out there with them. I should… I should have done more."

"You did as much— _more_ than any of us could."

"It's not enough!" He shook his head furiously. "He's my brother! I need to do something! I can't just sit here! I can't just wait! It's unbearable!"

She slid out of her bed, and her bare feet padded softly across the floor so she could stand in front of him. "I know it is, Yukio-kun."

He wanted to yell at her, scream at her, shake her until she understood the pain he was in.

But then he thought of the child's bed Kamiki had just left.

He took a shuddering breath. "Then how can you expect me to stay here? You know what it's like. You know I have to do this!"

"You have to trust the others—"

"Would you trust someone else with your sister?!"

Her posture grew stiff, her eyes narrowing, but after a minute she closed her eyes and sighed. "No. You're right. I didn't trust any of you enough to let you help me. Not until it was too late." His eyes followed hers to one of the dolls on the bed. It was worn and well-loved. "That's why I know you have to trust the rest of us now. You need rest. You're no good to Okumura-kun if you're exhausted, and Shiemi isn't in the clear yet, right? If something happens to her while you're away, I won't forgive you." She put her hands on her hips. "We all have our roles now. Okumura-kun would trust us to do those now. Can't you?"

He wanted to say no. He wanted to scream at her that he wasn't his brother, and he could never do what Rin could. A soft purring filled the air as Kuro came over to brush against his leg, trying to comfort him. He swallowed hard.

"Your little sister… Is she safe?" he murmured, watching the cat.

She raised an eyebrow, but then her arms relaxed and her expression melted into something soft. "Yes. She's with a family that loves her. The Illuminati won't find her. She doesn't even have to remember the pain of seeing mother like that."

He instantly understood what that meant. "That's…" An apology wasn't right. He wouldn't be sorry to have Rin safe even if it meant something horrible like being forgotten. He nodded. "I'm glad she's safe."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smile sadly, then she turned away from him. "I'm going back to bed, and you should too. You have to keep Shiemi safe. The other's will be back soon."

He stood there a moment longer before reaching down to scratch Kuro's ears. Then he crawled back under his blanket and wondered if sleep would manage to find him this time. If it did, would he have that dream again? The dream of the dark pit and the voices reaching out for him?

Maybe this time he should accept their power.

-oOo-

Weight. It pressed down on him from all sides, a suffocating darkness, but it was silent.

He moved, tried to move. His limbs were made of lead.

Like trying to grab wisps of smoke, thoughts slipped away before they made sense.

Suddenly, there were muffled sounds and movement from above.

A prick of pain pinched his arm: his old exorcist pin, the one he kept digging into his palm.

No, that was wrong. His exorcist pin was less than a year old and still attached to the lapel of his jacket.

Something cold slid out of the pin and into his veins, and Rin fell back under a wave of darkness.

-oOo-

Yukio woke up gasping for air, trying to throw the weight off, his hand grabbing his arm where the needle had been, pumping ice into his body…

"Are you okay?"

Slowly being drawn back to reality, he blinked rapidly against the afternoon sunlight. His legs felt wobbly as he stood next to Shiemi's bed, a blanket was wrapped around his ankles, and the wooden chair he had been sitting in had toppled over when he had stood, frantic to move after seeing Rin… being Rin… dreaming what Rin must have been going through.

A shiver ran along his spine despite the summer heat, and he reached down stiffly to pick up the thin blanket. One of the girls must have thrown it over him when he fell asleep. Paku most likely.

She had arrived that morning with her arms full of food from a convenience store. Since she lived nearby and was home for summer break, Kamiki must have called and explained what had happened. After putting food in the fridge, Paku had sat for a long while, holding Shiemi's hand and trying to talk to Yukio. He didn't have it in him to give more than one word answers, so eventually she began chatting with Kamiki instead. The girls discussed mind-numbingly unimportant topics until eventually he found himself drifting along with their voices. Paku must have remembered how to calm him the last time she had found him upset. Listening to them, filling his mind with nothingness, had brought slumber more readily than his racing mind the night before.

He turned to look at them, finding them eyeing him cautiously. "I'm fine," he answered Paku weakly. "It was just a dream."

They were quiet, exchanging a look, while he picked up the fallen chair.

"Do you want to lie down for a bit? We can go to the other room if you want to sleep," Paku offered. He supposed he should feel something, gratitude for the consideration or annoyance that she didn't understand the guilt that came with resting. He stifled a yawn.

"No." He resumed his seat. "I can't."

She nodded, and Kamiki stared at him, a crease between her eyebrows. It was a long minute before they went back to their pointless chatter.

He pulled out his phone and stared at the screen, but it told him nothing but the time. Maybe he should text Shura for an update.

No, what if they were sneaking around an Illuminati base right now? If he set off her phone it could ruin everything.

He closed his eyes, inventing the building they would be sneaking into, picturing where the guards would be, and imagining the tactics Shura and the others were employing to do what he couldn't. They would be stealthier and smarter. They would defeat everyone in their path and avoid every trap. Rin would be safe.

"Yu… ki…?"

He opened his eyes when one of the girls called him and found himself still clutching his phone. Nearly an hour had passed.

"Shiemi-chan!" Paku and Kamiki suddenly were on either side of him, leaning over the bed. It hadn't been them calling. Shiemi's eyes were glossy as she struggled to blink awake.

His stomach fluttered, and he stood clumsily. His legs and back ached from sitting in the chair so long, causing him to stumble as he moved to the wall opposite the bed. He wasn't sure where he was going. Half of him wanted to run out the door; the other half had to stay and make sure she was okay.

"Izumo-chan? N-Nori-chan?" Her voice cracked from disuse. "What happened? Where…?" She cut herself off with a gasp.

"Don't try to move." Kamiki said hurriedly, placing a firm hand on her uninjured shoulder. "You were shot."

"Sh-shot?" Shiemi's voice was tiny. "Oh… Oh! Kuro! Is he okay? Is _everyone_ okay?" She glanced around the room. "Where is everyone?"

The room went so perfectly silent and still, it was as if someone had pressed pause on a movie. Kamiki's head tilted slightly towards Yukio, but she didn't meet his eyes. She cleared her throat. "They're looking for Okumura-kun."

A weight lifted off his shoulders when Kamiki said it instead of making him deliver the news, but he was still tethered to the ground, frozen against the wall as he watched Shiemi's reaction.

Her face crumpled with the revelation. Anguish filled her eyes, quickly followed by tears. She looked up at him for a moment and then buried her face in her hands, sobs wracking her body.

The others seemed as unsure of what to do as he was.

"Is th-this… my fault?!"

"No! Of course not!" Kamiki and Paku snapped out of their daze. Paku began to rub Shiemi's back, and Kamiki leaned forward as she spoke. "It's not your fault!"

The two of them had created a barrier, as if to protect her from the outside world, and he felt an irrational burst of anger. If anyone had the right to be crying, shouldn't it be him? But look at him! His eyes were dry, and he was fine. And why were their backs to him? As if he were any danger to Shiemi!

"Y-Yuki-chan!" Shiemi sobbed.

He hung his head, finally looking away as they turned to watch him. What was he thinking?

"I'm s-so sorry! I'm sorry, Yuki-chan!"

He knew what he needed to do next. He had been preparing himself for this conversation all night. It was time.

He looked up at them and ordered himself to be brave. His mind searched for any memory of Father that might have contained advice for a situation like this, but they had never gotten around to the subject of girls, especially ones that were crying. The closest he could come up with was simple: be kind.

"I'd like to speak with Shiemi-san alone, please," he said quietly.

Kamiki and Paku looked at each other, then at Shiemi who was frantically trying to wipe her tears away as she hiccupped for air. When Shiemi finally caught her breath, Kamiki frowned up at him. "I'm not sure that's a good idea…"

"No, it's…" Shiemi nodded and tried to smile. "It's okay."

"We'll be in the kitchen," Paku said softly, tugging at Kamiki's elbow to lead her out of the room. Kamiki shot him a warning look as she passed.

He ran a hand over his face as if he could manually rearrange his features into something calm and then crossed the room to return to his previous seat, grabbing his medical bag from the foot of the bed. "What's your pain level? From one to ten with ten as the worst."

"Yuki-chan—"

"I don't have much medicine with me, but it must be painful, breathing heavily like that. I don't want you to be in pain." He handed her his handkerchief from his pocket without looking up from his bag.

"This isn't what you wanted to say, is it?" she asked softly, accepting the handkerchief and wiping her eyes.

"One to ten."

"Five?" Judging from her white-knuckled grip on her shirt above the wound and the sweat on her brow, she was lying.

He began trying to calculate the dosage in his head, but the math was coming slowly. He grabbed a small notebook from his bag and began jotting down the numbers.

She settled back into the stack of pillows Paku had prepared and waited for him. The only sounds in the room were her ragged breaths and the scrawling of pen on paper.

"Yuki-chan, I'm sorry." Her voice wavered, but she continued in a rush. "Suguro-kun said you were following Rin. You had the best chances of saving him, but instead you had to save me. I'm so sorry! If only I wasn't so weak!"

He stared, surprised by _his_ words coming from _her_ mouth.

"If I was stronger, Rin wouldn't be…! You wouldn't have to go through any of this!"

She was paler than usual, but her face was still flushed from crying. Her eyes were puffy, and her hair was beginning to clump together from sweat. Her appearance was a mess, but still he could see that look in her eyes, like she understood his pain and wanted to help ease it. That was what had first attracted him to her in a way deeper than friendship. That was part of what made him feel at peace when he was with her. Trying to find that feeling now, he took a slow deep breath.

"Don't apologize. You're not weak. I've seen you grow so much since you decided to become an exorcist." He wasn't sure those were the right words to tell her. He had never found the words that would make him feel better.

She shook her head frantically. "But Rin is still…!"

He turned away from her, rummaging through his bag. "I don't have a proper sling, so we'll have to make due." He pulled out a roll of gauze and cradled her arm so he could make a loop around her arm and neck. "Don't strain your shoulder. I don't want you to try moving your arm until we're sure the stitches will hold, and even then, I'm not sure how much motility you'll have. Without the proper equipment, I don't know how much damage there has been. If you think you're well enough, we should move you to a hospital as soon as possible. My main concern is that the stitches will hold on the way there."

"Yuki-chan…" She tried to catch his eye as he leaned closer to tie the makeshift sling together.

He took a moment to finish, listening to her breathing all the while. "I don't blame you," he whispered to her.

Her eyes searched his face. "You blame yourself."

He smiled a little, leaning back.

"Yuki-chan, please don't! I'm—"

"The Illuminati are the only ones to blame, Shiemi-san," he said evenly. "We both know that." Believing it was another thing entirely though.

It took a minute for her to nod. She closed her eyes, her hair falling in her face.

He steeled himself, knowing this was the moment. In a fit of boldness, he reached out and brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes.

She jolted at the touch, looking at him with those wide, bright eyes.

"I'm sorry, Shiemi-san. I almost let you die."

Speechless, her eyes darted around the room as she took in his confession. He couldn't blame her. What was the correct response to that?

Finally, her eyes met his, and he felt himself relax under her gaze, allowing him to continue. "I kept running. When Kamiki-san said you were shot, I should have turned around right then, but I didn't. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize! You were trying to save Rin!"

He smiled, marveling at how quick she was to forgive. "It's more than that though. I'm sorry I couldn't save him for you."

"Eh? For me? Why would…?"

"You like him, don't you?"

"Well, of course I do. He's such a good friend."

Deciding to let that pass, even though he knew better, he steeled himself for what he wanted to say next. He wouldn't be able to stand it if she misunderstood this too. "I have one more apology."

"Eh?" Her eyes were beginning to grow shiny with tears. Perhaps this was too much. He shouldn't be overwhelming her. "F-for what?"

"For what I'm about to say. For being so selfish." He took a steadying breath and after a moment, found his smile. "I like you. As more than a friend."

"Eh? Oh! Oh." She bit her lip, and he braced himself. "I… I didn't know." Her voice wavered. "I had no… no idea…" Her hand over her wound was still in a tight fist. "When did you…?"

He wasn't sure why that mattered, but after springing this on her, he owed her the truth. "My feelings grew over the years. I think I knew for sure ever since that time you sat with me in the rain…"

"Oh… I was so oblivious. I had no clue that you… you felt like that all this time…" She tried to sit up, but her strength gave out, leaving her gasping for a moment. "Yuki-chan, I…" She swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry! I… I've been so inconsiderate towards you. All this time, I never properly considered what you might be feeling." A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and disappeared into her hair. "And I… M-my feelings… I like you too, Yuki-chan, but I…! I…!"

He waited, gripping the edge of his chair tightly. He knew it was coming, but damn, it still hurt. If this was heartbreak, then it was a tremendous thing, and if he hadn't already been suffering he might have avoided it even longer. Now however, he wished she would just say it already, but she was trembling, clutching her chest, unable to continue.

So he took a shaky breath and said it for her. "I know. Your feelings are different than mine."

She froze, a deer caught in the headlights. Perhaps he should have let her say it after all. Her eyes squeezed shut. "I… I really do like you, Yuki-chan! Really, I do!"

It hurt like hell the more she said it. He gritted his teeth against his defensive instincts summoning up some biting comment to cover his wounds. Instead, he tried to imagine what a brave, kind person would say. What would Rin say? He pictured himself standing with his brother and waving goodbye with a smile.

A calm came over him. "Thank you. But you mean something different when you say it."

She looked up at him and seemed to understand what she was saying wasn't sparing him. "I… I'm sorry."

"That's how you feel. There's no need to apologize for it."

She shook her head vehemently. "But you're hurt because of it. I don't want you to be in pain!"

He smiled, unsure if she had meant to repeat his earlier statement, but appreciating it anyway. "I'll survive."

She opened her mouth, probably to apologize again, but then saw that he was joking with her. "Yuki-chan…"

Her voice was filled with the one thing he didn't want from her: pity. He shook his head and quickly cut her off. She had to understand. He couldn't stand it if she began looking at him like he was as broken as he felt. "I want to be the most important person to you, but I realized that's not fair to ask because you're not the most important person to me."

"Eh?" Surprise took pity's place.

"See? I told you it was selfish." He chuckled sardonically and bowed his head. "I kept running. That's why I know that, with the way things are right now, my brother is more important to me than any romantic feelings I have for you. That's why I've decided to give up on pursuing you."

She was quiet. He wasn't expecting a response. Even though he was trying to be kind, what he was saying was rude, if not a little harsh.

He stared at his feet and was surprised to find even after getting this far, a part of him still wanted to jump up and flee. He dug one heel into his other foot as if he could nail himself to the spot and hoped nothing was showing on his face. "I just hope we can continue to be friends."

"O-Of course! Please! That's what I want too!" She said it so loudly he looked up in a surprise. Her face was very red. "But…" Her volume dropped. "Are you okay with that?"

He couldn't help but grin. "You're amazing."

"Eh?"

"I just said you weren't as important to me as Rin, but you're still worried about how I'm feeling."

"I…" A tiny, confused frown appeared on her face. "You're my friend. I want you to be happy."

"Amazing," he repeated. "I've always admired your kindness and empathy. I wish I could be like that."

The frown was still there. "But Yuki-chan, you're always looking out for everyone else, so much so that you wind up getting hurt."

Of course, she had noticed. The way she phrased it was kinder than he deserved, but getting hurt just showed how he didn't look out for everyone for them. He did it in hopes of getting something in return. Everything he did was for something in return.

Study harder so people would admire his intellect. Train harder so they would respect his strength as an exorcist. Help someone so they would thank him.

Be the calm one, the polite one, the good one. The more Rin acted out, the more praise Yukio earned from forcing his own anger down.

The person he was now was formed from his need to feed his pride.

"I had hoped you would never see that part of me," he admitted. After his confession, this was a little easier to say to her. "Getting hurt just shows how weak I am." He tried laughing it off, but the sound had a level of fakeness he couldn't hide.

"Yuki-chan, I think…" She struggled to lean forward and look him in the eye. "I think it's okay for you to expect something in return."

It was one of the most basic things that was wrong with him, but she was already ready to pardon him. He shook his head and broke eye contact, staring down at his feet again.

"You have a right to be happy too," she said gently, but it felt like a sucker punch, knocking the wind out of him.

His hands balled into fists, his nails digging into his palms. He wanted to disagree again and tell her he didn't deserve it, but she wouldn't understand. She looked at him and saw her teacher, her tutor, someone greater than her, when he knew the truth. He felt like a fraud.

"It's awful, having to depend on others for happiness," he told her, knowing that, if anything, she would understand this. "I'm selfish because of it."

"It's okay to be selfish if it means you don't get hurt!" she said fiercely, but he doubted she knew the scope of his greed.

"I should apologize again then. I'm going to be incredibly selfish. I could tell Rin to stay with you, but instead I'm taking away your most important person," he said, hoping for her confirmation and the pain that would accompany it. It would be better than hearing her justify his flaws.

"M-my?" Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. He would have laughed if he knew it wouldn't come out trembling. "I-I'm not… He's…" She bit her lip. "Rin has to go with you. He wouldn't be happy otherwise." She was changing topics quickly, but he didn't have it in him to point that out. "Yuki-chan, if you need to depend on people for happiness… I may not have the right since I can't return your feelings, but please, depend on me! I… We all will take good care of you, so please, depend on us all you want!"

He felt his mouth hang open in surprise. And then he really did laugh.

It was just for a moment, a bark of surprise and relief.

She bit her lip. "Did I say something funny?"

"You…" Grinning at her all the while, he shook his head. "You're making it very hard to give up on you."

"Eh?" Her face went red again. "I, um… I didn't mean to…"

He chuckled. "No, you wouldn't, and that's why this is going to be difficult."

Her mouth twisted, and her head tilted in confusion. The confusion faded though, and as he grinned in amusement, she eventually returned his smile.

He watched her for a moment, relieved when she began to sink deeper into her pillows and her eyes began to droop as the medicine took a stronger hold.

He slid forward to the edge of his chair, his knees bumping the bed. "Could I ask just one more thing of you?"

"Hmmm?" She blinked slowly at him.

Wordlessly, he held out his hand. She smiled again and finally released her grip on her shirt over her wound so she could slip her hand into his. He held it firmly, cherishing the warmth, allowing himself to intertwine his fingers with hers just this once.

When he thought she had drifted back to sleep, he leaned close and whispered to her. "We're going to get him back. I promise, Shiemi-san. He'll be okay."

He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, but when she surprised him by nodding confidently, eyes still closed, mouth still curved in a smile, he found it a little easier to believe this time.

* * *

 **A/N:** If "my twin brother is more important to me than my feelings for you" sounds at all familiar, I admit I drew inspiration for how to phrase things from Ouran High School Host Club. I should also admit that I'm not a fan of love triangles unless they add something significant to the story (i.e. plot events, character development, etc). In my opinion, AoEx is not yet one of those stories (or at least not as of when I stopped reading) because Yukio's envy of Rin would have been there even if Shiemi was removed from the story, and I feel like there's much more interesting aspects to Yukio's envy than a love rivalry. Because of that, even if my shipping preferences weren't what they were, I'd still write it out this way, using what could be considered an early resolution for character development and future relationship development.

But, again, that's all just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. Just thought you should be aware of my bias, and I hope I did Yukio's feelings for Shiemi justice anyway because, although from a writer's PoV I don't care for the triangle, when looking at the characters' PoVs I completely understand why it came to be.


End file.
